Is it possible to make him want a serious relationship with me?

[ShaKe__]

Is it?

 

 

 

 

We are friends with benefits at the moment.We used to be in a serious relationship(twice) but first time I broke it off,second-he did.After that a year passed,then we became friends with benefits,started meeting again.He's just out of a 10month relationship and says he probably won't find a girlfriend soon,because he's got high expectations/standarts.I really like spending time with him(we don't have sex),but I'm looking for something long-term,stable and serious.If I can't make him offer me that,I'll probably just tell him that we're better off each other.Any tips,advice,please?

[Corvette]

friends with benefits just means he uses you sex, he will never respect you....

[Beec]

I would not really define this as friends with benefits, if there is no sexual activity. If there is some sexual activity, the level at which I would refer to something as friends with benefits would need to include some nudity and genital stimulation. Otherwise, you are jsut dating, seeing each other, hanging out, whatever. What exactly is happening would affect what I recommended.

 

If there is sex, then you are playing a high stakes game, and you need to take some risks. This has worked in the past. I have told, and she did it, a woman to go see him, wearing a skirt and not much else, sit him down, stand over him and TELL him to use his tongue and mouth on her, unzip him, straddle him to have inrercourse, get off when done, and pat him on the head, telling him that is he is good he may get more soon, then walk out smiling. High risk manuever, but it tells him that you will use him for sex, and very much turns the tables on what he expects. It also effectively tell him that he cannot have something, i.e. your heart and emotions, and that will make him want it. Like I say, high risk, but it has worked and I know of nothing else that has done so.

 

This might be adaptable to what you are experiencing, or you may need something totally different.

[Batya33]

Your actions make it clear to him that you are fine with things being casual.

[chai714]

I believe this strategy to be highly effective because it has worked on me before. A woman pulled something very similar to the above description and I actually felt like SHE used ME for sex all while never showing any emotional attachment. Left me baffled for weeks. The end result was that I wanted more than sex with her. So, it could make him want you.

[bigheart09]

Why dont you just ask him if wants to get into another relationship with you?

[pinkelephant]

I believe this strategy to be highly effective because it has worked on me before. A woman pulled something very similar to the above description and I actually felt like SHE used ME for sex all while never showing any emotional attachment. Left me baffled for weeks. The end result was that I wanted more than sex with her. So, it could make him want you.

 

this is good.

but its only good if he has STRONG feelings for you.

if he doesn't have strong enough feelings, it won't work.

[Beec]

I've really known it to work when the guy was treating the woman as a mattress, while still be somewhat nice about it. The one thing he was not doing was treating her likke a girlfriend. Cutting off the sex is not a good opption because that makes him not want to see her. Making him think he cannot have her emotionally and appearing to use him for sex, seems to always make him want her for more than jsut sex. Men I guess cannot stand being used.

[Momene]

If you want real lurve, look for it elsewhere.

[Mun]

Sounds to me like you are just friends and since you are not having something sexual than maybe it will be easier for you to walk away and look for what you really want somewhere else. You can't make him offer what you want, but you can be clear about what you don't...and he'll respect you for it.

 

Better that you be firm rather than compromise your feelings and end up feeling used and hurt.

 

 

I walked away from someone that wasn't offering what I wanted. Years passed and when we met up again we had a real relationship... or should I say "have"

I will never regret having left when I did... we ended on good terms and so were able to get back together one day.

[treefrogkate]

Why dont you just ask him if wants to get into another relationship with you?

 

Amen, sister.

[freedom]

"make him want a serious relationship with me"

Simple one word answer.... NO.

 

Silly question IMO, I remember thinking the same thing being in the same situation once. You and i know that we cant make anyone do anything.

 

More effective statement is, "I should tell him that i want to deeper relationship with him and see what happens there."

[pinkelephant]

I've really known it to work when the guy was treating the woman as a mattress, while still be somewhat nice about it. The one thing he was not doing was treating her likke a girlfriend. Cutting off the sex is not a good opption because that makes him not want to see her. Making him think he cannot have her emotionally and appearing to use him for sex, seems to always make him want her for more than jsut sex. Men I guess cannot stand being used.

 

It does work... until whatever that is wears off & the guy figures out that he never wanted a relationship with her that way & breaks it off. By then, it will hurt more.

 

 

I've seen it happen, twice now.

[Beec]

It does work... until whatever that is wears off & the guy figures out that he never wanted a relationship with her that way & breaks it off. By then, it will hurt more.

 

 

I've seen it happen, twice now.

 

Yes, and what wears off is that she stops being a challenge, she acquiesces and lets him have everything, all of her, heart, soul, body and mind, and once he has all that, whenever he wants, there is nothing for him to chase. You'd need to make sure there is something for him to chase. It can change, be different, etc., but it should certainly be there until he is really invested in the relationship, and has too much in to want to lose.

[rmpavlock]

In my opinion, a guy who wants to be friends with benefits isn't even a friend. He doesn't want to have to deal with any of the difficulties of an actual relationship, but he gets to have the fun stuff. I'm sorry, but someone who takes advantage like that is not even a friend. A friend would care about how you felt and wouldn't want you to be in a position to be taken advantage of.

[Batya33]

I disagree. If two people decide to have sex with no strings attached, neither one is responsible for telling the other that he or she "shouldn't do this" - it's not a parent/child situation - the people are entitled to assume that each one is ok with that situation.

 

I do agree though that friends with benefits is a euphemism for having sex with someone you know with no strings attached.

[Momene]

People might be OK for a while but usually one of them will want more and there's always the chance that either of them could meet a real partner and end the benefits.

[pinkelephant]

Yes, and what wears off is that she stops being a challenge, she acquiesces and lets him have everything, all of her, heart, soul, body and mind, and once he has all that, whenever he wants, there is nothing for him to chase. You'd need to make sure there is something for him to chase. It can change, be different, etc., but it should certainly be there until he is really invested in the relationship, and has too much in to want to lose.

 

That is ingenious.

[Batya33]

People might be OK for a while but usually one of them will want more and there's always the chance that either of them could meet a real partner and end the benefits.

 

Yes, true but it does not make the person who requested it (if it was only one) a bad person. He may not be a true friend if he believes that sex only would hurt her but it is hard to know that if she is already having casual sex with him.

[SexySadie7]

have you thought about asking him if he would want to be in another relationship with YOU? After all. he's dated you twice.. you must have met his high standards at one point....

Why not now?

Go after what you want girl. Life is short.. If he's not interested, then move on. Everyone deserves to be happy.

[Beec]

That is ingenious.

 

Thanks.

 

Works for women to but you need to make women chase different things than men, and you often have to let her get what she has been chasing for a little while, then let it slip away, for her to chase again.

 

I think the biggest warning is that the idea that you can let someone chase you, get what they want and chase again can work, but not if it does not fit your personaility, your normal m.o. Ptting this kind of show on is something you may need to do for the whole relationship. It's a tough "act" to keep up. Feelings however are dynamic, not static, so your normal flow of emotions can let it happen.