Strip Clubs- Cheating or Not?

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

You say your ex gf was insecure, but instead it just sounds like she's normal, and you were immature, and self centered. Just my observation.

[TheRedQueen]

I myself enjoy going to strip clubs, why? Because I enjoy looking at the beautiful women, especially when they've got good rhythm.

 

I am quite liberal and free-spirited, so I find absolutely nothing wrong in a person viewing porn or strippers. Also, I don't feel threatened by porn stars or strippers, and to tell you the truth, I'd be more wary if my boyfriend spent his time with an attractive female friend, rather then with his buddies at the occasional strip club outing.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Viewing women to me is as interesting as viewing rats. Ooops, that's not true, watching labrats would probably be more interesting.

[TheRedQueen]

Viewing women to me is as interesting as viewing rats. Ooops, that's not true, watching labrats would probably be more interesting.

You just compared women to rats, and the rats won, that's frightening.

[CarnelianButterfly]

You just compared women to rats, and the rats won, that's frightening.

 

For some people the rats would beat them down in a minute.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

You just compared women to rats, and the rats won, that's frightening.

 

Ha! No, I'm not comparing the two, but seriously I would be more interested in watching lab rats, than watching women strip and prance.

 

If that floats your boat more power to ya, but like I already said, it's not for me.

[Sandi]

In this situation I would ask: What's more important? Your strip clubs or your girlfriend? If she has such strong views then do you really care that much about going to strip clubs that you'd jeopardise a relationship for them?

[New_Horizons]

I think you have to respect your g/f's wishes in this matter. I know I would consider it cheating if my g/f went to a strip club to ogle at naked men. Anyway you have to consider what's more important to you - your g/f's trust and peace of mind or your urge to go to strip clubs.

[VickiRose]

What if you took her with you? Got her a lap dance????

[TiredMan]

I think it also has to do with context. If my g/f went to a strip club, I would find it very very odd since she isn't into it at all.

 

I also don't like going but I did go to a go-go bar once in our relationship. I didn't want to go at all but almost had to because the people I was with in my car needed to go for work. No one was nude though. Just bikinis.

 

But, like if I was invited to go for a bachelor party (mine or someone else's) I would go. And if she was going to a bachlorette one I would feel odd but would not tell her not to. I do know a few women who demand their b'f doesn't have a bachelor party if they get married to each other. I tell them that builds resentment and it's kind of silly to demand that.

[Caterina]

Dude, I'd be more worried about this whole "ultimatum" business if I were you. Relationships are give and take, if one person is saying "if you do XYZ then I'm walking" then that spells trouble. I mean, where does it end. There are of course some non-negotiables (like sleeping with other women) but not being "allowed" to look at other women???? That leash is gonna feel awfully short after a while.

What if your girlfriend took up the notion that she liked to wear dead squirrel carcasses as an accessory every day? What if it started to smell up the house and people looked at you every time you were out with her? You aren't going to give her any ultimatems? Good for you and your free thinking then.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

What if you took her with you? Got her a lap dance????

 

But, what if she doesn't want that?

[TiredMan]

What if your girlfriend took up the notion that she liked to wear dead squirrel carcasses as an accessory every day? What if it started to smell up the house and people looked at you every time you were out with her? You aren't going to give her any ultimatems? Good for you and your free thinking then.

 

You can't compare the two though. I think the other point is valid.

 

"If you ever masterbate, I'm leaving."

 

"If you fantasize about any woman other than me, I'm leaving."

 

"If you don't do everything I ask, I'm leaving".

 

You have to use natural examples of something they were doing before. Now if the person was wearing dead carcasses, you would have known about it BEFORE the relationship got serious.

 

It's like when someone marries a cop, knows they are a cop and then all of a sudden expects them to quit for them.

[melrich]

You have to use natural examples of something they were doing before.

 

Dating other people.

Sleeping with other people.

Going out partying with the boys 2 nights a week.

Staying in your PJs all day Saturday

 

Unfortunately when you start a relationship with someone you cannot just keep doing everything you were doing when you were single. Relationships involve by their nature sacrifice and compromise.

 

Again I personally see no great issue with strip clubs. They don't interest me but if someone in a relationship wants to go to them and both partners are OK...no problem.

 

If one partner is not OK with it full stop and the other is lying and hiding his/her strip club activity you have a problem.

 

In this situation if there is no compromise the best course of action is to decide which is more important, the strip club or the relationship and go with that. In this case you can't hold it against the person doesn't accept it and you can't hold it against the person who ends the relationship because of it. No one's rights override anyone else's rights.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Staying in your PJs all day Saturday

What about Sundays?

[doyathink]

Very good case in point Melrich.

 

I have seen ppl say...

 

'well if she wont give me bj then I'm leaving'

 

'If she wont do anal then I'm leaving'

 

'If she wont have sex with me every three day at least,...then I'm leaving'

 

What happen to compromises and meeting in the middle. What is a deal breaker and what can you let go of and live with?

[rodeo-rider]

Geesh. Women have a lot of competition in this country...TV, magazines, music....etc...

