Any advice on Christmas cards?

[HFR]

So have any dumpees out there broken NC to send their ex's a Christmas card? If so what kind of success have you had and what kind of words did you use?

 

HFR

[Honey Pumpkin]

I can't see what contact over Christmas achieves - it's a way of contacting someone, sure, but there is so much nostalgia over the holiday period that I woudn't trust any texts/cards/phone calls, from either side. So many posts have been here about this issue - I think it's a time that brings these emotions to the surface. Better to carry on with No Contact, and see how you feel in January.

[Straightj06]

i have, just to tie loose ends up. I just sent one saying "thanks for all the memories and good times we had together, i hope you stay happy and ill always been here for you to talk to"

 

I sent one to her parents aswell because they were so good to me saying "thanks for everything you have done for me, i aprecciate everything etc" . . . i have everything of my chest and all loose ends are tied. now i look forward to the new year

[Beec]

I have sent one with positive results. It only said something simple: "Hope you have a Merry Christmas and Wonderful New Year." I do not remember any negative results, except for one that was ignored. However, I think it was positive because she later ran into me and was friendly.

[dnozzle]

Mine didn't. No card. No gift. Nothing. She did tell a mutual friend that she was blown away by my thoughtful, caring, and undeserved presents that I sent her and her family after the breakup (they were already purchased, non-refundable, and useless to me). But I got nothing.

 

Personally, as the dumpee, I would never again do that. Although she did contact me today, she never even thanked me for the gifts, and I feel like more of a jerk for buying them in the first place, but even more so for sending them and then getting nothing in return.

[Clementine orange]

Christmas 04. After 5 months total NC (survival technique after a massive heartbreak from me being dumped), and in a fit of weakness I sent her a Christmas card. " peace on earth" was all it said. She immediately responded. Over the next month or so, we emailed, we talked, we got together and then we became a couple again.

 

Happy story?

 

Nope.

 

We were "together" for about 10 days only. I broke it off. It was gone, the love was gone, the spark was gone, the connection was gone ... I had been holding on to a memory only and the reality was so much less. I don't regret it necessarily as it was a learning experience but a huge, huge disapointment - I honestly thought that if only I could get her back then I would be happy. I was wrong.

Think long and hard...

 

(epilogue: she totally freaked out when I broke it off and accussed me of orchastrating the whole thing out of revenge, she made a bunch of accusations of emotional rape and hard hearted male/neanderthal behavior.)

 

True story of breaking NC and how sometimes it doesn't work out. I am a wiser man now.

[HFR]

I have sent one with positive results. It only said something simple: "Hope you have a Merry Christmas and Wonderful New Year."

 

When you say positive results did it lead to a reconciliation or merely a reply?

[dnozzle]

 

(epilogue: she totally freaked out when I broke it off and accussed me of orchastrating the whole thing out of revenge, she made a bunch of accusations of emotional rape and hard hearted male/neanderthal behavior.)

 

 

SNORT.

 

That is just really choice. I guess she doesn't realize that "Neanderthal behavior" comes from having your heart broken.

 

Some people never do get that.

[Beec]

I have sent one with positive results. It only said something simple: "Hope you have a Merry Christmas and Wonderful New Year."

 

When you say positive results did it lead to a reconciliation or merely a reply?

 

Well, in that case, it was not a reconciliation, but when I have sent others cards for birthdays, with similar vague messages, it has led to reconciliation.

[Biffy]

Oh.... what to do, what to do.

 

I really see two schools of thought on subjects such as this: The Blender way and the Beec way. Both sway me towards their way of thinking each time I read their views!

 

All I want to do is not actively try to get my ex back but at the same time not do anything to harm any chances of a reconciliation.

 

Tough.

[ebsmith1]

I feel very guilty about not contacting my ex at this time of year. Everything in me wants too, not so much because I want him back anymore, but because I'm the kind of person who sends cards for everything. I send cards to my ex-husbands family at Christmas even. But, I didn't contact him at Thanksgiving and he didn't contact me, so I figure he's done and there's no point so I'm not going to do it. It will hurt if I hear nothing from him so I'm not going to do that to myself!

[papalazarou]

This is my opinion for what it is worth.

 

Send a card as long as you do not expect a reply. If you do expect a reply sods law says it aint gonna happen - or it might just be a "thanks for the card".

[HFR]

I've been doing NC since the beginning of the month, we split 3 weeks beforehand and really do want a reconcilitation with my ex. We've were friends for a long time before we became involved (the relationship lasted 4 years). It would feel weird if I didn't send a card, the first time in about 10 years and I think she may think I'm being immature if I don't send one almost as if I'm not sending one out of spite. Thing is I've bought about four different cards ranging from a 'special friend' card to a plain one and am debating with myself which one (if at all) to send or if I should just send a text Xmas day. I want to speak to her and open up a line of communication again but don't know what to do for the best. Argghh!

[papalazarou]

Bearing in mind what you have just said I think the plain one is best.

[HFR]

You're probably right. It just seems so odd as we frequently exchanged cards (not just on special occasions) to express how we felt about each other and now it feels like i can't tell her what i want to say for fear of pushing her away. I really want to let her know how much she means to me but know that would probably be the worst thing to do, especially at this time of year. So far i've not received a card from her.

[HFR]

Thanks to all of you for your input.

 

You're right Papalazarou, I shouldn't expect a reply but of naturally I do. I guess i've been waiting to see if I got a card first but since time is running out for christmas i'll probably just bite the bullet.

 

Good luck to everyone out there who is hoping for positive contact with their lost loves this christmas.

[papalazarou]

Thanks to all of you for your input.

 

You're right Papalazarou, I shouldn't expect a reply but of naturally I do. I guess i've been waiting to see if I got a card first but since time is running out for christmas i'll probably just bite the bullet.

 

Good luck to everyone out there who is hoping for positive contact with their lost loves this christmas.

 

It is possible she was waiting for you to send one!!!!

 

However please dont expect a reply just in case!!!!

[Pisces_Princess]

I sent a card to my ex on Monday but received one from him yesterday (so he sent his first!)

 

It still didn't say what I wanted it to say but it was still nice xxx