Confused Teenager- Advice appreciated.

[Hemorrhage]

For the past year or so, my life hasn't been so good. I have had tons of issues recently that have nearly driven me to the point of madness.

 

1) I have no real friends. I've never really had one. I've always been socially distant and withdrawn. I won't let anyone close to me, and I have an impenetrable exterior. I don't feel like I can trust people.

 

2) I've always been astonishingly mature for my age. Despite my introverted ways, I have excellent social skills and I can communicate fabulously with adults. I had a 9th grade vocabulary level at age 12, and now I'm

taking college language classes.

 

3) I can't communicate with people my age. Everytime I try to, it's always got some stupid problem like drugs, sex, parties, sports, and just basic drama in general. I don't understand why teenagers do stupid things that bring awful consequences upon them. I feel stupid when I converse with individuals in my class.

 

4) I'm straight, and I'm attracted to women, but the idea of romance and love to me has always seemed stupid. I've never been interested in being in a relationship.

 

5) I'm amazingly self-centered. I do things for me and only me. I do things my way. My opinion is the only one that matters (to me). Every thing I do basically benefits me. I don't want to have to worry about anyone else, or take care of anyone else but myself, which is probobly why I'm not suited for relationships.

 

6) My relationship with my parents is very "bi-polar." One day we will get along great, the next day, we're barking at eachother like a bunch of wild savages. My dad made me play sports for a while, something he loves and I don't care for. To me, sports have no point other than to achieve school pride, and to flash a sign over your head that says, "masculine." Both of which are stupid to me. I finally quit sports, and totally disobeyed my parents. My grandpa wouldn't talk to me for months, and slept outside with my dog until basketball season was over.

 

7) I'm incredibly intelligent. My IQ (according to my school counselor) was off the charts, but I have trouble applyng myself. Last year, I made straight A's. Nothing under an A actually, and the 3rd in my class. Now, I'm making B's (Which are okay), and C's (Which to me is unacceptable).

 

8) I have an attitude and respect problem. I'm incredibly cold-blooded and insubordinate. I believe I should not answer to earthly authority, and I don't feel that I'm supposed to show respect to anyone.

 

9) I turn to to material objects for stress relief. Reading superhero comics, and playing guitar and listening to music are my only ways of venting frustration.

 

Any advice is appreciated.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Hey for one thing were teenagers were aloud to be stuborn and we do have dramas and do stupid things its what us teenagers do and C's are not unacceptable there average, Yes parents make us do things that we dont want to do and its very normal to one day love then the next hate your parents and also were young it doesnt really matter how mature you are some people are just never ready for a relationship

[NKP]

Yeah you are only 15 so live life be stupid well you can and have lots of fun while your young

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi there,

 

You sound like a typical teenager in many ways to me - you feel alienated, superior, and misunderstood not trying to downplay your pain here, but your circumstances and life are not as unique as you think. It's a different way to some teenagers, but it's definitely normal.

 

I don't know, there were a few things that struck me when I read through your post. First of all, don't worry, chill out, relax, stop over-analysing was the first thought.

 

The second thought was that you don't have to accept the way that you are without thought.

 

For instance, you wrote:

I'm amazingly self-centered. I do things for me and only me. I do things my way. My opinion is the only one that matters (to me). Every thing I do basically benefits me. I don't want to have to worry about anyone else, or take care of anyone else but myself, which is probobly why I'm not suited for relationships.

 

I mean, that's not a lovable trait, and also it's not as if you HAVE to be like that - you do have choices, and the reason that you don't have friends and fight with your family is directly linked to your superior attitude. It's not likeable, but equally you don't have to be like that, it's not genetic, it's your choice. Maybe try taking on board other things, try other ways of behaving. Someone who was truly intelligent (or machiavellian!) would realise that behaving like this was not an effective way to be, because it means that you DON'T get your own way!

 

I'm incredibly intelligent. My IQ (according to my school counselor) was off the charts, but I have trouble applyng myself. Last year, I made straight A's. Nothing under an A actually, and the 3rd in my class. Now, I'm making B's (Which are okay), and C's (Which to me is unacceptable).

 

I think this paragraph made you seem very young to me, to be honest. Because being intelligent at school, having a high IQ - that's fine. But firstly you should realise that when you leave the small pond of high school behind, you won't be such a big deal any more. You will meet people smarter and stupider than you, it's not about your IQ and saying 'I'm highly intelligent', it's what you do with your potential. And you need to reach out to people, take advantage of where you are, and decide what you want to be in life, who you want to be. As I say, you have choices and it's up to you to decide.

