Why am I afraid of girls?

[Eddward]

Fear is the only word for what girls do to me. If one makes eye contact with me, I look at something else. If I'm with my friends and one of their female friends starts talking to them, I get as quiet as possible in hopes they won't notice me. If they start talking to me, my only goal is to get them to go away.

 

This isn't just girls I'm attracted to, or even just girls my own age, it's all girls. I always had problems with female teachers in school. And personal relationships aside, it's starting to seriously impede my job when I have to deal with female customers.

 

I'm slightly anti-social around guys also, but it gets better once I've been around them for a while. With girls, it doesn't improve. There was a period I sat with a girl at lunch for a month or so, and I was uncomfortable the whole time. Eventually I just started avoiding her because I knew it wasn't getting any better.

 

But I don't know why. I don't know what I'm afraid of, if anything. People always ask me what the worst that could happen is, and I don't even know the answer. If this was just social relationships, I wouldn't care as much, but I'm worried I won't be able to function well in the world because I can't talk to women.

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

just talk to them like you would talk to your normal friends, as long as you are yourself, they can't think any less of you, unless your a creep or something, but just be yourself, heck even a simple hi and smile will do wonders

[Clementine orange]

It's because you put them on a pedestal. They are just regular people like anybody else.

You need to do some visualization exercises. And lose the negative attitude about it. You can't talk to girls because you say and believe that you can't.

Start saying and beliving that you CAN.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Eddward - I really suggest you talk to seomone professionally if it is as bad as you say. It really could end up hurting your chances at advancement, long term relationships etc.

 

You should really go and talk with a therapist - a male one so that doesn't get in the way

[Clementine orange]

I agree with the Victorian lady above me (gee that sounds weird). It's not just relationships you will be missing out on - it's everyday life.

A therapist can sort these things out. There's no shame in it. i bet most of the peeps on enotalone have gone to a therapist or at least thought about it.

[Day_Walker]

I think it is important to find the source of this uncomfortability with women or perhaps just people in general. Eventually what is going to have to happen is that you are going to have to force yourself into these situations. Perhaps you can become more social by putting yourself in those situations and if that does not work then you are going to have to seek professional help.

[Eddward]

just talk to them like you would talk to your normal friends, as long as you are yourself, they can't think any less of you, unless your a creep or something, but just be yourself, heck even a simple hi and smile will do wonders

 

I've been trying to do that. There's one girl I've been tutoring (not by my choice), and I've tried talking to her the same way I talk to the rest of my friends, but I don't think it's working. I'm not great at reading people, but she seems annoyed by me. Anytime I try to help her she either tells me she doesn't want to do it or can do it on her own. On the other hand, I get along pretty well with the male student I'm tutoring.

 

It's because you put them on a pedestal. They are just regular people like anybody else.

You need to do some visualization exercises. And lose the negative attitude about it. You can't talk to girls because you say and believe that you can't.

Start saying and beliving that you CAN.

 

I'd be more inclined to believe this if it was just girls I'm attracted to. But I'm even talking about the old grandma-type lady that I live next door to. It's a little better if they're older or an authority figure, but the wanting to get away from them is still there.

 

Eddward - I really suggest you talk to seomone professionally if it is as bad as you say. It really could end up hurting your chances at advancement, long term relationships etc.

 

You should really go and talk with a therapist - a male one so that doesn't get in the way

 

I'll consider it, but only as a very last resort. I don't think my parents would respond very well to me asking to get therapy for fear of girls.

 

I think it is important to find the source of this uncomfortability with women or perhaps just people in general. Eventually what is going to have to happen is that you are going to have to force yourself into these situations. Perhaps you can become more social by putting yourself in those situations and if that does not work then you are going to have to seek professional help.

 

Finding the source is exactly why I made this topic. I thought maybe a third party could give me some insight as to why. I have been forced into situations with girls a couple times, like eating lunch with that one girl for a month, but it didn't really help.

 

There's another thing I didn't think to add when I made this topic that might be useful. There is a girl I was very briefly comfortable with as friend for last year, before school ended. But after seeing her again this year I'm scared of her again. I'm not sure what's changed.

[Caterina]

It sounds partially like you are convincing yourself. But, I have a similar problem just to a lesser degree. Try thinking of girls as only friends...first, think of them as a sibling, or as something entirely harmless/unintimidating. Practice on women that intimidate you less...then start casually talking to them...you'll gain more confidence and then be able to come around women who make you feel comfortable. Plus, some women just naturally make men uncomfortable...try to be around people who are warm and friendly and nonjudgemental.

[AwdreeHpburn]

I'll consider it, but only as a very last resort. I don't think my parents would respond very well to me asking to get therapy for fear of girls.

 

yeh - when you put it that way, you're probably right.....

 

 

 

 

....so don't put it that way.

