inappropriate! crush on my professor...

[walkingwithaghost]

hey guys, so the semester just ended.... sigh my professor. today was the last class.

 

What had happened was I was dropping off a doctor's note in his mailbox to explain me turning in a paper late. So after dropping off the note I get in the elevator and he gets in the elevator and he just looks at me and is like "I don't know your name." That's like his greeting to students haha.

 

And I'm like "Oh I'm Laura I just dropped off a note in your mailbox because I had an excuse for turning in my paper late, I have a doctors note" And he's like "Oh should I go get it now then because Im handing the papers back monday?" And I'm like "yea you can do whatever you want" haha. And I'm like flirtatious and smiling at him. And he's smiling at me, I guess cause we were in the elevator alone, sorta took over me....

 

But, it wasn't a medical doctor's not. It was a head doctor. I started seeing a counselor because my roommates were making me life a living hell. Which is what he found out when he read the note. I wrote him another note to reinforce and explicate the breif doctor's note.

 

So after getting out of the elevator I go to wait for the bus (they only let you take buses to class, too many students to accommodate parking). And he walks up to me and he's like "Hello again." And I'm like crap. Cause I was feeling proud of myself that I lead him to believe it was a medical sickness and not me being crazy. And I flirted with him.

 

So we talked awkwardly for a minute or so. It was weird. I was far more shy with him knowing my secret and the other students being around...

He seemed shy and nervous to talk to me also. haha.

 

Then today like a month later I hand in the final exam and he smiles and is like "bye, bye Laura" really nice and sweet.

 

I think he thinks I'm a cute girl (cause he recognized me from the class and he was a bit shy and nervous in talking to me).

 

He's kind of an important person like he has taught all over the world at important schools. He's a doctor too. Haha.

 

So I think he prolly thinks I'm hot.... He prolly thinks I'm crazy too. There was like 200 or 300 people in the class and he recognized me and remembered my name. Rarely does he remember students names. And he talked to me a bit about the roommates and my interest in the course and stuff.

 

So like would it be incredibly stupid to even think about e-mailing him or something like that? Talking to him about the roommates and having him pay attention to me was sorta the highlight of my semester.

 

He's a really cool guy. He's older than me though. I don't know if he's married or not..

Let me know what you think.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Sorry, Laura, if he *does* respond to you hitting on him, then he does it every year to his female students. If he *doesn't* respond (more likely) you'll just feel hideously embarrassed and upset.

 

Just leave it - a couple of my friends are lecturers here in the UK, and their students hit on them all the time. They never do anything about it (I think it's the sleazier ones that do), and just accept it as a hazard of the job. You won't be the first girl to hit on him, nor will you be the last.

[rocio]

This is a great fantasy, but better left as such.

 

I've had profs hit on me too.. some more subtle than others. I have to admit, it's sexy. I also have a bit of a crush on the executive in my office who hired me. He's so yummy.

 

But actually acting on these feelings is a very, very bad idea... especially if you want anyone to take you seriously.

[walkingwithaghost]

But, he remembered my name... he doesn't remember anyones name.

 

And he started talking to me! Twice! First in the elevator (he remembered me from the 200 students in his class.) And then at the bus stop. And he was nervous in talking to me....

 

I didn't hit on him I was just flirtatious as I explained stuff to him.. I didn't go there to hit on him he was just there and he started talking to me and plus the class is over so he's not my professor anymore....

 

I wouldn't be embarrassed or upset... I'm never gonna see him again and the way he said bye to me was really nice and sweet.

[Meow18]

But, he remembered my name... he doesn't remember anyones name.

 

And he started talking to me! Twice! First in the elevator (he remembered me from the 200 students in his class.) And then at the bus stop. And he was nervous in talking to me....

 

I didn't hit on him I was just flirtatious as I explained stuff to him.. I didn't go there to hit on him he was just there and he started talking to me and plus the class is over so he's not my professor anymore....

 

I wouldn't be embarrassed or upset... I'm never gonna see him again and the way he said bye to me was really nice and sweet.