 

But my first point stands - you do sound like an incredibly normal teenager, down to the alienation, superior complex and the 'no one understands me' lines.... Good luck!

[Slagar]

1.) Why can't you trust people? There is very little "trust" involved in making a simple friend. If you have such an "impenetrable exterior", why are you posting on an anonymous forum for advice?

 

2/3.) So you can communicate well with adults, but not with people your own age? This could be a maturity thing... but I find it highly unlikely that there is simply no one you can get along with of your own age. If your conversations all come down to "drugs, sex, parties, sports" then I'd say you're talking to the wrong people, as that is quite a generalisation. Why do you feel stupid when you communicate with people your own age? Because you're "smarter" than they are? I can assure you, you can learn a lot from people your own age. You'll get older and wiser eventually, so what's the rush? Make the most of it while you can, or else you might look back and wish you hadn't "wasted" these years.

 

4.) Fair enough. This will likely change as you get older though. I didn't date until I was 18, and only then because "it just happened". You're so very young, and dating at 15 will largely end up nowhere anyway... (some people like that, but I personally prefer meaningful relationships)... so yeah, don't worry about dating yet. It'll happen when it happens.

 

6.) Relationships with parents are pretty much like that with most families I think. It's pretty rare to see a family where everything is perfect all of the time, or even half of the time. As for sports... well, you're being forced into it; it's only natural for you to dislike it. Especially considering your personality, and your dislike for authority. However, if you had joined a sport of your own accord, I'm sure you'd find it isn't all just "masculinity and school pride". Sport can be a lot of fun!

That said, each to his own. If you don't like them, consider that simply another trait of your own unique personality.

 

7.) Heh. Well, I hate to say it, but being intelligent will get you nowhere. Applying yourself will. This is definitely from personal experience. A friend of mine said "There are no geniuses at university" and that couldn't be more true. You may not like the work they give you, but if you continue to let yourself slide, your C's will turn into D's, and then you'll have problems. All I can say, is force yourself to stick with it. Not for your parents. Not for your teachers. But for yourself - you'll be much better off if you can get good grades and go through college. It's about setting yourself up for the rest of your life.

 

8.) Just remember: treat others as you expect to be treated yourself. If you're cold and disrespecting, don't be surprised if others are cold and disrespecting towards you. Don't like being treated that way? Change your attitude. Everyone out there is another person, just like you. They have feelings, love/happiness/anger/frustration, just like you do. Your parents are likely just trying to do their best for their child. It's hard to believe, but they're people too...

 

9.) There's nothing wrong with that. My brother plays the guitar a lot for the same reasons. Everyone needs some way to get away from things from time to time. Just don't go overboard.

 

Hope this helps

[Newo Ikkin]

Still being in my teenage years, I relate a considerable amount to what you have written. You may feel like you are in the minority - and I wont lie, I know full well you are - but you're not alone in the way you act or feel. We're young, we're learning. We have time to work these things out!

 

Its difficult when you know you're more advanced than the greater number of your peers - I understand that conversation is difficult, and talent feels as though it is lost. But dont become recluse and shy away from social opportunity because you have the hunch you're a bit 'above it all'. Sometimes its nice to take a break from your own 'norm'. Your advantage will still be there after the conversation ends.

 

As some wise old owl said to me not long ago, right now you feel as though you're buliding your own raft and you're floating along on your own. With time, people similar to you will clamber onto your raft, or build their own alongside.

 

Long story short, you are far from alone.

[Metallica Lightning]

1. No offense buddy, but I have to agree with Honey_Pumpkin. Nobody wants a friend with a conceited attitude like yours.

 

2/3. My son is the exact same way. He's not really into the whole 'teenager' thing and prefers to converse with older individuals. Thats fine, but you have to learn how to communicate wit heverybody kiddo.

 

4. Hey man...I'm 42 and I'm the same way! Some people just aren't made for relationships, but at 15 I'm not sure you know for sure.

 

5. Yeah, I can definitely see why this causes a problem. Most of the time, people don't like to have frinds who only care about themselves.

