flyoffthewall Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I mean, what have you thought of doing? It sounds like, from your other posts, that there isn't much to do, but to stick it out. Hang in there. Link to comment
bostoneric Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I'm right there with you!!! except my ex left me for another woman, whos been spotted spending lots of time in my house!!! I cant wait till I find a new place (16hr drive away) so I can get all my stuff out of that house of lies!!! I want the bed frame but def not the mattress anymore... I got a text today 'hey are you ok?I'm so sorry that I've hurt you. I care about you so much darlin which is why I found it so hard to tell you. I never ever wanted to hurt you and I'm sorry.' I haven't replied and haven't heard from her since. Why would I? I'm pretty sure that she's with her new bf right now. Hearing that she's with him was actually worse than being dumped for some reason. I think maybe because it excludes the possibility of reconciliation, and makes me think that because she has someone else she won't miss me. The thought of her sleeping with him in the bed we used to share makes me want to throw up. This is torture! Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 OK, i have a sex buddy and we have been "together" for about 3 months. As I am female i have kind of got attached. We have never been out on a date at all, its just sex. Ofcourse i want more, and yesterday I asked him to go out for dinner. He said yes and then he said he "doesnt know what he wants" and then he ended up saying NO. Said he doesnt want a relationship in any form. Going out for dinner is something that friends do, it doesn't mean we are getting married. So i said "so you are happy to sleep with me for x amount of time but not go out for dinner???" He was not happy i said that. but its the truth. So I am just not contacting him again. But i feel very depressed about it and have been crying on my cat since then. I also feel stupid that I have let it get this far. I feel insulted as well. Insignificant. I dont expect to hear from him again, as i would have scared him off. there is no way i can change his mind is there? Can i sign up Superdave? Link to comment
remainstrong Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Ok here i am, having tried all the ridiculous but common errors in winning ex back. I am ready to get myself back This is my 5th day of NC Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I feel for you chocolate. I don't think sex buddies is ever a good idea because one person usually gets emotionally attached. I think it's natural to get attached to someone that you've been so intimate with. Before I got together with my ex, we were just sleeping together and I thought it was just for fun. Then she tells me that she doesn't want me seeing other people and we became a couple, and I end up falling for her. It doesn't always work out like that though because a lot of the time only one of the people wants more. Maybe it's because we were both fermale that we both ended up getting so attached! Ask him straight out if there is any way he would consider being your bf. If not then completely cut him out of your life. Bostoneric and MN Mike sound's like you are going through the same thing. Finding out that your ex is now with someone else is agony. The thought of them doing all the little things that you used to do together, sharing their own little private jokes.. This is day 2 for me. I actually got through a whole day without talking to her yesterday! That's actually an achievement for me. There's really no way I can be friends with her when she is going out with someone else. It kills me. I also imagine them doing all the little things that we used to do it breaks my heart. The thought of them sleeping together in the bed we used to share is too much. I remember us actually lying in that bed together having a random conversation about people from work. We were going through who we thought was attractive, and when we got to the guy that she's now going out with, I remember her saying 'he's a lovely guy but I don't see him in a sexual way at all.' Now they're lying in that same bed together and she's probably thinking that about me! I'm not sure how to face work now, as the guy she's going out with is security in the club I work in, and I'm the dj which means he will be standing next to me on the dancefloor all night. How do I deal with that? I'm thinking of actually asking him how long he's been with her so I can find out if she was 2 timing me with him or not, but I guess the answer won't make me feel any better. I got 2 texts from my ex yesterday. The 1st one was 'Hey, r u ok? I'm so sorry I hurt you, I never want to do that which is why it was so hard for me to tell you. I care about you so much darlin, I'm sorry.' The second one said 'just let me know that you are ok, I care about you so much darlin.' I didn't reply to either. This is SO hard. I'm scared of going back to town in a couple of days and facing life without her, or even worse seeing them together. Before I left town we were still together..she waved me off at the station and said that when I got back she would pick me up and I could spend my first night back with her. Now she's with someone else. Even if she hasn't been cheating on me for weeks with that guy like I think she has, and they've only been going out a couple of days like she says, it still means that it only took her SIX DAYS after breaking up with me to get someone new. How could she? I'm also thinking of deleting her on facebook. If I see her relationship status change to show everyone that she is with that guy it will kill me. Link to comment
