What I'm Doing On Saturday

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Have small dilemma. I know what *I'd* say to anyone wanting advice on here, but I'd like outsider opinions.

 

I go to college and have three classes. In each one, I have made a few friends of both genders who I hang out with in college, and occasionally outside of it.

 

When I started Sociology this year, I started talking to more people (mainly waiting before going into class). I had a few conversations with a guy called Pete, who also happens to be in my tutorial class (once a week, pastoral-care type thing).

 

A few facts:

 

I like him/am drawn to him as he's intelligent, healthily cynical and politically/"issues"-aware.

He knows I have a significant other.

No flirting has taken place.

I know for a fact I do not fancy him/like him in THAT way.

I even mentioned this in passing to my boyfriend, in a "today I might have made a new friend way".

 

However.

A couple of days ago, we traded MSN addresses and he added me. We talked for a long time, about 1.5 hours, about various things. He was fairly amusing. We got onto talking about movies and the long and short of it is (jointly initiated, but confirmed by him this morning in class) that we're going to see a film this Saturday (afternoon, not evening).

 

It wasn't until very recently (ie. 30 minutes ago!) that I began to wonder if this is appropriate.

 

I may say "Well, my boyfriend actually has more to worry about if i was alone with a girl, given that I'm 70%-ish a lesbian anyway".

 

And, as a bisexual, if I avoided "potential date" situations, that rules out all one on ones with new friends, doesn't it?

 

Not entirely sure how to procede. I don't think he fancies me either.

 

To anyone else in this situation, I'd say "Well, since you two don't fancy each other, its only an afternoon movie and so forth, no problem!"

 

Is this the "correct" view?

[sophie274]

I think it's fine. I also think your boyfriend probably would be/is happy for you to be making a new friend - the more, the better!

[Lost in fairytales]

If just friends, then it's okay. As long as you two are both aware.

[Siriana]

Well if you plan on telling that to your bf and he has nothing against it - it's o.k. If you develop good friendship with this guy I guess he'll meet your bf and you can hang around together sometimes (with a group of friends) as well as only the two of you.

[arwen]

I agree. Tell your bf that you are going to see a movie with your friend, maybe you could even invite him? There is nothing wrong in having a friend, unless you suspect your motivation to hang out with him is in fact more than friendship (I don't get that impression from your message at all, though).

 

Ilse

[Day_Walker]

Making new friends while in a relationship is tricky. I believe that your partner has to be on notice about this person and it has to be worked out in your relationship. I cannot say that it is appropriate or not, that needs to be decided by your bf and yourself.

[rocio]

I wouldn't tell your bf. It might create jealous feelings. You don't have to lie, and you can casually mention it. But not like, "there's this cool guy, and I wonder if you would mind me hanging out with him."

 

You're young and you're going to make some of the best friends of your life these next few years in university. Don't pass up opportunities. You never know what kind of a connection you could end up having with this guy.

 

You're a smart girl and you know boundaries. Just don't cross them.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Ya know what ALS -

 

I have been there sooo many times I feel I can speak somewhat authoritatively on this.

 

Tread lightly. Bring your bf along OR - clear the air immediately with your new friend. Make sure he knows you like him as a mate ONLY.

 

I'm not at all saying you're reading the situation wrong - but you're a cool - hot chic and you said yourself he's a cool, good-looking guy. Even if there IS nothing there, right now, something could very easily develop given the right circumstances.

 

As long as you are both aware of where the relationship is, no worries. But if the chummy thing is an unspoken assumption.....talk about it instead.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

No, I never said he's good looking - he is OK, nothing special! He is cool though.

 

This ties into Social Life And My Boyfriend. It NEVER mixes. Ever. So inviting him isn't an option.

 

My BF is 22, most people I hang around with, if I do, are 18. It shouldn't be a big difference, but I often feel it is to the point where I'd get embarressed if I tried to mix them.

 

I should have made that clear, sorry- my BF and I have never socialised with anyone else as a couple, we have TOTALLY separate groups of friends, and if you knew roughly what the groups where like respectively, you'd understand why! The idea is humiliating for me. Why is that? I do not know. No idea at all.

[Siriana]

Yeah, I think I understand that. I don't know how to explain it. But I get it.

Maybe if you had a girlfriend who's dating a guy of his age? Than it would be easier to socialise as a couple.

 

Ahhh, just tell him about the movies, and you can try asking him to join you some other time no matter how you feel - it's up to him to decide does he want to join you or not.

 

In case he wants to keep in mind: he decided to date you, he knows you are junger than him and that you hang around with friends of your age - once in a while little bit of embarrassment from your part and little bit of him kindergartening your friends will do both of you good.

 

Bye

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

No, I don't have an orthodix social life/a girlfriend who is dating someone that much older. I have about 3 good friends, one of which is derailing with guys, one of which IS a guy, and one is a lesbian.

 

I talked to my boyfriend in a casual way about it last night, and mentioned what my plans were. He didnt' say "you can't go".

 

His response, actually, was interesting.

 

His line was, and this has resulted in me deciding NOT to go, "How would you feel if I met a girl, thought she was cool, had lots in common with her, spoke to her on MSN and at college, and then asked you if I could go to the movies alone with her? I wouldn't do that to you, and that makes me pretty insecure".

 

Point taken.

[Siriana]

Yeah, it's a good point he made.

Actually this is the same trick I use to see if I am doing something my bf might find innapropriate - I just try to imagine the same thing beeing done to me.. And it works briliantly.