superc Posted October 9, 2007 Share Posted October 9, 2007 Despite my tough exterior, I know my mushy interior is going to find this hard...but I need to sign up for this challenge. Link to comment
butterflyx0 Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 ok well...I have been doing NC for about a month now, but I'm having the urges to call him or contact him for the first time so I am signing up for this challenge...is that OK?? I mean, I kinda broke it the other day by looking at his facebook so after my relapse, I need to go back to my strict ways. This way now I have a set goal for myself! Link to comment
hopeless_dreamer Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 day 3 shoot!! ok well yester day i was all pissed off at him..i have no clue why when ever i saw him whenever i thought of him i was pissed.. then when i finally got in my moms car i began to cry... i didnt talk to him infact i think he is using NC on me as well... anyways its day 3 and im in the student lounge waiting for class to start...im assuming hes on break and he is here in the lounge and he is sitting accross from my table with his head down and now he looked towards my way and got up and now hes walking around... hmm.. right now i feel lost... dispite everything and the way he has/had treated me i still love him and i want him but i know it wont work out Link to comment
flying Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Second day again, but a lot easier. Havent been thinking much about him and feel quite content today. Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Day 5 here. It is a good day. I have thought about her, but have not thought about contacting her. I did catch myself wanting to check up on her online, just to see if she was on, but then stopped. I thought back to all the times I had done that over the past few days, and I realized that the only one of 2 things ever happened. If I saw her online, I would try to contact her. When she wouldn't respond, then I would KNOW that she was ignoring me. Or, if I didn't see her on, then my mind would start working on where she is, who she is with, what she is doing. Checking in on her like that is nothing but detrimental to ME. So I just won't do it anymore. I feel like I am one step closer to taking back control of my life. Link to comment
tushboy Posted October 10, 2007 Share Posted October 10, 2007 Juss FOUR more days to go for my ONE MONTH dayum can't believe days went to faaaaaaaaast! Link to comment
butterflyx0 Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 cool...day two, my second attempt. kinda had the urge to call him, but decided against it. i'm not letting him get the satisfaction of me crawling back Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Day 6. Today started out rough. I woke up at 5am thinking about her and feeling very isolated and alone. I had all the old urges to call her, write to her, or somehow try to contact her. Instead, I sat down and purposely turned the focus of my thoughts back to myself. I remembered that the only thing contacting her would do is cause me more pain and push her further away. I realized that all of my attempts to get her to talk before she is ready are nothing more than my attempts to control her behavior. There is nothing that I can say to her that will make her want to talk before she is ready. The only thing it will do is make her pull farther away and make me feel worse. Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 dnozzle, I'm glad I read your post. I've been having similar feelings. Just started NC by her request a few days ago. We've been apart for a month and really had not seen much of each other in the month prior to that. During that time I have realized a lot about myself and I want to share this with her. I'm considering writing her a letter (pen and paper) and waiting a few weeks (and spending that time to write and rewrite it) before sending it. But I am worried that this is selfish of me. I would be doing what makes me feel better (expressing myself) while possibly doing something that makes her feel bad (by not respecting her wishes to be left alone). I don't want to push her further away and I want to show her the respect she deserves. I don't know what to do. Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 WaterIsLife, You DO know what to do. You just don't want to do it. Leave her be and let her think. Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 dnozzle, Thanks. I guess I just needed someone to say that. I'm worried though that I'll keep NC for a month of so and then break down and send the letter. I guess I'll be spending some more time on this thread in the future! Thanks Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 Day 1 It's been two weeks since I got the dreaded "we need to take a break" line. I had been in LC over the past two weeks with either one of us making excuses to talk to each other (mostly me, but she did call in times of loneliness saying she "misses me"). She's in a period of her life where she wants to be single, isn't sure if she's happier with/without me, needs to find herself, etc. Last night things finally came to an end where she felt that a break wasn't working (we were still talking to each other every few days), so she turned it into a break-up. So, here begins my new journey. I'm feeling nervous/sad, but as the same time I finally started to realize that she couldn't give me 100% of her and I'm starting to become optimistic again about the future. I'm still thinking about her all the time, but I know I have friends/family/school (I'm finishing my MBA/M.S. in Environmental Management this December) to work through so that should keep me pretty busy. I'm off to go take a walk accross the Golden Gate Bridge with a friend. I've never done it, and have always wanted to... -Mike- Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted October 11, 2007 Share Posted October 11, 2007 day 4...he sent me a message today thanking me for deleting the pictures of us off my myspace page...I DIDN"T respond. I feel he is just trying to get a reaction out of me making sure i'm still hanging on to him. He needs to feel like he has lost me....so let the journey begin....only 26 days to go Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 Day 2 I actually had a dream about her last night, and ironically, she broke up with me in it. *shrug* I still had some difficulty sleeping (woke up a couple times thinking about her), but tried to think of something else in my life that made me happy and that worked