Coach Jimmy Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Day 9, its been up and down. Classes started yesterday which is a good distraction. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I'm so tempted to just text her and rant at her about how she's ruined my life. I'm at rock bottom, crying my eyes out and feeling like I have nothing good left in my life. I don't even have any good friends. I've got no one to spend any time with but I hate being alone. It's so unfair that I'm the one all alone whilst she's happliy with her new guy oblivious to what I'm going through. I feel like by having no contact I'm just making things easier for her. Making it easier for her to forget about me and be with him. She's probably with him right now! Don't know how much longer I can take this. Link to comment
gunpoint6 Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 Day 4 here, I seen her in the gym yesterday as soon as I walked in. Her friend was signing up which probably means she is going to start going more now - just great. I said hello and then went downstairs to workout. While working out with my friend she came over and started talking and joking around with me like we used to when we were together. I knew not to get to involved and told her I had to get back to my workout. On her way out she said goodbye. Ugh thank god i work out in the morning tomorrow, she is not a morning person. to be honest I havent been feeling down lately not sure why and i havent been thinking about her. if i make myself think about her I'll become sad but I've been able to occupy my mind and avoid it. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I feel for you chocolate. I don't think sex buddies is ever a good idea because one person usually gets emotionally attached. I think it's natural to get attached to someone that you've been so intimate with. Before I got together with my ex, we were just sleeping together and I thought it was just for fun. Then she tells me that she doesn't want me seeing other people and we became a couple, and I end up falling for her. It doesn't always work out like that though because a lot of the time only one of the people wants more. Maybe it's because we were both fermale that we both ended up getting so attached! Ask him straight out if there is any way he would consider being your bf. If not then completely cut him out of your life. . we met 3 moths ago on an internet dating site (blaah) Nearly a month ago I said i wouldnt be comfortable if he started seeing other people from the site. He said "dont stress it probably wont happen" I went away over xmas for a fortnight, and when i saw him 2 days ago i asked him if he had met anyone and he said he had "arranged' to meet someone last friday but ended up calling and cancelling saing he was too busy. He said "im not too concerned about it". I also asked him that day about going out to dinner and he said 'Yes" then "I dont know what i want" then ended with a "No". I dont know why going out for a meal is such a serious thing. Is he the one who is afraid he is going to fall for me? Or am i just not good enough to do anything but have sex with? I can't tell you how hurt I am over this. I havent contacted him since thankgod, he just said "I'll talk to you later" (he is really sick with the flu) I said it might be fun to do something out of the bedroom, and he said that that is all he wants- to be in the bedroom. Doesnt want a relationship in any form of any sort with anyone. We get on really well and I could see how compatible we are, and thats why i want more. He wont even give it a go. So now he is going to lose his litle f buddy completely, and the worst part for me is that i am worrid he wont even miss it or attempt to get me back. And like you Samantha, the worst part is imagining them with someone else. I suppose i can see that he could meet up with someone new from the site at ANY time, and at least i wont be around to witness it. Its better this way maybe. I think it would send me crazy. Where do i go from here? Someone help me get my head around this situation. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 10, 2008 Share Posted January 10, 2008 I'm so tempted to just text her and rant at her about how she's ruined my life. I'm at rock bottom, crying my eyes out and feeling like I have nothing good left in my life. I don't even have any good friends. I've got no one to spend any time with but I hate being alone. It's so unfair that I'm the one all alone whilst she's happliy with her new guy oblivious to what I'm going through. I feel like by having no contact I'm just making things easier for her. Making it easier for her to forget about me and be with him. She's probably with him right now! Don't know how much longer I can take this. I am tempted to text as well. but thats no good because what will happen is you get no reply - and it makes it worse. Its better not to let them know how you feel. It takes some of the power away from them. She has no right to know how you are because she relinquished you. I have lost some good friends as well over the last year so i know how you feel. You will survive it though. Remember the same thing could happen to her - a bit of karma- he could dump her you know. It mightnt be all roses and