If the love or your life left you for another…

[this2willpa55]

If you did nothing wrong to chase your love one away, why in the world would you want this person back if he/she decided it was a mistake to leave you and came crawling back? My best friend nailed it on the head last night. The reason why I have not fully healed even after 8 weeks of NC, keeping busy, and talking to new men is because I keep hoping that he will come back to me. I know I have posted that I would never take him back, but if the situation were to present itself, I would not know what to do.

 

In my mind I have romanticized who he was and our relationship. If he was so wonderful and we had such an awesome relationship, he would have NEVER left me to pursue this other woman. I was nothing but a loving gf to him. What kind of a person would do that to someone he claims to love? I need to realize that he is NOT the good, decent man that I feel in love with. I need to also stop hoping that he will come back to me. He is a stupid fool. Why would I want to be with a stupid fool?

 

For those of you in the same situation as me, where your love left you for another, please stop hoping that he/she will come back to you. It will only cause you more pain and delay your healing. NC, keeping busy, and dating will not help until you come to this realization:

 

He is not coming back, you don't want him back, and you will find love again.

[Layword]

Because we care about this other person. We invest OUR time OUR hearts OUR soul into this other person. You can't change the world, the world can only change for you.

[ephemeralDreams]

Do you really think you can love again, after your trust has ben raped? I want to think so, but I am skeptical. Without total trust can you really love again?

[Layword]

Trust is not something that just comes. Trust is earned. If you were hurt in the past, fine. That person has lost your trust. Do not be so quick as to denounce your future partners.

[this2willpa55]

Do you really think you can love again, after your trust has ben raped? I want to think so, but I am skeptical. Without total trust can you really love again?

 

you can love but your relationship will be doomed without trust. can you trust again? yes, but it will take a lot of work from the person who hurt you.

[this2willpa55]

Trust is not something that just comes. Trust is earned. If you were hurt in the past, fine. That person has lost your trust. Do not be so quick as to denounce your future partners.

 

my partner cheated and left me. what's there to denounce?

[shikashika]

because we are humans, not robots... things aren't always so logical!!

[Layword]

my partner cheated and left me. what's there to denounce?

 

Do you think every guy/gal is like that?

[this2willpa55]

Do you think every guy/gal is like that?

 

of course not. i am speaking about my situation. there are good men out there, and i intend to find one, but until i stop hoping that he will come back to me, i will never fully heal and move on.

[chai714]

It sounds like you could still be on shock over the whole thing, which is normal given your state of mind.

 

It quite possibly begins with you calling him, "the love of your life" as if there is only one person who will come into your life and make it the best that it can be. In reality, there are many potentially good partners and all of which could be loveable.

 

Another point I'd like to drive is that we choose to be with people based on how they make us feel. If at any point in a relationship your partner makes you feel bad about yourself or the relationship, then it will cause you to have bad feelings toward your partner or the relationship.

 

One common trait regarding breakups is how the dumpee feels about the dumper. It seems that many dumpees put the dumper in a high light at least initially - which distorts their perception of the relationship. This is why healing requires time - because time allows your strong emotions to subside and it allows you to gain a more realistic perspective of the relationship.

 

Anyhow, continue taking time to yourself to heal. Hang in there.

[Layword]

I feel for you, I truly do. My last relationship was similar to yours, in the sense that my partner left me for another man. It's a horrible feeling, and one we will all experience.

 

I wish I could help you through with this, I honestly do. No one should have to suffer the pain and sorrow of a break-up. But it happens, and you become a strong and better person.

 

If you feel like he might come back to you, it's because you havn't told him EVERYTHING you need to tell him. You've left some loose ends and they need to be tied before you can move on.

 

I remember I couldn't begin my healing process until I told her how I felt, and had a major talk about what the future held. Now that I know where she stands, I can move, slowly, but surely.

 

Cheer up, your lover will sweep you off your feet soon enough. Stay one step ahead of the game and always keep your head held high.

[Dako]

I had a cheating ex attempt to come back, but I was so repulsed I just wished her luck. It wasn't at all like the fantasy I had previously entertained. It was sickening.

[W1nter]

I've been avoiding asking myself this question... It just opens up a huge pandora's box. My wife of four years left me for someone else, and if she came crawling back saying it was a huge mistake I still don't know what I'd do. I still love her... but I have no idea how I could rebuild trust in her after all of that. It would take a lot of work.

 

For right now, though, I'm maintaining No Contact, telling myself there is no hope that she'll return. I don't even think about it. I'll cross that bridge if/when I come to it... and I'll probably come here looking for advice, too.

 

-Winter

[LONESOUL]

I just can't see trusting someone and being betrayed, and then trusting

that same person again.

My mind won't allow it~no matter what my heart says. I think I can trust again, but not in someone who has already shown me they are not trust worthy.

Take good Care~

Lone

[newlife2day]

I completely understand where you are and where you are coming from...

 

My own experience was that I DID try again, twice. Both times led to deep seated anger issues on my part and little work on her side. I let her back before I had time to work on myself and set extremely solid boundries to protect myself. I knew deep down inside I shouldn't have tried again so soon (but my heart took over). Eventually, she could not handle rebuilding trust and lied again (and again,etc..). She established contact with her affair partner again and I finally "got it" - but after a year of pure hell.

 

She has tried to stay in contact with me to be "friends". I am going NC now and for good. No matter what... My experience is an example of how it can go badly... NC is the only answer for me, and "time" will allow me to heal. It hurts ten times worse the second time because you finally let that "trust" guard down, then boom... BUT I know it will get better...

 

I also know that this was only my experience. I know of others that make it -but there has to be strong boundries and a LOT of work on the betrayers side to achieve reconcilliation... And being willing to walk away if the slighest boundry is broken will prove to be invaluable...

 

My only advice if you were to try again... Counseling first for yourself. Find out the "why's" of why you want to be with them. I wish I had.

 

~Newlife2day

[silentalways]

i have called my ex 'the love of my life' because she was. that doesn't mean i will not find another, it just means up to now she was it! and while that may be true for me - that doesn't mean she felt the same way. as for earning back trust, i don't think it is as hard as people think it is - its the overthinking and lettintg things slide instead of jumping back in with both feet that is the killer. hey, i'll done the waiting and analysis for 8 months now and it has gotten me no closer to getting someone back - because SHE DOESN't want that - duh! So, time to pick myself up off the matt and start being my old self again [only better] and see if LOVE finds me again.

nite all. stay kewl.

[violingirl]

I also call my ex "the love of my life", because he was - even though he also left me for another woman. It's just the truth. I understand how you feel.

[Vynde]

The emotions we go through can be so crippling and blind us from what we need to see.. I know it has for me. That’s why I need to put faith in my friends and family, so they can walk me through the dark - until I’m able to see again.

 

The bottom line is that they hurt us. Bad.

 

Would I take my ex back? Well, that’s a hard question to answer. Do I know what I SHOULD do? Yes. We all do.

 

I see it as this; We need to heal, and be able to think clearly before anything. As I said before, our emotions hide the truth, and can be very deceiving.

 

Hang in.

 

John