in getting me back to sleep. Today, I plan to stay busy with work and then I'm meeting up with a group of friends in the early evening to play volleyball at a local gym. -Mike- Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 Good for you Mike! Thanks. Here are some photos I took yesterday from my walk accross Golden Gate Bridge; link removed I just read your other post, and wanted to make a comment... "During that time I have realized a lot about myself and I want to share this with her." I made that mistake on Wednesday. After the "break" comment two weeks ago, I really took an introspective look at myself, what I want, etc. Apparently, she hadn't. She has just been going out with friends, her brothers taking her out to drink, etc. She's on her own time line, and I realized that I have to let her figure these things out in her own way. I love her, so I'm giving her what she wants - all the time/space she needs. That's also why I started this NC "challenge." -Mike- 1 Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 Day 7. Wow. A whole week. I have to say it was the easiest day so far. Yesterday, when I realized that my desire to contact her was nothing more than my desire to control her into talking before she is ready, it was like a cloud lifted from around my head. I could suddenly see it all so clearly. I don't need to contact her because I have nothing to say that she hasn't heard before. She has said she will talk to me when she is ready. Any attempt by me to rush that is only an attempt at control, which is what our fight has been about all along. When and if she does contact me, I may or may not read it, depending on how I feel about it at the time. If my heart leaps out of my chest when I see it, I will close it and save it for later when I am feeling more calm and in control of my life. The best part of today was that I did not for one second expect to hear from her today. That was the first time that has happened all week and it felt so good. 1 Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 dnozzle, Thanks for this post. It really help put me at ease. I've been having a bad day today and I needed to read this. Thanks Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 Thanks Mike, thats what I needed to hear. Chris Thanks. Here are some photos I took yesterday from my walk accross Golden Gate Bridge; link removed I just read your other post, and wanted to make a comment... "During that time I have realized a lot about myself and I want to share this with her." I made that mistake on Wednesday. After the "break" comment two weeks ago, I really took an introspective look at myself, what I want, etc. Apparently, she hadn't. She has just been going out with friends, her brothers taking her out to drink, etc. She's on her own time line, and I realized that I have to let her figure these things out in her own way. I love her, so I'm giving her what she wants - all the time/space she needs. That's also why I started this NC "challenge." -Mike- Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 I don't need to contact her because I have nothing to say that she hasn't heard before. That's what I realized before starting this challenge. She knows exactly how I feel, and I made all the mistakes in thinking that I could change her feelings. When I talked to my ex on Wednesday, it ended badly because I started trying to force her to feel/think like I was (even though I didn't see it at the time). Live and learn... -Mike- Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted October 12, 2007 Share Posted October 12, 2007 That's what I realized before starting this challenge. She knows exactly how I feel, and I made all the mistakes in thinking that I could change her feelings. When I talked to my ex on Wednesday, it ended badly because I started trying to force her to feel/think like I was (even though I didn't see it at the time). Live and learn... -Mike- Mike and dnozzle, I agree. I did the same thing. More words, words that had been said before without substantial changes. I was being selfish in trying to convince her. I wasn't respecting her desires and needs. Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 day 6. yep day six...have to work today then I'm going out tonight...hope I dont run into him again like i did 1 week ago thursday. He has contacted me a few days out of the 6....kills me everytime he sends me a message but it was HIS idea to not talk so I'm sticking to that and not responding....not yet...can't have him leading me on Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Day 3 Last night was kinda rough, just because I had to force myself to sleep early when I wasn't all that tired yet. Nothing like laying in a dark room, staring at the ceiling for a while... This morning is no better. I feel like reality is really setting in and that she's gone... I also received a text message from a friend around midnight who's up in S.F. visiting with his wife, asking if me and the now "ex" would like to get together tonight. I haven't talked to him in a while, so I guess he doesn't remember that she moved back down to L.A. last year. Argh. I'm still at that stage where my heart starts racing whenever the phone rings, I check my phone all the time to see if I got a text message, and I'm constantly checking my e-mail. Letting go is hard. Today I'm stuck in a classroom from 9am-4pm, then I'm going to a friend's place who is hosting a "sushi night." We're probably going out to a local bar after. Gotta get out and (try to) have some fun. -Mike- Link to comment
flying Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 5 or 6 days now. Not hard right now, probably because Ive been occupied any way. Its seems to get easier with time, all the time. Having the eager to check if hes written to me, but fighting it back. I know id find it hard not to reply, and I find it better if his wondering why I didnt reply. If hes written... Link to comment
dnozzle Posted October 13, 2007 Share Posted October 13, 2007 Day 1 again. *sigh* I realized some things yesterday that seemed like breakthroughs to me that made everything seem so very clear to me. I wanted to share it with her so bad, but decided to sleep on it instead. A very restless night and very little sleep. This morning I sent her an email telling her the things I had figured out and what I realize I had done wrong. She has not responded and I feel 10 times worse than I did before sending it. It was a huge mistake to contact her again. Link to comment
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