Do most lie about the number of past sexual partners?

[herewegoagain]

I put up a post last week about discussing the number of past sexual partners with a significant other. Anyway, do most people lie? I think most do, (and studies indicate that woman usually lie by telling a lower number, and men lie by telling a higher number). What about your exeperiences with this? Did you or your bf/gf lie about this? Also, is it a big deal if one lies about this to their bf/gf?

[shikashika]

I put up a post last week about discussing the number of past sexual partners with a significant other. Anyway, do most people lie? I think most do, (and studies indicate that woman usually lie by telling a lower number, and men lie by telling a higher number). What about your exeperiences with this? Did you or your bf/gf lie about this? Also, is it a big deal if one lies about this to their bf/gf?

 

 

no I have never lied... actually, the only time I was uncomfortable telling the truth was when I was with my second guy and I was embarrassed that I had only been with one guy before him... and I'm a woman.

 

Its funny, you hear these statistics saying women give a lower number , but I remember teling a group of female friends my story and they said some of them upped their numvers when only on guy number 2 or 3 or 4 because they didn't want to come accross as in experienced... so I know of women that have upped their numbers as well.

[applepie]

The question rarely comes up for me, but if it did, I'd be totally honest. Then again, I've only had 6 at 20 and there are some out there who have had over 50 at my age. I'm in no way ashamed of what I've done.

[Momene]

Generally, although there are some exceptions, most men multiply by 3 and most women divide by 3.

 

People over 50 (like me) tend to have a lower number than most younger people. When I was young, it was quite common to sleep with girlfriends but fewer people were promiscuous than now.

 

I usually claim to have 24 partners, so draw your own conclusions!

[sparkle1]

They say -

 

what ever a man tells you: half it

 

what ever a woman tells you - double it.

 

I'd say that is pretty true.

 

I always half my number and make sure it is under 10. i know men hate to think of me being with loads of men!!

 

men brag and add them up!

[Beec]

If you were another guy going to ask me, I might give you a vague answer, but it would be fairly accurate. If you were a woman I was interesed in, I just would not tell you. You may need to know other things, but not that. I also would not ask.

[itsallgrand]

No. I don't lie about that. No point. Besides, it doesn't even matter.

 

Has anyone lied to me? I don't know. How would I? There are obvious ones that I was in the dating or casual mode with who I know were BSing. Good reason to give him the heave-ho.

 

It is a big deal to lie about it, I think. Just my opinion. What kind of character does it show if a person needs to lie about something so trivial and that is part of their life? If you can't even trust me to make my own decision with that information, I don't wanna deal with it.

[sparkle1]

Itsallgrand....

 

if you have had a lot of sexual partners - or certainly more then what you feel your partner could handle or accept - its is better to lie.

 

we all have a past - i certainly do. If i were honest with B.F i know they wouldn't like it and would probably think less of me as a person for it....

[itsallgrand]

sparkle - For myself, (and I have had a lot of sexual partners, some of which I am not proud of) I would rather be upfront.

 

If he doesn't like it or can't deal, we'll work it out or not. But I want someone who can know and love me for me.

 

The better option, I think, it to just not ask or tell! There really is no reason to.

 

'Don't ask if you don't want to know!'

[southerngirl]

I wouldnt ask... I wouldnt tell. I simply dont want to have the past on my brain for days.

[Momene]

My advice is not to discuss it too deeply until you think you want more commitment from each other. Doing it before then will encourage many people to be dishonest.

[Daligal83]

What happens when the relationship evolves into something serious though? Do you then tell your SO the real number? Or do you keep that from them forever? Wouldn't it cause problems if down the road if they find out they didn't know?

 

I've never lied, but then again I have a very small number.

[Daligal83]

Oh and I'd like to add..that one of the guys included in my number I am ashamed of for many reasons. My boyfriend asked me the question early on and I told him the entire truth, he just took my hand (we were walking outside) and kissed me. It doesn't always turn out bad.

[sparkle1]

sparkle - For myself, (and I have had a lot of sexual partners, some of which I am not proud of) I would rather be upfront.

 

If he doesn't like it or can't deal, we'll work it out or not. But I want someone who can know and love me for me.

 

The better option, I think, it to just not ask or tell! There really is no reason to.