chocolates Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I know he won't dump her he ended his 8 year relationship with his ex to be with her and told her he loved her, all whilst she was still going out with me! He's been after her for a couple of months now and he's finally got his way. I'm so * * * * ing weak!! I'm sorry guys but I cracked AGAIN. I was on day 2. It's just got so overpowering, I feel like I have no one left in my life outside of my family that give a damn about me. For the past 3 years this woman was my only real friend. I spent nearly all my time with her. When I was sad, or in pain it was her that would make evrything ok. I thought that no matter what happened, she would always be there for me. It was her that would comfort me and love me. It was her that I went to the cinema with when a good film came out. Every moment of free time I had I spent with her, I spent every night in her arms. Now I have no one. In a couple of days I will be hours away from my family, and I have no other friends in my town. I have about 3 friends that I knew from school and they just don't care about me since we went to uni. 2 of them know about my situation, and how upset I am, but they don't return my calls. They didn't even invite me to their new year party. The other one I have tried to meet up with three times this week and she just keeps cancelling on me. My ex was all I had, and tonight I just couldn't handle it. She text me saying 'I don't want us not to be friends..but I get that you don't want to b. I didn't cheat on you at all, what happened with me and x happened after we finished. I just want to know ur ok. I really really do care about you u know. I don't want you to hurt ever.' I cracked. I felt like I had no one to turn to and I just wanted her to know what I'm going through. I replied 'I don't believe for a second that you weren't cheating on me with him, but even if what you say is true, you went out with him SIX DAYS after we broke up!! Did I mean that little to you?! I can't believe you've replaced me just like that and are now spending all your time with someone else. I really thought that I meant something to you. Do you love him? Do you do all the stuff with him that we used to do? Do you go with him to (a place we used to go to to drink wine) and the cinema? Does he stay at yours every night? Are you with him right now? How can you just forget about me? I HATE YOU. No one has ever hurt me this much. Everything you ever said about caring about me was a lie. I hope he's worth losing me for.' She replied 'u don't hate me, or you wouldn't care. I'm sorry ur hurtin, I never wanted to do that. I didn't once cheat on u, I wouldn't have done that to u, but I still can't help my feelings now. I haven't been to any of those places with him, the x still is an will be our place. U know u mean so much to me, otherwise I wouldn't bother txting to see if you're ok..will always be there for u. x' I text back asking if she has seen him tonight and that I've never felt so alone and she hasn't replied. I'm SO WEAK. I know I shouldn't have spoken to her, but I feel like I have no one else in my life. I don't find that doing solitary activities helps because I don't like being alone and whenever I am I think about her. But I have no one else to socialise with. After evreything she's done to me and though the pain of her being with someone else kills me, her saying that she still wants to be friends and cares about me and will always be here for me makes me want to cling on to her despite evrything. Because whenever I've been in pain in the past it was her that would comfort me. It seems as though she wouldn't really care if I did nc. She's happy with her new bf and I think she is only contacting me out of guilt. If I don't accept her offer to stay friends I will have no one. I will have my pride, and I won't have the pain of being around someone that I'm still in love with, but I will still be haunted by the pain of thinking about her with someone else! And it's either throw away all my pride and self respect by staying friends with her after evrything she's done to me, and be comforted by the very person who broke my heart, or sit alone in my room every night, crying alone. After everything all I want is for her to hold me. I can't believe how weak I am for saying that. Everyone else on here is being so strong and I have so much respect for you. I think that when I first started doing nc it made me feel in control because I felt like she would be upset that I wasn't talking to her and start to miss me etc, and I would have the upper hand. But now she has a new relationship I feel like I'm not in control because she doesn't want or need me, and that doing nc isn't really affecting her at all because I'm not really on her mind now. I think that the texts she has sent me are out of guilt and nothing else. By nc am I just helping her to move on and pushing her more into spending time with him? I know nc is supposed to help me heal, but how am I going to heal when I'm cutting myself off from the only person outside of my family that I care about? I don't have anyone else to distract me from the pain. She just sent me a message as I'm writing this saying 'I've seen him a bit but not a lot. Ur not alone, I'm always here for you and will always be in the pod (we used to say that we were to peas in a pod with you if you want me. I feel so sick that ur hurtin so much. U will never be alone as long as I'm around, I care about u so much darlin. X x' Do you see my predicament? Even though she's hurt me so much, she's the only person in my life offering me any kind of friendship and affection. It's either accept her as a friend and still be close to her or have cold, empty loneliness without even the benefit of it making her miss me because she will have him. I think it would be easier to break contact if I felt that I had anyone else who cares about me that I could spend my time with. Can someone offer me an outsider perspective? I'm so so lonely and hurting. Can't believe I can't get past 2 days without contact. Link to comment
