Facebook/Myspace

[Captain34]

Hey all, just wanted to get a thread started on this topic. I find myself having the bad habit of checking my ex's facebook page. I dont see anything that absolutely shows shes with someone else, but I do tend to take anything I cant pin the meaning down of as suggesting such.

 

This is really a bad idea.

 

First, anything that an ex might post that you can see which suggests being with someone else is IMO put there to mak eyou jealous. Although this stings, it just shows that your ex is denying their feelings and trying to feeel better by trying to trap you to gush out your feelings.

 

If an ex is posting something about a serious fling or relationship they are having, they clearly dont have any respect for you. Even if you shouldnt be checking their page, that still is not cool. Besides, I feel that if you are genuinely happy with someone you have no need to broadcast it - especially to your ex. Again, that just shows how they are still caught up on you.

 

Anyone have any further comments on this?

[dogheadma]

This is really a bad idea.

 

 

I agree completely. It slows down your progress of getting over it.

[Captain34]

my ex and I met this past weekend, and it seems like we are both going to see what develops.

 

so right now I'm not trying to get over it. We both know the other has been dating, but nothing serious. Right now I am just trying to keep from allowing myself to be overly jealous over something that probably means NOTHING.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Sometimes it does seem like people are a little to quick to advertise their new relationships. I would be suspicious of someone just out of one relationship and jumping fast into another, their proclamations may be real, but yes they also may be compensating for something.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I thought the place was called MySpace for a reason, ie, it is THEIR space to post what ever they want. You are out of the picture, get over it, they don't have to give a hoot about you any more if you are an EX. Not everything is about you, they very well can move on and have new relationships with new people and they want to tell their friends that they talk to via those websites.

 

STOP CHECKING THEIR PAGE!

[Captain34]

we have been apart for 5 months.

 

thing is, everytime I have some sort of contact with her I look at facebook again. And I can see that everytime we are in contact again this chatter with her girlfriends heats up. So, I assume some of it is spurned on by my contact. If she isnt closing the door when I ask her specifically in person, then I dont see her doing so in such a way on facebook. She is not a b*tch, at least not often haha. Besides, I could always act aloof to this and pretend like I never saw it.

 

It seems to me that she finds that doing this encourages me to chase more. Its had that affect before.

[Captain34]

well I have been good about not making public who I have been dating and what has transpired. This is because I am not trying to be hurtful, and also because I feel like if I am open its because I am trying to make her jealous. Very hard to figure out what is right when I love her and want to see where it can go, but at the same time have interest in others and dont want her taking my love life hostage. Get what I'm saying?

 

BTW, I know for sure she has used comments on the facebook before to make me jealous.

[laboheme]

Yuck, facebook is the devil when it comes to relationships. It's so easy for things to spin out of control, for everybody to find out everything...I strongly recommend blocking her page from your account (facebook gives you that option) so that you won't be tempted to look at it so often. That way you won't be able to track her chatter with her girlfriends...and if the two of you have contact, you'll be forced to do it in a more personal way than facebook.

[TheRedQueen]

This problem has the absolute simplest solution, that being that you stop checking her facebook page, period.

 

I feel as though your current situation is somewhat analogous to a person who's addicted to cigarettes, yes they know that it's bad for them, yes they understand the harmful effects, yet despite all this "knowing", they continue to smoke anyways.

 

My suggestion for you Captain? Start wearing the facebook patch.

[treefrogkate]

Unless the ex is posting on *your* myspace about how happy they are, I don't really see it that they are bragging to you. They are just happy, and I know I for one wasn't even remotely thinking about my ex when I posted pictures of me and my new boyfriend on my own myspace.

 

I do occasionally check my ex's myspace out of morbid curiosity, and the only thing I thought when I saw that he was in a relationship was "I feel so sorry for that girl," seeing as he abused me while we were married.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Yuck, facebook is the devil when it comes to relationships. It's so easy for things to spin out of control, for everybody to find out everything...I strongly recommend blocking her page from your account (facebook gives you that option) so that you won't be tempted to look at it so often. That way you won't be able to track her chatter with her girlfriends...and if the two of you have contact, you'll be forced to do it in a more personal way than facebook.

 

Probably a good idea. Personally I don't subscribe to any of those sites, myspace or facy book or whatever. When people ask me to come visit them there to be honest I think, eh, if I want to visit my friend I want to do it in real life.

[deejay74]

myspace, friendster, facebook, WHATEVER are the worst inventions to use when a break up happens.

