Gifts from a non-boyfriend to my girlfriend

[anonymous coward]

It's been crazy these past couple of days. Page 6'ers, I appreciate your words-- I will respond. I'm just empty at the moment.

 

I have a really intense story to share about how this whole situation came completely unraveled on Monday night (the night she went out with her co-workers to the wine thing)-- but I'm just too exhausted to get into it, still.

 

I think it will be of everyone's benefit to know what happened (as a learning experience for us all), so I will tell you. But I have to let myself sleep now.

 

More later.

 

(And it will blow your minds into tiny little pieces when i tell you what happened.)

 

Peace.

[annie24]

It's been crazy these past couple of days. Page 6'ers, I appreciate your words-- I will respond. I'm just empty at the moment.

 

I have a really intense story to share about how this whole situation came completely unraveled on Monday night (the night she went out with her co-workers to the wine thing)-- but I'm just too exhausted to get into it, still.

 

I think it will be of everyone's benefit to know what happened (as a learning experience for us all), so I will tell you. But I have to let myself sleep now.

 

More later.

 

(And it will blow your minds into tiny little pieces when i tell you what happened.)

 

Peace.

 

oh yikes. this sounds ominous!

 

get some sleep, I hope all is well.

[Hope75]

We are here waiting when you are ready to share...

[Juliana]

My mind is already in tiny little pieces. Have at 'er.

[Hope75]

So what happened?

 

 

When ya going to tell us??

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Do tell...AC.....

[Spugly Fuglet]

this is going to go one of 3 ways

 

1: co worker made an inappropriate move, could even be he trayed rape, or blerted his love and gos down on bennded nee with ring gf blows him out

 

2: same as above but gf say yes ill marry you, or runs off with him

 

3: his bf/gf/wife turns up has a fight with every one.

 

can not thing of any others that could blow my mind

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

this is going to go one of 3 ways

 

1: co worker made an inappropriate move, could even be he trayed rape, or blerted his love and gos down on bennded nee with ring gf blows him out

 

2: same as above but gf say yes ill marry you, or runs off with him

 

3: his bf/gf/wife turns up has a fight with every one.

 

can not thing of any others that could blow my mind

 

Well if AC will not come back and tell us we might just have to start up a little betting pool. You know what they say, in the absense of any real knowledge...

[anonymous coward]

Hey guys-- thanks for sticking around. It's been a total roller coster since last week. I needed a few days to situate myself with these new matters of the heart, and it's been a fairly dramatic time.

 

I still promise to spill all that went down, but I've just returned from a trip, it's already 1am, and I'm a total zombie right now.

 

Though I can't explain why, I've actually been really looking forward to writing what has happened to me over the last week. Also, I imagine it will be the last time I post to this great forum, so I'd like to do a decent job. Total lameness, I know. But. I'm a dork.

 

More soon.

[Spugly Fuglet]

so no word then, you know I'm losing sleep over this, its as bad as "FREANDS" you know where Febe comes in and say "I have some really exsiting news!" and its into add brake.

but then the power cuts out and for years you trall throw repeats trying to cach the same show and not wonting to get all 10 years of dvds, o its doing my nut in.

 

tell us please I beg of you

 

what happoned

 

 

pluss I have $20 on number 1

[Juliana]

Spug, we just have to face it: It's over. He's never coming back. He's never going to tell us what happened, we're never going to get the closure we so desperately need. We have to let go, Spug, and move on -- This obsession has to end!!

 

I don't know if I'm strong enough.

[Spugly Fuglet]

we can do this, we can walk away, in fact run if need be.

 

O the humanity of it

[Rabican]

Well thats the last time I give him advice!!

 

Nobody likes a cliff hanger bro, nobody. Its like watching a good movie, and it just stops... without even getting that lame 'to be continued'

 

Just kidding dude, hope all is well.

[Hope75]

OK Guys,

 

Try to remember to be respectful of the OP. This was a difficult topic for him to discuss, and just because he is not responding, does not mean that he is not reading this thread still.

 

I know you are just having a little fun, but please try to keep the OP in mind and keep it respectful.

[Spugly Fuglet]

I dont think by any strech of the imagination you can say our posts where ris-espectful, the last post was, well by my readying very up beat form OP as thow there had been a positve out come form the events. Im I wrong in thinking this?

 

I take it you must have been contcated directly for a post such as the one about, this must mean that my post and others has indeed up set OP, which was never my intent, I am very sorry if my posts ofeneded.

 

OP if youb are reading this please forgive an old Spugly his silly moments.

[anonymous coward]

Hey guys, I'm posting tonight no matter what-- your conintued interest has really been lifting.

