looking at other women...

[shikashika]

I understand your point. But you seem to think that any girl who doesn't like to watch her boyfriend staring at other women is insecure. And maybe for some girls it's about that.

 

But I can most certainly tell you that I am not the least bit insecure, but I still think it's disrespectful if it's done in an obvious way.

 

Maybe it depends on how they are brought up.. and the friends they are surrounded by. I can only speak from personal experience... but I know I've been with my mum and when we catch my dad checking out other women, my mum laughs her head off, then we all laugh at my dad!

 

Was out last night with some friends and my friend caught her boyf gawking at some hot girl... we all thought it was funny as did my (girl) friend.

 

this is why I don't get why so many people on here seem get so mad at it...

[AngelEyez]

why are you so angry at him?

 

I got angry because he denied staring when he was blantly glaring at her. I was on the leg press, and he was just standing in front of me looking past my shoulder. When I got up, what do you know? A girl sweating on another machine. He has eyes to look, I guess. But, he kept denying it. He said he was trying to "read her shirt". Her shirt said Git Er Done. I doubt it takes 2 minutes to read that, unless my boyfriend is ultimately slow, and I know he's not.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Disagree with you ... I think it reeks of insecurity that you think your boyfriend should only only only think of you and never never never never think of anyone else.

 

I must disagree with you- I think it reeks of committment. As in, be committed to the one you wanted to be with. If one wants all of those others they purportedly 'fantasize' about, then go after them instead. That's how I view things. Fine, if my man wants to go fantasize about others and take a good look and so on. But, go chase after them and leave me alone if that's how he wants to be.

 

Why do you feel offended if he LOOKs elsewhere? or even fantasiss... does it bother you that he may find someone else attractive, even sexually attractive as well as you?

 

Because it's disrespectful, and it defeats the purpose of committment.

 

peopel are kidding themselves if they think their partner hasn't look elsewhere of thought about other people. not saying they dont' think they have the best one... and not syaing they are going to cheat.

 

when in a relationship I would hope my boyfriend would knwo he is 'allowed' tocheck out other women.

 

Doesn't matter who thinksplain jane is beautiful... if my bf thinks plain jan is beautiful then so be it.

 

nothign wrong with that

 

If you want your boyfriend to check out other women, so be it. That's on you, but I know many would consider something wrong with that. Either you've resigned yourself to the fact that supposedly "men will be men" and always want to be with other women besides just you, or you've got really, really high self confidence. Which I suppose could be a good thing, if that's what works for you. It just doesn't work so well for others; it doesn't mean we're insecure.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

I'm sure a lot of guys do this. I caught my boyfriend looking at some girl when we were at the gym. I said, "Want me to take a picture? It'll last longer." Then he said, "What?" *Acting Confused* I sarcastically said, "She's hot stuff. Why don't you go over and give her a hand with those weights?" It got me soooo angry! But, it's funny, when other guys check me out when my boyfriend is around, he gets so angry. His mouth is full of swears. "Can't they see I'm with you? Wow, I can't believe this."

 

Hell yeah girl, I would have said the same thing. I would have been HIGHLY offended and would have promptly kicked his @ss.

 

This is what I do when I notice my man has noticed another chick, even if he thinks he's being subtle and not obvious in the least. (heeeeh!) I'll point out some guy, doesn't matter if I really think he's attractive or not. Any guy will do. I'll check him out and make it obvious. Just to let it be known, 'dude I saw you looking, I hope you like how it feels!'

 

Because he can't stand it if he even THINKS I'm checking out another guy. I've been accused of looking at guys on television when I could care less. One penis is enough for me.

[shikashika]

Hell yeah girl, I would have said the same thing. I would have been HIGHLY offended and would have promptly kicked his @ss.

 

This is what I do when I notice my man has noticed another chick, even if he thinks he's being subtle and not obvious in the least. (heeeeh!) I'll point out some guy, doesn't matter if I really think he's attractive or not. Any guy will do. I'll check him out and make it obvious. Just to let it be known, 'dude I saw you looking, I hope you like how it feels!'

