Ex boyfriend just won't leave me alone..

[bravegirl04]

Hello all...i was wondering if I could get some advice.

 

I will try to make this as short as possible. Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 3 years. We first started dating when we were 16. During our freshmen year in college, things took a turn. He dediced he did not want to me with me anymore. I was crushed! In college I would find him with several women, I even walked in his dorm room one day and he was having sex with another female. Keep in mind our college is a small private school, so i know all and see all. it hurt so much to the point that i was suicidal. This pattern continued for over a year...him being with all these women, and me not being able to do anything about it because technically, we were not together.

That next summer, i found out I was pregnant. he was there for me, but by that time I couldn't stand him. When I was about 10 weeks pregnant, i was diagnosed with cervical cancer, so my doctors told me it was best to terminate the pregnancy so i could be put on meds. the same day i had the abortion, i went upstairs to his dorm room to see why he hadnt came down to check on me. Guess who answers the door? His so-called girlfriend. This is the point where I said ive had enough. I no longer loved him, it was over. That was when i started doing me. I started seeing another guy who goes to the same college as us, and my ex starting flipping out. He started doing the same things I did, standing outside my room to see if anyone was in there, following me all around campus.

When my ex started to see he was losing me, he tried everything he could to get me back. But i wasnt having it. I became pregnant again a couple of months later, and my ex was crushed. But i didnt care!!

Since then, my ex has been calling me nonstop, telling me how much he loves me and wants me back. As of today, I am happily married and have a beautiful 5 month old son, but my ex does not care. He calls my house all times of the night, waking my family up. He tells me how stupid and young he was at that time and hes so sorry, and i just say to him "im sorry, i cant hear you, i am now deaf to your pleas as you once were to mine!!"

This man has destroyed my life in every aspect. He physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me. Till this day because of him, I cannot trust anyone, even those I know would never hurt me. He said the craziest thing to me the other day. He said, "If you would have held on a little longer, we could have been together." Meaning, if i could have let him disrespect and abuse me a little longer, if I would have said nothing when he was having sex with females in front of my face just a little longer, we could have been together. I have never heard anything like that in my life. That made me so angry.

I just dont know how to get rid of him. He calls me all the time. Ive changed my phone number several times but he always gets my new number. My husband has even answered my phone and has told him to stop calling. But he still calls. When i try to tell him he needs to move on with his life, he always cuts me off because he says he does not want to hear that. it is so crazy how the tables have turned.

My question is, how do i get him out of my life? I understand that eventually he will find someone else and move on, but what about right now?? I have never been a cold-blodded person, i cant just say to him "Look...its over!! Get on with your life!!" Is there another way to deal with this situation?? Please help!

 

 

 

"One day he will wake up and realize he loves me...but that same day I'll wake up to the person who already knew!!"

[robowarrior]

Basically if he calls again, say you are going to call the police and take legal actions against his harrasment if he refuses, link removed you can read this and see what actions you can take on a legal basis.

[LONESOUL]

Hi Bravegirl04, first let me say congrats on the "new life" happy marriage,

child..thats wonderful. It is a great example of what can happen once we finally let go of those that hurt us so badly!! Having said that, being nice isn't

working with your ex. I agree with Robowarrior if this contiunues it is time to

call the police. You are correct though, IMO that he will give up when he meets someone else~but you and your family should not have to live your

lives on his timeline for any reason. The man is menace, let him know once and for all it isn't happening between the two of you by calling the law. I think

he'll get the point. I understand that you are not a mean person but this

man respects you and your life ZERO.

Take good care,

Lone

[Siriana]

I have never been a cold-blodded person, i cant just say to him "Look...its over!! Get on with your life!!" Is there another way to deal with this situation?? Please help!

 

This is where the problem lies. Have you tried to be completely uniterested while talking to him? For example when he starts telling how much he likes you you say nothing or very profesional a - ha, when he asks a question you avoid the answer - just say I see or something similar that is not giving him material to continue conversation. Than make that aquard silence and after that say - my kid is crying I need to go. Bye. And hung up. You need to be really boring and distant and profesionaly polite. Like he's talking to a wall. Like you're hearing what he says but at the same way it doesn't get you. And your voice has to be patient and calm - like when you see those psychiatrists in comedies.

YOu already know how to recognize the places in the conversation where he is just trying to get some sort of reaction. Your reaction is acctually feeding him. So avoid any kind of reaction.

 

If you would have held for a little bit longer.... well my responce to this would be. Yeah, I see . And pure silence after that. I have to go, bye.

