Strip Clubs- Cheating or Not?

[TiredMan]

But they don't have to be at strip clubs either.

 

They don't. But it's one of those "traditions" to them. I didn't invent it. Doesn't mean the person getting married has to cheat. It's usually at a strip bar or someone's apartment where there is strippers.

 

My feeling is if the other person is so insecure that they can't handle it, then this WILL be a problem later on with the person being insecure, worrying about who the person associates with, and in the end, over possessive.

[CarnelianButterfly]

They don't. But it's one of those "traditions" to them. I didn't invent it. Doesn't mean the person getting married has to cheat. It's usually at a strip bar or someone's apartment where there is strippers.

 

My feeling is if the other person is so insecure that they can't handle it, then this WILL be a problem later on with the person being insecure, worrying about who the person associates with, and in the end, over possessive.

There are many "traditions", like the guy wasting a ton of money on a stupid ring, but people don't have to follow traditions to be happy.

 

No person is without insecurities, you can't say you have never had an moment of self doubt. Can you honestly say your significant other lustily watching after another man as he dances naked is totally acceptable and perfectly fine with you?

[TiredMan]

There are many "traditions", like the guy wasting a ton of money on a stupid ring, but people don't have to follow traditions to be happy.

 

No person is without insecurities, you can't say you have never had an moment of self doubt. Can you honestly say your significant other lustily watching after another man as he dances naked is totally acceptable and perfectly fine with you?

 

Yes and I am against the idea of engagement rings as others will attest to. But you are not against it because of the tradition thing, just don't like them personally.

 

If I am with someone I care about, I am secure and trust them. I pick and choose the person very carefully so I know they wouldn't be the type to cheat. If my g/f was invited to a strip club for a specific reason, I wouldn't tell her no. Now if she chose to start going on her own every Saturday night, it's a different story. But I don't do that either. And you can't call it "lustily watching" unless the person chooses to do so.

 

When you let your insecurities get to the point of forcing someone else to do something or not do something, the relationship is on it's last legs. Resentment builds. If you are under the impression, your SO all of a sudden thinks every person of the opposite sex is disgusting, then you are living in fantasy land.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Now if she chose to start going on her own every Saturday night, it's a different story. But I don't do that either. And you can't call it "lustily watching" unless the person chooses to do so.

 

When you let your insecurities get to the point of forcing someone else to do something or not do something, the relationship is on it's last legs. Resentment builds. If you are under the impression, your SO all of a sudden thinks every person of the opposite sex is disgusting, then you are living in fantasy land.

What's the difference between one time and many, the actions are still the same. Is she not just going to enjoy looking at members of the opposite sex, as she still finds other men attractive. You can't decide for her what she will do on her Saturday nights.

[need2bme]

FCTex: Wanna hear something funny?

 

My current SO, used to be a "dancer". Still is, one night a week. She holds a professional job and is the sweetest thing you could ever meet.

 

That being said, she still told me that I cannot go to this other club I want to go to and I cannot go to hers, unless she is with me.

 

Go figure???

[need2bme]

WOW! Hadn't realized where the thread was going...

[rodeo-rider]

When I was a dancer, I didn't want my old man at the club, either. I don't follow HIM to work and stand over him, so why should he be able to do that to me and hurt my chances of making money?

 

He gave me an ultimatum of quitting my six figure job! He was insecure about what I did for a living, and I was doing it for 2 years before I met him. He is actually younger than I am by 3 years...I was working in a club b-4 he was even legal to drink! I quit the job because it hurt him to see the big pile of $ I brought home. He wanted to marry me, and I loved him dearly and didn't want to lose him. And this is all true..not a fabrication to make my "argument".

 

I do not want this thread to go the way of the last one where CERTAIN people were present and posting their opinion. But...I need to get this off my chest:

The person on here who is doing most of the posting is a huge hippocrite, period. This person sounds like he/she has rules that only apply to him/her, and changes them to suit his/her argument. I do not like to attack anyone for how they feel, period. It is their life, not mine, and I will always state how I feel, but I don't expect the world to think the way I do.

