THE NO CONTACT CHALLENGE - SuperDave71

[Artop]

Ahhh, I am an idiot!! I was doing well after 47 days of NC on my part. Then he called. We talked for 1 1/2 hrs. I began to think there is a remote possiblity he wants to see me again. I responded to couple of e-mails from him last week. Should have known, action speak louder than words. Today I decided to call him. He just said thank you for your call. No plans. Now I feel like crap. How many times am I going to fall for this?

 

I guess I just have to pick myself up and back to NC again. DAY ONE!

[cr44hill]

Day 15 for me. I am having trouble as I can't seem to keep her out of my mind. I haven't worked out in a few days and I think this is part of the problem. Heading to the gym tonight though. I only made it to Day 17 on my last go around of NC, before a flury of useless emails. So making it past Saturday will be a Win in my book. Then on to Day 30 and beyond. I feel like I want to establish a contact date, maybe mid-May, and then hopefully by then I won't want to contact her. I am trying to do some online dating but my heart sure is not into it. Sheeezzzz, this bites. I go through so many emotions just in a day. My phone rings, I hope it is her and am disappointed when it is not. I wonder if the person on the other end senses my disappointment....I hope not, obviously it's not their fault they aren't my ex!

 

Oh well, I tell my self that each day more healing has occurred and I know that is true but in many respects each day is tougher as it is just one more day of proof she does not care about me. I am living by CrapatNC's list of positives, that being in NC is an affirmative action, it is cool. Hey, whatever it takes I guess.

[theredrocket]

Artop, cr...,

 

I like the idea of a contact date. Goals are good.

 

good luck!

[Artop]

Cr44, on MY last go around, Day 15 or so was when I turned the corner. After that, it got easier. Mainly, I didn't want to ruin my progress. It's like they have a webcam or something. They know you are doing better and they show up trying to mess up your mind.

 

Of course this advice is coming from someone who just mess it all up after 47 days of hard work!

[cr44hill]

Thanks Artop and theredrocket - I saw justagrl was establishing a contact date so I thought I would too as it seems like it might take the pressure off of fighting that daily, sometimes hourly, urge to send an email, make a call, etc. Turning the corner would be great, this weekend will be a good test, I never used to look forward to Mondays and work, how sick is that!

 

And Artop, you didn't mess up at all, maybe you technically restart at Day 1 but mentally you cleared a big hurdle as now you KNOW if you receive contact from the ex again there is only one way you will listen, and that is if there is clear intention on his part of trying to win you back (and that's best case scenario for him!)

[bronte]

Day #23 gotten through okay...I think I spent more time thinking about my new romantic prospects today than I did about him!

 

I think having a "contact date" is a good idea, especially if it's in the somewhat distant future...I did that with the break-up before this one--we broke up in June and I told myself I could contact him on his birthday in October but not before then. It gave me something to focus on during the tough early days of NC, and by the time October rolled around I didn't care anymore! I did IM him to wish him a happy birthday, but when he didn't respond it didn't bother me a bit. If you had told me in June that I would have reached that level of not-caring by October I would never have believed it...

[Rosie007]

Day 3

 

I don't want to do NC. I want him.

 

](*,)

 

My friend called to invite me to see the new Stones movie, which I wanted to see with him. I want to see the movie, but the thought of going solo with a bunch of couples is disturbing.

 

I hate this.

[brandnew1]

okay I am in. Haven't talked to him in 13 days but I looked at some picture of him before blocking him on facebook on the 9th. So, the 9th is my official start date. Going to be rough because he will almost definitely be contacting me next weekend when I am at his school. I must ignore. MUST!!

[cr44hill]

Day 16

 

Friday afternoon is about to start here. This is a tough time as work is almost over and the weekend doesn't have a lot on the docket. Will workout and meet a friend to watch basketball but I know I will be relaxing some too and then the mind will drift. On the good side, the negative thoughts, those which say I am better off without her and that I should be glad she is gone, have increased. She is slowly coming off her pedastal which is very good. I just can't fool myself into thinking emailing her is a good idea as that will just put her back up there! goooooosssh this is tough](*,)

[Mustang]

Day 9

 

So I'm almost into double figures and a third of my way into this "challenge".

 

I think NC has helped me in a way because I've started to realise things that my ex did that maybe I ignored at the time and would've done for as long as we were still talking and I had ideas of getting her back.

 

It's only when you step back and take a long hard look at things when you realise that things weren't really what they seemed.

 

It seems to me that my ex dumped me as soon as she got to uni because she no longer needed me. Pretty shallow of her if you ask me and she's also never been straight with me about her reasons other than that she's "changed"... aka... "it's not you, it's me".

 

I am starting to get to the "angry" stage - which shows some progress right?

 

I'll be honest, initially, I thought I'd go NC for a bit just to give her some space but as each day goes by, the less I feel like speaking to her ever again. It will have to be something pretty important for me to go back to somebody that really doesn't care about my feelings.

 

Got a long way to go because I know that I still want my ex back but I think I am getting stronger. Before too long, hopefully I will realise that after how she treated me she doesn't deserve my friendship.

 

It is very immature of me to think so but I hope karma gets her back.

 

I know the saying is "If you really love someone then you just want them to be happy"... that is true. But when that person lies to you and twists things round so you feel like * * * * about yourself, why should I be happy for her?

[Artop]

Cr44,

You will turn the corner. During my last 2 weeks of no contact, I was feeling better and better. I thought about my ex less and less. The urge to contact him became less and less. I kept thinking "you came this far, don't mess it up".

