anonymous coward Posted February 24, 2007 Author Share Posted February 24, 2007 It's psychological. I'm just too attached, or something. I want things to work out so badly. But it's become a masochistic conflict of emotional endurance. I feel like I want to win. Like this is just the price a guy has to pay to be with someone as amazing as she is. And she is amazing, in many ways. Poison can be amazing stuff. I'm going to go to the gym and try to stay on the level. Thanks again, guys. I'll let you know what happens... she will call at some point. She will. Tho it may be 3am. Peace. Link to comment
EvaGina Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 I dont know I often send my friends presents If I see somthing and I think they would like it, I get it for them. Link to comment
Rabican Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 do you think she should have given the flowers to someone else? should i have made a bigger deal out of it? i tried *so hard* not to blow up about it... I think she should have said, Im sorry but I have a boyfriend and I cannot accept flowers from you on VALENTINES DAY!!!!!!! and then offered to give them back, or tossed them in the trash. Read my posts from before, I dont even have to re-read them I know that I told you this would happen again. You have a descision to make my friend. You love this girl, that is obvious. But it seems to me that you both have two different views on what a relationship should be. I went through a similar problem with my girl once. She thought it was ok to hang out with some ex 'fwb' guys. I felt that wasnt appropriate. Yet I didnt have the spine to say them or me. Now I do. I know what i want in a relationship, and thats not it. Is this what you want? you shouldnt have to worry about this. So you need to decide if you can put up with this forever, and just deal with it when she goes out with 'the guys'. Or if you want someone who has your values and respects your feelings. Personally, i would tell her that this second try you are giving her is just more of the same, and that you have decided that you just want two different things and its been nice knowing her bye bye! Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Right! A nice amiable split. You know its not gonna work Marine. When the enemy has overrun your main line, you fall back and restructure. Well your overrun, distance, a fun-loving lady and yes, jealousy have busted you down, not once but twice now. Its time to pull back and start to restructure your life. NC would be a good place to start after a lengthy conversation stating that you simply can't deal with all the emotional aggrevation. Like I said, from your descriptions and postings I don't sense her cheating or trying to be hurtfull to you. She just likes to go out and have a good time, but when your not there to give her the attention she needs, she HAS to get it somewhere. I don't think she wants to cheat, but sooner or later, it will happen. Not to be mean to you, but simply because every day she is just a bit lonelier. She needs you there, but you can't be, and its hurting both of you. If you love her, you should be willing to let her go. Move on dude, for her sake as well as your own. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 Is there any point in this relationship where one of you plans to move closer to the other? It seems to me that this wouldn't even be an issue if you were going to be at this club with her and these other friends. But the fact that you are miles away and have no idea what she's doing is what's bothering you most. I don't see where a LDR can go if there are no plans for one of the parties to relocate to be more close to the other. Just curious if you both have a plan. Link to comment
anonymous coward Posted February 24, 2007 Author Share Posted February 24, 2007 Yeah, there's a plan, sort of. We do want to be together in the same city, and we also talk about living together all the time. I'm in a graduate program here, so I guess we're basically waiting for it to be over, which will probably be in December if I continue taking a full course load. One thing that has aggravated me in the past was that she used to have this attitude like: "if you really loved me as much as you say you do, you'd move here to be with me now." Or "You obviously love your graduate program more than you love me." It was really hard work to get into this school, and really stressful/expensive to relocate to NYC. Getting a job here was tough, and holding full-time job and doing full-time graduate work is a sick way to live... but I still manage to make it up to Toronto every 2-3 weeks. But she still sometimes holds it against me. As if it's the easiest choice in the world-- drop out of school, quit your job, immigrate to Canada, get another job... be with me. She always says: "I know how important that degree is to you". When she says "important to YOU" she tries to make it sound like I'm being selfish, or something. The truth is that this degree is important for both of us if we are to have a future because it will determine what sorts of jobs I can find. Also, it's just an amazing opportunity for me... I come from a lower-middle class family in the woods of Maine. Because I work at the Uni, I don't have to pay for classes, so it's a free masters degree from one of the most expensive schools in the world. And she still seems to expect me to toss it "if I really loved [her]." Really puts me on the spot with it, probably about once a month. She called last night once she got home, about 3:30, but she fell asleep about 5 minutes later. She actually fell asleep on the phone. Was sort of funny. And sort of infuriating, too. Before she fell asleep she just said "I wish we lived in the same city... I wish we lived in the same city. I love you...." . Makes me think something happened last night, like she just had so much fun at the dance club with those guys. Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted February 24, 2007 Share Posted February 24, 2007 She may know whats coming....no one can hold out hope forever. I hate to keep beating this horse, but it can't work...your hurting each other too much. Link to comment
anonymous coward Posted February 25, 2007 Author Share Posted February 25, 2007 Locke- I really appreciate your attention here, your comments are blunt but entirely helpful. I'm still in that place-- deep in thought these days. Deep. It's stressful, but needs to be done. All of my attention is on this. I'm spinning. Link to comment
Locke2121 Posted February 25, 2007 Share Posted February 25, 2007 Good luck....I've said all that needs to be said for now. I honestly hope the two of you can work this out! I get the impression that you make a good couple. Oh, I know the school your in now is important, but is transfering closer to her an option? Just a thought! I can sense the stress your under from school and work, just finished my Bachelors, so I can see your side of it if you can't. Link to comment
anonymous coward Posted February 27, 2007 Author Share Posted February 27, 2007 in part 3 of a long break up epic. we both stayed home from work today. this is unquestionably the hardest thing i've ever done. i'm in a special hell. she's just not hearing me. frustration is far worse than any other pain. Link to comment
Rabican Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 Heres what I think... you should just move on. You two dont sound like you want the same things. Or, tell her that you are willing to be with her, but you want her to drop everything and move to be with you. After all, if she really loved you she would just quit her job, school, friends, etc and move to a new country. Why not... she expects you to do the same. So make sure you throw that question at her if you do continue talking to her. Make sure she sees how rediculous that is. Link to comment
Aalina Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Non-sentimental gifts for a non-boyfriend are a challenge, because you definitely do not want to give the slightest encouragement. Link to comment
pl3asehelp Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 I dont think you should have anything to be worried about, if she is telling the truth about telling the guy that she has a bf and is not interested. If he knows the truth and he still insists on giving her gifts and chocolates, then the onus is on him NOT her. Besides, what is wrong about a friend giving someone gifts, even if the person is taken? Gifts are a sign of friendship and should not be taken always as a sign of love or interest. I give my friends gifts, even guy friends. Doesnt mean I have an interest in them other than friendship. This dude is trying to get to her - he's not giving her these gifts as a sign of friendship. She knows this. She should not be accepting these OP. I don't think she's going to stop though. She likes the attention. It comes with maturity that she'll realize what she's doing and she'll stop eventually when she realizes that kind of behavior won't allow her to have a good relationship. SHE IS WRONG - if that helps clarify it for you. A woman like this will have you doubting yourself constantly, making it seem like what she is doing is ok and that you are the one with the problem. Don't buy it. She's early to mid 20's, right? Link to comment
DN Posted January 9, 2012 Share Posted January 9, 2012 She's early to mid 20's, right?She was but this thread is now four years old. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.