Suzy-TO

I think it depends on why you broke up in the first place. My last break up with a guy I was with for 9 years was because he did not want to get married, and I wanted more. There was no bad guy in this picture. He was a wonderful person. We stayed friends, after all I still do care. Another person I dated, was AWFUL, he was a number thats for sure, messed me up for a long time. I do not care to talk to him, see him. I am so glad hes out of my life. Yes, you can become friends, however ask yourself just how much you really want to hear about his life. What if he meets someone? Can you listen to all that and not feel hurt? If you answer yes, then you are ready to be "just friends" if it would bother you then you are not ready, and perhaps never will be.

I did not get married till I was 38-----I am glad I waited. Sure have changed over the years. I am nothing like I was when I was in my 20s!

I think I would be disappointed if he did not get a boner. I mean I would hate to think our kiss was not hot enough..lol

Hey Army Guy: I just wanted to wish you a very Happy New Year. Your not alone, you have all of us.... Have a good one.

Here in Canada it is 1 year.

No problem. I am here if you need me. Send me a pm if you like. Things always work out. Even though things seem hopeless now, in the end they do work out. Keep me posted.

I trusted my Dad the most. He passed away in 1994- and I still miss him very much.

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2007------hope everyone has a greaaaatttttt one.

6-8 pounds I think.

This was on another post, I thought it might make you smile abit. 1. Eat More One of the best ways to get over an ex-mate and get back into your old swing of things is by going on a week long eating binge. Time and time again I have seen men and women alike taking advantage of the mind-numbing, body-fattening coping method and I have yet to see one of them die from a broken heart thereafter. A few of them have suffered strokes and massive heart attacks or have gotten so fat that they had to be removed from their kitchen via crane but that's a small price to pay to completely forget about a lost soulmate. 2. Bore Everyone Around You With The Details Another great way to cope with a painful breakup is to repeated tell all your close friends and relatives about (a) how great the relationship was going (b) all the things you did for your ex © how much you hate him/her now and (d) that'll you never love again. Be sure to make these the sole topics of your conversation for at least the next two months. Whenever your mouth is moving the words coming out should be about your ex. The beauty of this method is that by the 3rd week after your breakup your friends will have gotten so tired of hearing you drone on and on that they will probably band together and beat the tar out of you with one of those old photo albums that you insist on showing them pictures of'the good ole days' out of. The upside to this is that while you are recuperating in the ICU you will have much more important things to worry about than old flames. Like the position of your bedpan... 3. Hard Drugs and/or Drinking There's nothing like an unbeatable addiction to take your mind off the fact that the first girl that you ever loved just left you for a high school janitor. I recommend starting out with cheap beer since it can be picked up at any convinence store and it makes your clothes and breath smell great. Then as your addiction increases and your confidence grows you can move on to your harder liquors and drugs. By the time you become a hardcore crack addict you will be so busy performing sexual favors on the side of the road for your next hit that you won't ever think about your ex. Unless you happened to wander pass his/her house and you start to wonder if there is anything portable inside that you can steal and take to the dope man to trade for more of your 'medicine'. For the most part, however, you'll live in a cloudy haze of drugs, booze, jail, homelessness, and disease that leaves little time for such trivialities as relationships. 4. Suicide One of the quickest ways to get someone off your mind is to totally clear your mind of everything. Suicide does a great job of accomplishing this for you. I promise you that if you stick a shotgun in your mouth and pull the trigger not only will you never think about your ex again but any other negative thoughts you've ever had will be erased as well. Of course, as with all things, there are some drawbacks like loss of life and eternal damnation but who can say what is too high a price to pay to forget about the 'man of your dreams' leaving you for your mother. 5. Find Another Mate Quickly If the loss of a mate has you down then the logical thing to do is find another mate. And this time you don't have to be so picky. So what if he's 3 feet tall and reeks of codfish, let him take you out. Big deal if she's missing every other tooth in her mouth and has a face that makes the dead cringe, ask her out. Your goal isn't love, you tried that before and failed miserably, now you're just in it for companionship and new memories to crowd out the old painful ones.So find the first available male, female, household appliance, etc. that shows an interest in you and go for it. What have you got to lose?

Its going to take time. I know I hated when ppl told me that, "How long" I would ask. Its different for everyone. Dont worry about what she is doing or who she is with, that will only make it harder (trust me I did that) instead, look forward - do things you like, for you. The holidays (New Years) can be a hard time, so go out, do something keep busy. Like I said in another post: If you love something, Set it free... If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours.... You have to take time for you. No one is as important as you are!!!

Priscilla: Breaking up is never easy. I was with someone for 8 years when I realized it was going nowhere. The hardest part was the silence and the emptyness you feel. I wanted to get married, he did not. So, we split. I still believe in "If you love something,Set it free...If it comes back, it's yours, If it doesn't, it never was yours.... It was the hardest thing I have ever done. However, 5 years later, I am married, and living the life I wanted. He is still unmarried, and the exact same. I wish you the best, and am glad you posted, it helps to write, maybe also keep a journal. Keep us posted, I want to know how it goes. All the best,

Hey WildChild: How is it going? Any update? Hope all is fine.