 

Because he can't stand it if he even THINKS I'm checking out another guy. I've been accused of looking at guys on television when I could care less. One penis is enough for me.

 

is that why you are mad at him ? because it makes him and as well? or because it actually makes you angry hes gawking at other women? why would look at some other guy... just to make him jealous?... that isnt my idea of a mature relationship

 

can he kick your @ss too if you look at another guy?

 

 

if he had no problem with you checking out other guys... would you mind if he had a look as well?

 

 

 

i really dont see any problem with guy or girl having a look at something pretty.. You can still be in a commited loving relationship and admire an attractive guy or girl

[shikashika]

I think it's been established that it's not the fact that he's looking at something pretty, but that he is doing it very obviously directly in front of us, which is considered rude.

 

 

ok.... guess we have different ideas of whats acceptable

[Batya33]

No but you are right though. It is healthy for a guy to look at other women and to get turned on by them.

 

I even dragged my ex to the strip club with me and then we went home and had wild sex.

 

Being too insecure or expecting that your man will only be turned on by you is unreasonable and certainly not sexy.

 

That is true and it is also true that it is rude to do this in front of your s.o. unless she encourages it, as you did when you dragged your ex to a strip club. I'm curious as to why you would presume that seeing women in that setting would necesarily be a turn on? I know men who find those women cheap looking and not attractive.

[rocio]

That is true and it is also true that it is rude to do this in front of your s.o. unless she encourages it, as you did when you dragged your ex to a strip club. I'm curious as to why you would presume that seeing women in that setting would necesarily be a turn on? I know men who find those women cheap looking and not attractive.

 

Well he's a guy and they are naked.

 

I also get very turned on when I see naked women, whether they are cheap or coked up or fake or thin or tall or short. They're naked. That's hot.

[shikashika]

No but you are right though. It is healthy for a guy to look at other women and to get turned on by them.

 

I even dragged my ex to the strip club with me and then we went home and had wild sex.

 

Being too insecure or expecting that your man will only be turned on by you is unreasonable and certainly not sexy.

 

ive been with boyfriends to a strip club... you are right amber.... got some of the hottest sex after that

 

also watching porn with a partner is one of the hottest things you can do.. yum!

[rocio]

also watching porn with a partner is one of the hottest things you can do.. yum!

 

Agreed, yum.

Almost as great as grabbing the camera and making your own.

[Batya33]

Well he's a guy and they are naked.

 

I also get very turned on when I see naked women, whether they are cheap or coked up or fake or thin or tall or short. They're naked. That's hot.

 

That's your opinion, yes. My boyfriend likely would not get turned on or be interested in going because of the cheapness/sleaziness - same with my ex and both were very healthy warm blooded males . ..

[pregnantkitty_1985]

is that why you are mad at him ? because it makes him and as well? or because it actually makes you angry hes gawking at other women? why would look at some other guy... just to make him jealous?... that isnt my idea of a mature relationship

 

can he kick your @ss too if you look at another guy?

 

 

if he had no problem with you checking out other guys... would you mind if he had a look as well?

 

 

 

i really dont see any problem with guy or girl having a look at something pretty.. You can still be in a commited loving relationship and admire an attractive guy or girl

 

He doesn't gawk, and it rarely happens. Because he does have respect, for the most part, and doesn't want any other woman. According to him anyway, heh. But I've noticed some covert 'subtle' glances, which are not appreciated. And he accuses me of looking at guys when I'M NOT EVEN LOOKING. He gets hurt and angry and feels insecure. So if I can't look at guys (and I don't want to) then he shouldn't even be subtly trying to look just because some chick walked by in short-shorts or has her titties hanging out. The point is that it's DISRESPECTFUL. Your idea of a 'mature relationship' is to freely look at others and disregard the feelings of your significant other. So be it. That sounds like high school stuff to me, if we must bring in the idea of immaturity..

