looking at other women...

[TLC1971]

whenever I am out with my boyfriend I keep catching him looking around at other women. This has happened with me standing right next to him. He knows that I think this is rude and disrespectful. last time it happened he was drunk. It makes me not feel that I can trust him when he goes out with his friends.

 

My question is: is this just a guy thing, or a real problem?

[rocio]

Both. Alot of guys do it. But at the same time, it is disrespectful. And it's not like they can't control which direction their head turns. Be patient with him, but let him know that this cannot happen when you're around

 

(Of course, it will always happen when you're not around. Don't you check out hot guys too? The point is that he shouldn't do it when you're there.)

[doyathink]

Both genders do it and it is disrespectful to say the least. Slap him in the back of the head next time you catch him!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Are they gawking at the women? Or is it a casual glance?

 

I can understand gawking being disrespectful, but since when is it a crime to look at someone?

 

Should a man slap his girlfriend in the head if he catches her talking to another man?

 

Please.

 

Guy's don't become blind as soon as they get into a relationship.

 

Are you all really so insecure that you feel threatened when your boyfriend *looks* at another woman?

[jsx730]

You can't expect him to NOT do it, however he should be doing it in a very discrete way. He shouldn't make it obvious to you and everyone around that he is doing it.

 

IE: When his jaw is droped, eyes wide, and tongue hanging out, he's in the wrong.

[Batya33]

I would say any time you feel disrespected it is an issue that needs to be discussed and resolved. How often does he get drunk? It's not just a "guy" thing - people who are respectful of their SO's feelings would not behave in this way because of course it is controllable. It's fine if he notices an attractive woman, not fine if he stares or gawks in your presense. And it's not fine if he uses alcohol as an excuse to be rude.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Batya is 110% right. You should not put up with disrespectful behaviour.

[jsx730]

It's fine if he notices an attractive woman, not fine if he stares or gawks in your presense.

 

Exactly. Noticing is one thing, "gawking" is rude not only to your SO, but the girl he is gawking at.

[rocio]

Are they gawking at the women? Or is it a casual glance?

 

I can understand gawking being disrespectful, but since when is it a crime to look at someone?

 

Should a man slap his girlfriend in the head if he catches her talking to another man?

 

Please.

 

Guy's don't become blind as soon as they get into a relationship.

 

Are you all really so insecure that you feel threatened when your boyfriend *looks* at another woman?

 

 

Talking is fine. That's obviously different.

 

It's happened to me before that I see a guy with him girlfriend and then I catch him checking me out. What do you think I'm thinking about his girlfriend? "That poor girl". It just doesn't look good. It's not jealousy thing, it's a respect thing.

[shikashika]

I think its more your problem that you find it rude and disrespectful for just looking.

 

nothing wrong with looking IMO... he's with you not them!

[LostInMyThoughts]

Talking is fine. That's obviously different.

 

It's happened to me before that I see a guy with him girlfriend and then I catch him checking me out. What do you think I'm thinking about his girlfriend? "That poor girl". It just doesn't look good. It's not jealousy thing, it's a respect thing.

 

No its not.

 

If I think talking to another man is disrespectful, how is it any different than you saying looking at another woman is disrespectful?

 

When he's watching a movie, and a hot moviestar comes on the screen, do you fastforward, or make him close his eyes?

 

Do you know whats going on in his mind? Can you read his thoughts?

 

I think you are all kidding yourselves if you think you'll find a man who doesn't check out other women.

 

Antilove is right: don't put up with disrespectful behaviour.

 

I'm saying you need a reality check if you think *looking* at another woman is disrespectful.

 

Gawking at them, sure thats uncalled for.

 

God gave me eyes, and I'll admire beauty anytime anywhere.

[rocio]

No its not.

 

If I think talking to another man is disrespectful, how is it any different than you saying looking at another woman is disrespectful?

 

When he's watching a movie, and a hot moviestar comes on the screen, do you fastforward, or make him close his eyes?

 

Do you know whats going on in his mind? Can you read his thoughts?

 

I think you are all kidding yourselves if you think you'll find a man who doesn't check out other women.

 

Antilove is right: don't put up with disrespectful behaviour.

 

I'm saying you need a reality check if you think *looking* at another woman is disrespectful.

 

Gawking at them, sure thats uncalled for.

 

God gave me eyes, and I'll admire beauty anytime anywhere.

 

1. Please see my post where I said that guys will always check out girls when we're not there.

2. If you can tell that he's looking at other women, then he is gawking. We look at people all the time. It's not difficult to be subtle. When it's obvious to everyone around, then it's gawking and disrepectful.

3. When I'm with my bf I point out hot girls to him. But he's smart enough to say, "oh yeah, she's sexy. But not as hot as my baby." and to not stare.