 

Tell them (your parents) that you think you have some social phobias and social anxieties. Tell them that you don't think they are crippling or dilbilitating right now but they could very easily become that way.

 

Make sure you let them know that you have been trying to handle this on your own for some time now but are finally at a place where you think it's time to get some help.

 

We're talking about help here...you're not telling them you're terminal -you just need a little help...

[heloladies21]

Talking to girls is a skill you can learn like any other and this problem is so profound that it's not even funny. So if you're interested in doing the work and research necessary, go here:

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Lots of good (and bad-it' up to you to decide which is which) advice to help you out.

[Gunner6543]

yeh - when you put it that way, you're probably right.....

 

 

 

 

....so don't put it that way.

 

Tell them (your parents) that you think you have some social phobias and social anxieties. Tell them that you don't think they are crippling or dilbilitating right now but they could very easily become that way.

 

Make sure you let them know that you have been trying to handle this on your own for some time now but are finally at a place where you think it's time to get some help.

 

We're talking about help here...you're not telling them you're terminal -you just need a little help...

 

...and if you're really that worried then they don't even have to know. If your working and can afford to pay for it yourself then you can just go along for regular sessions without telling them.

 

But telling them is the best option, as you've got nothing to be ashamed of.

[Eddward]

It sounds partially like you are convincing yourself. But, I have a similar problem just to a lesser degree. Try thinking of girls as only friends...first, think of them as a sibling, or as something entirely harmless/unintimidating. Practice on women that intimidate you less...then start casually talking to them...you'll gain more confidence and then be able to come around women who make you feel comfortable. Plus, some women just naturally make men uncomfortable...try to be around people who are warm and friendly and nonjudgemental.

 

You may be on to something. It would explain being scared of them without knowing why, and it would also explain why I'm no longer comfortable around girls that I used to be okay with. I may have an assumption stuck somewhere that if I'm scared of girls there's obviously a reason for it, even if I don't know or remember why, which sounds exactly like how I think.

 

Okay, so let's say I do all this and make friends with a girl. How do I stop myself from going back to the assumption that she's scary?

 

yeh - when you put it that way, you're probably right.....

 

 

 

 

....so don't put it that way.

 

Tell them (your parents) that you think you have some social phobias and social anxieties. Tell them that you don't think they are crippling or dilbilitating right now but they could very easily become that way.

 

Make sure you let them know that you have been trying to handle this on your own for some time now but are finally at a place where you think it's time to get some help.

 

We're talking about help here...you're not telling them you're terminal -you just need a little help...

 

Can you give me a basic idea of what a therapist would do? And specifically, would they just give me pills? If that's all they'd do then I don't want to waste the money.

 

Talking to girls is a skill you can learn like any other and this problem is so profound that it's not even funny. So if you're interested in doing the work and research necessary, go here:

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Lots of good (and bad-it' up to you to decide which is which) advice to help you out.

 

Not that I know anything about the subject, but Real Social Dynamics seems to be the only one of those sites with any sense. It's still mostly about dating though. I'm not anywhere near ready for that, I just want to be able to hold a conversation with a girl, even one I'm not interested in, without going into panic mode. One miracle at a time.

 

...and if you're really that worried then they don't even have to know. If your working and can afford to pay for it yourself then you can just go along for regular sessions without telling them.

 

But telling them is the best option, as you've got nothing to be ashamed of.

 

That's not really an option, since I can't drive.

[walkingwithaghost]

Eddward, Gee your problem sounds a lot like my problem (except I'm a girl and I have a similar deal with guys). I am 22 so I have experienced a bit more with this than you, some things I have found:

 

I began seeing a counselor through my college. It was free. All you do in therapy (that is free) is tell the counselor why you're there and how your week was and he/she offers strategies to cope with problems.

 

Your therapist might say "Your nervous around girls, what are some things you can do to relax?" That is my experience with therapy. They just offer coping strategies.

 

Your parents don't have to know.

 

alcohol helps if you are desperate.

taking stacker or energy pills helps me.

 

 

No offence but I think those dating sites are ridiculous. I do recommend this book by Andrew Salter called Conditioned Reflex Therapy. It will really help you overcome inhibitions and feel more at ease socially.

 

I do recommend you try to figure out why you feel this way. Are you very very sensitive? Maybe your extreme sensitivity makes you scared?

 

I have found occasionally there are people that I feel completely comfortable around. As I get older I meet ppl like this more frequently.

 

You could stop thinking there is something wrong with you and just resign yourself to the fact that maybe you don't like everyone? You will meet girls occasionally who you feel comfortable around. They are probably ppl with experiences similar to yours.

 

Also guys who I feel comfortable around usually had really bad childhoods in which they were sexually abused. I know that's personal, but I'm trying to help you.

....

I think I have my problem because I'm extremely sensitive and because of my mother's attitude towards men and the dynamic of my parents relationship.

 

Maybe something similar happened with your parents.

