i damn near knocked him out, but was i wrong to intervene???

[shep88ner]

i dont really know if this is the right place for this post, but it's close as i can get because of the oddness of it. well, i'll try to keep it brief. i knew this girl from highschool and i never ever talked to her. she was the weird, semi-goth, kinda emo people that i just didnt associate with. and on top of this, she was really quiet. so i knew who she was but didnt know her. well the only class i had with her was my freshman year, and since that, i never had her in any classes. well...towards the end of my senior year, i met my current girlfriend. my GF and this girl happened to be best friends. so as time went on i got to know this girl since we hung out all in a group and everything, and i learned she was actually really cool. well, she met this guy and he seemed ok, a little weird, but nothing out of the ordinary. he was so nice to her and we all hung out, the 4 of us all the time.

 

well, as time has gone on, his temper has come out like crazy. and when he and this girl get in a fight, he REALLY lets her have it (verbally). screaming, yelling, cussing...really a crazy person in my eye. we just learned a few weeks ago this girl is now pregnant with his child to my disproval, but hey, their lives. anyway...we were over at his little apartment, the 4 of us, and they started to argue before we left. so me and my GF were just going to leave and stay out of it and let them handle it together. but just as i was closing the door, i saw him reach out and shove her against the wall and got right up in her face yelling. my girlfriend didnt see it but the second i saw that i told her i'd be right back and i burst back through the door and fliped out. i ran up to him and shoved him one time to the floor. i stood over him and, shouted some choice words, and told him very sternly that if he wanted to beat on someone, to get up and beat on me, not his pregnant GIRLfriend...well, he stood up, steped back, and tried to hit me. but before he could throw his punch i caught him right under the eye and he stumbled back and i then shoved him into the wall.

 

i then, forcefuly told him that if he ever touched her like that again i'd hear about it and i wouldnt be as nice. we left his apartment and he was just standing there, looking at the ground and his girlfriend was crying at the whole thing. i talked to her and she said he was actually really calm after we left and they for once, had a real talk about their problem. im cool with the guy still but i know that he knows if he ever does that again ill kill him.

 

 

i just dont know if i was in the wrong. i mean, i feel a lot better for stoping this guy from beating on a girl, a pregnant girl at that. but other than a few short months, i really dont know either of them. i was just raised to NEVER ever hit a girl. my dad has a saying, "if you ever hit your girlfriend, or wife, or whatever it is, you'll have your old man to answer to." and i know he'd whoop my a** no matter what his age. that was the very first fight i have ever been in, it was the first punch ive ever thrown. apart of me feels better, but something in me tells me i shouldnt have acted out like i did. i dont know...its just weird...what do you all think???

[New_Horizons]

Would you have stood up for the 'victim' had it been a (weaker) male? I'm just curious.

Personally though, I think it would have been a better idea to just 'break up' the fight and maybe threaten to call the cops. That's my two cents.

[shep88ner]

as bad as it sounds, if it were a weaker male, i probably wouldnt have steped in like i did. in that situation i would have just broke it up. but it was the fact it was a pregnant girl

[yeawutever]

Many people would just stand there and do nothing, you did, which shows your true good character. However, the choice on staying in an abusive relation is hers only, you may help but if she doesn't leave him, it's her choice.

[johnagent1911]

I don't see anything wrong with that.. One time I was sitting downtown and seen a guy chasing after his girlfriend yelling and etc. I ran over there and I seen the girl bleeding from her nose and I asked "what's going on?" in which his girlfriend was telling me how her boyfriend just hit her and this guy kept on after her, so turn around to him and I stuck her boyfriend right in the chin. I felt a little bad... But I knew he wouldn't stop so I took action. I still think about that but I still stand by what I did.

 

Fighting isn't always pointless.

[yeawutever]

Yea, another suggestion would be calling the cops and make a report on it, then again it's her choice whether to be treated as a doormat or leave him.

[shep88ner]

the thing about calling the cops. i mean, sure, they might cuff him and take him downtown. but within a day or two he'd be right back like nothing happened. he'd never learn from that. he's a foster kid so he doesnt really have a real dad that would show him the right/wrong way to be a man/father. im not saying im going to act like his dad, but in a way i think the only way he's going to actually learn is if i forcefuly let him know what he's doing is unacceptable. and since our little run-in, he hasnt (to my knowelge) done anything to this girl. i even heard an argument they had and he didnt know i was listening and he actually wasnt yelling that much. so i dont know, maybe it did some good? maybe not...i just feel good and bad about it

[HellFrost666]

There is nothing wrong with what you did. Infact I commend you and I would have done the same thing. My girlfriend was abused (both physically and verbally) by her ex... I just have no tolerance for that.

[yeawutever]

Abusers tend to hardly ever change. If physical abuse didn't work on them b/c either someone stop them (ex: what you did in that case) or they got in probem, they then will instead turn it into emotional/verbal abuse to lower their victims self-esteem and self worth.

[Maverick32x]

you rock man... thats all i have to say!!! I totally think you did the right thing, there is no excuse for his actions, I didnt matter if you knew him or not... you can only hope his girlfriend realizes what a mistake she has made and GETS OUT!!! Hopefully you might of shaken him up a bit... but i doubt it sadly... either way its very cool that you didnt just walk away.... makes me wonder what i would do in that situation... I would like to think i would do what you did... but i really dont know.... good test of character though...

[englishwoman41]

You do rock and i admire you.

[Juliana]

Abusers see the refusal of other men to intervene as tacit approval. You did the right thing. If more men were like you, abusive men would feel more inclined to control themselves, if only out of self-interest.

 

I can't tell you how many times I met his friends at the door with a split lip or bruised face and wondered, "am I so meaningless, that no one sees anything wrong with what's happening here?" What you did tells his girlfriend more than it tells him, and you shouldn't be ashamed of defending a weaker person from violence.

[Helen67]

You deserve a medal my man!!

 

Be proud of your actions, and everytime you feel he's warming up to something with his g/f, give him the warning look, that should cool him pretty quick!

 

Well done again, a true hero!!!!

 

Helen x