No refund. No extra lives.

[CynicalGuitarist]

I came to this board a long time ago for advice on how to possibly make my life slightly better and it's only gotten worse. Sad, I know, and this might sound like pessimistic bs, but if you think that, please, screw off now; I hate my life. The even more pathetic part is, it's all my fault, and I can't fix my own problems.

 

For one, I just figured out I have A.D.D. My mom just thinks I'm lazy and it's all the computer's fault. I've been diagnosed by a psych who has it as well, so I'm going in about a week to try meds. I know medication is a pathetic way out, but this inattention, spacing out, impulsivity, and impulsive hyperactivity has been effecting me my whole life, and if I want to "go" anywhere in life, I'm gonna need to be a speed freak and/or undergo hours of strenuous therapy.

 

Because I hate the repitition, absurd lack of instruction, and large, crowded classes of junior college, I've been failing. I know, it's sad and I should just "study more", but it seems the more I study and the harder I try, the worse I get. Plus, nothing I learn is ever practical, yet it's what the instructors focus the most on. I cannot four-part write for music or do "proofs" for geometry. I find it tedious, annoying, and essentially useless. I would get help, but whenever I try to get help, they treat me like I'm a retard. I thought that the suckiness of school would end with high school, I was wrong. I know, I just need to "shut up and get back to work", but I envy whoever can do that. I hate my brain and the way it works; too bad I can't go back and ask for a refund.

 

Girls. I hate them. I'm sick of them. I'm tired of their lies, bullcrap, trickery, unempaty, and inability to see past the materialism put upon humanity by clandestant groups and banking companies who control the world. I'm tired of trying with them. I'm tired of compromising. I'm tired of their "you'll find someone new" b.s. which they use to try and make me "feel better", and the fact that if they reject you, there's always a good reason, yet if you reject them, you're a shallow pig with poor taste. I know "not all women are like this", but you're telling me to find a frikin safety pin in a haystack. As tired as I am of women, I'm tired of the lack of intimacy in my life. I have a few people who I care about and who care about me, but no intimacy or closeness. Sadly, this has been going on my whole life and I don't know what can be done about it.

 

I'm tired of losing all the people who've helped me. A friend of mine recently commited suicide. It's been hard on me and everyone else who befriended him. I warned him about hard drugs, and he goes around and does them anyways. He got caught up in stuff he had no control over, and so he jumped in front of a moving train. I want to cry, but I can't. I feel terrible and it's making paying attention and catching up even harder. I feel like if I were a better friend, I coulda helped him, but now he's gone and it's too late. His funeral's on Tuesday, and it's gonna be hard on me because I've known him since 4th grade. I'm tired of losing all my friends; by death or otherwise. Now I'm completely alone on friday nights and my only friends I commonly see anymore are a 71 year old photography guru and a pathological liar who stutters all the time. Everyone else is so hard to contact or find.

 

So, there you have it, a self-made failure. No job, money, or prestige. It's all my fault, too. I just want to be happy. I want to feel success for once. I want to be content. I want to be focused. I want to hear about one thing I'm doing right instead of a million things I'm screwing up on. Too bad I have screwed up on all fronts, and failed college. Feel good story of the year, eh?

 

I do have one positive note though. I found my dream guitar at guitar center. It's a beautiful Gibson SG that costs about 1,500 dollars on sale. I love absolutely everything about it; it's the perfect guitar. It's one of the few reasons I should keep living and put up with life's bull. Too bad I'll probably never have it.

 

I've created my own doom and am stuck in it. It's a 39 foot deep pit that I'm stuck in. I should have the right to complain about it too.

[forza2]

CynicalGuitarist,

 

You're doing alotta things right. You have great grammar and found something that you love which is achievable with a solid plan. The past is the past. Forget about it. I'm 22 years old and I wasn't able to go to college as I was working to help my family as my father's business went down and he got bankrupt. Now things are getting better and I'm back in college at age of 22 and I still dont have my Bachlors.

 

You're only 18 years old and even though it seems that its getting worst you can start. I know it hurts to loose a friend. I lost my best friend last year and I was getting ready to go play basketball with him when I got the call that he passed away.

 

Look for a job. It doesn't have to be anything fancy. Something to get you started. save money and buy that beautiful Gibson sg guitar. Forget girls for a moment and focus on you. Things have ways of working out.

 

Take it easy.

[ForAnother]

I think im approaching your situation. I am addicted to all the wrong things. I'm losing my friends left and right (not due to death, but from them getting in relationships, getting married, moving etc.).

 

What I do have is my health, my computer, and my free will.

 

I hope to 'get lost' when I graduate. Move to Japan or something. Try and start a weird life, one that suits my mode of thinking. If that doesn't work out, then backpack somewhere else. Either way, living hard is living life. Life is so much more fun when you have obsticals to face.

 

The most difficult thing to do, is prioritizing (for me at least). Getting the things I need to get done first, to enjoy the next. You need to set up things you want to accomplish each day and do it. Even if its trivial like doing your laundry. Get your * * * * together, do it. Next day, go find a job. Now I know its hard to be like "where do I want to work" but, is that store that sells ur Gibson hiring? Is there a best buy by you that you can apply to and sell music?

 

Find the things you enjoy, and stick to them. Now as for school... school sucks... and there is nothing you can do to really change getting out of Calculus and physics and English. My best advice, is to get a tutor the day of your first class. Make it a precautionary thing... befriend your tutor first, so that you can be friends first then tutor/learner relationship. This might make you feel less like they are making you seem "retarded".

 

I did the mistake of not getting a tutor for a class of mine, and now its hard to get myself to get one... because I feel like I'm in such a deep hole it doesn't matter.

 

So what I'm saying is, find what you love and do it. The hardest part is figuring out what you want to love doing.

 

-ForAnother

[need2bme]

Here is something I learned, while being MUCH older than you AND beind a pessimist and slightly ADD AND going back for my degree as I write this and that is...

 

WHO CARES!!

 

Get over yourself. Once I realized that EVERYONE goes through this stuff (there are a couple of you just like me, right here, right now) and I realized that I don't have to love myself, I just have to want to help others ans not let anyone steal my joy.

 

Part of my ADD is my inability to be secure in my life. Screw them all. It is my life.

 

When you drive down the street, just nod your head, smile and think that you are accepting life.

[InaneCathode]

You sound like me way back when, when i was freaking out alot. I can truly say, the solution to your problems is to quit over thinking things.