Normal?

[tara3720]

So many of you have given me great advice that I'm following to this day.

 

I haven't called my ex, or emailed him, even though I've been tempted to many times.

 

 

 

I notice I've really been thinking about the good times my we had. Thoughts of how he's helped me in so many ways with my finances, how he's showed me new things and new activities I love and helped me make many healthy decisions.

 

Is it normal to think of the good things so often? Does it make him someone worth it, or is it just a process in letting go?

 

I guess I'm just wondeirng if this is a stage in normal breakups.

Thank you all

[Beec]

I think it is very normal. But I also think you need to make the right choice for you. He acted in a way that created something that was not the healthiest situation for you to be in.

 

I recently moved. While packing up I encountered something I made with an ex of a five years ago. I ended the relationship because I very much felt like I was being treated as a verbal punching bag, and I would not continue being treated that way. Still, I knew she cared about me, and in every other respect treated me well. But she said that yelling was how she wanted to express herself and that I had to live with it. I said, NO WAY. It ended. Even writing this I went through some anger thnking of why it ended, and I also went through warmer feelings thinking of good things. It's normal.

[tara3720]

beec, thanks for sharing your experience. I'm glad you made a stand for what is right, and you're living a better life today because of it.

 

my ex is just plain immature, and he choses not to see it. I'm a decade younger than him, but if I call him after not talking for days I don't blame him and point the finger.

 

He'll punish me for my actions for days or weeks by ignoring and making me know he isn't happy. Yes, I'm super angry over that right now, and the more I write about him now, the less I feel about the good times.

 

I gave him a beautiful, heartfelt birthday that I spent a lot of time and money on, and he knew it, yet one email I send and he can ignore me and treat me like crap. He doesn't care, and that really hurts. He called me the other day, said he missed me, but started to blame me 2 seconds after saying he missed me and wanted me to come over.

Now he is ignoring me again. This time, I'm taking all of your advice and not even taking his call like last time, IF he calls again.

[Beec]

See that, you had the good thoughts going and as soon as a few bad ones came out, your anger stirred right back up.

 

I cannot now complain about what she did, because I am in something good right now. I'm not going back to her. And, let's hope you get to that too.

[tara3720]

Thanks Beec, It's good therapy. It's still beyond me how someone who claims to love you can do so much verbal damage. My ex has literally called me every name, and said some terribly hurtful things out of anger.

He apologizes, says it's not right, but in the NEXT SENTENCE, he will go on and say, "IF YOU didn't do this or that, I wouldn't...."

I'm glad you don't have hard feelings towards her. I know being a gentle, forgiving person, I will eventually let go of my feelings of anger and hurt too. I'm hopeful I will meet a man who will appreciate all I DO have to offer, and love me even when I make mistakes.

[Beec]

tara3720,

 

Whoever you meet is going to be hard on you when you make mistakes. At least, I hope they are in some cases. You never want someone who you can walk over or who walks over you.

 

Will you ever let go of all feelings of anger or hurt? Maybe not, but they will be of much less significance when you find something good.

 

Lick you wounds, let them heala bit, learn more about how people relate, and get back out there.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

tara, this guy made you do the classic 'walking on eggshells' routine, which is a sign of an abusive man. no matter what you do, it's not gonna be right, or enough, or any peace between you never last long... i'd say he's stuck in the 'toddler' stage of development, where he feels entitled to have the world revolve around himself, and has a tantrum when he doesn't immediately get what he wants. toddlers can be quite pleasant when their hands are full of cookies, but the second the last one is gone, they are screaming for the next thing they want.

 

so age is no indicator of emotional maturity... so throwing that in your face and demanding you change is just another bullying tactic. toddlers really are all little bullies, who will do anything to get their own way.

 

so you need to recognize that this guy is emotionally stunted, and yes, you had some good times,but that was only until his latest handfull of cookies ran out... LOL!! its tough work parenting a toddler, and no reason whatsover you should try to parent a boyfriend for the rest of your days because he is stuck and hasn't really grown up.... he'd need years of counseling to get there, and sounds like he likes his life just the way it is, with a woman to bully to get his needs met...