Has anyone ever done 100% NC from the day of the breakup?

[shikashika]

Unfortunately i found out about the lovely enotalone AFTER I broke up.

 

come one, who else didn't google "why did he break up with me' and " going back to the ex"

 

some posters seem quite adamant that if you do 100% NC the dumper will contact you eventually.

 

when my ex broke up with me ( on my lunch hour!.. yes i'm still bitter about this ha ha ha!) I was in such shock that i did the whole "but why" and " I don't get it' and "but we can work on it"... for about an hour or so... then that was it. i went away for a couple of weeks, and I had no contact with him except when i ran into him once.. and then there was the email where i told him i didn't want to be friends.... and one brief msn.

 

THAT WAS IT!

 

so I guess I wan't 100% no contact. I was 100% no contact from the day of the breakup until about 6 weeks later.but i never went round to his place, sent emails phoned him and wanted to 'talk'

 

now its been just over two months.

 

so my questions are

 

 

 

Have you ever had 100% no contact for a substantial period of time ?... and had the dumper not contact you at all

 

(I ask 100% because a lot of people post about saying they had NC, but then add in how they ran into each other at friends's birthdays or chatted briefly on msn a few times...but still count this as NC)

 

I know I can't invent a time machine, but I wonder if that 'pleading' on the day we broke up for an hour or so..was enough to send him over the edge and that one email pushed him away even further. I hear the best advice is to say (when someone breaks up with you) "sure ok whatever you want'

 

I never pleaded or begged him... but maybe if I had just said, ' sure fine go ahead and leave... instead of crying my eyes out things would have been different.

 

it seems most people on here have had the dumper contact them... even if they didn't want them back...

 

and when he ended it, it wasn't because of fights, yelling, abuse, cheating... he just ended it one day out of the blue... TO ME!

[Phoenix69]

Yep, both times we have broken up (in two years) I have always gone stright into NC. Both times he has come crawling back. The first time it took two weeks, the last time, he was back within a week. It does make them come back, but whether you actually want them back is another story. Remember, its called a break up, because its broken. I can't talk, I have taken my BF back twice now. And I am still struggling with issues and problems that we still haven't fixed. Beware, Getting back together is not all it cracks itself up to be!

[shikashika]

Yep, both times we have broken up (in two years) I have always gone stright into NC. Both times he has come crawling back. The first time it took two weeks, the last time, he was back within a week. It does make them come back, but whether you actually want them back is another story. Remember, its called a break up, because its broken. I can't talk, I have taken my BF back twice now. And I am still struggling with issues and problems that we still haven't fixed. Beware, Getting back together is not all it cracks itself up to be!

 

 

see... mine never came back... he had 6 weeks of strict NC... and when i ran into him he said" i didn't want to talk to you i thought you were avoiding me"

 

 

Sometimes i wonder if i 'made' him breakup because when he was breaking up with me I was so shocked that i probably sounded like a blubbering idiot

[chai714]

Regarding NC and reconciling: The two are not related. One is to heal, the other indicates getting back together. In order for you to be on top of your game, you must be healed and confident.

 

In my opinion, I believe the quality of your relationship you had with your ex plays an important factor in determining whether or not you two can even talk again. Of course, the quality relates to how you made him feel during the course of the relationship.

 

Right now, if I were you, I'd continue to focus on healing. Focus on you, you, and you. Looking back, the best investment I ever made was in myself. Take this critical time to heal and improve. One day, it will be noticed. If it's not noticed by your ex, then likely someone else.

[shikashika]

Regarding NC and reconciling: The two are not related. One is to heal, the other indicates getting back together. In order for you to be on top of your game, you must be healed and confident.

 

In my opinion, I believe the quality of your relationship you had with your ex plays an important factor in determining whether or not you two can even talk again. Of course, the quality relates to how you made him feel during the course of the relationship.

 

Right now, if I were you, I'd continue to focus on healing. Focus on you, you, and you. Looking back, the best investment I ever made was in myself. Take this critical time to heal and improve. One day, it will be noticed. If it's not noticed by your ex, then likely someone else.

 

 

I know its for healing ME..

 

I guess i didn't make him feel very good about things or about himself (even though i thought he was fab!) then as he hasn't initiated contact with me.

 

maybe he was just lying all this time and did meet someone..

[Juha]

I have gone months without any contact...

 

THey have contacted me but I never answered....

 

The most recent was the most difficult ever...After going through the begging, pleading, and etc...I just disappeared...

 

Before I never did any of those things, ever...Guess because I never felt the way I do about the others as I do for my most recent...

[shikashika]

I know its no birthday party, but at least they contacted you... it seems with almost everyone on here, they get some contact from the dumper, even if they don't don't get the answer they want, the dumper still tries to contact them..

[majord23]

Regarding NC and reconciling: The two are not related. One is to heal, the other indicates getting back together. In order for you to be on top of your game, you must be healed and confident.

 

In my opinion, I believe the quality of your relationship you had with your ex plays an important factor in determining whether or not you two can even talk again. Of course, the quality relates to how you made him feel during the course of the relationship.