 

Look for something around 11-12-- I haven't been able to tell the story as I had hoped to, and will give it a go when I get back home tonight.

 

Thanks for your patience-- now I only hope my story can be somewhat satisfying for you. We'll see. All I can do is tell it like it is/was.

 

More in a few hours.

[anonymous coward]

The night she went to the wine-tasting gala was one of the worst I've ever had. You may remember in my post from that night how I was wondering allowed if she was having fun.

 

The event started at six. I expected to hear from her at some point, just to check in, because she knew I was uncomfortable with the situation, and I was certain she was going to be extra sensitive about how I may have been feeling. You may recall that she was going with a female colleague and two guys, both managers, both single, both a few years older than she, one of whom had been hitting on her in the office, and the other one his best friend. It was that situation with her manager, actually, that had me so hurt, confused and desperate for support a few weeks ago that I sought and luckily found this forum.

 

Ten o'clock came around, and still no word. Had she gone home and fallen asleep? It was a Monday night, after all.

 

When midnight came, I couldn't help but give her a quick call just to see if everything was OK. It rang three or four times and then switched to busy. I wasn't sure if it was because she had decided to cancel my call or if it was the connection, so a few minutes later I called again. It rang a few times and suddenly she answered, laughing loudly. She said hello and I heard a guy's voice in the background saying something and she started laughing again.

 

I said it sounded like she was having a fun time and I asked her what she was doing. She tersely said I knew where she was. Then I heard another guy's voice-- this time singing at the top of his lungs almost into the phone itself. Laughing, she said "Hey!" and turned away from him, or something, causing his voice to drop into the distance a bit.

 

When she told me she was going to this thing, she gave the impression that it was going to be formal and professional. It was, after all, for "work". The raucous I heard really confused me so I asked her who the guys were. She didn't answer right away and then asked if there was a reason why I was calling.

 

Pins in my ears. She'd never asked me why I called before. Did I suddenly need a reason to call my girlfriend?

 

I asked her again who the guys were, and she hesitatingly said the names of her two managers. She started asking me something, but her speech was a little slurred. I calmly asked if she was drunk and she seemed offended at the question. I asked if her managers were drunk and she denied it, quickly. I asked her if her boss always went around screaming and singing at the top of his lungs at "business" events, and into her phone when she's on a call. She didn't answer. She said they were outside, walking to the subway together.

 

Then I did something that really surprised me: I hung up on her. It was the first time in my life I had ever hung up on someone, I was pretty sure. But it was definitely the first time I'd ever hung up on a girlfriend.

 

I felt betrayed and I felt stupid. I grabbed my guitar and paced around my tiny NY apartment, unsure of what to think or do. I was weakened, upset and confused. I thought of calling a friend.

 

Ten minutes later she called back saying she was in a taxi on her way home. I asked her very seriously if she was drunk, and again she took offense at the question, but then said that it "was, after all, a wine tasting gala" but that she was definitely not drunk at all.

 

It was clear to her that I was upset, but she seemed annoyed at me for it. She said that she didn't spend any time with her managers at the party and what on earth was I upset for.

 

I wanted to agree with her and just let her go home and sleep. But I couldn't. Things just didn't seem right. She arrived at home and I waited for her to get inside before continuing the conversation.

 

After all that had happened between she and her manager a few weeks ago, and also between she and I, and everything else... the whole situation just didn't make any sense to me. Had she been listening to any of the things I had been saying over the previous weeks about how her behavior with other guys and her coworkers was hurting me and our relationship?

 

I asked her why she didn't call to check in, and she said her phone was off because there were guest speakers and she didn't want it to ring. I asked her how it was that she and those two guys ended up leaving together if they weren't together at the gala. She didn't know. I asked if she knew how much it bothered me that she decided to go drinking with those two, of all people, especially knowing that one of them is interested in her, and especially knowing how bothered I was about the situation between she and them.

 

She got upset at me getting upset, again. But this time was different. I had an edge. I felt like I was on firm ground. I told her I couldn't handle her choices, or her behaviors, that I was tired of being unhappy about the situation... and, after quickly recalling everything that had been happening-- the guys, the presents, the mini-dates, the calls, the dinners, the attractions... I said I wanted to break up.

 

And time froze...

 

 

Did I really say it? Did I actually just tell this girl who I loved more than anything that I wanted to break up?

 

I did.

 

And there was silence on the line. My heart was beating so fast I could hear it interrupting my breaths into air pulses. It was like I had been running, rather than standing there alone in my room at midnight, breaking up with the girl I thought I'd be with forever.

