livingitup

My sixth day of not initiating contact... However, she has initiated contact with me each of the last two days. She asked me tonight if we could chat sometime so that I could tell her about my therapy sessions and such. Still being friendly and polite but each time I am the one who gets offline first. Hope I'm playing my cards right this time and I hope she's starting to come around as we really are perfect for one another and we both know it. I just needed a kick in the rear to get my head on straight. Feeling good...and I hope everyone else is getting along okay as well.

Day 4... Had a really good night last night. Lots of hugs and attention from the ladies. None of them compared, of course. Actually dreamed about someone else last night, not the ex. Who knows what she's doing...I genuinely hope she's okay and not too lonely. She could have come out with her roommate, my roommate, and I. I wouldn't have minded.

Day 3, I guess. Tough this morning, but got much better this afternoon. She is lonely. She begged my room mate and his girlfriend to stay with her tonight. They didn't. We all had a blast tonight. I danced my ass off. Something I would never have done before. I feel like a completely different person. I wish she could have been here to experience it all. She's really missing out. I'm the person she always wanted and I'm doing it all for myself. Wow, I feel good. Back to having fun!

Day 2 of NC...the third time I've tried it... Was feeling pretty good. Then heard that "she is having a hard time getting used to not having her go to person of the last four years but is trying to get used to it." Even though she dumped me, i feel terrible. I want to be there for her because I know she needs me. I wish I was still her "go to person." I'd jump at the opportunity. I want to call her and tell her that I'm there for her.

I want in. Contacted her yesterday for the last time to tell her not to contact me any more unless she wants to discuss reconciling. She can't figure out how I knew she was working yesterday. Truth is...I didn't, but I was in her town for a seminar, stopped by, and got lucky I guess. Handed her a letter, told her to have a good day, she said "Thank you," I walked out, and let it all go. It's up to fate now. As for feelings...just numb. Really too tired to care right now, I guess. And so it begins. This is going to be tough as my roommate is dating her roommate and thereforee he is always over there hanging out with my ex. I'm jealous!