silky88 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 okay, long story (kinda) short: my year-long relationship ended about a month ago (he "just wasn't that into me") and our sex life had been flagging for a few weeks before that. also, my heart was/is broken. basically, i hadn't had an orgasm with a partner in almost two months and i was MISERABLE. i'm quite a sexual/affectionate person and was desperately horny. i tried to seduce a super-cute boy who is pretty religious and it didn't work out because he didn't really go in for casual sex (which i discussed in another thread). i was not impressed with his maturity level (he acts like he's 15, but he's 23) so i didn't worry too much about it. but... i got back into town after traveling for the holidays, and i ran into "cute boy" again at a bar -- he approached me while i was drinking with girlfriends. i decided i could wear him down on the sex issue after feeding him a few whiskeys and i bought him drinks and tried to seduce him again. it worked this time. i warned him beforehand that i was only looking for a sex friend, and that i wasn't looking for a relationship even just a little bit. he's 100% sweet... the kind of boy who opens car doors for you, pays for things, and kisses a girl on the forehead in the morning. but we would NEVER work in a relationship context; i've just done a LOT more living than he has. i am enjoying sleeping with him, but at the same time, if he disappeared from the face of the earth tomorrow, i wouldn't miss him. that sounds evil, i know. so i'm filling a void in my life with this temporary innocent boy. i have no illusions about that. i am hell-bent on being single for awhile, but it sure is nice to hang out, have sex, cook meals, watch movies, and go to coffeeshops with an admitted rebound fling who says nice things about my body and gives me orgasms. am i bad, even though i was up-front with him about my merely-hookup intentions? is it a bad sign if he wants to hold my hand and i let him, because i like the closeness even though i am bitter/jaded and will shun relationships for the rest of my days? is it normal to spend 36 consecutive hours with a sex friend? being a serial-monogamist, i am new to the whole "hookup scene" -- am i setting this boy up for heartbreak, or is it feasible to think that 23-year-old boys who have barely had any sex might be grateful for no-strings-attached fun? please sound off... Link to comment
annie24 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I think you should have fun. it sounds like you were up front with him, so there are no surprises. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 it is only bad in the sense that you could get pregnant, get an STD, get emotionally attached. Also consider whether you are ok with some men being uncomfortable with your comfort with casual sex (in your past, etc) - it's cool if you don't care i.e. "I am who I am" but these things can come back to haunt you (you are not obligated to tell but people sometimes find these things out). Link to comment
daredevil Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 He is a lucky boy imo. and since you have been honest and he knows the rules it is okay Enjoy! Link to comment
Beec Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 My warning would be to try to keep your encoutners infrequent, so it does not take one the feel of a relationship and that if he bgins to seem attached, end it. Link to comment
silky88 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 yeah, pregnancy is probably not going to happen, as i have been sexually active and taking the pill responsibly for over 11 years (and when i don't take it, i don't even get a period -- for all i know, i may be infertile... i've known many girls who've had "oopsies" over the years, and it sort of creeps me out that i've never been one of them... from what i've read, it's 1/1000 chance). and i get tested regularly (once again for the past 11 yrs.) for std's, plus, he's barely had any sex at all -- at 23, i'm his 3rd ever, and he's only been into demure x-tian girls in the past... i think i'm pretty safe. emotional attachment is HIGHLY unlikely, since he is totally hot, but when we have conversations, i'm like "sugar, shut up" (in the words of my good friend) -- a girl can only listen to a boy talk about his friends and music for so long without being bored. i'm 25, but have had a really hard and varied life. he's 23 and has been coddled and sheltered. i'd be tempted to skin him alive before ever wanting to be serious with him.... but DAMN if he isn't hot. Link to comment
Beec Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 emotional attachment is HIGHLY unlikely, since he is totally hot, but when we have conversations, i'm like "sugar, shut up" (in the words of my good friend) -- a girl can only listen to a boy talk about his friends and music for so long without being bored. i'm 25, but have had a really hard and varied life. he's 23 and has been coddled and sheltered. i'd be tempted to skin him alive before ever wanting to be serious with him.... but DAMN if he isn't hot. Yes, but how will you feel when he is emotionally attached? If he shows signs of it, and you felt that way too, I would tell you to try to have a relationship. If you both use each other, no one is getting used to disadvantage, except by their own design. But some you think of only as an f-buddy seems to be falling in love with you, you need to end it. If you let it go on, you are hurting them more. Link to comment
silky88 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 well, i guess if he got too attached, i'd have no choice but to end it... i know just from his personality that he'd be a good and attentive boyfriend but i can't feel that way for anyone right now, much less for a "boy," which is what he totally is (as opposed to a "man"). trust me, if he seems to get too attached, i'm outta there (orgasms be damned)... i've been up-front with him, and i'm not changing my tune. i need a relationship right now (after 8 years of consecutive or overlapping relationships) like i need a chainsaw to the cranium. this is all about fun, for me. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 well, i guess if he got too attached, i'd have no choice but to end it... i know just from his personality that he'd be a good and attentive boyfriend but i can't feel that way for anyone right now, much less for a "boy," which is what he totally is (as opposed to a "man"). trust me, if he seems to get too attached, i'm outta there (orgasms be damned)... i've been up-front with him, and i'm not changing my tune. i need a relationship right now (after 8 years of consecutive or overlapping relationships) like i need a chainsaw to the cranium. this is all about fun, for me. That's great and as long as he is cool with this being a sex thing only then you have no obligations to have it be anything but all about you. Link to comment
