I will swap sex for...

[CarnelianButterfly]

Well no, but it wasnt as if there was nothing there either... we spent time together like a normal couple might (I know we werent a normal couple, but still...) so it wasnt just the sex, and it wasnt as if he was cold with me or anything either, he was always lovely until now...

Stop rationalizing and defending him, he's not a good person, a good person wouldn't sleep with another girl because their partner is waiting for marriage. Look at how he's acted. He was nice to you so that he could have sex with you, you were #2, not his girlfriend.

[Aida2]

I'm not saying he is a nice person, I meant that i knew it wasnt love and that it probably wouldnt end up being anything, but it didnt feel like it meant nothing either... plus something one of his friends said too...

[CarnelianButterfly]

I'm not saying he is a nice person, I meant that i knew it wasnt love and that it probably wouldnt end up being anything, but it didnt feel like it meant nothing either... plus something one of his friends said too...

When did the friend make this comment? Pre or post dumping?

[Aida2]

Today, most of them were being foul but two of them just kind of stood to the side and told me as they were going.

[CarnelianButterfly]

What did he say?

[gattsuga]

The best thing for you, and the worst thing for him right now, is for you to ignore everything he does.. completely. If he stalks you, go to a public place and pretend he doesn't exist. If he doesn't stop, get a court order. NO JOKE. Stalkers are really creepy, you never know what's going throught their minds. for all you know, if he sees another opportunity, he might even try to rape you and dominate you again. Please be very careful.

 

If he spreads rumors around, and tells all his friends/your friends, I'd ignore it. It's something you did, and you probably will have to live with it while you're still going to school together. But school ends, and life goes on. He's like your bully now, and like all bullies, they crave attention above all else. Depending on how stubborn he is, he might keep persisting relentlessly, but if you ALWAYS and always ignore him, he could lose interest eventually.

 

Take care of yourself, and I'm glad to hear you're taking steps to correct what you did. He's definitely not worth it. other than his parent's money, he doesn't have much left. i pity him

[CarnelianButterfly]

If it was his friend, its most likely something he told his friend to say to you. He's already had his sister run his errands, why wouldn't he have his friend say something. You need to be strong. Push away all feelings you have for him he's never going to be good for you. Even if he broke up with his GF and really asked you to date him, could you ever trust him? How could you ever feel he would be totally honest and loyal to you?

[Spugly Fuglet]

I will add this, his still trying to get a responce form you, this is his next try after

 

1:Sending letters

2:Sending flowers

3:Sending a sick video

4:Starking you

 

and now hes trying to get to you throw 3ed partys,

 

they are all signs of his loss of power and he is now larning hes actions have a pain conseqwance form you, so hes trying like a childed to hit back.

 

This is whats going throw his small and sick mind

 

"How can a woman do this to me, ME! dos she not know whos she dealing with, No one dos this to me!, Ill show her ill make her beg for me to come back, ill hart her any why I can"

 

So hes made up a story and now hes telling all his mates

 

You can play this a fow ways.

 

1: hit back, he has given you stuff to do this. But I would not.

2: Tell family, thats up to you

3: Do not react, do not give him what he wonts a reaction from you and a chance to see you in pain. Just smile when his mates say thing, hes trying to get you a rep as a SLAG you know it and I know it, but if you dont react and when you meet a nice guy go steady for a time and hes words will fade, this guy trust me will make a fool of himself in the end, he will do this with the next girl and the next. Hes a loser big time.

 

We all think her you are way better then this guy

[Aida2]

What did he say?

 

They said that he was more hurt than I thought and he really was sorry and that they were really sorry about what he had done and for letting their mates say all the stuff they did...

[CarnelianButterfly]

It was a lie. If he was hurt he wouldn't have treated you like this.

[Spugly Fuglet]

he's still with his gf so not that hurt then, he hurt so mush he sent you a that vid,

[BeStrongBeHappy]

wow Aida, time for a fresh start! you are way too young to already be settling for second best, and having sex with someone else's boyfriend for jewelry. i think you really were more after the love than the money, so you should get some counseling to try to help you understand why you would even start this up, and put up with being 'second best'. no one deserves that, though i am sure he was quite the happy bloke having his cake and eating it too... really a lesson learned for you at a young age, that some people are so selfish they don't care who they use and hurt.

 

take that knowledge and walk away and don't look back. and if you are having trouble doing that, sell some that jewelry to pay for a counselor to get you well and healthy and happy again.

[Aida2]

So... even if they werent lying for him, dont go back...? Not even if it was own twisted way of showing some kind of feelings...?