 

I lived this life (stripping) for 7 years. I did it because it paid better than waitressing and working in the factory. It also paid for my college tuition and was NEVER something I was going to stick with.

 

For the women who have a problem with their lover/husband/boyfriend going to these places: I don't blame you. I know it makes you feel bad. No one likes to feel bad. Simple. My husband LOVED the idea of dating me (stripper me) and HATED the idea of MARRYING the "stripper me". I made the choice to get out, and I am glad I did. I would do anything for this guy, and I proved it by quitting the job so he wouldn't have a broken heart over it.

[SexySadie7]

So.. original poster.. here is a girl who worked in the industry and she's completely understanding of the fact that it's a legit fact it will make your girl feel like dog doo to have you see naked women dancing!

If that doesn't tell you something, I'm not sure what will.

I think that CarnelianButterfly hit the nail on the head though when she said:

" Can you honestly say your significant other lustily watching after another man as he dances naked is totally acceptable and perfectly fine with you?"

See... it's still a man's world to a large extent. Tell me where in a large city, that a straight woman could go see straight men strip... let alone a whole franchise of them?

I've always thought that there should be a Hangers for women.. With good looking, well built, nicely endowed men as waiters. Doubt it will come in MY lifetime.. but women like to see nice looking men too.

Now tell me.. honestly. if you came home every day and your girl was checking out a hot guy on the computer who's "maleness" was twice the size of yours? Or was always wistfully looking at guys with large muscles, (if you don't have them) or ones with luxuriant hair.. or you are starting to have your hairline recede.

Tell me, in all total honestly, that wouldn't make you feel insecure or bad in some degree? Because it's not abouit the strip club per se.. but the fact that you think that type of beauty is what you guys lust after.. not what your girlfriend has.

It's almost like to women.. that her beauty isn't good enough to interest you, in her eyes.. and that hurts a woman's ego.

Course.. if you want to be stubborn.. it sounds like you are gonna lose this girl anyway.

At least she stands her ground. I admire her for that alone.

Shoot. i dunno. .Maybe you ought to date a girl who likes to go to male strip joints regularly and has lots of hunky well-endowed male guys on her computer desktop. Maybe you would be more compatible with that type of woman.

 

 

 

 

 

 

__________________

[TiredMan]

What's the difference between one time and many, the actions are still the same. Is she not just going to enjoy looking at members of the opposite sex, as she still finds other men attractive. You can't decide for her what she will do on her Saturday nights.

 

If she is going because of the "occasion", do you really equate that to someone who wants to go for themselves? I've gone to a concert of music I despise because it was someone' birthday. I would and never have gone again on my own because it's not my thing. But I went FOR the person because of the occasion.

 

Seems to me if you are that worried about your partners finding other people attractive, then the problem is you, not them.

 

Deciding what the person is doing on Saturday nights is dependent on the relationship I have with them.

[TiredMan]

Rodeo_rider, nice attack post. And if your husband GAVE you an ultimatum, he was wrong to do that. He met you as a stripper so he really can't complain. You chose to leave and you can do that. But if you hadn't chosen to leave what you wanted to do (even though you said it wasn't going to be a profession you were gonna stay in), then you had that right.

[FCTex]

I wasn't really doing more than fishing for what others thought..

 

I, as the original poster, didn't think this would blow up like this. Silly me.. I haven't posted on here, since I was attacked rudely by someone nasty on here, who I won't mention..

 

I won't be goinig to any strip clubs any time soon, just irritated at what I thought was an unfair and silly ultimatum.

 

I don't care what others do personally... all I know is what I handle at home, and it's nothing like whats been blown out here.

[BellaDonna]

Silly me.. I haven't posted on here, since I was attacked rudely by someone nasty on here, who I won't mention..

