what to think when a "threesome" is brought up??

[jamierae]

I need advice other then my friends for this........because I need neutral advice.

 

I'm in a long distance relationship. I really feel like I love this man. I'm pushing more for something, he goes hot and cold. The last time I went to visit him.........when i got home he'd said soemthing to the effect of .........."i wish Debbie hadn't came back to the apartment with us (he's not attracted to her) cause his friend Steve and him were gonna have a threesome with me.

 

The thing that bothered me was that I wasn't included in the planning of this so called adventure, until a week later. Plus his friend has lots of one night stands and to me it;s actually unattractive. It's not that i'm even turned off to the idea of it....I would have a threesome especailly if the person I cared about wanted to try it. It's just how I wasn;t included bothers me??? He's very much the guys guy. He perceded to tell me him and his friend have done this before.

 

He and I have this crazy relationship where the distance makes it hard but we have something so special we both hold on..........has anyone had this kindof thing happen to them?? Does it mean he doesn;t think i'm that special??? is it sorta degrading? would it ruin a relationship? I'm really wanting some advice or someone to just tell me how it is.......lol thanks guys!

[J6hn]

You need to talk about it and how comfortable you are with it.

You all need to agree on it and have it feel right, otherwise you'll end up feeling used or violated.

Be careful, those who have a tendency or history of one night stands have an icreased chance of having an STD.

If you're going to have a threesome, make sure both you and your partner agree on who with.

[scarew]

Yah its totally understandable how you would feel stung from not being included. Maybe your bf thought it would be a nice big "surprise for you" because he thinks that all women dream of having two men or something. Just tell him what you told us. That you aren't completley against it, but you would like to talk about it before you decide to bring someone else into your sex life. Say it positively though, and I'm sure you two will spark up some converstation and hopefully come to an agreement.

[jamierae]

you guys are great so far..........the STD thing is what worried me with his friend.............and i actually did talk to him and tell him what I told you and we talked about it. He said that lol " I thought it would be fun for you" so maybe he was in his way trying to be sweet lol i'm such a girl and i analyze everything. You already made me feel better about cause we do talk about things and that is a great thing........I can tell him anything. I've only had 3 partners ever and i'm 28. so it;s all new to me and i'm sorta cautious.

[BONO]

Read this.

 

See the comments made by Blender.

 

 

 

 

 

Scruff

[Siriana]

Is he really a man for you?

[jimthzz]

if what you have with this guy is so special then why does he plan to add another guy to the mix, especially without your knowledge?

 

Don't you think he would have discussed this with you before a third party?

 

You really do not have an honerable man. What you have is a bored person who is using you.

 

Leaving aside the issue of whether or not you are attracted to the guy he wants to bed you with. Do you really want to do something like that when you are in a relationship you think of as special?

 

Don't you think that adding another person into it will make it no longer special?

[Day_Walker]

I think that you are considering the idea that you are getting played. If he has stated that he and his friend have done this before and how he didnt even ask you about it. He is showing you strong signs that he does not respect you as a person.

[treefrogkate]

Bringing a third party into a relationship is a HUGE decision, something that can completely ruin a relationship if not completely discussed and agreed on by both partners. I'm not usually one to jump to conclusions (at least about other people's lives, because I sure as heck analyze the crap out of my own!), but I would be worried about what other things he has decided on and not told you.

 

I would have been shocked and hurt that he thought I would just "go along" with whatever he decided was best for our relationship.

[RayKay]

Um, I think this is different than just bringing a threesome up. This is about him making PLANS for something YOU are not even informed or asked about.

 

There is a big difference between discussing sexual fantasies, and asking if they would be something you would be into, and presuming that you will go along with it and trying to set it up.

 

Seriously, I would definitely seriously consider this is a big red flag. It is not up to him to decide arbitrarily what is "fun for you" without considering the implications of it. I would also say it is being very disrespectful.

 

I have had partners bring the issue up before, but it was to discuss our feelings on it, and when they knew I was not interested, that was the end of it. I have nothing persay against people experimenting, as long as BOTH are into it, but I personally am not into bringing third parties into my relationship. My partner is of the same frame of mind and it is not something we would do, however if it WAS something we were into it, it would suredly be a mutual decision, with consent, and with both of us making the decisions around it.

[jamierae]

I appreciate all of you guys advice.........I came to the right place to find some different viewpoints.

 

someone I don't know can sure tell me something my friends might be scared too.......which is great...I guess only I truly know how my relationship is.

 

He is one of those guys that does cheesy things for me.......down to rememeber things i've talked about liking to giving me silly goofy trinkets and telling me he cares about me.

 

See he's so reserved in public. I can easily embarrass him...redfaced and a cute smile......so i wonder how much of it's a "front" since his friend is so active.........and we do talk about things. Life and relationships are confusing!!!

 

Thanks so much guys...........the people that make up this site are awesome!!