 

Don't e-mail her. I felt so empty after this contact. Nothing was achieved except I am feeling miserable again. Stay on course!

[Mustang]

Is anybody constantly thinking of the two most common phrases?

 

"Out of sight of mind."

"Absense makes the heart grow fonder."

 

I keep thinking as each day goes by, I am closer to being forgotten but then I stick to NC because I think it's the only way she'll come back (if she's going to).

 

There's a constant battle going on in my head.

[Samurai]

Yeah Mustang, "Out of sight of mind." is for us

"Absense makes the heart grow fonder." is for them, at least we hope so lol

[theredrocket]

ok. I am going to do this in the real spirit of superdave's challenge. that is focusing on myself and doing this so that I get better.

 

I can't promise 30 days so I'm not going to try. What I can do is say I'll hold out until wednesday regardless of if she contacts me, which is where I havent been able to. So no contact till Wed for me. 6 days. that would be the longest we've gone for over a year.

[justagrl]

Day 12-today-was good. I am so busy at work with it being tax time that I hardly had a chance to think of him today...a week ago that wasn't happening so I'm making progress.

 

I'm happy with myself for setting a possible contact date...it's given me a goal, to get myself back in shape, both mentally and physically by then, so if I DO still want to contact him in July for his bday that I will be ready for it. I'm hoping I don't want to contact though. We will see.

 

Night 12 has turned out good too. I dread the weekends, like someone else said above, it's sad when you look forward to work on Mondays. But I got in my car and had a text from one of my girlfriends...her and another are coming out to get me and go watch the hockey game, so, a nice surprise that I have unexpected plans and wont be sitting home...thinking. Thank goodness for your friends. Just can't drink alot...then the drunk dialing comes in to play....I've been strong about that so far though so I will try to continue to be!

[pumpkinmoon]

ok. I am going to do this in the real spirit of superdave's challenge. that is focusing on myself and doing this so that I get better.

 

I can't promise 30 days so I'm not going to try. What I can do is say I'll hold out until wednesday regardless of if she contacts me, which is where I havent been able to. So no contact till Wed for me. 6 days. that would be the longest we've gone for over a year.

 

Are you sure 6 days will be long enough? I really don't think so

[pumpkinmoon]

Its day 20 for me, almost day 21. Felt ok today. Even had fun in work messing around with the other workers (not in that way Anyway, popped to my friends house tonight and I feel a little worse now. It's supposed to take my mind off things but I can never wait to get home.

[theredrocket]

Are you sure 6 days will be long enough? I really don't think so

 

No 6 days won't be enough. But I'm not for sure going into contact or anything after 6 days. I just know that for me saying 30days is not realistic and not something I would be able to hold myself to. But I know that I can for sure go 6 days without contact. Right now I have a hard time not returning contact.

 

so 6 days and then i'll reevaluate.

 

In a perfect world it would be much longer to start

[pumpkinmoon]

I see what you mean. I'm def going for 30 days though, and I'll see what happens then

[theredrocket]

jesus this is already hard. on my drive home I damn near had myself convinced that I owed it to her to explain that we can't be friends anymore, that feelings are too strong and oh btw I'm doing all this growing! It wasn't until the final 5 minutes when I finally snapped out of it and decided absolutely no harm can come from 6 days.

 

letting go it very very hard

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Its getting easier....

[Brill]

on day ten after 30 days of trying to convince her after she ran off with her lawyer that was seducing her while we were together...Arghh didn't even wabt to think about it. I AM so in love with her.... funnny thing is she was a rebound fro the first time I was here a year ago and I feel insanely in love with her and she found my emails to my previous not following my NC...arghhh wow we, men are sooooo...Dammit I love her I can't believe this

 

B~

[littlej]

today was so so. I missed her at times its not as bad but i still want her by my side.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Day 3 - Last night was a little tough. My ex sold off some of her personal belongings to help finance her move, and a friend of hers posted on her live journal last night about receiving the item and showing pictures of herself with the item. It really shook me more than I thought it would...it was just a matter of going "No! That should not be yours!" and thinking of more sad things from the divorce.

 

I did sleep pretty well last night. One of my best nights of sleep in a while.

 

I snapped at one of my employees today. If my ex-wife has zero self-confidence, this woman has negative self-confidence and today I had a lot of stress and I let myself get a bit over the edge. This woman is the biggest mother in the world, and wants to take all of the worlds problems on her shoulders. And, not surprisingly to me, she takes care of herself last. I asked her a question about a tax return, and she gave me the answer, and then started talking about how she screwed up and would fix is and would call the client. Did I ask her to do this? No! All I asked was a simple question. If I needed help, I would have asked for it. She does this all the time, even after I've discussed it with her. I was not on my best behavior although I realized it almost immediately and went back to trying to get her sense on it, but the damage had been done. This is a problem I had with my ex (i.e. the 'hit a nerve and twist') and one area on which I am focusing on changing, because as long as I keep having this sort of reaction, I am not the man I want to be.

 

But damn, I just got out of a long relationship with a woman where I had to walk on eggshells all the time to avoid bruising her ego because it depressed her so much. I'm not ready to do that with an employee, too.

 

Other than that, spent a lot of time thinking about the ex. Not about what she was doing, although I suspect she gets to her new house today, just about her and what I could improve in how I related to her, and what the future could or could not hold for us.

 

I still say "Goodnight" and "I love you" to my ex before I go to sleep. I know she's not hearing me, and its still important to me.

[pumpkinmoon]

 

I still say "Goodnight" and "I love you" to my ex before I go to sleep. I know she's not hearing me, and its still important to me.

 

This nearly made me cry