i feel like dying

[kickedin]

this is an email i got after i had a 30 minute convo that her mom intiated......i guess she just lashed out....what hurts the most is that i feel so jaded because i was so good to her and she accuses me like i was a scumbaf bf i could write to her and rebuke all of this but is it worth it.......

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

xxxxxx,

 

 

 

I feel like I have to write you....again. You've been talking to my family, and I guess I need to ONCE again TRY to get you to HEAR me.

 

As I was trying to express...rather harshly from NY when you chose to overtalk me the entire time...(if you were smart....you would have listened, but you never did listen to me, all those times I tried to cry out to you!!) I went off on the last straw...but it was by no means the ONLY reason why we are not together!

 

It is over between us. I cannot go on being in a relationship with you. I am sorry xxxxxxx. I know you were happy about moving forward, but I was unhappy. I think the only uninterrupted time of happiness with you was that week after Christmas 2 years ago when I shut everything else off in my mind, soul, marriage, life, etc.

 

Since then...you have not been able to be what I need or add to my life. I kind of got wrapped up into adding to your life. I loved cooking for you, teaching you about God, encouraging you to work hard, SAVE money instead of SPEND MONEY, and be better to your family, etc ...but as time has passed, I realize that I want someone who can add to my life, too.

You brought shame to my life...more harm than good, and I am paying for it badly!

Who knows if God will ever grant me a husband or if I have to spend the rest of my days single and mother-less...it's what I have to accept now b/c of the choices I have made.

 

I am physically drained, xxxxxx. I am now working 10 hour days, tutoring 2-3 hours a week, and preparing to teach classes at a college. I remember you telling me that you were "so beat" recently. I've been working harder, longer, etc. My life is extremely hard right now, but I believe it's partly the consequence of putting my faith in you when it should have been with God. He allowed me to get hurt...once again and fall harshly. I cry almost every night b/c I am working harder than I ever thought I would when doctors confirmed how I should be resting. I could only dream of coming home to a home-cooked meal and someone who could put me to sleep with NO WEIGHT OR PRESSURE on my heart. You have no idea how the pressure I had with you affected me...oh my God the PRESSURE I HAD : (

(why I was *** all the time I guess) It is something I really don't miss.

 

So, Please stop saying it's about the money...it's about strength & character.

YOU WEREN'T STRONG ENOUGH TO GIVE ME SECURITY AND I LOST TRUST IN YOU! I lost trust in you on the cruise, and I don't trust that you are an HONEST up-front person as I am. I just don't want to get into it...just stop trying to make anyone believe it's about money!

You are offending me (and my family) when you bring up money. Your character did not give me security and that's that. And the way you neglected my needs from the beginning and thought of yourself over my feelings, reputation, situation, fragility, etc. You claim you LOVED ME, but you took LOUSY care of me : ( NOW....THE BEST YOU CAN DO IS SPARE ME AND MOVE ON FROM ME.

 

LOOK....I AM WRITING THIS TO SPARE YOU FROM GETTING FALSE HOPES. My family will listen to you, but they KNOW ME! My family has so much respect for me....which I did not get from you. They want me to do what's right. You didn't care about that....you cared about yourself. When I think of the things you wanted it makes me get a lump in my throat! You were so careless in taking care of me and looking out for me! : (

 

I want you to move on with your life. I wish you the best. A part of me is very disappointed in you, but I am praying to let that go. I will always care for you, but this time apart has given me clarity in knowing that YOU WERE NOT GOOD FOR ME.

 

It is not meant for us to be together. God will give me the desires of my heart because I can be a more obediant Christian...especially now. I am seeing more of God's blessings now b/c I am not sinning as much either and that guilt is finally off my chest too! You know....some girls give in and live w/ their boyfriends (as I know you would have loved) I'm glad I didn't compromise my morals NO MATTER WHAT! These girls may have houses and an easier life with these men that they are with but some day God will see what I am doing NOW and bless me in some way or other! I have to believe in that!

 

xxxxxxxx, you gained A LOT from this relationsip. Your heart is broken now, but you did not LOSE OUT on anything. You are in a much better place now! I am not. I am the one who spent my final child-bearing days with you instead of with my God! I knew I should have taken that 6 months....I knew I should have resisted you from the beginning....oh how I am suffering for it all : (

Who knows what God would have done in my life if I didn't shut him out and put you in my life at such a WRONG TIME. I hope this never happens to you xxxxxxxxx one day if you're married and going through troubles/separation. If it does....don't try to find comfort in another...it will only bring you pain. Wait on God and He will make everything RIGHT....SOME HOW and you'll have no regrets to look back on.

