What is fat?

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

About the big boned thing

 

I have a a big hip bone and you can feel it but then again i have fat in places so yeah

 

I really dont know what im talking about..

[Kevin T]

I used to have a complex about my weight, too. I always thought I was unattractive because I was "too thin." But I came to realize that it wasn't my appearance that was the problem. It was my attitude.

 

I saw myself as unattractive and undesirable, and others picked up on that and saw me the same way. It wasn't until I learned how to love myself for the build God gave me that I started to show improvement in my personality. I'm not saying don't diet (or for those who are really skinny not to work out), but no matter what you look like, if you don't change your attitude first, you will STILL feel unattractive.

 

And beauty is somewhat subjective anyhow. Just look at the replies here! Some men like skinny women, some like moderate women, some like chubby women, and some even like really heavy women! So don't change to make others happy, do it for you! Learn to love yourself, limitations and all, and you'll be a much happier person.

 

Don't allow others' expectations of beauty to soil your self-image. And just so you know, even though I am a skeletal as can be (I love the sound of the word "skeletal" BTW. lol Sounds cool, if you say it right), I prefer women to not be complete bone-racks themselves. Having a little bit of fat in the right areas is feminine.

[jessicake]

i believe in the saying, "there are no ugly women, only lazy ones"

 

beauty is so subjective, and i believe much of it is in the head. i am a uk size 6-8, US 0-2. i weight 100 pounds, and am 5'4. i have been that size all of my adult life.. and will probably stay that way. it is just my natural size. however, i used to have a fat complex. i always thought i had a fat stomach. i then started exercising and even though physically there wasnt much change, mentally i feel much more attractive.

 

i can not tell you that you are attractive, i have never met or seen your physique or face. Plus even if i did say you are a beautiful girl, you would just dismiss my comment because u don't believe it urself. when i had my fat stomach complex, my boyfriend at the time would always say it was flat and i was silly. but i didnt believe him. because my mind was set on thinking it was flabby! ur mental state is definitely a huge huge part of ur attractiveness.

 

anyway, i have a friend who is 130 pounds and same height with me and i think she is extremely attractive. there is 30 pounds difference between us but she the one who always have guys chasing after her because she has a really pretty face and holds herself up with confidence. its strange because she always attracts one type of man and i attract another.

 

i would recommend you do exercise and eat healthly. (if you dont already). i dont know if you need to go on a diet (for health reasons) but i definitely feel that by being healthy you would feel mentally more attractive and happy with your physique.

[Caterina]

I've seen girls a lot heavier then I am get lots of men after them. Usually they have curves...meaning that they don't have the "apple" look.

 

Personally, I'm heavier then some of the ones mentioned...I'm 5'6" @ 140-155. I usually wear a size ten but sometimes I wear a size 12. But I get a LOT of men after me so I don't complain about my weight too often. As long as there are guys out there attracted to me, I'm fine.

 

For some reason I'm not even attracted to a guy unless he's shown some attraction to me anyways so thats perfectly okay with me.

 

 

Not only that but I often wear thick glasses. Its really odd, but more guys hit on me when I wear my nerd glasses then when I'm without them! I think that they're intimidated by me without my glasses.

 

Its kind of funny, but I have also noticed that a lot of really skinny nerdy guys tend to go out with women bigger then them. I always thought it was funny but it goes to show that there can't be a total standard in the direction of a demand that women be skinny.

 

But attraction is weird...there are some guys I find very attractive that my girlfriends are like, "ooh gurrl no way," to. There are other guys that many many women are attracted to...like johnny depp or brad pitt...so the qualites that they have should be looked at to at least come up with some conventional standards for what is beautiful.

 

By the same token (and its been said before) all men have their preferences. Some men really like skinny women. Other men are glad that those men like skinny women so that curvy/normal/obese/overweight/athletic/muscular women are free for them.

 

Its like what my little sister once said. One of my sisters said to her, "Look at all these pretty girls settle for these ugly guys," and my sister said, "hey thats fine with me, save all the hotties for me!"

 

Maybe there are no standards for attractiveness. A lot of people are attracted to Angelina Jolie but hey a lot of women are attracted to Jack Black...you can't deny it...and he's overweight. Basically we can look at numbers but people are just going to like what they like...don't worry about the ones who DON'T like you...be happy with the ones who DO. Galaxy, I saw your pic and I don't think you're ugly at all.

 

 

Some people don't care about looks altogether at all. Some people are attracted by a person's personality alone.

