Fireman Sam Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Your right.... I use this board to vent...... Link to comment
KaylaJoy Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I wish he would contact me, but I'm doing okay. Me too, Izzy. Link to comment
bfla Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Hang in there Izzy every emotion will come and go. Link to comment
LW4E Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 So true, There's been happy days where I couldn't care less about my ex, but as time goes on, I'm finding that those days are less common and I find myself thinking about her more, wondering what she's doing, wondering if she's wondering the same thing. We're in mutual No Contact, I told her I didn't want to speak to her or see her for a while and she said she wanted to do the same thing in order to get her thoughts and feelings back in tact, so I'm not expecting a call from her anytime soon, when she told me that she too would be going NC, she mentioned that should I need too that I souldn't hesitate to give her a call. Saying that if I need to talk or even if I just get bored that she'll be there for me, it kinda sounded like she was already second-guessing her own decision as she was making it. I've yet to get an urge to call her and I know I am healing because although I am thinking about her, my thoughts can easily be steered in another direction, it wasn't always like that... so I think I'm starting to move on... i na weird way. One thing I have come to hate though is when people talk to me about her and they say "Dude, you need to just get her out of your life and your head like right now, just move on and forget about her. Just do it now" Yeah, moving on would be great... but I can't just tell myself I can move on and you can't just demand that I do it either. If anything, people saying that is a setback because so many times (One person I can think of specifically) expect you to magicaly let go and move on right on the spot, then and there and it's really annoying. I'm aiming for 30 days of No Contact, just as this challenge states and I have just finished day 12 so after Saturday I will be half way there... then at that point I can at least come closer to making a decision for myself. Link to comment
dreamguy Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I'm glad to say I passed the challenge. It's been 5 weeks since I had any kind of contact with my ex. It sure gives you a different perspective. Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Day 8 - Not Good, Watched a movie "Fools Gold" recommended by a friend. Kinda funny bout some treasure hunters. Unfortunatley they were a husband and wife that got divorced and ended up working it out. God I hate movies, there so BS. God please help me stay strong, she doesnt care, calling her only hurts me. help me stop crying, I cant live this way. Dave Link to comment
dreamguy Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 David, you said it: Hollywood movies are BS. They are made to sell and you can be sure no one is going to watch/buy a movie where a guy goes all the way to get a girl back and she ends up saying no. Most people cannot last 2 days without any contact so, believe me, you are stronger than you think. However, keep in mind that 8 days are not enough to make the pain go away... talk about a few months at least. If you understand and accept this it will then become easier for you to resume NC no matter how hard it gets. You see, NC is just like having an operation. At first when you go through one the pain is unbearable (even stronger than the pain you had before undergoing the operation) but then, as time goes by, you start healing and the pain fades away. Never stop believing that and always keep your eyes set on the end result: Getting rid of this raw pain you are feeling now. 1 Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Yesterday I found out that my ex has been checking my profile on link removed, which is weird considering he has been acting as though I don't exist for over a month and a half. I also had a dream about him last night--the first dream about anything that I have remembered in some time. All in all, though, it was just another day. I went to the gym, saw my therapist, got some errands done, and enjoyed myself. No depression popped up. David: I can't fathom how hard it is for you healing from a relationship of such depth and magnitude. In comparison, my own experiences seem trite, and I am inspired by your courage in this tough time. Movies and songs are fantasies for the most part; how I wish real love was as pat! Link to comment
Johnathan Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I'm starting to feel anxiety attacking me ...because every new day of NC confirms that all this crap really did happen, and it makes the nightmare more 'real', the consequences more visible. Its not getting easier. The heartache has let up, but the sadness hasn't. I pray everyday that this will turn out good for her in the end. Link to comment
bepositive Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 I agree with you there, LW4E... Friends telling me to "just move on," or "there are plenty of others just like her" have quite the reverse effect. It also downplays the importance of your own feelings and emotions, perhaps insinuating that you were an idiot to love the person in the first place. Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 feeling better today. its been a really busy day. actually, the ex is not quite on that pedestal today. i'm kind of just feeling like i don't care if i ever hear from him again. wow... did i just say that?? Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Day 8 - Not Good, Watched a movie "Fools Gold" recommended by a friend. Kinda funny bout some treasure hunters. Unfortunatley they were a husband and wife that got divorced and ended up working it out. God I hate movies, there so BS. God please help me stay strong, she doesnt care, calling her only hurts me. help me stop crying, I cant live this way. Dave man, i hear ya! i never really liked those romantic comedy type movies. always rolling my eyes, going "really!" and they try to make it so real. a big ol' whatever to that! if i'm going to get lost in a fantasy, i'll take "lord of the rings"! Link to comment
laugher Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 5 months of NC. She called . They don't forget... Luckly I was in a place where I could talk to her. The conversation was enlightening to say the least. just letting the wind take me where it wants too. Link to comment
joshparker Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 DAY 2 for some reason i feel better then the past times we broke up and i not really sure why, i think i know its time to move on and stop going back to sqaure one. it really helps not thinking about the good times(very few) because that just get me down. but for the most part i feel GOOD!i feel as if this whole or deal has made me a much stronger person. Link to comment