 

6. All families have "bi-polar" relationships. There isn't a family in the world who doesn't have a problem. I don't know if it was you who thought that families were supposed to be perfect, or if you mom was like my ex-wife...Always expeting things to be perfect, thats why I divrced her, so that my kids would come to realize that the world wasn't perfect, and so they can be better people as they grow.

 

7. Intelligence is nothing if you don't apply yourself.

 

8. I'm not sure if you're a Christian, but have you ever heard of the golden rule?

 

9. I love doing those things. nothing wrong with that, it's normal.

[Survictor]

So you're a teenager!

 

You will have to figure it out as you go along.

 

Life isn't easy!

 

I wish you well.

[Juliana]

First, the good news: You're a genius. Accordingly, you have recognized that most people are too stupid to trust, many things in life are pointless, and you have no rational reason not to consider your own needs first.

 

And now, the bad news: There's nothing wrong with you. This is what it's like to be a teenager, and a genius.

 

My advice to you is to continue as you are, find something you love to do (music, writing, engineering -- something), and do it. Apart from that, just suffer the fools as gladly as you can. And don't worry; right now there's some genius 15 year old girl looking around herself in frustration going, hmmm....where is he?

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Hello, potential candidate for Asperger's Syndrome. Check it out, I'd place a high bet you have it.

[Proactive Paradigm]

As she said, bring up AS with your doctor or other health professional. It may be difficult to find someone who is well-versed in it... or it was anyway, isn't autism the new buzz word(s) in recent years?

 

It is much better to get something like this confirmed or refuted in your early years - as an adult diagnosis can't actually do much for you; it didn't for me. You may feel relief for a short period because you know that your behaviour isn't your fault... but once that passes and you realise you're without a cure, what do you do then? Having said that if you get AS discovered in your teen years you have much more help available to you during your formative years.

 

At your age I could relate to almost all your points above. So I'd rather nobody else go down the path I am on. Trust me, it isn't going to lead to the land of gold and candy.

[turqoise]

First, the good news: You're a genius. Accordingly, you have recognized that most people are too stupid to trust, many things in life are pointless, and you have no rational reason not to consider your own needs first.

 

And now, the bad news: There's nothing wrong with you. This is what it's like to be a teenager, and a genius.

 

My advice to you is to continue as you are, find something you love to do (music, writing, engineering -- something), and do it. Apart from that, just suffer the fools as gladly as you can. And don't worry; right now there's some genius 15 year old girl looking around herself in frustration going, hmmm....where is he?

 

I agree with Juliana. Your inability to trust, communicate, make real friends, pursue relationships, and having maturity, an attitude and respect problem combined seem to be because you`re an intelligent teenager. you haven`t met anyone of equal intelligence.

 

Don`t know if you`re into philosophy, but check this site out; there are lots of intelligent interesting people that come here (i recommend the rant house):

 

link removed

 

Your self-centredness, and parents. Possibly just a teenage thing. But are your parents and granddad on par with you? Is the sports a big issue? Everyone needs someone they can turn to. Someone to understand them for who they are. Also, giving is one way of generating happiness for yourself.

 

And what are you interested in? What you want to do in life? If you check out clubs, insitutions and associations, you can meet a diverse range of people (eg. business for youth, politics for youth, join a band, language groups run by consulates etc). In my case, after a ton of sports bored me and felt superficial, I tried aikido.

[Sadie Lynne]

Hey for one thing were teenagers were aloud to be stuborn and we do have dramas and do stupid things its what us teenagers do and C's are not unacceptable there average, Yes parents make us do things that we dont want to do and its very normal to one day love then the next hate your parents and also were young it doesnt really matter how mature you are some people are just never ready for a relationship

 

That is the worst excuse ever. "We're teens, we're allowed to be stubborn!"

Whatever. We have free will. Just because we're expected to to be a certain way doesn't mean we have to be! I mean, that's just a self fulfilling prophecy.

And Cs are not acceptable. This guy is obviously intelligent, and he has potential to exceed standards! There's no reason for him to accept mediocrity when he can so easily succeed.

Not meaning any offense, but he's asking for advice, and you're telling him a c standard is acceptable.

[shadesofmediocrity]

I feel you in a lot of ways. I'm 16 myself and I've got a well above average IQ, apparently, and I relate best to adults by far. It's important to look out for #1 but without other people you wouldn't even be here, and the knowledge you have of the world would not be there either. No man is an island, entire of itself.

For Pete's sake, try a little humble pie.