 

Please leave this alone, now.

I am begging you to listen to me and respect me FOR ONCE : (

Don't ever come near me....or my house!

Don't send anyone to follow me!

Don't ask my brother about me or talk to him about me!

I don't want you to write back, call, text, send a letter, etc. EVER AGAIN!

NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN...PLEASE PLEASE I beg of you!

FORGET ME! LEAVE ME BE! LET ME HEAL NOW.

I HAVE TO HEAL NOW!

 

Please move on, xxxxxxxx. Continue to work hard....as we all do. Sorry for the pain I caused... but I will always feel more pain that was caused by you. Maybe you can still be the one to be a parent one day b/c I think I lost out on that for good. I have to accept that b/c I was with you when I was still married.

 

Farewell-

xxxxxxx

[Vincent_Benton]

There are so many things I want to say but it's not my place to judge. I have no idea how this relationship was and I can say that leaving her alone and commencing with serious NC is probably the best route to go. Pushing this with someone who is that upset might lead to more serious consequences, like jail. Give it some time, find support from friends and family ( not hers ), and keep writing here on eNA because there's plenty of supportive, caring individuals who are here for you.

[frozenblaze]

Written and spoken words should always be at the first person... there are too much accusations in this mail, she wants to put her guiltyness on you... You should feel insulted to receive this kind of mail, no one should try to express their own feelings with a "you"...

[Suzy-TO]

No matter how hard it may be...dont respond, dont call....leave her alone. Sometimes silence is the best way. Trust me, been where you are. All the cards, letters, calls, did not work. It was not until, I did nothing that he tried to get me back. By then it was to late.

[desertnomad]

In my opinion you should just Run away from this. Dont email anything or have any other contact. I dont see any good that could come out of it for you.

[kickedin]

i am orry guys i will respond i have let her tell me how it is for way too long and yes she blames me for everything this time i am not letting it go she has been on her pedastal toooo long and i am tired of getting crapped on........i didnt treat her anything less then loving and i didnt deserve it...she has gone thru her whole life doing this to people and i am not going to let thisone go i have takin to much of crap without sticking up for myself and whats right and shes wrong!!!!

[kickedin]

and mind you i havent seen her in three weeks or talked too her!!!!!

[Suzy-TO]

Kickedin:

You have to do what you feel you have to do. Just know we are here for ya. Good luck, let us know how it goes.

 

[kickedin]

thank you i just needto end this once and for all.....i never did cause i feared losing her for good.....how could i ever love someone like this

[desertnomad]

I understand how you may feel. I let my ex have it after a month when I found out she had lied to me and cheated on me. She had the same attitude your ex seems to have.

 

I sent a really harsh email. But thats the one thing I regret doing since my breakup. It was the total truth but it was mean too and I didnt feel good about hurting her even if she may have had it coming.

 

My only advice would be to give it a day or two before sending the email. You may want to change something.

[deejay74]

Please leave this alone, now.

I am begging you to listen to me and respect me FOR ONCE : (

Don't ever come near me....or my house!

Don't send anyone to follow me!

Don't ask my brother about me or talk to him about me!

I don't want you to write back, call, text, send a letter, etc. EVER AGAIN!

NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN...PLEASE PLEASE I beg of you!

FORGET ME! LEAVE ME BE! LET ME HEAL NOW.

I HAVE TO HEAL NOW!

 

i am orry guys i will respond i have let her tell me how it is for way too long and yes she blames me for everything this time i am not letting it go she has been on her pedastal toooo long and i am tired of getting crapped on........i didnt treat her anything less then loving and i didnt deserve it...she has gone thru her whole life doing this to people and i am not going to let thisone go i have takin to much of crap without sticking up for myself and whats right and shes wrong!!!!

 

hey kickedin. i know you're hurting really badly right now and that email that your ex sent to you probably hit you very hard.

 

but no matter how you're feeling, even if you feel you need to stand up for yourself, i think it's a very bad decision to respond.

 

she could not have been any clearer with her request for you to completely cut off all contact. i've been in a similar situation like yours before and i, too, wanted to redeem myself and respond but it only makes things worse. if you contact her when she adamantly told you not to will not make you look any better in her eyes no matter how much you are "sticking up" for yourself. i don't think you could change her mind and by contacting her again only reinforces her opinion that you can only think about your wants.

 

if you feel she's crapping all over you then let her. the best thing you can do is to walk away and leave all of this behind. trust me, i know darn well how hard it is to do it. she's hurt you.