[GalaxyC]

Thanks for all your replies. I know what I need to do.....and I'm making the effort. I'm not just moaning. I've lost 20lbs so far. I aim to lose another 30 at least. Maybe I will feel better when I've done that or maybe I'll need to lose some more to feel okay with myself.

 

I have a nice personality but I'm always "one of the lads". No guy finds me attractive in the sense that they would want to go out with me on a date.

[sophie274]

Hey that is awesome! Congratulations! It takes a lot of strength to get yourself going on a good diet/exercise plan, so good for you.

 

I think maybe the guys you have been friends with for a while will always see you as one of the guys because they are used to you, they have confided in you, they have told you about past dating experiences etc ... I think once you are a "gal pal" it's hard to get out of that. However, I'm sure there are tons of men out there who don't know you exist but wish they did.

 

Has the weight loss made you feel any better? Is there an "activity" that you've always thought seemed cool? You might take that up, to add some jazz to your life. Or maybe get a new haircut or some new clothes - switching it up a bit might make your outlook a little more rosy.

[GalaxyC]

The weight loss hasn't made me feel any better because I'm still fat...so it only serves to remind me of just how fat I was if you see what I mean?

 

I'm trying to take up running and I've bought myself a treadmill for my flat. I've also bought a dvd that teaches you the basics of ballet because I always wanted to try that and I think it will help strengthen my back for work.

[sophie274]

The weight loss hasn't made me feel any better because I'm still fat...so it only serves to remind me of just how fat I was if you see what I mean?

 

I'm trying to take up running and I've bought myself a treadmill for my flat. I've also bought a dvd that teaches you the basics of ballet because I always wanted to try that and I think it will help strengthen my back for work.

 

I'm sorry you feel that way, though I guess I understand. You should remind yourself though that the most incredible part of what you're doing isn't the weightloss, it's your motivation and self-discipline and soon-to-be healthy self.

 

Are you seeing a doctor/nutritionist for this? Or a trainer? One of the above might be able to make up a really good exercise plan for you - I know running can be a bit hard on the joints, especially when you're starting.

 

Good deal on the ballet - that sounds like fun. I'm sure as you lose the weight you will become more confident, and then maybe you can join a ballet class... it's helpful when you're trying to be healthy if you can meet other people who are similarly motivated, you know?

 

Good luck for everything!

[GalaxyC]

No I'm not seeing a dr or nutritionist and I have a degree in sport science so I can do an exercise plan for myself. My dr told me I needed to lose 7lbs and I just though "dur, I KNOW, I need to lose a hell of a lot more than that!"

[sophie274]

No I'm not seeing a dr or nutritionist and I have a degree in sport science so I can do an exercise plan for myself. My dr told me I needed to lose 7lbs and I just though "dur, I KNOW, I need to lose a hell of a lot more than that!"

 

Sounds great. I had to post because I just saw your pic in the off-topic forum and ... you don't look fat to me at all! You're beautiful, sincerely. Honestly, I wasn't expecting what I saw. You look great to me, so enjoy being healthy!

[zerohalo]

Sounds great. I had to post because I just saw your pic in the off-topic forum and ... you don't look fat to me at all! You're beautiful, sincerely. Honestly, I wasn't expecting what I saw. You look great to me, so enjoy being healthy!

Seriously, and I thought I was self-deprecating. You really are very attractive, I don't think you should be fretting so much about your weight.

[GalaxyC]

Sounds great. I had to post because I just saw your pic in the off-topic forum and ... you don't look fat to me at all! You're beautiful, sincerely. Honestly, I wasn't expecting what I saw. You look great to me, so enjoy being healthy!

 

Thanks but a) I wear make up, b) My clothes cover it all up.

 

Seriously, and I thought I was self-deprecating. You really are very attractive, I don't think you should be fretting so much about your weight.

 

Not self-deprecating.....just honest.

 

to be honest, skinny girls turn me off. i like girls with curves in all the right places.

 

As long as they're not bigger than a size 10 yeah?

[charley]

If I don't see any stomach bulge or fast rolls, then she's not fat. Simple as that for me. However, I might still be attracted to her if she's a bit fat. As for liking her, well that has nothing to do with appearance. That's personality.

 

Women are a lot more lenient with men. I'm slightly fat, about 10 to 15 pounds overweight, and women like me as good, or maybe better, than when I was in excellent physical condition years ago. Thank you ladies for being so lenient on us undeserving men. In regard to this subject, we don't deserve you. You're all so kind and tolerant of us slightly fat guys that we don't deserve you, and I know it. You're also very kind and tolerant of slightly ugly men, and even downright ugly men. I've observed the ugly guys can do very well with women if they know how to talk to them and how to treat them. I once heard a woman say a certain guy was so ugly that he was cute. In trying to understand her, I envisioned a Chineese Pug dog. Yep that's ugly cute. I see her point. She was a good looking woman and into this ugly guy, but he was nice, brave, tough, honest, and hard working too. So he had a lot of good qualities, but not looks.