Crows Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I am on absolute pins and needles right now. Monday.. ex tells me she left her bf. and says she would like to go to dinner with me soon. I say let me know when you want to. Now I know she needs some time to get over this guy.. but shes kidna disappeared again..... i texted her yesteday and she answered, then disappeared. I hope my hopes aren't false. becuase if they are.. she was giving me way too much to get hope for. I know she will contact me .. absolutley and we will hang out, but i'm still on pins and needles. My worst fear is that she finds someone new . If that happens.. I will politely tell her I cannot talk to her, and justbe friends and that it's harder than i thought it would be. And that if she ever wants to try again with me.. contact me thats it. Link to comment
foleno Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 It has been a while now since I spoke with my ex. The feelings are gone. And with them the truth comes out. We have to ask are sleves. I did attract that person to me! I also excepted them in my life. Yes that was my doing, and I excepted that behavior. Yes. And I took a chance and tried to save something that was not working off of a feeling. Yes I did. The funny thing is my ex new. I mean she really knew it was a good IDEA for us to split. Sure she could had done it on good terms, I did not have resentment until now. I though ya my ex is just rightly upset, but when the feelings fade you relize, hey that was not nice or exceptable behavior. Sure I was self centered but not deliberately disrespectful or hurtful. We misery Loves Company. So I know she better off. lol Thanks every one for all your support and sharing. It really guided me. I needed this site so bad because i DID NOT HAVE ANY OTHER EXPERIENCE TO BASE THESE FEELING ON or relationship for that matter. Link to comment
flyoffthewall Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Hey, foleno, sounds good, like you are getting to be OK with everything. Glad to hear it. Link to comment
ShinCup Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 i'd like to take on the challenge ^_^' it's 9:03 PM Friday 11 2008 right now, and from this minute on i'm taking on the challenge. Wishing myself luck Link to comment
batteredandlost Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 I don't even know if my relationship truly is over - because he's fallen into a pit of depression and won't talk to me. I emailed him last night and told him that this has to end. He emails me to tell me how desolate he feels because he's lost me, he says his day is interspersed with thoughts of how I am feeling or not feeling. To be brief, we had a very close, very loving relationship for 14 months. Everytime we spoke or saw each other, he told me how much he loved me. I adored him. However, I let my demons from my past get out of control, and I treated him badly. Out of fear, out of anxiety, I became someone I hated - someone needy, clinging, fearful, demanding of more. Following what can only be described as very rapid form of emotional breakdown, I have acknowledged that there are aspects of my behaviour I have to change and have sought counselling. However, this all happened very suddenly, he told me he would not give up on me, yet next day says he's lost me?. He's so withdrawn, he won't talk to me properly. So I emailed him and I told him. I told him that his behaviour was confusing me, and doing nothing to help either of us, or our relationship. I told him that I had a deep and abiding love for him, but if he wasn't willing to open up and talk properly, then it all had to stop. I couldn't be his friend, because of the way I love him and miss him. But nor could I be with someone who wouldn't talk to me, who wasn't willing to make that first step. So, if he truly felt the relationship was over, if he wasn't going to talk properly to me then he had to leave me alone. Because of my past, my fears, I was always the one who frantically tried to make contact if we'd had a row. I know this time I have to be strong. Day one it is then. Link to comment
chocolates Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Yes you have to go NC. it wont drive her into his arms.... You have no control over what happens with them... Maybe this was always going to happen because of the fact that you were so dependent on her for everything. I really think that this was going to happen anyway. Its a lot for someone to handle- having someone so dependent on them- even if you did love each other. Contacting her is doing you more damage. Just because they are together now doesnt mean they will be in 3 months. You need to make sure u 2 dont become enemies over some fling she is having with some random guy. She is probably just experimenting. it sounds like you had a solid foundation. Ok a similar but different situation. I'm female - and had a best male friend who was gay. I fell in love with him. We were best mates spent every spare second togther, shared a bed, did everything but sex. he met a guy online, and we had a major fallout and i did a lot of damage to our friendship over my jealousy. They broke up 6 months later. EVENtually a year and a half later we were no longer friends. i ruined it. Link to comment