[CarnelianButterfly]

You are better off with out him. What's there to go back to? Being a sex toy to a selfish jerk, that's not going to do anything but hurt you more.

[EastIcon]

Wow! Such a hot topic worthy of 17 pages of response! I may have missed it and someone has asked it already, but... What do YOU want out of this 'arrangement'? Granted, this is totally dysfunctional (and worthy of a hollywood movie) but, really, what do you want out of this?

[Spugly Fuglet]

Aida2 I'm with BeStrongBeHappy on this.

 

All we can go in is the fact,

 

I wish I could find the link that gets posted from time to time on "how to spot a loser"

 

See it all comes down to the things this guy has done, there not good things, there a worring sigh this guy has some really nasty things larking in his head, when we read your posts alarm bells went off.

 

he cheated on he's gf.

he storked you

he payed for sex

he used you and others

 

he's, smart, rich, charismatic, but also sp, selfish, manipulative, deveus, a cheat and a lier.

 

in other word, bad news.

 

when some one holds your hart in there hands you have to know you can trust them, how can yiu ever trust this guy, when you know he's just playing you to get what he wonts, act and dos all the right things but in fact is all the above.

 

he's one of lifes losers, at taker, he sees others at things to be used, he will stay like this until other teach him that you can not do this, in other words he needs to grow up.

 

But if you think yoj can change this guy alone then he will just thing his ways have worked and will carry on.

 

what we are saying is save your self the pain this guy will give you and walk away, just chuck him and wait, there are better guys out in the world and you will meet them as you cachment of freands gets bigger, as your mum if she would like a holaday just you to, a week end away, cheap flight shoping trip to Melan or florance. then have a chat.

 

but yes keep away from this guy and don't let him get his hucks back in you.

[southerngirl]

link removed

 

Losers in Relationships - read this aida

 

I wish I could find the link that gets posted from time to time on "how to spot a loser"

 

 

no, you shouldnt go back. keep up no contact no matter what he does. He isnt a good guy.. He is bad bad news. What the others have said is correct, his behavior may get even worse than it is now.

[CarnelianButterfly]

After reading that site, this to me stands out as one of the most sure signs of this guy...

The Mean and Sweet Cycle "The Loser" cycles from mean to sweet and back again. The cycle starts when they are intentionally hurtful and mean. You may be verbally abused, cursed, and threatened over something minor. Suddenly, the next day they become sweet, doing all those little things they did when you started dating. You hang on, hoping each mean-then-sweet cycle is the last one. The other purpose of the mean cycle is to allow "The Loser" to say very nasty things about you or those you care about, again chipping away at your self-esteem and self-confidence. "The Loser" often apologizes but the damage to your self-esteem is already done - exactly as planned.

Public Embarrassment In an effort to keep you under control while in public, "The Loser" will lash out at you, call you names, or say cruel or embarrassing things about you in private or in front of people. When in public, you quickly learn that any opinion you express may cause them to verbally attack you, either at the time or later. If you stay with "The Loser" too long, you'll soon find yourself politely smiling, saying nothing, and holding on to their arm when in public. You'll also find yourself walking with your head down, fearful of seeing a friend who might speak to you and create an angry reaction in "The Loser".

[Aida2]

But he doesnt do all of them, he never embarrassed me deliberatly or at all...

[CarnelianButterfly]

But he doesnt do all of them, he never embarrassed me deliberatly or at all...

He was yelling at you from accross the street, how it that not deliberate?

 

Read that site,

If your partner possesses even one of these features, there is risk in the relationship. More than three of these indicators and you are involved with "The Loser" in a very high risk relationship that will eventually create damage to you.

[southerngirl]

But he doesnt do all of them, he never embarrassed me deliberatly or at all...

 

He doesnt have to do all of it to be a loser.

 

Oh, and he was deliberately following you around, to the point where you kept looking and watching. I would say alot of what he is displaying is very stalker like behavior if not flat out abusive. Be very careful with this guy, he was enjoying controlling you and now that he has lost the control he could get very dangerous very quickly.

[Aida2]

I got a letter from him this morning, i havent opened it... should I?

[CarnelianButterfly]

I got a letter from him this morning, i havent opened it... should I?

Send it back to him. Put it in another envolope, write his address and toss it in the post. Don't put a return address, don't write anything, return without comment.

[Corvette]

Sleep with his girlfriend? that solves all your problems in one go.

 

This is smart

[Aida2]

This is smart

I thought so too...

 

 

But I really want to know what he says... isnt there anyway of opening it then... well I dont know