 

take it from me! i had a knock-out, dramatic ending because my STUPID EX thought she would be slick and post nasty messages about me on her blog, which i read (duh!) and it escalated into something really nasty really fast. i also found out that she was lying to me! you can read some of the stupid blogs she posted about me and also about our last fight (because of myspace) here:

 

STAY AWAY FROM LOOKING AT YOUR EX'S PROFILE ON ANY OF THOSE SITES! EVEN IF YOU ARE THE DUMPER!!! It's just bad news all around.

 

and if you're the dumpee, why are you looking at your ex's page? do you like wallowing in pain and anxiety? unless you can look at it with no emotion, it's not going to give you any positive feelings or emotions, so why do it?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

constantly checking someone else's MySpace when you have broking up is kind of like cyber stalking... if the majority of info you get about your ex is from something like MySpace, it just proves you aren't really having a relationship anymore, because you aren't communicating with them directly anymore, you have to slope around looking for 'clues' to what they are thinking/feeling...

 

it's ok when you *occasionally* look at it if you have a good reason to, but if you trying to read it like tea leaves or some cryptic message being sent out to you, it's time to STOP looking at it at all... just move on with your life...

[bitbit]

i think you sound a little bitter. she's getting on with her life. is she supposed to stay forever indentured to you b/c you and her dated at one point in her life? if she is doing it to make you jealous, then feel bad for her. if not, you're the one thats getting hurt by doing it.

[CarnelianButterfly]

5 MONTHS?!?! Please leave the girl alone. You need to find something better to do with your time. This isn't healthy. Think about how you are so hung up on this. If she is saying one thing to you and something else to her friends, then she's just stringing you along and you're letting her. Move on.

[deejay74]

I do occasionally check my ex's myspace out of morbid curiosity, and the only thing I thought when I saw that he was in a relationship was "I feel so sorry for that girl," seeing as he abused me while we were married.

 

right on. i haven't checked my ex's myspace page when she posting that crap about me on her blog but i know she dated someone after me and then she dumped him (from what i know from her blogs). although she didn't have a link to his profile (i know his name) i felt bad for the guy. i am pretty sure she did to him what she did to me. i NEVER thought i'd hear myself say that.

 

for some reason, i really want the next guy to break her heart HARDER than she broke mine. but i digress...

[Caterina]

Everyone is right. Facebook is HORRIBLE when it comes to exes. Its sooo hard to avoid, but dude you MUST! I deleted my profile...withdrawal symptoms were hard, but after a few months you are okay.

[wayner427]

I keep checking stupid facebook for my ex also! It's a horrible addiction... I even have her lastfm (what she's listening to), and her iCal... I'm screwing myself over. I need to rid of it all!

[TornTattered]

Captain : I dunno if you remember but over a month ago i told you not to check the facebook/myspace and you said that you thought it was immature to just block her or drop her. Well.. what do you think now. I can emphasize with deej here because what happened to him is close to what happened to me. I dropped her from my facebook the week of the break when she proclaimed how much fun she was having with this new guy.

 

I did not look at her myspace for 3 months after that. then for some reason ( i was over it) i looked. Curiosity i guess. well, she felt obligated to mention me in her thing, and it wasnt anything good. Enfuriating to say the least. I mean why even say anything about me, just let it be. Especially if you have been over me since the break.

 

Well, i am here to say none of it matters. Dont ever check myspace or facebook! It only delays the getting over it, or pisses you off big time. It has been almost a month now since i last had any contact with my ex and I am now on my way to dating someone new and better. i honestly feel bad for my ex. I mean, i have never ever hated anyone in my life, but now i do. Its too bad. Dont ever check because you will either wind up hurt... or you will wind up like deej and I ( hating your ex ). Although i guess in a way that can be a good thing.

[mcnani]

yea, checking facebook/myspace is a killer... major set back! i was set back a month of healing by checking on my ex.. you pick up all kinds of stupid information that you try to piece together. there's nothing on there about your ex that you want to know!

[wayner427]

After my breakup with my ex a few years back, I used to check her xanga all the time.. it does not help anything. The temptation is really great, but you just have to fight it. It'll get a little easier and easier as time goes by. If you have to delete your account, or the bookmark, or whatever it takes just to make it a tad bit harder to check their profile, do it.

[Captain34]

i checked the last couple days because i met with her. i know, bad idea. i still dont think i should block her, just commit to not looking online.

 

im going to stick with that for a while.