 

I started to explain that it wasn't because I didn't like her, or that she was a bad person-- but just that it was hurting me too much to be with her. I went over all the things that had built up, and how it was obvious that nothing was going to change, and that if I stayed with her I'd be miserable because she was making me feel that way. I said maybe other guys could handle it (though consensus among the amigos is that no guy in the world would be OK with what was happening on her end, though I didn't say it to her) and I said I wished so badly I didn't feel this way.

 

While I was explaining, she started saying something really softly into the phone.

 

"No, no...no.... no..."

 

It got louder and louder until she started crying. I tried to console her, and explained that it wasn't her, probably, that it was me, my weakness that made me so unhappy in the relationship... and she started yelling my name.

 

Yelling it.

 

And then she really started crying. She just burst and it was loud and absolute torture to hear her so hurt. It broke my heart, again. And again. And again. She wasn't breathing well, and she started choking and coughing and gasping. She tried to say things, but they wouldn't come out because she was too emotional. When she did speak, I couldn't understand anything she was saying... other than my name. Other than "It's us."

 

After a few minutes, still crying, she started asking me "why"... "why are you doing this? Why are you doing this to me?" And tears were pouring and I had never heard her voice sound like it did. It changed pitch and went deeper than usual. She started saying I was making a big mistake, that I didn't understand how much she loved me, that she thought we'd be together forever, that...

 

And hours started to pass.

 

Then she did something unexpected: she started saying that she couldn't live without me, and that even if I broke up with her, she was not breaking up with me. Between tears, she started repeating that she didn't want to be with anyone else, that she couldn't, that she loved me so much, and wasn't going to give up on us, and every time I tried to speak, she'd say my name, preventing me from continuing.

 

There were very long periods of silence after that, I'd say even 15 minutes would go by without either of us saying a word. She made sounds that were agonizing for me to hear. Like she was physically hurt, and it hurt me like nothing else.

 

Between extended moments of silence, she started say things like: "I love you, . I'm so, so sorry to have put you through this. Oh my god. God. You don't know how much I love you, or how much it hurts me to know I've hurt you. I'm yours. Do what you want to me, but I'll never stop loving you, and I know we belong together. I love you, I love you... , why is it so hard for you to see this? Why are you doing this?"

 

And more hours slipped away.

 

What the hell was I supposed to do from there.

 

I did what anyone would have done, I imagine: I stayed on the damn phone.

 

 

Guys, the story of what happened between she and I goes on, and is part of the reason why I haven't been able to post anything over the last couple of weeks. I'm going to stop here before it gets too long, and I promise I'll finish it over the next couple of days. The end of the story isn't as important as the process it involved, and the condition that process existed in.

 

I'd like to think it's an important story to share, that maybe we all will be better, fuller people for what happened to me. It's stuff like this that writes our lives, our own narrations as characters in the world, and our stories are about what it means to be alive. We all come from different backgrounds, Ellie, imteddybearfeelmecuddle, Juliana, Spugly Fuglet, Rabicon, Hope75, annie24, Caterina, Luck of the Irish, Survictor, JimmerJammer, malaika1, langford, renaissancewoman101, Day_Walker, DN, BellaDonna, CarnelianButterlfy, laboheme... Different cultures and different experieces. But our identities relate as people, and this is the stuff we are made of, and some would say even made for.

 

You guys are a part of my story now, too.

 

Peace.

[Rabican]

Glad to hear that you are ok. Or ok given the situation at least....

 

My advice to you is this. Stick to your guns, you know in your gut that you just are not 'happy' with the current situation. so unless she is willing to make some changes, or compromises on your behalf I would say let her cry you a river. Actions speak louder than words. If she truly loves you, and you are the one she wants to be with she should be more than willing to make some compromises for ya. And the 'amigos' have already spoken here, so you know your concerns and worries are not totally unjustified.

[Spugly Fuglet]

Thank for filling us in, I would say more talk lots and lots of open harted talk, about where your both heading and how you can make this work.

Dont let the Green eyed monster get the better of you, always work on facts and remember she dos not make you feel any thing you make your self feel things.

[Iceman26]

My advice to you is this. Stick to your guns, you know in your gut that you just are not 'happy' with the current situation. so unless she is willing to make some changes, or compromises on your behalf I would say let her cry you a river. Actions speak louder than words. If she truly loves you, and you are the one she wants to be with she should be more than willing to make some compromises for ya. And the 'amigos' have already spoken here, so you know your concerns and worries are not totally unjustified.

 

I agree. Hopefully her actions will back her words.

[Hope75]

So- did you stick to YOUR guns?

 

Did you take her back? Or are you still broken up?

 

Seems to me that she thought she could continue her actions without any consequences, and when she realized you would not allow her to treat you that way, she was shocked.

