My boyfriend not as into sex as I am

[artist777]

I know. Life is so strange. I really just wanted to enjoy this part of my life as a woman. I never ever dreamt that a man would not want to have sex?

[artist777]

It's not really how we do it. I don't have to have intercouse every night. It's being intimate. The whole act of intimacy, seems to drain him. Like he just doesn't want sexual attention. We don't do it every night and I do try to leave him alone. But then I feel like I'm playing a game or being denied something that should be natural in a relationship. And when I do get it, he makes it feel like a gift. Almost like I should be lucky I got it.

[artist777]

See, I don't ask. I initiate and I am generous. And of course he doesn't refuse. But after a while, it takes on the edge like it's all for me. But if I sit back and don't do anything, then we both go without and he clings to this excuse of, you act uninterested. You give me wrong signs. It's like I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't. Let's face it, it's just easier for him to take care of it in the shower. the intimacy I'm looking for is non-existent in this world.

[markfromark]

I don't have to have intercouse every night. It's being intimate. The whole act of intimacy, seems to drain him.

 

that is a bit weird then. Is he afraid that intimacy allways ends in intercourse? You are talking about physical intimacy, right? Do you sometimes just lie in bed and hold each other while you talk about today's issues? Do you listen to each other?

[markfromark]

try googling 'intimacy disorder'

[artist777]

yea. we get lots of that. He loves to talk. If you ask me, he's addicted to talking. He will talk me to death (monologue me) for three quarters of an hour. I mean he talks and I don't get a word in edge wise. then in bed, we hold each other and he talks me some more. (he needs a lot of attention when he talks). Then, when he just falls asleep and there's no sex, I feel jipped. Like I've been kind to him all night long letting him drain me, then he falls asleep on me. It's almost like, he got what he needed and then fell asleep. it is an odd relationship. I'm like his mother or caretaker. But needs are not met.

[artist777]

good idea. thanks!

[sddeaston]

Wow. I need to find a girl who has a sex drive like that....might even come close to mine, but then again, I have yet to experience that kind of luck.

[artist777]

LOL. honestly, I'm not a nymph. I just entered a lovely phase of womanhood and I'm adult enough to enjoy it. I think this actually has turned into a control thing. the more uninterested he acts, the more affected I am.

[JoeWho]

I think your guy is lucky, we should all be so lucky. I know how you feel and its pretty sucky. Make him chase you for it. The thrill of the hunt or chase is for some people the best part. Like others have said you want what you cant have. Deny him for a little while and do what you gotta do in the shower or something.

[artist777]

okay. I hate games, but I agree w/ you. I'm going to try. LOL. I can't stand up and do that. I need to be laying down.

[Stambler]

OR...

 

We could meet up and take care of each other's needs (LOL)! That would make them wonder, wouldn't it!

[artist777]

yes it would! I think people who deny each other sex get what they deserve. I have never done that to anyone. I couldn't imagine not responding to someone's kiss or touch. What is that? it's unfathomable to me. Why is affection bad or to be ignored?

[Stambler]

I'll take that as a YES!

[Stambler]

On a serious note:

 

I have been told, and have read in so many books, that a woman needs to feel loved and appreciated in order ot have sex. In my marriage, for example, it seems that my wife has felt neglected and unappreciated, along with falling out of love with me because of my behavior in the past.

 

I can understand that, but I have corrected all those things and she still will not let me so much as touch her - I don't get it. I never cheated, lied, abused her or anything. I always did everything for her. Unfortunately I let my job take over my life because I wanted to get ahead so I could earn more and provide better for her.

 

But to turn it off and not allow it to come back - that's just plain cold!

[JoeWho]

"I can't stand up and do that. I need to be laying down."

 

 

So take a bath! LOL

[artist777]

Perfect! Now, I know he will try to come into the bathroom and distract me, so I'll have to put a lock on the door. But here is what will happen. I will take care of myself when I need it, and ignore him. Then whenever he wants it, he'll get it like a snap b/c we won't be having it as much, and I'll want it. AGain, he will get what he needs.

[artist777]

that happened in my marriage. we grew very independent of one another. Then when it was over, it was very hard to go back to him, because I had grown so independent of him. Do you think something like that happened?

[Stambler]

I have no idea what happened. If it wasn't for my son, I'd ave been gone long ago. Enough is enough... (or, shall I say not enough - LOL)

[scarew]

o my artist this certainly has become a sticky thread (heh heh, no pun intended). Your man really does sound immature. I am sorry to hear that. It sounds like you have tried everything. I think taking a bath and taking care of yourself if a good idea. But thats only if you really want to go through all this for him. Is he worth all of this struggle? As you can tell, many men would appreciate your sexuality better than he can. I'm not telling you to leave him I am just wondering. If this guy isnt satisfying you intimately, thereforeeee affecting your self esteem, happiness, and love for him, what else is he giving you that you are hanging on to?

[Stambler]

Where are you? Are you takin' care of yourself in the tub!!!!!! (LOL)

[artist777]

you know, I'm big time independent. I hate how he has me chasing my tail. I am just so attracted to him. crazy attracted. and he knows it. It's like candy laying next to me. I know I should have dignity and not go pawing at it, but I can't keep my hands off. thanks for listening guys.

[artist777]

LOL. I asked my boss if he could put a tub in my cubicle here at work, but he said no...

[scarew]

Lol nice

[Cardinal]

Before I read the thread I thought this would be easy to solve. It is such a simple matter to boost a man's sex drive in most instances. But not when you bring psychology and immaturity into the picture. I honestly have no clue what to do with someone who is immature. I usually can't stand being around people like that, so I am of little help there.

 

Physiologically however, the reason you two have different sex drives is due to a different hormonal mix for each of you. A simple doctors visit and some blood work may be all that is needed when his testosterone levels decline enough to cause libido problems.

 

One thing I always suggest and will ask you about concerns his past. What has his drive been like over the last 25 years or so? How often did he desire sex? How often did he have an orgasm? That will tell you something about what to expect consistently from him. Fix any hormonal imbalances and reduce stress and you have your solution....at least as much of a solution as physiological work can provide.