LilBear Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Day 17 I came sooo close to contacting him last night. I had a talk with my mom and she thinks it's really mean of me to shut him out like this. I don't think she knows about the benefits of NC. I always try to take her advice, so I logged on and waited...he didn't come on. I quickly logged out, read some of superdave's threads. Ahhh now I'm torn with what to do. My mom thinks differently. 2 months after he dumped me, he begged (almost) for me to meet up with him for a drink. I went on my terms. My mom asked why I even bother and to make a clean break since obviously he does not appreciate me and kept finding ways to put me down after the break. Something to think about. Link to comment
dragon lady Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 My mom thinks differently. 2 months after he dumped me, he begged (almost) for me to meet up with him for a drink. I went on my terms. My mom asked why I even bother and to make a clean break since obviously he does not appreciate me and kept finding ways to put me down after the break. Something to think about. I think the nature of my break up is a little different. We only broke up because I moved 3 hours away and neither of us thought we could sustain long distance. I think we both still care about each other. My mom adores him too. I'm not doing NC because he was horrible to me. I'm really only doing it because it hurts me so much when I speak with him and I'm far from being over it. Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Sam - you mean I have to crack the whip? Be careful what you wish for!! dragon lady - you did the right thing though - by considering your mom's point of view and still sticking to NC. You are in a different situation and most likely should contact the ex when your 30 days are over. My break from my ex a few years ago was eceptionally painful because we weren't really fighting, just realizing how "off" things were. I remember my friends telling me those are the hardest break-ups - the ones where you part on good terms. lexion - interesting news about the business - is that going well so far? bostoneric is right - writing those emails and never sending is something you could do every day of NC if you want. I did it when i was having issues about my Dad and it has the same effect. Tinnes - this is great to hear! I'm excited for you!! I think Mock is showing exactly the results of NC - this ability we all have to turn ourselves around and rediscover what we lost. Everyone here will go through that change - I see it happening everyday..... Link to comment
SamT Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 lol uh oh.. i want this NC now..i really do.. for the challenge..for the outcomes..for my benefit..to find myself Link to comment
LilBear Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I'm doing NC for both reasons. After the break, he would be really nice sometimes and kinda mean at others. But towards the moment I broke off all forms of contact, he was just plain mean. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 well, it doesn't go well, and i'm kinda depressed by it, and i think this is a huge factor in us drifting apart it's the first time i really think about our future i mean how i am going to provide for her and all and i realized now, that i've been kinda avoid talking to her because of this i know i should't hide my fears and doubt to her it's funny how you've never realized how much you love her until she's gone Link to comment
bostoneric Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 well today is exactly 3 months since I left. (3months and 2 days since we broke up) and I'll tell you this, its still hard everyday. I feel the only reason shes even made any contact with me in these 3months is just because I left so quickly and left everything I own behind and we are trying to work out the details of shipping me all my stuff. Will I ever hear from her again after I get my stuff? I have no idea, its really a shame. I can go on and on and say so many wonderful amazing things about her even still right now. I miss her with all my heart, but I cant change the way she feels. so I try my best to do NC so I can heal my broken heart. NC isnt easy at all, but its easier then letting them control your emotions and break you down even worse then you already are. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 >bostoneric i feel the opposite i can list all the wonderfull things about her, about how she made me feel, how she care for me, how she change me into a better person but all of that can't compare to the fact that she fall for someone else for the last year of our relationship, and said nothing about it yesterday, before nc, is still think i can forgive her and all that now, i realize there's no future in us she treated me like a gum, once the taste is gone, she find another one realizing this, made me feel kinda up lifted, it's as if there's something hiding the truth all this years "i can see clearly now, the rain is gone" Link to comment
messenger05 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Day 7 of NC for me... Days are getting easier for me to get through. I havn't broken down and cried in a few days! I am actually able to start eating again! I've even gone out with my friends and have had a decent time. I still think about her all day though... its more of a saddening thought that I can't talk to her. The pain is still there - its just not a sharp stabbing pain anymore, more of a dull throbbing but going away pain. I can't help but to think that she's moving on and forgetting about me or that she's finding out that maybe she doesn't want to be with me during this time she has to think. I've kept myself really busy this week which has helped. Last night I finally got home at an early time and had some time to myself. I was scared to do this for a while because I knew I'd just break down but I was ok with it. I guess I'm healing here - I don't know. What is bothering me now is this... She told me when we were about to start NC that she'd call me the day after Easter - 3 weeks and 2 days after we initiated NC. If she calls me and tells me that she's still not ready to give us a shot, I know i'm gonna be devastated. I want to be with her still - we left on good terms - she needed to make sure I was the one (which kinda hurt) but also needed to be on her own as an adult for a little while. I guess I also need to make sure she is the one although I havn't cleared my mind enough to be able to do that. I feel like I know she is, but it might be just because I miss her so much and want her back. We definitely love eachother without a doubt. I just don't know if i can take hearing her say that she's not ready again - i feel like it'll start me back at step one which was probably the hardest thing I've ever done. I've thought about texting her the night before she is supposed to call and telling her that if she is not ready, to not call me. I know though that if I do that and I don't hear from her the next day, it's going to kill me as well! Is it better to hear it from her own voice or assume it because she doesn't call? Does this make sense to anyone? Any advice? Sorry this is so long! Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 messenger I would not try and take control of the situation by callling the night before. You need to be open to anticipation and discomfort - and practice preparing for her to not call or give you disappointing news - desensitize yourself to all possibilities and the disappointment will be minimal. Here's someone who needs advice from the NC pros - - I think this support group is going to give the best advice. Sam - I'm looking forward to you making it past 4 days! LOL set that goal, ok?We'll go from there. lexion - what isn't going right with the business? - maybe you can get some advice on this. Link to comment