 

I am impressed, and I hope that you did not give in.

[Caterina]

Wow. Thats an amazing story. I hope that she's treating you the way you deserve now. I wish you the best of luck *hugs*.

[anonymous coward]

So, the loose ends...

 

I stayed on the damn phone.

 

We were connected, psychically and technologically-- at one point almost 30 minutes went by and neither of us said anything. Total fiber-optic void save for the occasional breath, or sniffle. I was lost. I had just broken up with her, but she remained engaged in us. There was a depth. But we were both in it, and neither one of us wanted to leave the other there, in the muck.

 

I never, ever miss work. For some reason I hardly ever get sick. And when I do, a good sleep takes care of it and I'm ready to rock and roll the next day. That being the case, despite staying on the phone all night, when 8am came around I decided to go to the office. She elected to take a sick day on account of sleeplessness. It was a strange conversation to try to end.

 

"OK, well, bye." Yeah, right.

 

I headed into work and did my thing as a zombie. I felt dislocated from the world from the lack of sleep, and it was nice. At around 3pm she called. It was warm out, so I walked outside and sat down on a bench.

 

She said she loved me and that she really surprised herself by how much she did. She had never been dumped before, and she couldn't believe that even after I dumped her, she still wanted to stay together. She said it must have meant that she really loved me as much as she thought she did. She asked why I couldn't see that.

 

I said that no one would have been able to see it based on her behaviors with other guys, and how was I supposed to know how she felt if she goes around trying to get attention from other guys all the time.

 

She said she didn't go around trying to get attention...

 

And I said I didn't want to talk to her at the moment, and that I had to go. She didn't let me-- she said "No, wait..."

 

She said maybe she did sometimes like getting attention, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love me, or want to be with me, and couldn't I see that by how close we were.

 

I said sometimes I knew, and sometimes I didn't, like when she doesn't tell other guys to bugger off when they hit on her. I reminded her that we were in a long distance relationship, which makes "attention seeking" all the more difficult to deal with. I felt like an idiot telling her these things. As if she didn't already know everything I was saying or feeling. Yeah, right.

 

We talked for an hour then, and that night we talked for three.

 

That weekend I flew up to be with her-- it was a mini anniversary occasion. At dinner, she gave me a silver thumb ring. I've never worn jewelry of any kind, but it was a nice gift. I gave her a silver bangle that had our names, the date and the amount of days we had been together engraved on the top. It was an anniversary, after all. I had it made before the night I broke up with her.

 

I wonder if she's been wearing it. The ring is on my table. I'll never be a jewelry guy.

 

Since then we've continued our nightly phone marathons (thanks to Skype), and things have been OK. She's at a Christmas party tonight, which is why I have time to write to you guys. It's actually her fourth Christmas party-- her company has different parties for different clients. It's annoying for me. I wonder if she spends much time talking with her managers at the parties. I wonder if she flashes that smile that sets 1000 miles of jungle on fire.

 

Bet she does.

 

It's 10:19pm. It started at 6:30. You want to know how I'm doing? I'm wondering if that's a normal length of time to be at a Christmas party. It sucks. But I endure it. I spend my nights between being cool about everything, unattached and busy, and loathing myself.

 

The phone has become my enemy. It's next to my keypad on the desk here. It should have rung by now.

 

This is how it's going to be. I'm the king of self-infliction.

 

I'm still slightly uneasy, and I get the impression that maybe she's choosing to tell me less about her interactions with people because she's aware it may make me uncomfortable. It's working, though.

 

I'm flying up to Toronto on Thursday night, and will stay for the holidays and I won't come back until January 7th. 18 straight days with her. It will be my 9th trip up there since August, and will be the longest amount of time I've spent with her.

 

This trip will firmly determine the future of our relationship. This trip and I together. If I decide to, I'll commit myself to the whole thing. The pain, the frustration, the joy, the situation. Her grip.

 

If not, then... I'll be able to start saving money again.

 

Thanks all for the kind words and attention. You're still the best.

 

Peace.

[whenamansloveisreal]

wow

 

i am speechless

 

i wish that was me

 

congrats - i am happy for u both

[Rabican]

All I can say is good luck... and make sure things really change. Omission of details on her end isnt fixing the problem. I mean... if shes still doing all the things she was doing before, and just not telling you about it... that really doesnt solve anything.

 

You need to have a real heart to heart talk, and come to some sort of agreement on what is acceptable for both of you. Im sure you know this... but you have to be firm about it. Sounds to me (maybe im reading this wrong) that she cried, and you just melted and things are going to remain status quo.

Lets home Im wrong.