[shikashika]

1. Please see my post where I said that guys will always check out girls when we're not there.

2. If you can tell that he's looking at other women, then he is gawking. We look at people all the time. It's not difficult to be subtle. When it's obvious to everyone around, then it's gawking and disrepectful.

3. When I'm with my bf I point out hot girls to him. But he's smart enough to say, "oh yeah, she's sexy. But not as hot as my baby." and to not stare.

 

i would barf if my boyfriend said this to me

 

why do you think its disresepctful... just because he's dating you, why can't he look at other women? i would seriously worry if i was dating a guy who didn't look or if he told me he never fantasized, i'd think "Yeh right ha ha ha ha ha"!

 

why do you think he should only admire you?

[rocio]

Please try not to barf on my boyfriend. I don't think that's nice.

[hope123]

Thats what i wanted to ask--what is gawking and what is looking--i posted about this topic awhile ago--being in the car with my b/f he would look at people but obviously when its a good looking girl and he is turning his head to the left--not like turning around and to the left but to the left--he is checking them out--and he isnt looking at them the same way as a kid or old man, old lady etc etc...so i found it really rude and he tried to defend himself saying but i notice this and this when its not even a girl but if it is a girl then i must be checking her out--and i simply said yes u are b/c u arent looking at those things the same way and its disrespectful to do it.--he was doing it ALOT and i guess that was his reasoning until i just broke down one morning and text messaged him about it--and kind of since then it stopped a little..but if it starts up again i will say something again..its just not right...look when i am not there holding your hand.

[LostInMyThoughts]

Please try not to barf on my boyfriend. I don't think that's nice.

 

LOL. Well played

[LostInMyThoughts]

How many of you work in an office setting?

 

Do you ever look up from your computer as someone walks by?

 

It's something you do thats almost like a reflex.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

 

When he's watching a movie, and a hot moviestar comes on the screen, do you fastforward, or make him close his eyes?

 

Do you know whats going on in his mind? Can you read his thoughts?

 

 

Just out of curiosity (purely curiosity, I'm not challenging your opinion), what IS going through the typical male's minds when a "hot moviestar" or etc comes onto the screen? I assume you know as you said that ALL men check out other women?

 

I think for the most part, you're probably right. However, I think there's a small percentage who will try their damndest not to, knowing it's disrespectful (well said, Batya and AntiLove Superstar), and knowing it will upset their girlfriends/wives/fiancees.

 

And really, such a thing really shouldn't be that hard.

 

Or is it?

 

It's certainly not hard for me to be respectful and not look at other guys as they go by. Yes, it's one thing to reflexively glance as a person walks by, be it male or female. That's not checking them out out of interest because of their aesthetic qualities. It's merely reflexive as something catches your eye (and no, I'm not talking about something catching your eye because of a six pack, or huge breasts, or long legs and * * * encased in short shorts. I'm not talking about 'looking' just to look because it's pretty and shiny and there.) I think it IS possible to ignore such people who have aesthetic qualities if you are truly into the one you're with. Because when you're very much about who you're with, other people don't matter. And thus, it shouldn't be hard not to look or even covertly, or subtly glance because of a hot chick walking by. Because why would it matter?

 

I mean really. It's sad that men in relationships have to be "discreet" or "subtle" about it... That suggests they've got nothing else better to do than "secretively" scan the room, or area, for any chick that looks halfway decent! And then according to some, fantasize about who they've seen. I mean, come on. What's the sense in that? It IS disrespectful, subtle glance or not. There should be no need for even subtleness; if they're with someone, what would be the point in even a glance? Is it really that much of a driven urge in you men?

 

You're a male, so tell me what it is. Or, your opinions, from your point of view, anyway. Plus explain that 'fantasize' stuff to me, or whatever it was. Not even sure if you're the one who said it but, whoever said it suggested that ALL MEN fantasize about other women, even if it's briefly. Is that really so?

 

If that's the case, shouldn't I then be keeping my man locked inside of the house, for fear of him fantasizing about my sister, friends, other women/girls we associate with, or random women on the street? Walking by in the grocery store? Movie stars, etc? Why the need to fantasize, when all of your needs can be met with the partner you chose to be with? Why then even bother being with a person if you've got all of these 'urges' to look and then fantasize?

[pregnantkitty_1985]

How many of you work in an office setting?

 

Do you ever look up from your computer as someone walks by?

 

It's something you do thats almost like a reflex.

 

And again, like I'm saying, there is a difference between a reflexive glance (and that means anyone could be walking by, whether it be your mother or male friend or hideous acquaintance or even some random) and then a glance; a deliberate glance because an attractive girl is walking by.