Mock Chop Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Stop trying to see into the future You have no idea what she may or may not do, and I KNOW you feel it's better to be prepared for every eventuality, but truth is you can't be. You've only been NC for 7 days, you still have two weeks to go. You may feel differently then, stronger and more confident in yourself. I know it's hard (really I do), but don't spend the next two weeks turning over and over in your head what might or might not happen. You'll drive yourself insane. Please try to adopt the 'what happens happens' attitude - again, I know it's easier said than done. You cannot control this one - let it be and ride it out. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 well, i kinda start a new one right now, we(me and my brother) are thingking starting a new one i don't know the word for it, but we sell different kinds of meatballs(planning to) and it's just a small place he is still trying out recipes from everywhere,and his girlfriend is very supportive about this Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 oooh lexion - will email you two great meatball recipes today - one uses turkey and is SO good on french bread Link to comment
SamT Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 "Sam - I'm looking forward to you making it past 4 days! LOL set that goal, ok?We'll go from there." Thanks honey. yeah i really want to at least rack up some time on this thing. i have to start somewhere.. Im tired of getting all emotional. Whats getting to me is... the expectation of finding something better...i know there are enough girls out there..sure..but im not much of a believer in fate and letting things happen...there are no guarantees...are there? Link to comment
honeyspur Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Well yes and no - there are no guarantees that you will find the perfect girl - but there is a guarantee that you won't be alone forever. It's just the way the universe spins - it always draws people together. Especially if we stay social and exposed to the public. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 >honeyspur hey thanks alot i am at email removed i'm actually a 3d animator, no background in cooking at all Link to comment
SamT Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 hmm interesting..because im starting to feel as though (not to sound arrogant) i made the relationship as good as it was. I made her happy, and she depended on it.. I dont hate her no. But i do feel that there must be someone better out there, more deserving for my efforts, and thatll give me something more.. I dont even want anything right now though.. just time..and a holiday!lol Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 hmm interesting..because im starting to feel as though (not to sound arrogant) i made the relationship as good as it was. I made her happy, and she depended on it.. I dont hate her no. But i do feel that there must be someone better out there, more deserving for my efforts, and thatll give me something more.. I dont even want anything right now though.. just time..and a holiday!lol exactly what i am feeling, wow huh? Link to comment
SamT Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 lol, weird.. i swear men dont get enough credit for their efforts in a relationship. Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 lol, weird.. i swear men dont get enough credit for their efforts in a relationship. exactly i always think that if we broke up, it's going to be me who broke up with her Link to comment
dragon lady Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 You guys are going to yell at me. I just broke NC, BUT, I'm glad I did. He said some really sweet things and I got some things off my chest too. He said he's going to call me tonight. He said that he sees this as more of a break than a break up. He thinks we both needed it to realize how much we appreciate each other. I actually happen to agree with him. I've had some big revelations over this past 2 months. I didn't treat him the best while we were together. I pushed him away a lot and he was an absolute angel the entire time. He said he definitely sees a future for us, but we need to get mentally healthy first. He also apologized for making me hang on like this, and he wouldn't have done it if he didn't see me in his future. I don't feel like he's putting me on the back burner. I think this needed to happen. I don't know guys. What do you think? Did this warrant breaking NC? If not, back to day 1 for me! Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 wow, that sounds like a good news 2 months of NC huh?but you're the one who broke it? hey i'm wondering, how long do you think you'll be ready to date again i mean, i don't want to get back with my ex, i do NC for myself Link to comment
dragon lady Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 wow, that sounds like a good news 2 months of NC huh?but you're the one who broke it? hey i'm wondering, how long do you think you'll be ready to date again i mean, i don't want to get back with my ex, i do NC for myself No, we broke up 2 months ago, but we've had NC for 17 days until now. I was the one who broke it. I'm not sure I will ready until one of two things happens. Either we get back together or he tells me there is no chance we will get back together. I don't think I can start dating while he is still in my heart. It's great that you are doing NC. I definitely don't think this past 17 days has been a waste for me. It really helped me. I feel a lot stronger now. I think after we have a talk tonight I will go back to NC so I can further my healing. Link to comment
SamT Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 ah thats nice... he might want to start things again...but dont get ur hopes up for anything..i know about that too well by now. its hard..but think about yourself. You sound like your doing well! p.s. i deleted her off msn...big step!pheew one thing at a time eh Link to comment
lexion Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 talking about deleting, what about facebook/myspace? is it necessary to delete her? Link to comment
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