Man with a broken heart, trying to fix

[long_gunr]

Hello all-

 

I have never been a member of a forum until now. I have a story to tell and am looking for advice because I am lost and bitter and heart broken.

 

I separated from my wife of 11 years almost a year ago. Due to her lack of common sense, she got herself into a bit of a legal snag. To make a long story short we can not be divorced until her legal issues are solved. My story is not about her however.

 

I met someone who became my best friend and eventually my lover. I now know that I have never truly been in love before due to the way I feel for her. I have given her everything I can and do everything I can for her. We moved in together 8 months ago and fell in love. We talked about marriage and are going to get married as soon as ex's legal problems were over. I so want to be her husband and take care of her and love her forever.

 

I made a commitment to her and she to me. I have never cheated on a girl friend or wife. I am one of the last faithful men or so I am told.

 

In October, we had a fight. She went to a party that night and ended up F'ing an ex boyfriend. I asked her if she had cheated on me the next day and several times after and she said no. I thought everything was OK. Everything was absolutely wonderful after we sat and talked things over.

 

Two weeks ago she called me from work to tell me she was pregnant, I was shocked as I am almost incapable of having children and she has had problems with her system too. We have had unprotected sex for a year. I was also happy though because I love her dearly and there is no one I would rather have a child with but her. She then proceeded to ask me how much I loved her and I replied "more than anything in the whole world". She told me that there was a possibility that the child was not mine!

 

* * * * hit the fan, I puked I was so torn inside. I have never had anyone kill me inside the way she did. I truly have a broken heart. She left for a day while I cooled down. All I wanted from her was the name of the F'ker that she did this with but she will not tell me. Why is she protecting him?

 

It turns out the child is mine. She took a morning after pill after being with this guy and jump started her cycle somehow. My 3 percent chance of getting a woman pregnant became 100%!

 

She told me that when we had the fight she thought it was over?? She went to a party, drank a bit, called this guy up, went to a bar with him, went back to the party with him and proceeded to be unfaithful to me. She not only bit the hand that feeds her, she tore it off and beat me to death with it!

 

She lied about it and continued to live under my roof and sleep with me. I am totally nuts about all of this! I can't sleep and I hardly eat. I told her I forgive her. I do forgive her because she is the mother of my child.

 

What I want to know is:

 

How do I ever trust her again?

How do I get rid of the hate and bitterness inside of me?

How do I marry her and raise a family with her when I think she will just go out and do this again someday?

How do I mend a shattered heart?

 

I am dying inside and do not know what to do about it. I would like to find this other guy and vent a little rage on him if you know what I mean. I think that would help a lot.

 

Please help me if you can?

[herewegoagain]

That sure is a tough situation that you are in. If that was me, I would leave her. Will you ever be able to fully trust her again? NO. Will you ever forget this? NO

 

It's hard, but she is not worth staying for. Move on. You will find someone else who will always be faithful to you.

 

How old are you?

[dawn515]

What a sad story. I truly feel for you.

 

However, I strongly suggest that you get a paternity test. The morning-after pill does not have a 100% success rate, and, for whatever reason, you expressed that you might not have a good fertility rate. Plus, you know she has lied to you before, so you cannot trust her and whatever she says. How do you even know that she really took a morning-after pill??

 

I'm sorry, you may not want to hear this, but I don't think you can ever trust her again. Just because you guys had a fight, that does not justify deliberately going to a bar and getting drunk with a guy she called up and having sex with him. It doesn't sound as though she has much respect for you or your relationship, and, if I were you, I would leave and find someone else more compatible who did NOT lie.

 

Also, please, insist on a paternity test!

 

I know this isn't much help or what you're looking for... it's merely my opinion.

 

Good luck!

[herewegoagain]

I agree with Dawn. Get the test done, and then dump her; no matter what the test result is.

[long_gunr]

Hello-

 

I am 38.

 

We are going to have a paternity test done but the Dr. told us when the child was conceived. It makes sense due to ovulation and the night in question and all.

 

I so very much want it to be my child you know? We go for the first ultra sound next week. We will know how old baby is then.

 

I can't even believe this is happening to me! I am a wreck. I can't sleep or eat and I have these real bad pictures running through my head all the time.

 

I hear what you all are saying but I really do love her. This is so difficult. I have been through two major conflicts in the military and nothing has ever been so difficult. I am not a p***y or anything, I just truly gave my heart and everything else freely to someone and now I feel very alone and totally crushed.

[radioheader]

give yourself time...you are going through a rollercoaster of feelings and these will continue for sometime...you need to get a good counselor quick to help you sort through your feelings and also try to work it out with her if you want to stay together and raise your child (paternity test is good idea!)...but you do have time...don't put pressure on yourself to figure everything out immediately...and good luck!

[long_gunr]

give yourself time...you are going through a rollercoaster of feelings and these will continue for sometime...you need to get a good counselor quick to help you sort through your feelings and also try to work it out with her if you want to stay together and raise your child (paternity test is good idea!)...but you do have time...don't put pressure on yourself to figure everything out immediately...and good luck!

 

Thank you, I am planning on calling the Dr. today so that I have someone to talk to. I am giving it time but I find that I become more bitter and feel more hate every day. It is affecting all aspects of my life and I need some relief. I have always been very tough and just can not get over this. Thank you again.

[tictactoe2006]

This is why you should NEVER get involved with someone who still talks a great deal with an ex-bf. He will ALWAYS be in the picture, he will ALWAYS ask her back and she will ALWAYS go back.

[Beec]

What would you need to see and know to be able to trust her?

 

It seems to me as if she has excused he infidelity because of a fight with you. I don't know if I could, but I know I never would do it so long as she thought she had anything like a legitimate reason for it. Who cares about how she felt, it's no excuse. She needs to be able to accept that, first.

 

Good luck. Welcome to enotalone. Stick around.

[dierberg]

I agree with herewegoagain! Trust is like a glass - once broken, it will not work. If she did that so early in a relationship, it could be a sign of worse things to come!

[desertnomad]

I agree. Lying cant be tolerated. If she did it once she will probably lie again. People do make mistakes and change but it takes time and do you really want to hold out hope that will happen? Life is short and you dont want to waste it on someone who can be so dishonest.

[Rabican]

My vote is you dump her, regardless of the paternity test. YOu can always get half custody or something. If she thought you were over, well she could have said as much. I would also have wondered how over we were, if all of her stuff were still in my house. That just doesnt really jive ya know?

 

Send her packing