Down I go..

[sandyv]

No one else here yet? Guess not eh? They are all hung like dogs (or maybe cats) lol.....

[LONESOUL]

Oh Good. I feel sure she will accept once she finds out who she will be playing....

 

I'm ready for the Christmas party tonight (thats a lie) Looking forward to all the cheer (and another lie) and the booze (finally, the truth!)

[sandyv]

Aww yes and the truth prevails!!!!!! No office parties for me, I hate those, Lucky's.... yes indeed......

[desertnomad]

good morning..yeah I had quite a few last night at some cool club but of course the memories of this time last year flood back all night and this morning.

 

I wish I could just accept the fact that I am living in another world now or something like that. Like that sci fi show sliders..I just slid into another world.

 

On a side note anyone know who naomi watts is? She was on leno last night and she is absolutely incredible looking.

[LONESOUL]

Morning Desert~

I fake my self out sometimes, I tell me I am on vacation, or, she is frozen in time...whatever I need to do to get through the moment, maybe it's dumb, but it works for me.

 

I haven't see her, who is she and what is she in?

[desertnomad]

shes been in alot of movies not sure which ones lately

australian actress

[LONESOUL]

Maybe I have see her then, sounds like I should remember.

 

I'm so glad it's Friday....I need a break from this office!

[desertnomad]

Well I have the day off but I know the feeling LS..hope it goes fast for you today

[Vynde]

Ahhh.. break down... so easy to fall to your knees..

 

its been 69 days - and i can still be brought to my knees and be complely shattered... by a song. .. oh god. this has to get better.. pleasee..

[LONESOUL]

John~songs are the worst! What happened, friend? Want to talk about it?

(and 69 or 169 days, you can't help how deeply you feel, it's okay, remember you can't set a time on recovery, its a process)

[Vynde]

im completely broken down lone - wedding song. i cant believe this.

[Vynde]

i felt i had come so far - and i guess i know this is a low..i really cant do this anymoe

[Vynde]

im on meds, im talking to friends, i have u guys - what the hell... im so sick of this.. i havent felt good since... just someetimes better..

[LONESOUL]

John,

I am so sorry it's a rough hour...oh how they hit deep. To you my ffriend I say this "This is not the rest of your life." You will not hurt like this forever.

You loved a woman enough to make her your wife and planned to spend the rest of your life together. For whatever reason, your wife choose another path. Of course you are hurting, and it will knock you to your knees, no doubt about it. BUT, there is more for you John. You are still the wonderful man you were before you met her. You are still the man that some very lucky

woman will love again. You must allow yourself the room to breakdown now and again. Remember the first time you thought you had gotten over some stage and it whacked you in the face. We have to learnn to expect that because we do have "triggers" until we can create new memeories for our

short term mind. Tell yourself, okay, wow, I needed to loose it for a bit today, BUT, nothing has really changed since before I broke down,(a good friend told me that one time..wink wink) in fact thats one more step forward...

and toward healing. I think it was Orlander one time who basic wrote that

each breakdown, each sobbing cry should be welcomed with open arms because it is HEALING raining down on us. Oh how we need a healing.

You can do this, steady as we go John, steady as we go.

[LONESOUL]

I'm on meds too John, I take Zoloft, for me it is a Godsend.

It's for depression, can you think of people who need it more?

The meds are not the enemy ...it's okay to take them while you need them.

It does not make you weak, it makes you a strong enough man to know right now, you need a little help.

Again, you don't need them forever~just for now.

[LONESOUL]

John,

 

I'm going assume that you are giving yourself a moment and then you will return to let us know how you are doing. Okay? You CAN do this. This board is chuck full of people who swore the pain they felt would kill them. It did not.

It made them stronger, and in some cases even more emotioanlly healthy people. imagine that. But its true. I have been where you are, I do not know if I will egtt that low again, but I might. What I do know is that no matter how much I think it will not ever go away, it does...it just does. It the human

spirit, it's the soul, it the human heart and it's incredible.

 

Check back in as soon as you can, just to let us know you are okay~even if you don't feel like talking. (but I hope you do!)

[doyathink]

You guys need to tell Sandy to stay away from Jack! link removed

[sandyv]

I'm sorry apologizing for my stupidity, I have been extremely sad, (suicide and its true actually) thinking of getting a shrink, if i do continue this so called life... ( no big deal, just having some trouble , never mind my pal DYT) tho I love her terribly, but she's right, I'm losing it..... talk to you soon all.... xx llluv

 

sam (my dad used to call me that) and thats another thing, no christmas this year, my dad's gone, i have no family, no bf, no nothing, sorry don't mean to wine, but i feel soo lost....

[doyathink]

^ I'm teasing you Sandy, I was wondering when you would come here and give me some luv girl...lol

Your a great person, you are hurting.

[sandyv]

Big time DYT. thnx for being my pal....

Never used to do it much, but i find myself crying alot lately...

[doyathink]

I know, your a sweet heart lady. Keep your chin up, theres a man out there who deserves your love.

[sandyv]

DYT: I can never love again, he was the only one, I understand how William55 felt, its the same for me, have you reads his posts, they were straight from the heart, much as I feel i believe....?

[doyathink]

I read a few of them ...yes. To me, no one is worthy of another taking their own life. I've been to the pits of hell in love, it's no fun....I have felt the way you do now, .......I'm still alive and happy for everyday God gives me to enjoy life. It will get better, I assure you it will.

[sandyv]

Hey dyt I can totally relate to Bills post here:

 

Those words are for me, as much as for they are for anyone.

I miss my girl so bad I just ache inside.

It's a beautiful day outside and I just can't appreciate it.

Everyday I try to gather enough strength to move on.

I am so preoccupied with thinking about her that everything else seems obtrusive or unimportant.

I say to myself that I am getting better and I know that I progressed from begging to NC but, I hurt as much today as in the past. In fact, as time moves on it only serves to enforce my belief that she has left me forever.

I'm sitting at home now. It used to be our home. I am surrounded by memories and they creep into my heart and fill me with despair.

I pray often. I know that what I am doing is prolonging the hurt but I cannot pretend to feel otherwise.

It will be a long time before I get right. I'm just taking it one day at a time.

[sandyv]

Thnx for your inspiration god knows i need it now... .xoxoxo