 

 

If this has happened to you, please make the moderators aware of it (if you have not already.)

 

I've observed that most threads about strip clubs that have been on this site have turned into very long discussions with many different views, so please don't see that as something that was done to your post specifically.

 

 

BellaDonna

[TiredMan]

I wasn't really doing more than fishing for what others thought..

 

I, as the original poster, didn't think this would blow up like this. Silly me.. I haven't posted on here, since I was attacked rudely by someone nasty on here, who I won't mention..

 

I won't be goinig to any strip clubs any time soon, just irritated at what I thought was an unfair and silly ultimatum.

 

I don't care what others do personally... all I know is what I handle at home, and it's nothing like whats been blown out here.

 

I can see both sides in your situation, having went bacm and reread your original post.

 

From her POV, going as much as you say you do (business, parties I'm ok with, all the times on your own, I think is a bit much) is a problem when with someone.

 

From your POV, the ultimatum thing is just silly and to me is a relationship breaker. No one should give you ultimatums like "you do this and I'm done" within reason. You also say that she thinks you should never masterbate because you have HER. That is just plain sillyness and shows me she is too insecure to be in a relationship at all. What's next? Cover your eyes if you guys are walking and am attractive woman is nearby?

 

There has to be a compromise where you cut back but do go when it's for an "occasion". Or you need to someone else.

[FCTex]

I don't even go much. I already mentioned that. I've gone less than a handful of times. However, I know the future holds true that I will have the opportunity to go. I might be asked to go with a client, or some friends birthdays.. However, I don't just go on my own. I've never gone alone, and won't.. and I don't just get up, and say.. 'Hey, it's friday night, I've got a stack of singles, and I'm up for some fun, lets go see some titties."

 

 

Bella, I did mention it. I was told that my posts pertaining it were deleted, and I was infact told my account would be suspended for some time if I said anything else... It was infact one of the nastiest things I've had directed at me, and was surprised it was left standing.. Kinda disgusted me, but hey, it's the internet, and I got over it.. Just left a bad taste, and considering nothing was done about it.

[need2bme]

Just to clarify;

 

I understand totally why a partner, male or female, might feel slighted by their SO looking at constant porn or going to the strip club.

 

I thought it interesting that the woman I care about, does not want me to go to a club without her. Interesting and that is all.

 

I assume it is because she knows things that may happen there, that I don't. As far as the comment about knowing what Rodeo Rider did, sure I know what my girl does and IT DOES NOT BOTHER ME!

 

Only 2 things bother me:

 

1) Don't ever lie about any of it...

2) Don't use anything around it to disrespect me or hurt me...

 

...or you are OUT! I don't think she would do either.

 

I just found it interesting that she can dance without me, but I cannot watch, without her. That is all.

[kellbell]

Hey all,

 

I cringe when people write, strip clubs= cheating....period. No. It is cheating to the person whom feels that way. People have different takes and perspectives on what he/she constitutes cheating. This why it is so important to have these kinds of discussions BEFORE a person decides to committ to another. People have their own boundries and standards which why it is paramount to find another whom has very similar if not the same standards and boundries or else these issues will become a problem.

 

For example, my boyfriend and I both feel lapdances, cyper sex, phone sex, kissing, being members of dating websites/ and or porn

sites, touching, and intercourse is ALL cheating. Now, that one or more of these to OTHERS may NOT be cheating...but it is FOR US. I personally do not feel going to a strip club and watching is not cheating but for others...it IS. It is important to lay all that out in the beginning and then make decisions or compromises accordingly.

 

What may be cheating for one may not be for the other. It is relative. FedTex...you nor your girlfriend is right nor wrong. It it HER standard and her relationship boundry. Whereas, you have different standards and boundries. So, it begs the question, is this something that can be worked out, can a compromise be made? Is this something you can live without on behalf of your relationship? Those are questions you and your girlfriend can answer.

[avman]

This post under investigation