 

I hope the ppl on here who have a hard time grasping why someone feels a certain way or the other can understand this:

 

No female likes to feel un-attractive (as I am sure, most guys). It is impossible for someone who loves/cares for/in love with etc. someone else to NOT be hurt, even a little at the prospect of the PERSON THEY CARE about fantasizing/leering/smiling/applauding a naked/nearly naked/scantilly dressed/very sexy man of woman, who is not them.

 

How is that so hard to grasp? Even the most secure/strong/self assured people prefer their lover/significant other to be "exclusive" for them.

 

What is the dif. on the MOTIVATION for going/doing? Payback, curiosity, so what? Feeling bad about the prospect of the person you love getting "satisfaction" from someone other than you does not make you insecure.

[TiredMan]

Well, hiding anything or sneaking around or even going through a person's phone and/or texts are all bad. I didn't mean that.

 

But you can't compare dating/sleeping with other people with going out with your friends. You can cut back on that but if the other person just wants you to stop, that is their issue. I have had former friends who, after they started dating someone or were with someone, were never around. And I forgive everyone once but after that, I cut them off. Sure, I understand you can't hang out as much but these people would disappear because of being with someone. I had one close friend (used to hang out with him every day) and when I went to school he was dating someone. I came home and wanted to hang out. We used to go clubbing so it was something we planned to do. His g/f was so petrified that I was trying to get him to cheat on her (which never crossed my mind to do) that she "got so sick" and he didn't go. And she felt better immediately. Needless to say, the next time that happened (with a different girl) i left and never spoke to him again.

 

I'm not into strip clubs either but some of the suggestion people get from their SO are borderline possessive. Don't do this, don't do that. I know one female who will not let her b/f have a bachelor party when they get married. And he is so whipped that he agreed to it even though he wanted one. I want to bop him in the head lol. You give someone that much control and it will only get worse.

[rmpavlock]

The bottom line is that this is a deal breaker for your girlfriend. You pick and choose your battles in a relationship. Is going to a strip club or the idea of going to a strip club SO important that you will go against that? If it is, then you may need to just find someone who shares the same view as yours. If it isn't so important, it shouldn't be such a huge sacrifice. It just depends on what this means to you. Everyone has their own preferences. She doesn't want to date someone who goes to strip clubs. You can either be that guy and stay with her or you can leave and continue to go. It's up to you.

 

However, you shouldn't be hiding what you are doing. You either need to make the sacrifice or let her go. By staying with her and keeping it a secret, you are the one who ends up looking like the jerk.

[TiredMan]

I think relationships are mostly about communication and compromise. If the other person is telling you "stop or we are done" (other than having sex with someone else of course) there is no compromise there and you should just drop them. If you bend too much to people, most of the time, it doesn't end there.

 

Like a person who lets their partner start telling them what to do. Anyone ever seen those couples where one person is basically in complete control of the other? It's tough to watch.

[melrich]

Don't do this, don't do that.

 

Yes it is all about reasonableness and stopping you from seeing friends is not a good sign (unless you want to see them 24/7) but visiting strip clubs is a different thing. Some people do have very strong issues with that and it is not just insecurities, it goes to their values.

 

So again if someone you are going out with says it's a deal breaker then you have to respect that. Either get out of the relationship or stop going to the clubs. Don't, as the OP suggests he may do, hide and lie about the activity from them.

[TiredMan]

Yes it is all about reasonableness and stopping you from seeing friends is not a good sign (unless you want to see them 24/7) but visiting strip clubs is a different thing. Some people do have very strong issues with that and it is not just insecurities, it goes to their values.

 

So again if someone you are going out with says it's a deal breaker then you have to respect that. Either get out of the relationship or stop going to the clubs. Don't, as the OP suggests he may do, hide and lie about the activity from them.

 

See my feeling is that when you give in unconditionally like that, you leave yourself open to things later on. It also involves HOW this is brought up. Ultimatums like "dont go or we are done" and I will always go even if I don't want to. There should be no ultimatums in a relationship. Some things are just universally common sense (don't hit me, don't cheat on me etc.) where they pretty much apply to everyone. But like you said, people think differently about strip clubs. I think it also depends on the reason the person is going.

 

Someone who is going to a strip club just because he needs to see women and pay them is far different than someone is going for someone's birthday or bachelor party or something to that extent.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Ultimatums like "dont go or we are done" and I will always go even if I don't want to.

Then you have no right to criticize women that go to strip clubs after their BF's have, it’s the same thing. It’s the intent of doing it is just to be spiteful. How is that any better? If anything its childish and a passive aggressive act trying to subvert the relationship.

[melrich]

Someone who is going to a strip club just because he needs to see women and pay them is far different than someone is going for someone's birthday or bachelor party or something to that extent.

 

Yes I tend to agree with that. I also think that each person has to make a judgement about how big an issue it is in their relationship. I'm also not a fan of ultimatums but I do see the "strip club issue" as slightly different because it can be a matter of values, not just someone's dislike for the activity.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Hear, hear!