[Siriana]

If that doesn't help in 3 months period also in a very calm way say - I'd appreciate you not calling me again. And no explanations if he asks why. Just answer him with I will be forced to call the police if you call again. Bye. And hung up.

[arwen]

Would caller ID or an answering phone help (so you can screen)? I find it odd that he finds your number, don't you have the possibility to have a secret number? Unless he works for the police I doubt that he'd have legal access (and even if he has access he can't use that access for that kind of purpose).

 

A restraining order? I'd start with a caller ID, and ask the phone provider to block his number. Put all the phone numbers you know in the memory so you can see the names. For companies calling, you could consider using an answering machine (because your ex can also call from a public phone of course).

 

I think as soon as he says it's him, and if you do answer, you should just hang up. I think it will die out in the end.

 

I am sorry he makes it so hard for you, but the more you show you are annoyed, the more he gets out of doing this. He is doing this out of spite, and it's pathetic. You have moved on to a better life, don't let him ruin it!

 

Ilse

[bravegirl04]

Hey all...thank you for the awesome advice!! When I change my phone number, I will give the new number to friends at the college, but I tell them not to give it to my ex. I guess somehow he finds a away to get ahold of their phone and finds my new number. When he calls, i sound totally uninstered. As a matter fact, I could be having a great day and when he calls, i get a terrible migrane. He is just a reminder of my past that i wish I could get rid of. I do screen his phone calls, but he also does call from unknown numbers or will use one of my friends phones to call me. I have told him several times to not call me, he says he wont, but 3 weeks later the calling starts again. When he calls me, he says things like "you dont love your husband you know you love me", or "I was just messin with those females to get it out of my system, you knew i was gonna come back to you eventually", or "I dont know why you moved on, dont nobody love you", just making me feel like I am nothing!! There is no possible way to shake him, he is crazy!!!

 

 

"One day he will wake up and realize he loves me, but that same day I'll wake up to the person who already knew!!"

[englishwoman41]

You are giving him exactly what he needs by answering his calls and responding. This is a game to him all about power and control. He didnt get what he wanted and was used to getting what he wanted and now cant have you because your off limits and to him, he will try and win at any cost.

To men like this its all about winning. They dont think like normal men, they see the world as a place thats inhabited by winners and loosers.

Start taking practical steps here.

1 DONT ANSWER HIS CALLS

2.TELL THE AUTHORITIES THAT YOU ARE BEING harassED AND STALKED

3.GET CALLER ID AND CALLS BARRED ON YOUR NUMBER

4.CHANGE YOUR HOME NUMBER AND ONLY GIVE OUT YOUR CELL NUMBER TO FRIENDS.

5.GET HELP AND READ A BOOK CALLED CONTROLLING PEOPLE BY PATRICA EVANS.

THIS MAN IS ABUSIVE AND COULD TURN VIOLENT.

[Siriana]

How often he calls? Every day? once a week? once a month?

[bravegirl04]

He calls about every other week or so. I dont have a house phone, I only have my cell phone. One night he called my phone 8 times trying to get ahold of me but i wouldnt answer. He's just crazy!! I dont know what to do.

[Siriana]

Change your number again and be very carefull who you give it to. He is not calling you so often, but I can imagine how annoying it is to hear from him.

So avoid answering his calls after you change your number (what kind of a firend is one that gives him your number all over again, or lets him to call you from his or hers phone?!).

If you pick up and he's on the phone continue acting reserved and uninterested. Keep the conversation lasting max 1 minute. In case you don't answer the phone and he keeps calling 8 times in a row just turn off the cell for like 10 minutes and after that put it on a vibe.

 

He is that type of person who will find someone to bother instead of you when you stop beeing interesting.

 

 

What was your answer to him when he says he knows you love him not your husband? And in that other case he said if you stayed just a little bit longer you two would be together? I know my first responce would be drop dead you jerk- but not the best move to make

[arwen]

I find it strange that your friends would allow him to use their phones if they know how painful it is for you, the same holds for giving out your number. That's very inconsiderate, are they by any chance friends that are also friends of the ex? Because then an obvious solution might be to break those friendships off as well. This is not friend-behaviour if you ask me.

 

Take care,

 

ilse

[MessedUpInHead]

If that doesn't help in 3 months period also in a very calm way say - I'd appreciate you not calling me again. And no explanations if he asks why. Just answer him with I will be forced to call the police if you call again. Bye. And hung up.

 

^^^

 

i agree with this person.