 

if she's been blaming others her whole life then she's going to learn a tough lesson pretty soon. you have to let her lay in the bed that she's made for herself.

[kickedin]

i dont want her back i just want totell herall the stuff that i have kept in

[deejay74]

i dont want her back i just want totell herall the stuff that i have kept in

 

ok that's fine. but where in my post did i say anything about you 2 getting back together? and did you read this part of her email?:

I don't want you to write back, call, text, send a letter, etc. EVER AGAIN! NEVER EVER EVER AGAIN...PLEASE PLEASE I beg of you!

 

i said, no matter what, it's not wise to contact her because she gave you clear indications that she DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR FROM YOU for any reason! that includes trying to tell her all the stuff you kept in.

 

i am telling you, it won't matter to her. it will only make her more upset. it will accomplish nothing and trust me, you won't feel any better.

 

but, do what you feel is best. sometimes learning from experience is the best way to learn. i know, i have had to learn this same lesson the hard way and i am just trying to save you from getting more upset and/or hurt.

[kickedin]

i can see your point......i dont care what she feels anymore its about me getting this off my chest

[terk2021]

kickedin,

 

It sounds like she has some real issues to deal with. I have received similar emails from my ex. Sometimes we actually do talk on the phone. Since we have broken up, I have felt miserable, and continued to text, call, and email even when she asked not to.

 

What's interesting in my situation is that some of her friends that I have met during the time we dated I keep up with. I learned more about her from her friends, and it actually gave me some comfort in understanding that most of our problems were not my fault, and it may have been a blessing in disguise that I saw that side of her before I walked down the isle with her...

 

The important thing to remember is who you are, and not let her words or actions try and change that. You may not care about how she feels, but I know what you mean about wanting to get things off your chest.

 

If it helps provide you closure and gives you the ability to move forward, then there is nothing wrong with that. Just make sure that if you do send her something, it's the last thing you send.

 

Good luck my friend. I hope things work out for you.

[kickedin]

trust me NC will be in efect after this

[Suzy-TO]

So, what happened? Any news?

[Biffy]

Well I hope he didn't send the email and learned from other peoples lessons.

[kickedin]

Well I hope he didn't send the email and learned from other peoples lessons.

 

i did send my email....i could not let it go.....2 years of getting trampled on i needed a backbone

 

 

she sent me 2 texts kinda blaming me but still saying she is messed up and is seeking peace and stability you will see her texts in the "i got a text" thread

 

 

 

thanks guys

[mitch17]

mate who gives a (mod edit) what that (mod edit) had to say, if she is gonna accuse u of everyting than she isnt the woman u want to be spending time with, if shes using her time on working and the children and what ever, obviosuly she isnt giving u any time. it should be easy for u to get over cause she basically has just insulted u for what u stand for. just hate her, its easier than trying to mend things, hate her guts!

[sillygurl]

Kickedin:

 

Be careful of continuing to attempt communication with her from here on out... She has made it really clear, and has it in writing that she doesn't want to talk to you. You don't want her filing a restraining order against you or something!

 

You do deserve to get the bad feelings off your chest, yes, but maybe it'd be best to get them off your chest to a friend instead. The best way to prove your strength and "backbone" in this situation is to take the high road and not contact her ever again. If you want revenge, remind yourself that the best revenge is living well!

[kickedin]

its christmas and i am alone for the first time in 7 years if things went as planned when we got back together in may we shoul dhave been married and her pregnant by now......what a shocker

[temujin]

she will contact u again... it always happens... just move on for now

[kickedin]

she will contact u again... it always happens... just move on for now

 

 

 

why would you say that

[Prober]

I would not count on ever being contacted again. I know it hurts to think that and I would love to have my ex call me too, but the hard facts are that if you have one iota of hope that you will eventually be called and don't move forward with the understanding that you will never hear from her again for the rest of your life (unless you break NC and call), you are cheating yourself out of the opportunity to heal and grow. You'll meet someone new some day and the last thing on your mind will be waiting for a call from her.

 

I know it hurts and it really sukcs, but just assume you will never hear from her again and if she ever does call, by that time, you'll probably have grown way out of her.

 

If someone is meant to be with us, they would be with us. Why do we want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with us? I know these are old cliche questions but they are old for a reason. They are the truth! I too have a short memory and knowing my ex is with someone new and I am probably never on her mind, I constantly hope for the day she'll get dumped in a similar manner and make a call to me. But that kind of thinking just keeps me stuck and I know I should hope the best for her and if she has found someone that can make her feel better about herself than I could, I should be happy for her.

 

It's hard to do, but any other way is counter-productive.