how would you feel in this situation?

[shep88ner]

alright, my girlfriend has this little thing, i dont know how to look at it really. she dated this guy for 6 months, then he broke up with her. then she dated this other kid for like 3 months then again, she got dumped. after that one, she started dating me, and we've been dating for 10 months tomorrow. she still talks to her first mentioned boyfriend quite often. he calls her from time to time to see whats up and all this.

 

well, i was at her house once and i stumbled accross an old AIM messenger convesation between them saved on her computer, she said "you dont think i dont think about you EVERY night before i go to bed? you were my first love, i could never forget you!" so before i jumped the gun, i checked the date because i wasnt sure if maybe it was before we met. well, we started dating in january, and this convo happened april. i flipped out. another thing. he works at this kmart up the road from me, when me and my GF go there, and he's working, im not allowed to make a scene to draw attention to us. and one time, she told me to wait in the car so she could go talk to him w/o me around. (so i yelled and waved at them from her car, lol)

 

well, her mom is best friends with his mom and she plays this into her excuse of why she does this. she says that her mom almost forces her to be nice to him because she's scared it would damage her relationship with her mom.

 

and on another note, this kid is boarderline suicidal. she says although she doesnt like him, she doesnt want him to kill himself. i have even seen signs of this depression he's in, and i actually believe it considering what all ive seen. and thus, his mom has also asked her to be nice to him to help him out of his depression.

 

so i dont know, we've been dating for 10 months, it's the longest relationship for either of us, but i still cant get the "i think about you every night and you're my first love" stuff outta my head...im not too upset anymore about it, but when i do thing about it, it always makes me wonder...what do you think?

[shep88ner]

oh..and another thing. when she realized i was close to finding the convo, she fought with me like crazy to keep me from reading it instead of explaining it to me. making me believe if i wouldnt have fought back, i never woulda read it; just like she wanted. also, i feel there are ways to be nice witout saying stuff like this.

[Rabican]

theres nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex... as long as that friendship is on the up and up, nothing fishy, nothing shady, and is PLUTONIC.

 

When that friendship starts crossing that line ie confessing to the 'friend' your feelings for them, then it has crossed 'a line'. Maybe not 'the line' but a line. What do you do? Talk to your girl, tell her if she has feelings for this guy, that you want to know. Just be up front with you. If she has feelings for him, you may want to just step aside, or tell her either its him, or you. She cant keep both of you in her life. Or, you could just trust that she will be faithful to you, although her heart is sort of not 100% set on you.

Also, I would tell her that if she has nothing to hide, then do not hide anything. Keeping you from reading the aim message, or keeping you away from him is not a good idea. My girl did the same thing back in the day, I said I wanted to meet 'Mr X' and she said I dont want you to, itll be a scene blah blah blah. What a load of crap, if a girl ever pulls that on me again... Im walking away. That is girl slang for I know you will be upset when you see how our friendship really is (ie we flirt with each other constantly, or maybe Im really cheating on you, or my friend doesnt know I have a bf) etc. etc.

 

Just sit her down and have a heart to heart talk, be nice but be firm about wherever you stand on this situation. If you dont mind them talking, but you are upset about the 'feelings' chat, tell her so. Just note that if you tell her how you feel about something, and she knows it hurts you but she keeps doing it anyways you might as well either just deal with it forever, or walk away now.