 

Laura

[walkingwithaghost]

Also you are 18 and a lot of guys feel nervous around girls at that age. Maybe if you just chill and focus on things you enjoy it will get better as you grow up.

[walkingwithaghost]

Also it could be a lack of experience. The more girls you talk to the better you will feel about it. That is def true.

[No Spaces Rob]

I think I have my problem because I'm extremely sensitive and because of my mother's attitude towards men and the dynamic of my parents relationship.

 

You may have something here. My mother had a negative attitude toward men throughout my whole adolescence (they divorced years later). I was constantly reminded how men are creeps and cannot be trusted.

 

Also guys who I feel comfortable around usually had really bad childhoods in which they were sexually abused. I know that's personal, but I'm trying to help you.

I guess maybe I just took it the wrong way, but I don't see how that could make a guy feel better - particularly a guy who is afraid of girls.

[cpc28655]

Women are human beings too. They have fears, dreams, money problems, work problems, ect. Relax, their venom sacks are removed at birth now, lmao. And yes, they burp and fart too. Remember this, I hope it helps.

[Eddward]

I'm not in college yet, so I'm not sure where I could find someone like that. I'll still keep the therapy option on the table, but again, only as a last resort.

As for alcohol/energy pills, I don't really drink, but I'll consider the energy pills.

I'll see if I can find anything about that book.

I'm not any more sensitive than the next guy, I guess. But yeah, trying to figure out why is exactly what I'm after.

I've found some people I'm totally comfortable around too. Just that they're all male.

It's true that I just won't like everybody, but it shouldn't be this extreme, and it shouldn't be this focused toward women.

I'm not sure where you're going with the sexual abuse thing. If you're asking whether I was, no, I've never been abused.

My parents have a good relationship. While they did have some hard times, they got through it, and that was close to 10 years ago. My dad wants me to associate more with women, but he's never pushed me. He tells me he was a pimp at my age, which is one reason I didn't really want to talk to him about this, because I figured he wouldn't understand. His attitude toward women now is about what you would expect from a middle aged married man.

A lot of guys are nervous around girls at this age when it comes to dating, sure, but not this extreme. And definitely not around 10 year olds and women old enough to be their mom.

Lack of experience I'm sure is part of it, but it can't just be that. This is way too broad, and even men that lack experience with women can talk to them in a "not looking for a date" way.

 

 

 

Even though I know it's true, when I'm faced with actually talking to a girl, I start hallucinating that a repeal of the Venom Sack Act of 1948 was snuck in on the back of a port security bill. I'm only half joking here.

 

I did talk to my dad about this, finally. One of the first things he asked is if I needed to see a shrink. Did not see that one coming. We weren't able to finish the whole conversation, since we got interrupted. So far what he's told me hasn't helped, but at least he wants to help. Hopefully this one will lead to some progress.

[cpc28655]

Perhaps he meant you should date a shrink????

[GeneralLee]

I'm going to have to lump in with the majority of the posters. What you're going through sounds more like a neurosis than simple shyness. Counciling may be the best idea for you. I sincerely hope that whatever your issue is you can get it resolved and start having normal relationships with those of the female persuasion.

[shy2cool]

definitely counselling. I started in 2005, and have improved a fair bit.

[Don_Eduardo]

Talking to girls is a skill you can learn like any other and this problem is so profound that it's not even funny. So if you're interested in doing the work and research necessary, go here:

link removed

link removed

link removed

link removed

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Lots of good (and bad-it' up to you to decide which is which) advice to help you out.

 

Dude, the guy's worried about being around womens' company. Give him the chance to build himself up a bit more before introducing this [debatable] part.

[mitch17]

there shouldnt be anything to be afraid of unless theyre going through pms.. watch out for that!

[Luke Skywalker]

Edward,

 

I used to feel the exact same way you did when I was a teenager. IN fact, I went to an all boys school, and if I saw a woman walking on the side-walk opposite to me, I'd gulp and just hope she'd pass by as soon as possible while averting my gaze and panicing inside. I got spoiled in the all boys environment since I didn't have to interact with girls, since there were only guys around and thus just concentrate on my studies. I didn't go to dances or interact with girls in any way. Of course, when a couple of girls visited from the sister school, I'd just freeze up and panic around them since I wasn't used to girls around. They were what people consider fat and not very attractive, but they were still * girls * and I just went on panic mode around them.

 

However, when I was 17 y/o, I started going to church, which was the only co-ed environment at the time, and had a friend there that I talk to now and then. I used to pray sometimes, and still do, before interacting with a woman and sort of trust God that things just wont go very badly.

 

So, I identify with what you are saying. Cant offer any solutions through and just think that in time this is some phase that will naturally pass. They didn't have the 'internet' when I was in high school (just some BBS sites with 2400 baud modems), but hey hope the advice on here will help you out.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Were not that scary i thought....