 

Yes, it's one thing if, someone's walking by in your peripheral vision and you turn to look reflexively, and it just happens to be a hot girl. But it's one thing to see a hot girl and turn to look, or even subtly try to look. Why would you need to?

 

I can definitely understand singles doing this, but not those in a relationship. Unless of course, the person you're with doesn't mind you doing that, and in that case, look away.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

i would barf if my boyfriend said this to me

 

why do you think its disresepctful... just because he's dating you, why can't he look at other women? i would seriously worry if i was dating a guy who didn't look or if he told me he never fantasized, i'd think "Yeh right ha ha ha ha ha"!

 

why do you think he should only admire you?

 

A guy shouldn't have to fantasize when he's with you. That's not to say we think we should be on a pedestal and we're the best looking thing in the world, and should be considered as much to our man. But better looking girls shouldn't even matter. And *shock gasp horror* ... maybe even a Plain Jane might be considered the most beautiful, best looking thing to their man, the person they're with... Yes, even in the face of such beauties like Jessica Simpson or say, all the models on the Victoria's Secret commercials. A man wouldn't HAVE to admire other beauty when he's with the one he finds most beautiful in the world. The one he cares about, not just a pair of breasts and legs. Besides, who's to say what's better looking? No one is, if you think about it (Example, I could suggest that model Petra Nemcova is the most beautiful woman in the world but someone else will always think differently.) But if they're truly into you, a glance won't be deliberate, and they certainly won't be fantasizing about other people. That suggests a problem to me. And it suggests that some people have the wrong idea about commitment when they feel it's okay to deliberately check out other people and fantasize about them as well.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Note:

 

This is not to say that I feel if you're in a relationship all others should be considered ugly to you. This means that, even if another is beautiful, (or handsome, say roles are reversed) ... we wouldn't care. It wouldn't matter. Yes they may be beautiful, but so what. We wouldn't look. We wouldn't care. It would be nothing to us. We'd feel nothing, we wouldn't be fantasizing. Simply because it wouldn't matter!

 

It's just really annoying when men have all of these excuses (and women have excuses for men) about, "oh, it's natural. All men do it. It's genetic, they can't help it. They have urges." Excuses, excuses. You CAN help it. You shouldn't HAVE urges for other people when you're committed.

 

Yes, all you can all see, I'm very much for monogamy. And think despite opinions that mongamy is impossible and we all have basic 'urges' that make monogamy hard, that it's very much possible and shouldn't even be an issue, nor something that's so 'hard' to do.

 

If it is so hard, and you feel the need to look and fantasize and even sleep with others, then well, monogamy is clearly not you, and you shouldn't embark on a monogamous relationship.

[shikashika]

Disagree with you ... I think it reeks of insecurity that you think your boyfriend should only only only think of you and never never never never think of anyone else.

 

Why do you feel offended if he LOOKs elsewhere? or even fantasiss... does it bother you that he may find someone else attractive, even sexually attractive as well as you?

 

peopel are kidding themselves if they think their partner hasn't look elsewhere of thought about other people. not saying they dont' think they have the best one... and not syaing they are going to cheat.

 

when in a relationship I would hope my boyfriend would knwo he is 'allowed' tocheck out other women.

 

Doesn't matter who thinksplain jane is beautiful... if my bf thinks plain jan is beautiful then so be it.

 

nothign wrong with that

[AngelEyez]

I'm sure a lot of guys do this. I caught my boyfriend looking at some girl when we were at the gym. I said, "Want me to take a picture? It'll last longer." Then he said, "What?" *Acting Confused* I sarcastically said, "She's hot stuff. Why don't you go over and give her a hand with those weights?" It got me soooo angry! But, it's funny, when other guys check me out when my boyfriend is around, he gets so angry. His mouth is full of swears. "Can't they see I'm with you? Wow, I can't believe this."

[shikashika]

I'm sure a lot of guys do this. I caught my boyfriend looking at some girl when we were at the gym. I said, "Want me to take a picture? It'll last longer." Then he said, "What?" *Acting Confused* I sarcastically said, "She's hot stuff. Why don't you go over and give her a hand with those weights?" It got me soooo angry! But, it's funny, when other guys check me out when my boyfriend is around, he gets so angry. His mouth is full of swears. "Can't they see I'm with you? Wow, I can't believe this."

 

 

why are you so angry at him?

[rocio]

Disagree with you ... I think it reeks of insecurity that you think your boyfriend should only only only think of you and never never never never think of anyone else.

 

I understand your point. But you seem to think that any girl who doesn't like to watch her boyfriend staring at other women is insecure. And maybe for some girls it's about that.

 

But I can most certainly tell you that I am not the least bit insecure, but I still think it's disrespectful if it's done in an obvious way.