J6hn Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 As long as you both agree you don't want a relationship. It at first sounded like you were using him, but if he is okay with everything then it's alright and you're not. Link to comment
DN Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 am i setting this boy up for heartbreak Given his emotional maturity level - then yes, you will. You have already seduced him from his religious beliefs which could easily cause him problems and I very much doubt he will just want sex from you for very long. This situation has 'train-wreck' written all over it. Link to comment
silky88 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 using him: yes, entirely. of course i am. him being okay with that: i think so, and i see nothing wrong, as long as i'm honest. i guess i have answered my own question! Link to comment
Aschleigh Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 silky88 are you in Los Angeles? are you dating my ex? A coddled, sheltered 23 year old. I just got rid of one. Have fun. My ex turned out to be a bit of trouble but hopefully your boytoy is chill. Link to comment
silky88 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 Given his emotional maturity level - then yes, you will. You have already seduced him from his religious beliefs which could easily cause him problems and I very much doubt he will just want sex from you for very long. This situation has 'train-wreck' written all over it. really? you don't think that once he's gotten past the original hurdle of the hook-up, he can't just enjoy the sex? he seems to be, so far, i mean... we've spent a few sober hours together and he hasn't shown any regrets.... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I agree with you - he is a consenting adult, you have been up front with him. I am a bit dubious though as in "the lady doth protest too much" - something tells me you want your sex with him to be validated from your side of things. Look, to me the situation you describe seems lonely, empty, a little pathetic, anything but "hot" because I cannot imagine hot sex with someone I do not care a great deal about in the context of an exclusive relationship - no matter what he looks like or what kind of "chemistry" we have. But equally strong is my belief that while those are my values, those are not everyone's values and who I am to judge. Heck I am sure there are those who judge me for having premarital sex. I will admit it is hard to read what you are doing without feeling a sense of sympathy and minor repulsion on the behalf of both of you but obviously I am not you. Link to comment
silky88 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 are you in Los Angeles? are you dating my ex? A coddled, sheltered 23 year old. I just got rid of one. Have fun. My ex turned out to be a bit of trouble but hopefully your boytoy is chill. nope, no longer in l.a. (although i lived there from 1999-2003). lol. Link to comment
silky88 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 yeah, it's a little lonely, but from my POV, hot sex is not what i'd describe as pathetic... i tried celibacy for 4.5 weeks, and found that it didn't agree w/ me. perhaps i am spoiled??? Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 yeah, it's a little lonely, but from my POV, hot sex is not what i'd describe as pathetic... i tried celibacy for 4.5 weeks, and found that it didn't agree w/ me. perhaps i am spoiled??? We just have different definitions of satisfying sex, that's all. It sounds like you are in a self-centered phase right now and whether or not that is "deserved" is not my place to opine on. Link to comment
DN Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 really? you don't think that once he's gotten past the original hurdle of the hook-up, he can't just enjoy the sex? he seems to be, so far, i mean... we've spent a few sober hours together and he hasn't shown any regrets....I have yet to hear of a situation like this that ended well for both people. Link to comment
silky88 Posted January 3, 2007 Author Share Posted January 3, 2007 ugh... but "not getting any" is so tough and so boring... and he's so cute... i am a weak, weak, lecherous person... Link to comment
Batya33 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 ugh... but "not getting any" is so tough and so boring... and he's so cute... i am a weak, weak, lecherous person... Haven't you ever gone through a challenging period in your life - had to deprive yourself of chocolate to lose weight, of free time to get a promotion or to care for a family member who you didn't like? Did you feel good about yourself for showing restraint or for being "other-centered?" What other activities do you do? Do you have close friends? It's impossible for me to relate to having sex just for sex rather than being celibate, so forgive me if I sound a little baffled. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 i was not impressed with his maturity level (he acts like he's 15, but he's 23) so i didn't worry too much about it. Is this post for real???? Sorry, but from what you have written, and your attitude it sounds to me that you are not behaving in a very mature manner. I feel sorry for this guy because you seem to be turning him into a big joke. Link to comment
Suesser Tod Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 really? you don't think that once he's gotten past the original hurdle of the hook-up, he can't just enjoy the sex? he seems to be, so far, i mean... we've spent a few sober hours together and he hasn't shown any regrets.... Well, you basically got him drunk and seduced him. Also if he is spending 36 hours straight with you, I can guarantee he is not only there for the sex. This is a trainwreck in the making, I really feel sorry for him. Link to comment
paulm Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 I wish I had a similar arrangement going... But I sort of feel sorry for the guy, you're definitely setting him up for a heartbreak. I don't think I could take the guilt of doing that to a girl myself. I think "seduce" implies trickery/dishonesty, sounds like that's what this is. On the other hand, you don't care, so you're just going after what you want and if he's hurt it doesn't matter, right? Happens all the time. Link to comment
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