[pregnantkitty_1985]

No but you are right though. It is healthy for a guy to look at other women and to get turned on by them.

 

I even dragged my ex to the strip club with me and then we went home and had wild sex.

 

Being too insecure or expecting that your man will only be turned on by you is unreasonable and certainly not sexy.

 

Um, so you would find it cute if you found your man walking around with a huge boner caused by another woman?

 

Not I. You must either have an incredibly high amount of self esteem or really just don't care. I guess men will be men and I wish stuff like that would not bother me, but it does. And I know the same applies to the men; a lot of them don't appreciate when we notice other men.

[OceanEyes]

And I know the same applies to the men; a lot of them don't appreciate when we notice other men.

 

You're right, EK. Some men give an initial impression of being very confident and secure, but I can still remember a time my boyfriend wouldn't speak to me for the rest of the night because a girlfriend and I made some comments about a celebrity - not a real man in the real world - a celebrity. And then, there are other things that do not bother him at all.

 

This can be a highly subjective issue. What works for one couple (attending strip clubs together/ watching porn/ discussing 'hotness', lol) may NOT work for another. It's nobody else's place to tell YOU how to feel, or how not to feel about something. Boundaries and expectations in a private relationship are between the people who are IN IT. I have a girlfriend who cannot leave her apartment for the night if her boyfriend doesn't approve of what she's wearing (especially short skirts). A lot of women would consider this demeaning and controlling, but she thinks it's "cute". Just an example of how what works for one person does NOT work for another. We are all cut from the same cloth essentially, but we take different colours and shapes in the end.

[shikashika]

He doesn't gawk, and it rarely happens. Because he does have respect, for the most part, and doesn't want any other woman. According to him anyway, heh. But I've noticed some covert 'subtle' glances, which are not appreciated. And he accuses me of looking at guys when I'M NOT EVEN LOOKING. He gets hurt and angry and feels insecure. So if I can't look at guys (and I don't want to) then he shouldn't even be subtly trying to look just because some chick walked by in short-shorts or has her titties hanging out. The point is that it's DISRESPECTFUL. Your idea of a 'mature relationship' is to freely look at others and disregard the feelings of your significant other. So be it. That sounds like high school stuff to me, if we must bring in the idea of immaturity..

 

I'm not disrespecting the feelings of my significant other.... my significant other didn't get offended... if he did, thats an entirely different topic

 

when i was younger, in my teens and early twenties, this sort of stuff used to bother me... now it doesn't anymore.

 

because we have different ideas on what is acceptable does not mean its immature..

 

there are some other girls at my work who are quite a bit younger than me, and they get offended at these kinds of things, but the women my age and older dont' and we just have a good chuckle about your boyfriends / partners / husbands having an ogle..

[shikashika]

Um, so you would find it cute if you found your man walking around with a huge boner caused by another woman?

 

Not I. You must either have an incredibly high amount of self esteem or really just don't care. I guess men will be men and I wish stuff like that would not bother me, but it does. And I know the same applies to the men; a lot of them don't appreciate when we notice other men.

 

i have gone to a strip club with boyfriends of mine, watched porn with boyfriends of mine... i dont' think I have particularly have a high level of self estem... and its not that i don't care....but yes, i thinks its incredibly exciting going to a strip club with a boyfriend.... ltos of my friends do this too... a friend of ine LOVES going to the strippers and is always dragging her boyfriend to go along with her !

 

i think you need to accept that fact that YES, many commited men WILL get a boner from looking at another woman, maybe though looking at porn, movies wherever.. it is a FACT..

 

As oceaneyes says, different strokes for different folks... what i find fun and exciting you may not and vice versa

[OceanEyes]

i think you need to accept that fact that YES, many commited men WILL get a boner from looking at another woman, maybe though looking at porn, movies wherever.. it is a FACT..

 

Yeah, it's kind of sad but it's also true. And, the funny thing is that most pornographic material is more geared for men's enjoyment than for women's. Seriously - the ratio of extremely hot men to extremely hot women in the porn industry is BIG TIME in favour of women.