[zerohalo]

Not self-deprecating.....just honest.

No, I disagree. It's much easier to think that you're all bad than accept part of you may not suck. This has been a difficult lesson for me, and obviously it is for you too.

[MetallicAguy]

It's sort of tough to explain but, the excess stomach bulge and the opposite of the hour-glass shape, I find very unattractive. Personally, I have high standards when it comes to women. I can't date them if they have nothing that stands out to me but thats another story. I'm not attracted to anorexically skinny women though. I like a girl that's skinny with curves in the right places. Keep in mind though, every guy has a different opinion of what fat is. So don't bash on your appearance, there's a guy out there who likes it.

[Kevin T]

Maybe when you get older, but not at my age. Women are anything but lenient or tolerant with men who do not fit their personal standards of "hotness." I can speak from experience that women want what they want, and don't dig the skinny guy (or, I would assume, the big guy - though I could be wrong on this one). Sure, there are exceptions, but that is not the norm, at least not for the young 'uns these days.

 

And I agree with the others. The topic starter is not fat at all. She needs to stop beating herself up over this.

[Serpent Queen]

depends on the person, I suppose. I've always used the old sayin, "If your stomach sticks out past your boobs, it's time to loose."

[charley]

Maybe when you get older, but not at my age. Women are anything but lenient or tolerant with men who do not fit their personal standards of "hotness." I can speak from experience that women want what they want, and don't dig the skinny guy (or, I would assume, the big guy - though I could be wrong on this one). Sure, there are exceptions, but that is not the norm, at least not for the young 'uns these days.

 

And I agree with the others. The topic starter is not fat at all. She needs to stop beating herself up over this.

 

I know lots of slightly overweight young guys who are dating or married to attractive women.

 

I do think women are not so into thin men though. I have to agree there.

 

I know one very attractive woman who told me she prefers men who are about 15 lbs overweight because to her that's perfect.

 

As for your age comment, I agree that has something to do with it. Women are a lot more lenient about looks when a guy is in his 30s than 20s, IMO. Women in their 20s like me better right now than they did when I was in my 20s. Of course, there's likely extenuating circumstances there. In my 20s, I looked like I was a very good looking 16 to 18 year old, but what woman in her 20s wants to date a guy who looks like he's in high school? For a man, there is some advantage in looking older, or at least old enough - looking say 25+. Since I now look 28 to 32, I'm visually appearing to be old enough. Maybe that is the most important thing. I don't know for sure. I can only guess.

[amtjrtcet]

I used to have a complex about my weight, too. I always thought I was unattractive because I was "too thin." But I came to realize that it wasn't my appearance that was the problem. It was my attitude.

 

exactly, I use to be very self conscious about my appearance. I'm pretty small framed but have a MUCH larger "trunk". I stand 5'3 1/2 and my measurments 34-25-40. When I was in high school I had this horrible complex about it. I'm latina, but look white. All the white girls seemed so much more proportioned then me, with their tiny little butts. But as I've gotten older, I'm much more comfortable in my own skin, and even though a have a "little more to love" my attitude has changed my perspective. A persons attitude about their body can change effect other peoples opinions. How one carries themselves, whether their carrying a "light" or "heavy" load, can completely change their "beauty" factor.

[lizziebee]

I am now 5'9" and 135 I used to be 179 back in the days of wine and roses. If my weight dips down to far, like in the Summer, to about 120-125 I look like a cadaver...I have fat clothes and slim clothes and do not own a scale. It is all about the way you carry yourself and the attitude you put out into the universe.

[Kevin T]

Charley, I only speak the truth. People may revile me for it, but I call things as I see them. Why sugarcoat the truth? It only gives people false hope.

 

I look remarkably young for my age, which wouldn't be a problem since I tend to go for those around 19 or 20... but they clearly don't go for my type. Thus the problem ensues.

 

 

 

Hey, don't worry about your frame. I know plenty of guys who dig girls with a large behind.

 

Besides, if that's you in your avatar, you've got no reason to be the least bit self-conscious.

 

Anyhow, I hardly think I've conquered my inner demons about my appearance. But at least I talk a good game.

[fluffhead]

I am 5'5 and 140...and I wear a size 4...weight is just a number....