 

I'm sure he remembers the student's names that he actually meets face to face a few times. I wouldn't doubt that he thought you were cute. But it's a good thing that he didn't take it ny further. He's supposed to be professional about his job. But then again he might think a few of his students are attractive..

 

It's good that he was nice and remembered your name. I think that makes a good professor.

 

I wouldn't take it any further. I wouldn't take him being nice and nervous to talk to you as him having a crush on you. There could have been a lot going on in his mind, such as what to say to a student you hardly know?

[kittysaysmeow]

I also think it's important to realize that it's against school policy. Lets say he asked you out. You guys go on a date...etc etc etc. He could get fired or at the very least get into trouble.

 

Let it go. It wouldn't be a good idea.

[AwdreeHpburn]

You're Dr's note may have been what stuck in his mind - and the conditions of the note rather than you *specifically* so much.....could've just been that he was trying to be nice...

[rocio]

I also think it's important to realize that it's against school policy. Lets say he asked you out. You guys go on a date...etc etc etc. He could get fired or at the very least get into trouble.

 

Does this only apply if he's actually taught you? At my old university there was this young, cute art prof who hung out in the same bars that I did. We would always talk and flirt, and made out on a couple of occasions. So one time a bunch of us were going back to my apartment to drink after the bar and I invited him. He was trying to outdrink my roommate and got completely trashed off tequila. So we go in my bedroom and we're fooling around. He took his clothes off but I didn't. Pretty soon I was tired and said I wanted to sleep, but he was welcome to spend the night. Apparently after I fell asleep he started to feel sick and went into the bathroom to throw up. The toilet started overflowing. Anyway, my roommate and her boyfriend find him naked, on his hands and knees, with his arm in the toilet which is overflowing all over the place, and he's desperately trying to fix it.... he he.

 

Probably inappropriate in more ways than one...

[agent1607307371]

He could be shy and nervous because you're flirting with him. I'm sure rumours of relationships and being inappropriate with students are not good things for teachers.

 

Don't mail him, chances are it'll just make things even more awkward and end up with you feeling embarrassed. I think it's possible that you are feeling this way towards him because he knows about you councelling and because you have been having a hard time with your room mates. Enjoy the fantasy, but don't try to bring it through.

[sophie274]

But, he remembered my name... he doesn't remember anyones name.

 

And he started talking to me! Twice! First in the elevator (he remembered me from the 200 students in his class.) And then at the bus stop. And he was nervous in talking to me....

 

I didn't hit on him I was just flirtatious as I explained stuff to him.. I didn't go there to hit on him he was just there and he started talking to me and plus the class is over so he's not my professor anymore....

 

I wouldn't be embarrassed or upset... I'm never gonna see him again and the way he said bye to me was really nice and sweet.

 

Mmm, honestly, I think he's just being nice. Even if he was flirting with you, I would NOT take it to mean that he wants to date you, which would be totally inappropriate. I'm sure you can go to his office hours and talk to him if you want to have him as an older, wise FRIEND, otherwise, I would just drop it.

[Weeblie]

I think emailing him in general would just be weird. I think that asking any guy out through email is just a bad idea. It rarely works out and even if it does...there's always a ridiculous amount of waiting involved.

 

But I kind of have to disagree with everyone about dating him. If he's single and he's no longer your teacher or will be...

Why would it be wrong? The semester is over right? You said you had finals, it's not like he can change your grades.

[now_better]

my best friend is a college professor. we talk pretty often and sometimes we will go over our pathetic love lives... professors are real people too!!! they can be shy, they can fall for girls, they can be great in so many ways. for instance, my best friend is just like me... we're super shy guys and we're not use to hitting on girls. and if a girl was to approach him, he would definitely take you seriously and treat you w/ respect. so anyways, i think if you're no longer his student and grades have been passed, it's totally okay in my opinion to get in touch with him.

[Ellie2006]

Hey there,

I couldn't resist commenting as I am in the academia myself.

Yes, even though what Weeblie and Now_better say are true, I do think you should give a second thought to emailing your professor.

 

True, the semester is technically over so I do not think it would go against the Honor Code of your school if you hypothetically did start to date.

