icantbelieveimdoingthis200 Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 my boyfriend of a few years is from another country, now we are in that country with all of his friends, and i dont speak the language he is annoyed with me because i am listless and irritable and not saying much around his friends while they laugh and joke in their language, and now i am like ostracised by him or something his friends are all good people but now he doesnt want to be around me... and of course they are his friends not mine... i dont know what to do it's cruel but maybe there's something i'm not doing right Link to comment
Reluctant Rebuilder Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 How are you supposed to carry on a friendly conversation if you don't speak the language? Sounds really unfair to me. If you are being left out of the talking and laughing, then it's him who is doing something wrong. Link to comment
Daligal83 Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 Have you explained to him that it's not because you don't want to talk to them, but that you can't. Maybe he can help you learn the language faster. If you made the sacrifice of moving to HIS country, he better be understanding about the transition it takes on your part. I think you need to have a serious talk with him. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 31, 2006 Share Posted December 31, 2006 welcome to enotalone. Have you undertaken serious efforts to learn the language? ie, bought some CDs, maybe taken a course, learned from online sites? I understand that this can be difficult and frustrating, but I think the best way is to learn the language as quickly as possible, so that you can be included in conversations and not made to feel "left out." good luck Link to comment
icantbelieveimdoingthis200 Posted January 2, 2007 Author Share Posted January 2, 2007 i have of course but the problem is that when there are a group of people, all of whom are good friends, when they speak together they speak as if they havent spoken in years, ie... very fast it's nearly impossible unless i spend a lot of time speaking with them, which is not possible because i dont live here... only visiting Link to comment
kristipher Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 I think you should tell him exactly what you said in your first post and let him know that you do want to be involved. Maybe he's just not "getting" that with the speed etc it's very difficult for you keep up. He may need a reminder of what it was like to learn English. Link to comment
prtygrl1973 Posted January 2, 2007 Share Posted January 2, 2007 How are you supposed to carry on a friendly conversation if you don't speak the language? Sounds really unfair to me. If you are being left out of the talking and laughing, then it's him who is doing something wrong. tot ally agree!! Link to comment
caro33 Posted January 3, 2007 Share Posted January 3, 2007 my boyfriend of a few years is from another country, now we are in that country with all of his friends, and i dont speak the language he is annoyed with me because i am listless and irritable and not saying much around his friends while they laugh and joke in their language, and now i am like ostracised by him or something his friends are all good people but now he doesnt want to be around me... and of course they are his friends not mine... i dont know what to do it's cruel but maybe there's something i'm not doing right I don't mean to sound insensitive, but you said he's annoyed with you because you are listless and irritable, then you added that you aren't interacting with the friends. I am not sure, is he blaming you for not being part of the conversation, or is he annoyed that you are seeming sulky? If it's the former, that's one thing, and I agree with the others it seems a little unfair if you cannot understand what is going on. However, if we are talking about you and he going to his home country for a visit, and he and his mates catching up, and you getting irritated because you can't understand, I am more on his side here. He doesn't want his girlfriend raining on his parade - he and his friends are probably excited to catch up, this is not about you. Let them be social, go and do your own thing if you can. If you cannot, then sit and smile and ask them sometimes to repeat what they are saying, speak more slowly, or to explain in english if they speak it. You might have an hour here or there of being bored, but that's life. My apologies if I have misunderstood. Link to comment
n83 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I'd be pretty sulky if my bf wasn't attempting to include me in the convos, one way or another. Link to comment
caro33 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 I'd be pretty sulky if my bf wasn't attempting to include me in the convos, one way or another. Yes I agree, but excitable conversations have a life of their own sometimes, particularly if people haven't seen each other for ages, I guess that's what I meant. As long as they make the effort between excited bouts, I would try and be okay with it. For me it comes down to the effort both people are making to be generous with one another, it just wasn't clear from the original post. Link to comment
n83 Posted January 4, 2007 Share Posted January 4, 2007 it comes down to the effort both people are making to be generous with one another, it just wasn't clear from the original post. Absolutely correct... there has to be a mutual effort for the benefit of both of them Link to comment
studbaker99 Posted July 26, 2007 Share Posted July 26, 2007 If I had a gf who didnt speak my native language, and I was chatting up with friends, I'd try to fill her in on the highlights between pauses, and or slow down the pace and include her. It's all freaking common sense and courtesy!!...isn't it? Link to comment
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