 

Right now, if I were you, I'd continue to focus on healing. Focus on you, you, and you. Looking back, the best investment I ever made was in myself. Take this critical time to heal and improve. One day, it will be noticed. If it's not noticed by your ex, then likely someone else.

 

Great post.

 

I do think that strict NC can bring an ex back for a variety of reasons:

1) The relationship was solid, and the ex has realised that the grass isn't greener

2) The relationship wasn't that great, but the ex fears losing the 'dumpee'.

3) The ex returns because they miss the familiarity - regardless of the quality of the relationship.

 

Despite this, NC should not be implemented assuming that any of the above *will* occur. Sure it can happen, but realistically only in the minority of occasions. And even then, if the relationship being revisited wasn't spectacular...then inevitably it will end again.

 

NC is for healing - anything else that happens as a consequence is out of the dumpee's control and thus should not be paid much heed.

[shikashika]

majord, i know there are no certainties..

but what do you think if there was strict Nc... and accidental run-in... an email, one msn... then NC again...

 

do you think by the time you go back to strict NC again its too late?

 

or what about when i was being dumped and i probaby said something really stupid... like "i'll miss you' or 'this can't be'... I honestly can't remember now... i never begged or pleaded...

[majord23]

It's never too late and never too early to go NC. The people who 'fail' NC are the ones that expect it to bring an ex back.

Because faced with no reaction from the dumper, they feel the need to 'try something else' to get a reaction....and so the cycle begins again.

 

The day you implement NC for you and you alone, and prepare to never hear from an ex again, is the day that NC starts to serve it's true purpose.

 

There aren't many people who haven't begged/pleaded or said something they've regretted when being 'dumped' (myself included), so don't dwell on what you did or didn't do and start dwelling on what you *can* do as of today.

 

And always put yourself first.

[shikashika]

It's never too late and never too early to go NC. The people who 'fail' NC are the ones that expect it to bring an ex back.

Because faced with no reaction from the dumper, they feel the need to 'try something else' to get a reaction....and so the cycle begins again.

 

The day you implement NC for you and you alone, and prepare to never hear from an ex again, is the day that NC starts to serve it's true purpose.

 

There aren't many people who haven't begged/pleaded or said something they've regretted when being 'dumped' (myself included), so don't dwell on what you did or didn't do and start dwelling on what you *can* do as of today.

 

And always put yourself first.

 

even though i'm telling myself that NC is for me... this is where my weakness lies.. i still think i have been pretty good about doing NC... and i only broke NC 3 times , very briefly..and none of it was to 'give me a second chance' but my head is a mess,, its all i think about.. even though i try and keep busy and do other things... its on my mind during my job interview, when i'm doing yoga... i even dreamt about him a couple nights ago.... but it wasn't him it ws his msn profile photo!!!ahh... and i've been good and got rid of him off that... ahhh!

[jensen128]

I don't have NC with my girlfriend after breaking up. Because we actually just separated because of distance, and she want to find herself so she decided to move on. And only I will initiate contact. I don't know what happen later, but I would still prefer keep contact rather than NC. Still we can know each other what's happening in the life.

[Thunderforce]

Hello Shikashika,

 

I never went in NC because I want to get something out of it. I'm now sort of in NC just because I can't do anything more. I left the ball in his coart. So it is his choice to contact me or not. And wel yes it's hurts ... he's not contacting me. Haven't heard of him for almost four weeks. It hurts more that it looks like he doesn't even care or is interested in my life anymore like a friendthing. It seems like he doesn't want me in his life at all.

 

I have only known him for a few weeks but I felt hard for him. I trusted him because we have same background. Same interests and goals so I thought we were a match made in heaven. Everyone thought so 2 except him.

Well he did in the beginning, saying stuff like "love at first sight, bla bla bla"

Just still cannot believe what happened. One day I was flying in the sky ... and the other moment I was left in darkness...

 

Men!!!

[bulletproof]

I know the answer you are looking for because I felt the same way after my breakup. I have done NC for 2 years, and haven't heard from my ex. The timeline is as such: broke up in September, ran into him randomly on the street the following May. Saw/e-mailed with friends of his from time to time. He, in turn, would frequent the bar my roommate worked in. So basically, we know what is going on with each other, but we don't speak directly.

 

I used to get really upset that I did such a great job of not contacting him and yet he never contacted me. Although I said the actual words, 'let's break up', I didn't want to, and when I asked him if I gave him an out, he said yes. And I was a blubbering mess also, to some degree. You can't beat yourself up over showing emotion when someone doesn't want to be with you. There's nothing wrong with being honest.

 

I also would think to myself, everyone else gets contacted in the world but me. Why? And there is just no answer to that question. You just have to accept that this is how things are, and people come to realizations in their own time. I know one person who was contacted after seventeen years. A guy who had treated her horribly found her and apologized seventeen years later.

 

Here's what always got me through the rough spots, when I wanted to contact him so badly it hurt: I would tell myself that we would be friends again as soon as I got a new boyfriend. This made me focus on moving on, and also took away the despair of thinking I would never see him/speak to him again. Because there is a certain amount of sadness in thinking that someone was such a huge part of your life and all of sudden, isn't. So I hear where you're coming from.