 

I am sorry if this sounds harsh but the cues your professor gave you are rather commonplace. (Professors can have *normal* conversations w/ their students -- be it about other courses they're taking/teaching or roommate issues, etc etc.) Given the fact that he met you in the elevator and had a brief conversation w/ you would have made you stick out in his mind and this is, in all likelihood, probably why he remembered your name. Also, in most schools, professors/instructors are given access to students' id card photos (so that they can better match name/face of students) so even though we may have many many students, we usually know or have a general sense of who our students are and what their names are as well.

 

I don't know if this professor is a senior faculty member or a junior, but it is rather frowned upon by the higher ups when a faculty starts dating a student, even if the said student is no longer in his/her class. While it is possible he may have been somewhat attracted to you, he may not follow up on his feelings due to this censure against student/faculty dating.

 

 

Sorry to be bearer of bad news but I do think it might be best to let this go.

 

Take care.

[walkingwithaghost]

He might have remembered me both because he thought I was hot and because of the nature of the doctor's note. (I doubt a lot of people bring notes from psychologists to excuse late papers). A hot girl is one thing, a hot girl telling you she is crazy is a little more memorable.

 

Also you would not expect someone who looks together on the surface to be seeing a shrink and having difficulty coping so that might have stuck out.

 

I think what happened in the elevator was memorable cause I lead him to believe it was a medical doctor and he found out it was a head doctor and when he saw that he must have been like "lol crazy girl."

 

Also there are people who sit in the front row of the class and talk to him a lot and he'll be like "Bob, Jeff, what's you name?" The guy does not know people's names!!!

 

I spoke to him once for two minutes in an elevator and he remembered me.

 

Plus he recognized me from the class of 200 or 300 when all I did was come in and sit down, I never talked in the class.

 

Maybe at the bus stop he was shy cause he didn't want the other students to see him talking to me and then start a rumor and get him into trouble? That makes sense this threat might have made him nervous, not the fact he was into me and was shy for that reason.

 

But, this fear would not have occurred to him or concerned him if he wasn't attracted to me. This threat would not have effected (to the point where he would alter his behavior) if he was not attracted to me, if I was some ugly girl he didn't find attractive or a guy there would have been nothing to be afraid of and he would have acted normally.

[walkingwithaghost]

Also this is pretty commonplace, but thats only because I didn't pursue it. I mean for the limited interaction it's obvious he is into me. Had I gone to his office hours or pursued other conversations with him I'm sure there would be a lot more to say.

 

Plus he smiled really nicely, his whole demeanour changed when he said Bye to me. You can tell when a teacher is being fake.

 

I think he might have said Bye to me like that cause he was expecting me to come and try to talk to him after finals and he wanted to dissuage me from doing so. Or maybe he was expecting me to try to talk to him after that day in the elevator and he was surprised/happy I didn't so he was like "bye Laura". He didn't say anything fake like have a good break or something.

 

And I have handed in lots of exams where the teacher just nods. He just nodded when I handed in the midterm (before he found out I was crazy and all this happened.)

[walkingwithaghost]

Also I mostly just wanted a professor-with-benefits-like one time thing. I really, really, really could not see dating him as a relationship. He's a lot older than me and has obviously had a lot more life experiences. But I think hooking up with him after finals would be fun and mutually rewarding to us both. He is a cool professor and I'm prolly his best looking/coolest student....

 

This semester I had being see a guy who told me he wanted to be my bf, but ended up just telling me we should be friends with benefits. At that time I was thinking of my professor and reasoned "I would sooner have a professor with benefits, I'd be getting an A right now in something" haha.

 

If I e-mailed him there would be no waiting involved. It would just be a read between the lines e-mail. Like "I would really like to meet up with you and discuss blablabla"

 

And I would take his lack of reply (if that was an outcome) as a reply of disinterest.

[kittysaysmeow]

It sounds like you're going to anyway.

 

I would strongly advise against emailing. I'm not sure if it's against your college rules but I know that at my University it is definitely frowned upon. This could cause a lot of problems at his work...do you really want to feel guilty about that?

 

It sounds like he's just being nice. I say forget about it and move on.