bostoneric Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 feeling some major anxiety today. this has been a hard week. we had a cruise together planned for this week where I was going to propose to her. instead we've been apart for over a month with very very LC (basically NC). i'm now trying to start a new life (job/house/etc) in another state while she moved on to another relationship with a girl before we were even done. right now shes up at our "vacation" home with the girl since she had already scheduled the time off for our cruise a long time ago...(cruise = wasted $ for me now)..... anxiety sucks. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 wow that must be really hard bostoneric.. is there any way you could face going alone? It might do you good to get away for a bit.. It hurts when you've planned something with your ex that never happens. Over the holidays we planned that when I got back she would meet me at the station and I would stay at hers for the night. Only a little thing compared to your cruise, but it was something I had really looked forward to and pictured happening and now it never will. Because the night I get back she will probably be spending with her new bf.. Just saying that makes me want to cry. Link to comment
NorthDallas40 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Samantha20 - I just want to say that though you haven't gotten responses in the same proportion to what you've written in this thread, I think everyone has been very moved at what you've had to go through lately. I can't really offer any comfort, other than you WILL find new friends eventually, once you've had some time to heal. But until then, NC is definitely the way to go, and I think most here would agree. At this point, you need to start the healing process ON YOUR OWN. As we all know, your ex is the WORST person to look to for solace, and you've been doing that much too often. But stay strong, and know that we're all thinking of you. As for myself, so far so good with the NC: I last talked to my ex 13 days ago, and last emailed her 9 days ago. It was an amicable breakup, but it was her decision ("I love you but I can't be in a relationship right now" blah blah), so I'm hurting a lot. Luckily, it's been easier because she's texted & called several times since then (I don't pick up or respond), usually declaring her love for me via text late at night on the weekend. I have to admit that as long as she's the one making contact, I feel in control of both the situation and my emotions. But now this weekend is coming up, and I fear she's going to stop contacting me. I'm on pins & needles now, and I feel like if I don't get a text or call from her at 3am, I'M going to be the one making a drunk call this Saturday night! Link to comment
gunpoint6 Posted January 11, 2008 Share Posted January 11, 2008 Day 5 and feeling ok, she texted me before to let me know she isnt goign to play volleyball today because she cannot get off of work. Had a few friendly texts back and forth and that was it. Its good I dont have to see her at volleyball today though. Link to comment
Coach Jimmy Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Day 10...it was ok. Its the weekend and I don't feel like doing anything. I know shes with her BF having fun, doing things which hurts when I think about it. It feels good to have not talked though, to have held up to the ideals. I check her facebook still, which I need to stop doing because that hurts even more. Maybe I haven't done true NC because of that...oh well. One day at a time and it'll all be a memory. Link to comment
papalazarou Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 OMG Mr Sponge this thread runs and runs!!!! An all time CLASSIC it has to be said!!! Link to comment
thekid55 Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Super Dave. I am in this challenge. I'm 18 years old and am in college. I was in a 2 year relationship with this girl during high school. She is 2 years younger than I am. It ended in October because she "just wanted to experience high school". Yes, I've done the pleading that every other ex has done. The lasted for about a month. Over time, I've begun to remove myself from everything. The longest I've gone NC for was 14 days, but that ended last Friday when I went back to my old high school for a college seminar and she was there. She ended up visiting me at work that night. She has a new boyfriend. I haven't been in contact with her since Sunday when she asked me if I wanted to come by her house sometime to get some of my old things. She messaged me on facebook yesterday, kindly telling me to take down pictures of her and I that I didn't even realize were still up. I responded back to her saying "Please leave me alone". Let the NC re-commence. Link to comment
Crows Posted January 12, 2008 Share Posted January 12, 2008 Day 2............ Monday my ex tells me she left her abusive bf WEdnesday.. we exchange friendly texts.. Now: frida night.. she hasn't responded and she has disappeared again..... Monday she said we should go out for dinner soon. ugh........... Link to comment
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