 

I once heard a gay guy friend of mine say, "a guy under 30 can rub up against a pole and get a boner". I'm not saying this is true in all cases, but it made me laugh!

[kuhaaica]

whenever I am out with my boyfriend I keep catching him looking around at other women. This has happened with me standing right next to him. He knows that I think this is rude and disrespectful. last time it happened he was drunk. It makes me not feel that I can trust him when he goes out with his friends.

 

My question is: is this just a guy thing, or a real problem?

 

yea okay its a guy thing, but being with a very jealous guy who really doesnt look, i wish he would look, so he wouldnt jump down my throat when i happen to look in the same direction of the opposite sex.

 

Sorry but i think it is security and esteem issues, with all my mates i have never cared, looking is looking, everyone has eyes its natural.

Now if they are gawking drooling or undressingwith eyes different story, but a "one up" shouldnt be a problem if you have good self esteem. Afterall bottom line, its a glance a brief stare, only seconds in his life as long as he dedicates more time to you, you should be secure in your own self and not by any means allow a second or two in time to make you feel suspicious, insignificant or self consious.

 

If you know how great amazing and special you are this shouldnt be more than a second in your mind.

[OceanEyes]

My ex used to stare - at first I said nothing - but after a while (and after letting him know that it wasn't cool), I began resenting him for it.

 

I agree that, as human beings, we all have natural instincts to both notice and appreciate beauty. I see nothing wrong with that. I find that it is quite another thing to minimize your partner's presense by staring/ drooling over someone else. It's tacky. Not only that, but if the person being stared at notices, it gives her (especially if it's a HIM) the impression that you're interested in them.

[irish girl]

When I first read through this thread i couldnt believe how much i have changed in the last few years, when I started going out with my boyfriend 5 years ago, It just to drive me mad if he so much as glanced in another girls direction, So much so that he was afraid to move his head if we were out, not healthy at all, but as time went by I realised he loved me truly, he is a great boyfriend always telling me how great I am, how good I look, how much i turn him on, and I just stopped being bothered.

And I mean he NEVER gawped, he might just glance in the direction of a beautiful woman and that would bug me,

 

 

I do believe that

 

1. It is a completely healthy normal thing for a guy to look at other women, and It is instinct no matter what anyone says,

 

2. Of course staring/drooling at other women is disrespectful and i dont think many guys would do this anyway.

 

3. It does not mean they will cheat, that they find you any less attractive, or that they want to have sex with them.

 

and finally, It is not a healthy relationship where a guy has to spend his whole time staring into his girlfriends eyes cos he is afraid he will be given out to for looking at someone else, It is an insecurity issue with the women, It was with me anyway, i think as you get a bit older you start to realise if you have a great relationship and are getting what you want, that is more important that your guy looking at some women

[candy604]

yeah my bf stopped. Him n his friends heads us to turn when a girl walked by. It is disrespectful and just tell him it bothers you. aha my friends sometimes just make fun of their bfs if they catch them checking out girls. It embrasses them n they tone it down. So i guess it works. My other friend used to stare right at her bf when he did it n roll her eyes. yeah he toned it down.

 

My bf was caught looking at this girl and she yelled " what are you looking at" really loud. haha i died laughing. He learned his lesson....

[Addicted]

If your boyfriend is looking at other girls then you should leave him. If you leave him and he doesn't care that you leave then he doesn't really love you. If he chases after you then he does love you and just finds other girls attractive. Remember there is allways going to be some girl who is smarter and better looking than you and this girl will probably stand out. A guy can be attracted to other girls and still love his girlfriend. Just because he notices a good looking girl doesn't neccessarily mean that there is a problem with your relationship. Try relating with him, there was probably a time or two when you looked at another guy in his presense. Take a look at his overall behavior and if you still have questions then leave him. One last tip, if you act like it bothers you that your boyfriend glances at other attractive girls it will make you look insecure and not confident. Guys are usually not attracted to girls who are not confident in themselves. Haven't you noticed that lesser attractive girls who act confident allways seem to get the guy over a better looking insecure girl. If you act like you are hot, it will make your boyfriend feel like he is with a hot girl.