[Weeblie]

Also I mostly just wanted a professor-with-benefits-like one time thing. I really, really, really could not see dating him as a relationship. He's a lot older than me and has obviously had a lot more life experiences. But I think hooking up with him after finals would be fun and mutually rewarding to us both. He is a cool professor and I'm prolly his best looking/coolest student...

 

 

Hm...

So basically he's just a conquest. Please leave him alone and take satisfaction in the fact that you've left enough of an impression that he remembered your name.

 

For a one time deal...you're putting in way too much effort. You might as well hit on a co-worker or some guy at a bar.

[CaptainPlanet]

"Also I mostly just wanted a professor-with-benefits-like one time thing. I really, really, really could not see dating him as a relationship. He's a lot older than me and has obviously had a lot more life experiences. But I think hooking up with him after finals would be fun and mutually rewarding to us both. He is a cool professor and I'm prolly his best looking/coolest student..."

 

Fun, and mutualy beneficial ! If you are hot I think you should try to hook up with the proffesor. Provided you are not at his school anymore because if you are it would be bad that he might lose his job for the sake of your fun.

 

If I were an old man, which one day I will be, I assume that nothing would be more awesome than some young girl wanting a piece of my action.

 

P.S plz don't ask anyone out over email ever.

[Meow18]

You don't need to give us excuses for why you think he likes you. I don't doubt that you are an attractive person.

 

If you are dying to email him, then you are going to no matter what the advice is.

[walkingwithaghost]

Hm...

So basically he's just a conquest. Please leave him alone and take satisfaction in the fact that you've left enough of an impression that he remembered your name.

 

For a one time deal...you're putting in way too much effort. You might as well hit on a co-worker or some guy at a bar.

 

That makes no sense. I think of it more as a conquest than a potential relationship because he's a lot older than me and the idea of a relationship is ludicrous. Though if that did happen it would be cool, what I see as happening right now is hooking up with the professor I idolize not some random guy at a bar (I don't know where you got that from). If you want a random conquest maybe thats what you should do. I'm talking about my professor not some guy at a bar or someone I work with, thats very bizarre of you to say that.

 

Also it's a fantasy I'm fantasizing about, I'm not putting any effort into anything.

 

[walkingwithaghost]

 

 

P.S plz don't ask anyone out over email ever.

 

 

I said I would e-mail him with the pretense of discussing something school related, but obviously intimating I was interested in something other than that. I never asked anyone out in an e-mail although I don't see anything wrong with that... If you can not ascertain the person face to face and don't have their number an e-mail sounds like the next best thing....

 

 

Duh.

 

 

Maybe I could e-mail him my telephone number?

[Weeblie]

 

That makes no sense. I think of it more as a conquest than a potential relationship because he's a lot older than me and the idea of a relationship is ludicrous. Though if that did happen it would be cool, what I see as happening right now is hooking up with the professor I idolize not some random guy at a bar (I don't know where you got that from).

 

Ok. Let me try again. Since you view this guy as a conquest...pursuing him seems pointless to me. All you want is sex and acknowledgement of your physical attributes. You can get the same result from hooking up with a guy at a bar with half the damage and half the effort. That is what I meant.

 

If that's still unclear please let me know. I'll do my best to make it clear.

 

If you want a random conquest maybe thats what you should do. I'm talking about my professor not some guy at a bar or someone I work with, thats very bizarre of you to say that.

 

No. I don't care for conquests. I would like a real relationship. And a random conquest is hardly bizarre. Isn't that what one-night stands usually consist of?

 

 

Also it's a fantasy I'm fantasizing about, I'm not putting any effort into anything.

 

So you're NOT going to email him? Because if you email him...that would be effort. Anyways, enjoy your fantasy. There isn't anything wrong with that as long as it stays a fantasy.

[CharlesF]

I think a real relationship might be hard if he is much older than you.

[PinkValiant]

Walkingwithaghost, I feel like your trying way too hard to read in between the lines, trying to exctract something you want to believe in out of basic actions or common courtesy. He only remembered your name. k, out of 200 students. That's not going to get him in bed with you.

 

I just find you're over processing and over analyzing your brief convo with him and turning it into this whole wonderful fantasy filled with sexual tension or whatever. Let it go.