 

'Don't ask if you don't want to know!'

 

 

couldn't agree more.

 

I think asking the question is opening a can of worms so to speak,

 

i still stand by what i put thou - you ask and i think a majority will lie..

 

Sparkle xx

[luvursmile]

My philosophy is: Don't ask, don't tell! There are some things I'd rather not know...

[shikashika]

hmnnn... I wouldn't want to be with a guy who would run off because he doubled how many I'd been with... ha ha.. then that would be a fair bit.

 

If someone cares about the amount of partners.... and runs off then THEY have some serious issues which would resurface later.

 

If a guy runs away because of the amount of guys his girl has been with, then he has obviously been with less than her...

[Momene]

... unless the man is much younger!

[hosswhispra]

As long as both your venereal disease panel tests come up clean, why tell? Seriously, what does that really accomplish? I can understand someone telling someone if they've haven't been with anybody. But if you're so experienced why does it even matter? Think about it.

 

Another question to think about is when your married to someone who told you they were with 5, 10, 15, 20 etc. partners, doesn't it concern you at least a little that you won't be their last? After experiencing all that sexual variety, who'd want to just settle for one person?

[herewegoagain]

shikashika - well, I'm thinking of "running" because I believe that my gf is lying about her number. She said 9 was her number, which, in my mind, that probably means about 15-20. I just wish I knew if she was lying. And I sure as heck don't want to bring it up again with her, but I truly believe she is lying. The "number" is not important - BUT LYING IS!!! If I found out she was lying a year or so from now, I'm not sure how I would handle it.

[sparkle1]

Herewegoagain

 

This poises a very different spin on the original thread.

 

If you think she is lying then you need to ask her - if it is for the sake of your relationship and mentality to know the absolute truth...

[herewegoagain]

sparkle - you are right, but we just talked about this stuff a couple of weeks ago, and I don't want to start an argument or accuse her of lying. i guess I can't win.

[Momene]

As long as both your venereal disease panel tests come up clean, why tell? Seriously, what does that really accomplish? I can understand someone telling someone if they've haven't been with anybody. But if you're so experienced why does it even matter? Think about it.

 

Another question to think about is when your married to someone who told you they were with 5, 10, 15, 20 etc. partners, doesn't it concern you at least a little that you won't be their last? After experiencing all that sexual variety, who'd want to just settle for one person?

 

I've got the answer to that one (at least from England). Lots of people have promiscuous pasts then settle into monogamous relationships.

[hosswhispra]

I've got the answer to that one (at least from England). Lots of people have promiscuous pasts then settle into monogamous relationships.

 

In general that may be true. But if someone I was dating said they had been with 10+ partners, that would make me run for the hills because that in my mind would create doubts about their committment to monogamy. I'd always be thinking about whether or not I was being compared or not. Having 10+ partners does not sit well in my gut. I actually get a bit nauseous. Now whether that's right or wrong is a moot point.

[sparkle1]

sparkle - you are right, but we just talked about this stuff a couple of weeks ago, and I don't want to start an argument or accuse her of lying. i guess I can't win.

 

But you also have to try as hard as it'll be - to understand why she may of lied. It won't be to upset or hurt you - that i can almost guarentee....

 

If she said "17" what would you say?

 

Sometimes lies are told for good reasons...not as purpose hurtful reasons..

[Momene]

In general that may be true. But if someone I was dating said they had been with 10+ partners, that would make me run for the hills because that in my mind would create doubts about their committment to monogamy. I'd always be thinking about whether or not I was being compared or not. Having 10+ partners does not sit well in my gut. I actually get a bit nauseous. Now whether that's right or wrong is a moot point.

 

I think someone who has spent a lot of time outside relationships may well have had lots of partners. Despite having 24 (/3 = 8!) partners, all but 2 were girlfriends and I've never been much in to casual sex (maybe it's my age!). I have to be honest and say that there have been times in my adult life when I've been a year between girlfriends and did find the lack of sex frustrating.

 

I think the most important statistic is how many times someone has been unfaithful while in a relationship. A high number would make me fly to the next solar system, let alone run!

 

For the record, I was unfaithful once (not my current wife who knows about it) and learned my lesson!