ILikeHockey Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 Day I'm No Longer Counting: It hurts. Not as bad as that first day, but more than yesterday. There are times when I feel completely happy and fine with everything, and times where I can hardly stop myself from breaking NC. But breaking NC isn't gonna help me. I'll just hurt more, for longer. It seems that no matter how much I tell myself not to, I play out every scenario I can think of in my head. I keep coming up with things that I want to tell her, things that I miss about the relationship, stuff like that. And I shouldn't be thinking that way. But, positive steps have come out of today as well. I did far less counting the days than yesterday (still haven't completely broken my counting habit, but I'm trying to focus on counting to other events), and I've realized something. I was happy with my life before I started dating her, before she seemed to take every opportunity to annoy me and disrupt my nice, peaceful lunch, heck, before I even knew her. And I can be happy again without her. And until such time as she breaks NC (because I won't be doing it first, even on the day we agreed on), there's nothing I can do about this.. whatever we have, or don't have between us. All I can do is try and make myself as happy as possible, and stop dwelling on the past. Because there's absolutely nothing that can happen to make dwelling on the past have been a good thing. Link to comment
Johnathan Posted July 17, 2008 Share Posted July 17, 2008 5 months of NC. She called . They don't forget... Luckly I was in a place where I could talk to her. The conversation was enlightening to say the least. just letting the wind take me where it wants too. crazy..... Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 feeling better today. its been a really busy day. actually, the ex is not quite on that pedestal today. i'm kind of just feeling like i don't care if i ever hear from him again. wow... did i just say that?? Question gg - You say he is no longer on a pedestal. Do you find that you actually miss the relationship or companionship more than you actually miss him. That was the conclusion I came to a few days back. I missed what I knew and had, I really dont think I missed her and all the problems. Dont get me wrong there were good times, its just this thing about doing it her way. Dave Link to comment
DavidWRosario Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Day 10- Still argueing with her over visitation of the kids. I am so sick of even hearing from her. I gave her everything and she still wants to control my life, tell me how to parent. I wish I could find a way to just shut her off completely, but it would be at the expense of my kids. Not fair. She is going from ex to parasite rather quickly. I can not image how somebody throws you out. Is given all the Assets earned by the marriage, still wants more. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! On a good note, leaving for West Virginia this afternoon. Going to chill for the weekend on our hunting land. 125 acre farm from the turn of the last century. No phone, outhouse, no cable, 1 light in each room, the stove cooks with wood. Day 11 thru 13 should be a breeze. ha ha Dave Link to comment
ghostgirl116 Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Question gg - You say he is no longer on a pedestal. Do you find that you actually miss the relationship or companionship more than you actually miss him. That was the conclusion I came to a few days back. I missed what I knew and had, I really dont think I missed her and all the problems. Dont get me wrong there were good times, its just this thing about doing it her way. Dave well, i'm not sure what i miss to be honest. before i came accross his ex-wife's page, i felt sure that i missed him. i say "before" because i saw from what she wrote that her feelings for him were still very strong, and she says she felt that he never really loved her. i suppose i've started to wonder about his actual capacity to love, romantic love, that is. i know he loves his family, his kids, and i knew he loved his first wife, who ended up having a lesbian affair and wanted to leave him to persue other women. ouch! (yes, he was married twice) there have been times when it was hard to know how he felt about anything. the relationship seemed pretty steady, and serious. but neither one of us said "i love you". i tend to tread lightly with the whole love thing, and i suspect he does, too. so i know that doesn't answer the question entirely. the way that he blew me off calls into question some very fundamental things about his character, so right now i'm rather confused. in fact, i'm not sure that i miss anything right now. i'm just still hurt. doing some things today to feel better... about to go have the hair trimmed up, the nails done. i hope you are well! gg Link to comment
The Mad Pagan Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 Yesterday was a breeze. I worked all day, and barely thought about him at all except during a few very brief quiet moments. Link to comment
suzie q Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 wow. i am impressed with myself! i feel great today! i still think about him pretty much every 5 minutes, but it doesn't hurt me to think of him. that is HUGE! his sister wants me to go to her boyfriend's birthday party tomorrow night. i am super nervous he will be there, and i'm not sure i'm ready for that. i am going to think long and hard about it, but i might just suck it up and go! i won't drink if i decide to go--i turn into a ball of mush when i drink. i would like to go to prove to myself that i am growing and that i don't need to avoid every place he might be. he and i have mutual friends and our families are friends, so i can only play that game for so long. i hate the idea of losing his sisters as friends because of all of this. any advice? to go or not to go?! thanks for everything! Link to comment
joshparker Posted July 18, 2008 Share Posted July 18, 2008 DAY 3 i feel really happy today. once in awhile i feel sad, but it quickly passes. im still wondering if she still mad at me... meh Link to comment
ILikeHockey Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 Day I'm-Still-Not-Counting. It has to get worse before it gets better, right? Because now, I just don't know what to do. I know calling or contacting will end up hurting me more in the long run, but.... a part of me doesn't wanna believe that (even though I know it from experience). Even if I call her, and hear the whole "I've missed you and want to get back together" thing, it doesn't really matter. I can't do that, at least, not right away. I don't know if its the best thing for me, or even how to tell if its worth the time. I'm starting to wish me and her hadn't agreed on a day to break NC. There's times I want to send her an e-mail or something just telling her to never bother me again. But, if I do that, five minutes later I'll send an apology e-mail, and try to end the whole NC thing. There's times where I feel almost completely better. And then, ten minutes later, completely terrible. I watched an episode of Scrubs today, and laughed more at that than I have at anything these past few days. And shortly after that, I went back to feeling terrible. I got angry about everything today though, so that stage of things is starting to kick in. Thats what, the second last stage, right? Yeah, something tells me its not gonna be that easy..... Link to comment
ILikeHockey Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 She's home and online. With a few clicks of the mouse, I could be having a conversation with her. Stupid online games and their stupid guilds, letting me stupid know when she's stupid around so I can stupid want to stupid talk to her. Link to comment
ILikeHockey Posted July 19, 2008 Share Posted July 19, 2008 I can't help it. SHE just broke NC by talking to me on MSN. When we agreed not to talk to each other.... I hate this. Link to comment
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