Thanks MacGyverRI- nice to hear we are not nuts...lol The separate house (office) I love that idea. His problem as of late is he is lonley during the day, and surfs a ton. Work is slow, and no one but the dog at home. I on the other hand, have a very demanding job, work long hours. As I write this I am at work, and working till Wed. Thanks again, the idea is a good one and I for one am going to suggest it. Suzy

I dont mind at all. When we started dating 6 years ago, we were having sex about 5 times a week. Then it became every weekend only, then a few months ago, it would be 1 a week, then not at all (he was to tired) and they say women say they have headaches..lol. I felt very rejected. He was on MSN chatting with a woman he meet with me at a car club we go to. So, we finally had it out. Thats why I said sex is very important. I do feel if one of you wants sex, and is not getting it .....they may stray. Oral sex...well it was alot, and more me than him. So, now I am being more assertive (trying to be). I never had this problem before. Any other relationship was just natural we did not have to work on it. So, this is new to me also. I tried and am still trying everythhing. I did find getting away helps. I surprised him with a weekend away...it also helped to talk. YOU ARE NOT BEING TOO NEEDY, you are just expressing the way you feel, and he is soooooo lucky you are putting this effort into it. Everyone has different sex drives, and its finding a happy medium that makes it work. Dont me afraid to ask me anything, I really wish you the best. Keep me posted and PM me if you want.

I agree with Batya33----- He's not a keeper....

Guess the question is can you live without good sex. Some ppl can, some cannot. I do think sex is very important in a relationship, and usually if its really bad, someone does stray. Thats why I am glad you are doing all you can. At least if one day you decide to walk away from it you can leave knowing you did all you could do. Theres a ton of men out there that would love a gf like you. Some women do not put any effort into things. Sounds like you have done alot. I think all you can do is sit down, tell him how you feel. Its hard trust me I know, just been there done that, have the top to prove it..lol. You have to be happy lifes to short. Dont worry about hurting him by discussing this, worry about you. I do think perhaps a weekend away would help. Have you tried that? Sorry I know you wanted a male perspective on all this, and here I am writing away. Hope this female view helps out abit.

You know a few months ago, I had a feeling that this girl was contacting my husband. When I sat him down I confronted him. HE went nuts. Got up and accused me of being jealous, insecure...etc. He reacted like I have never seen him. He proceeded with giving me the silent treatment for the next day. I finally snooped (which I never do...it was a gut feeling) and found the pics she sent. They had both crossed the line. SO, I was right...not crazy like he wanted me to think. So- now I am a firm believer in gut feelings. YOU ARE not going crazy...something in you is saying something wrong.....listen to that. There also might be a reason he is reacting the way he is. PLEASE keep me posted. I also thought I could never get over the betrayl of my husband and this chick. It has been hard...my heart is broken...my selfness is low...and I wonder alot. I love him, and we are both trying to work things out. The grass is not always greener somewhere else. He was wrong, but this woman who is married, and knows he is married....well she is very wrong. I have a feeling he will come around, and the two of you will work it out. We are here if you need us.

YES, he does sound materialistic, and abit of an. Sorry but who cares what you drive, where you live, what kind of credit you have. You want someone who will be with you, even if you have nothing. You sound like a wonderful person, you deserve soooooooo much better than this guy.

I hate to say it but follow your heart. Many ppl will tell you not to text back, to stay clear away from him. However, in the end, you will do what you feel comfortable with. We have all been there. I have only one question, do you feel you can do better? Sounds like he really was not there for you, and that you were alone alot. I think you can do alot better. Only you can answer this, and we all at some point follow our hearts instead of our heads. Keep me posted and good luck. Another thing I noticed from self experience, if you stop calling, writing, texting...IT BOTHERS THEM AND THEY START, try and figure that one out..lol

Okay whats with the guys that work from home??? Mine works at home also. Perhaps its really stressfull...lol, okay I should not be making jokes at a time like this. Just sounds like our men are going through similar things. Perhaps he is feeling down, not good about himself? I dont think theres any easy way to say "we need to work on our sex life" sounds like you have done and said everything. Sadly, maybe just saying "I love you, I really do, but I need more" its scary because I am sure you do not want to lose him. However, can you stay in this? Will you be happy if things remain the same? I think I would just sit with him, tell him you love him, dont want to be a nag, but you need more. You need to feel wanted.

She does sound like a character. What is it with some women. I have a woman who meet my husband at a car show, and did everything short of attacking him. She mailed nude pics etc. GEEZ, some women. My husband had an ex who gave up her kid, was awful to him. When we were dating all of a sudden he decided okay I am going out to dinner with her. I had to put my foot down. Normally like you I dont care, this time I did. Something told me she was no good. I have no regrets. Stand firm, its how you feel. He will come around. You'll see. I find that usually when someone gets caught lying they get their back up. Sounds like thats why he hung up.

I agree with Reluctant Rebuilder. If only all ppl put the effort into this as you have. I am not male, and I know you wanted a males view. I read this post to figure out things on my end. So this has helped. We use to have sex all the time. Then we got married last May and things have slowed down. So, I am trying everything. Oral, dressing up......etc. I think many times work...stress get in the way. I agree the massage thing does work. Tried it this morning...trust me it works. How about a visit in the shower??? A get away for the weekend? Good luck, keep us posted. Thanks to all the guys who posted on here. Helps us females out a ton.

The one thing that has NEVER failed me is my "gut feeling" Usually if something does not sit right there is a reason. If you have told him you do not like this and it is bothering you, then he should understand this. What if you were to do this?

Retiring Army Guy: I think you have a great outlook. Sorry you have to go through all this. Ah, wish life, love were easier. I guess there would be no need for this forum then. Keep us posted, I wish you and your family all the best.