[hope123]

My b/f and i got into a stupid argument last night. The bar we were at was grundgy and the bartender had these huge ugly tattoos on her arm and these things in her lips..and she was wearing this leather thing so her bo*bs could hang out.--She pretty much seemed like she would be a good f*ck in plain english(like a rough girl that some guys like)--well when we were leaving she asked about me dancing with her on the table b/c i was good looking. I just laughed a little thinking it was funny and we left a few minutes later.

 

My b/f makes a joke oh she was hitting on you..and i said ugh she was disgusting. My b/f then says "She was cute". I basically felt really angry at him finding that type of girl cute. I said even with those wonderful tattoos and he said what do i care about that and if she took that thing out of her lip, cleaned up a little, she is cute. She has a pretty face. I really felt angry b/c then i felt like--gese he is thinking about this too much(if this girl does this and this, she is cuter). And i said how do you think she is cute? And then he said what do you want me to say she was unbelievably hot--that right there meant--no he didn't think she was cute, he thought she was hot.

 

I'm sure i am going to get a lot of criticism..BUT IT BOTHERED ME AND REALLY MADE ME ANGRY. He tried to joke and say "what i can only find you cute" but at that point i was really angry..It made me think--what types of girls did he sleep with then?? B/c he hasnt had many long term relationships at all, rarely brought home any either..so basically most of the time it was about sex...and all of these thoughts just really were building up making me more angry...i know the past is the past but i couldnt help it. And i said this to him too--finding a girl like that cute---meant she is good for sex and i can't imagine some of the type of girls you were with. He got angry of course..but it was somewhat true..if u didn't have many relationships0--chances are--mostly it was just about sex and their bodies. He said what does me not bringing them home have to do with what type of person they are. I said if you didn't care about them--what do you know about what type of person they are. And he said this is true. Later he says i'm not gonna apologize about the fact i'm not going to find you as the only person i'm attracted to.

It was a stupid fight and maybe i overreacted a little but i felt like this little person with him saying what do you want me to say then--she is unbelievable hot?

My b/f never even gives me compliments ever but its so easy to notice what this girl can do to be even more cute. Noone's confidence or security would have been shaken by this a little? I really can't be one of those girls who will say yeah she was really cute hun, glad you liked her, or brush it off WITHOUT even thinking in head--it bothers me.

[poetsheart]

My ex did this to me, I felt he was being disrespectful and he was disrespectful throughtout our whole relationship. I'm talking making it completely obvious, I'm sure the other women thought what a jerk, he's with a woman. It made me feel horrible. A glance is ok with admiration, but not outright perving on someone when you are with a partner. No, I think it's disrespectful. Been there, never want to experience it again.

[Mrs Elliott Smith]

I agree with most of the posters here.

 

If he's obviously staring and can't take his eyes off of the women, then yes, that is disrecpectful. Even making eye contact for too long with her is disrespectful (in a way that the girl knows he's checking her out, which will make you look like a fool).

 

But on the other hand, if it's a glance, or even a quick loook up-and-down, then what are you going to do?

 

Do YOU look at other men when you're out with your boyfriend? Do you notice more of the ugly guys, or more of the guys you think are attractive?

 

It's human nature to look. No matter how beautiful a girl is, her man will always find others who are: a. more attractive than his girl, b. just as attractive as his girl, and c. less attractive than his girl, but still worth looking at.

 

SAME THING GOES FOR WOMEN.

 

Get over it, because he's not going to stop. And the more you try to prevent him, the more of an insecure little girl he'll see you as, and the more he's going to WANT to look at other women. Men don't like women who show signs of insecurity (even if you aren't insecure, he will interpret this as you being insecure).... and men really HATE women who nag them. That's one of the biggest no-no's.