Hmm, am I in the right.

[equinox]

My girlfriend has been sick alot latley and she went to the doctor yesterday. Now she comes online on msn tonight and I message her to ask how she is feeling and but for some reason the massage bounced back at me cause it didn't send. No I was going to ask her again but I forgot so she finally says "I'm feeling much better today, Thanks!!" so she starts whining. Now, she often looses her temper when I make little mistakes and goes very hard on me but this time I am just not in the mood for it. I told her that she knew perfectly well that I cared and I then told her to stop it. A bit later I said sorry and apoligised for not asking her. Then she says that she has not time to talk and goes with out a goodbye to me so I tried to call her and she hung up twice.

 

Now I was going to call her a thrid time but I didn't. To me she's being as childish as hell and I have had enough of her loosing her temper over stupid reasons. Am I being hard or am I right?

[DaDancingPsych]

I think she has a right to desire your attention and affection. Certainly check yourself. Do you always remember her feelings? Maybe this is an area that could use more work.

 

However, I think behavior was a bit extreme here. If this was an isolated case and normally you go out of your way to show her that you care, then she need not jump off the deep end.

 

To me, it sounds like you both need to communicate your needs more clearly.

[Mun]

You already apologized.

 

Best way to get your message accross: SHOW her you are tired of her childish ways by not being around when she is being like this. No more calls, let her come to you now.

[jjj]

Deep down im sure she knows that you care, she may be having a hard time of things at the moment and an ideal coping mechanism is to lash out at the nearest and dearest Dont take it to heart

[Day_Walker]

First of all, do not allow her to treat you that way. If you continue on this path then this is how your relationship is going to be. You need to learn that you do not need to appolize and bend to her will. Stand up for yourself and do not let her knock you down. Let her know that you will not tolerate her temper and it is not welcomed. If she feels the needs to throw fits then she can do it with another person.

[blender]

In a relationship, it's okay to "bend your emotional muscle enough to stretch and strengthen it, but do not bend so much that you tear this muscle and then feel the need to lean on her more for validations, it will become a vicious endless cycle that will only leave you feeling "weak" and "restentful" set some emotional boundaries with her.. by stating that you care about her, and you apologized, follow this up with your choice of behavior towards her and yourself and that is more than enough in a healthy, mature, respectful relationship, you might be finding out that this is not that kind of relationship after all... give it time, make an effort, but do so with self respect. But if you continue to feel as if you are "walking on eggshells" so she remains "happy" well then, it's time to move on...

[Newo Ikkin]

I sound so much like your girlfriend. Its not childishness as such - there's normally more behind it.

[rose2summer]

Wow, hanging up on you is immature and needs to be dealt with.

 

I must admit, I was that way about 10yrs ago, and I feel bad for the bf I had back then.

 

I would hang up on him when he made me mad and wasn't nice to him.

 

I was young, immature, and self-centered, and have since changed and am very caring now.

 

The only way I changed was because he knocked some sense into me and told me to SNAP OUT OF IT.

 

She either needs to grow up or boot her out.

 

Hugs, Rose

[Beec]

If you respond in the way that she wants, to this kind of passive aggressive bs behavior, it will soon control you. Don't let that happen. Do not try to control her, and don't let her control you. You can let the idea of you doing what is right and good for her control you, but know the difference.

[shep88ner]

dude, my girlfriend is the exact same way. they could even be identical lol. so i know what you mean when she flips out over trivial mistakes. and we pretty much handle our problems the same way too, sometimes i just dont want to get into it over something stupid and then my girlfriend says i come accross as a "smartass". but im not really, its just she's mad and im in a normal mood so she cant see that im normal, she sees me as a jerk. but yea, i do think she is being childish and she needs to learn to trust you care about her even if you slip here and there. i dont really have any advice for you since i have the same problem and would kill for solid advice. but you did nothing wrong man, just hang in there and dont try to make matters worse by defending yourself into making a huge fight. if she's like my GF, she'll be over it in a little bit

[Momene]

Those sort of temper tantrum antics really annoy me. Quite often the situation gets out of control because I get angry for my wife being angry.

 

Trouble is, how can you tell somebody that this sort of behaviour is plain unacceptable?

[equinox]

Ok well I did call her, spineless perhaps but I wasn't soft on her. She tried to tell me that I don't care about her etc etc so I simply told her to stop and that she knew full well that I love and care for her. I then told her that I will not allow her to take her temper out on me and expect me to do nothing and that if she were upset she knows she can talk to me. Well after that we talked more and after a while we were talking happily.

 

I'm really happy that I did this, normally I'm very shy but I stood up for myself and maybe she respects me a little more for having done so

[Mun]

normally I'm very shy but I stood up for myself and maybe she respects me a little more for having done so

 

 

Agreed. I think you did good

[blender]

Always stand for what you believe in, if you didn't do tihs, she would eventually stop belieiving in you.. so you did the right thing, and it will empower you to love yourself, set standards and healthy emotional boundaries and she will rise to the occasion, and if not, well, then you will know when to move on... don't lose yourself in order to keep a relationship going.. it only leads to your own resentment and unhappiness.. be proud that you took this step and keep it up.. you love her, you respect her, you're giving her credit to be an adult when you tell her where you stand, and she needs to do the same for you.

[blender]

Those sort of temper tantrum antics really annoy me. Quite often the situation gets out of control because I get angry for my wife being angry.

 

Trouble is, how can you tell somebody that this sort of behaviour is plain unacceptable?

 

Momene, you said exactly in a nutshell what you need to say to her.."it's unaccpetable for you" here's perhaps the scenario suggestion of what the dialoge might be like:

 

"Honey, I love you but your choice of behavior pattern is not acceptable for me, for my life, my heart, my emotional health, and I want you to try some therapy, I care for you, but without an emotionally healthy and happy me, I'm no good for you, so please take care of yourself and get some help, I'm exhausted and want us both to have a chance to be happy".

 

If she has a knee-jerk negative response, then simply say, "I"m so sorry you feel that way".. then be silent for a few days, do not respond in your usual way to her "unhealthy patterned behavior" then if she does not come around and say, "I thought about what you said...etc"..

 

then you might have to set another boundary, by saying and actually following through with, "I'm going to therapy so I can find out how I can be happy, if you want to join me, that would be great, if not, I want you to know that I will no longer be responding to your tantrums, I will walk out the door and leave, and be on my own for awhile, this way of life and pattern of behavior we have gotten into with each other is not "right" for either of us".