I think I'm going to get one....

[Gracelove]

Okay, I think I'm going to get a vibrator.

I was at my friend's house last night and she had this little booklet of sex toys.

Before she showed me the booklet I was telling her how bad I felt because my boyfriend won't have sex with me.

It's really devastating to me actually. He won't even makeout with me.

I was sexually assulted in February.

Sometimes I feel really dirty ya know.

And having a boyfriend that only gives me pecks on the lips and hugs, really makes me feel like an unattractive woman.

It's really hard on me because I've never had to deal with a situation like this before.

And I think that things are this way after the assult makes the whole thing really damaging.

N-Eways, my friend told me that I should get a vibrator.

My first feeling...Fear.

I'm afraid to get one.

Um, I guess it seems really intimidating to me right now.

N-Eways, she picked out the one that she thinks I should have and it looks really intimidating.

It was fun having girl talk and everything.

So, I slept on it. And I think I might get one.

I'm still afraid, but at this point I'm beginning to think that fearing it is pointless.

My boyfriend won't have sex with me or makeout with me come hell or high water.

I am stressed almost all of the time and vibrators are suppose to relieve stress.

And that would be a definite plus.

Actually I'm hoping the vibrator will substitute for a lot of things.

If I'm feeling depressed, instead of going shopping I could use the vibrator.

If I'm feeling stressed, instead of spending money on food I can use the vibrator.

After sleeping on it, I decided that the vibrator could probably help me save a lot of money (one time fee, except for batteries).

Also the vibrator may increase my confidence and help me save my dignity by eliminating the periods when I beg my boyfriend to have sex with me.

I'm also really afraid that not being sexual (after the assult) will backfire.

I'm afraid of going in the opposite direction (deciding I never want to have sex ever again).

My boyfriend and I had sex in the beginning of our relationship (very short lived), but he stopped because he said he felt wrong about us having sex outside of marriage.

I can respect where he's coming from, but it's really hard.

He has the will of steal.

So, I think I'll get one. I think I'll go for it.

My friend orders the "toys" through one of her friends.

She offered to keep it for me until I am able to mail it to my out of state apartment (my parents are extremely nosey and I don't want to store it at their house).

But then I get so nervous.

What if my boyfriend doesn't pick up the package from my apartment office and they open it?!

Or what if my boyfriend gets nosey and opens the box and sees the vibrator staring him in the face?

What if people think I'm crazy for having this complicated vibrator?

What if they think I'm a super-freak?

I mean, I'm so confused about so many things right now. I don't to be in a situation where I have to try to explain owning a huge vibrator that I've never even tried.

I don't know.

I kind of feel like...."what do I have to lose?".

Part of me is soooo extremely reluntant to try it, but then part of me feels like it can provide me with hope, and relieve to constant, heavy stress I'm under everyday.

I'm desperate enough to try just about anything.

I'm really nervous, but I think I'll bite the bullet and have my friend order it for me.

I'm hoping the vibrator will make me feel a lot better, in genernal.

[RayKay]

I think relying on a sex toy to make you feel better in the degree you are expecting to....will only lead to disappointment.

 

I am all for vibrators, for fun and pleasure by yourself or with another, but it won't solve your emotional pains or losses, or loneliness, or need for intimacy. And it won't give you hope, or an answer to life.

 

And if you choose to get one anyway, there are a lot of ones out there that are a lot more discreet and a lot less intimidating.

[Meow18]

I hate to be negative here, but it's not possible to fill your happiness with material things.

 

Of course, getting a vibrator is up to you. But no matter what it is, you can't rely on things to make you feel better. It might temporarily make you feel better, but in the long run you will still be unhappy with everything.

 

I'm concerned about your relationship. Of course he has every right to not want sex. But he doesn't make you feel good about yourself. It's not like a guy should be your source of happiness either, but seriously, you don't feel loved enough by him it seems. I think you need to work on that. A vibrator will not solve your relationship issues. Only you and him can do that.

 

The other part that concerns me is that you said that any time you are feeling stressed you can turn to the vibrator. I'm sorry, but you are making it seem almost like a drug. That is not a healthy way to deal with stress. Sometimes it's ok to need alone time when stressed. I mean, it might help, but if you are really having issues, you need to work them out instead of temporarily forgetting about them. But sometimes it's also healthy to go out into the public world and de-stress yourself. You don't have to go out with a friend.. just don't make yourself shut the world out because that will only make you more depressed.

 

I don't personally own a vibrator, but it's not a bad thing if that's what you want. But don't let it get in the way of being happy with yourself.

[BornToResist]

I agree with all the others. There is absolutely no way a vibrator will solve your problems.

 

It's the same as masterbating, only easier and sometimes better. Do you look at the act of masterbating the way you look at owning a vibrator?

 

It's just a sex toy.

 

I own a few different ones and I definently recommend having one to fulfill your personal sexual needs, but it won't be that "other person" giving you that boost to your self esteem or anything else. It's masterbation...that's it.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hey there,

 

By all means get the vibrator (I would personally go for the rabbit, rather than something huge, scary and complicated )

 

But there was such a lot of worrying stuff in your post, and I wonder how things are going with you.

 

First of all:

I was sexually assulted in February.

Sometimes I feel really dirty ya know.

 

And having a boyfriend that only gives me pecks on the lips and hugs, really makes me feel like an unattractive woman.

 

Are you getting help for this? Have you told people about this? Is this your boyfriend's reaction to the assault? Have you talked about this together? With a counsellor? Sorry to be firing so many questions, but this sentence seemed to me to be the absolute crux of your post. The vibrator issue is just an aside.

 

 

My boyfriend and I had sex in the beginning of our relationship (very short lived), but he stopped because he said he felt wrong about us having sex outside of marriage.

 

Does he know about the assault? Sorry, repeating myself. It seems you are incompatible, and this is all impacting on your terrible experience.

 

The vibrator is for fun - fine. But you have a lot deeper stuff oging on here, you know. Keep talking to us.

[NKP]

Yes she had reported it and is getting help for it, and has told the boyfriend i am pretty sure. Just read her other threads

 

Grace as for the vibrator yeah get one it will be great fun, but like everyone esle said it wont help your problems

[lman69]

Why don't you just be more aggressive with your bf. Take the initiative.

 

If that doesn't work then try out a cheaper sex toy.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I'm more concerned about

 

a) the issues you are having in terms of your boyfriend not even wanting to make out with you, and making you feel unattractive

b) the fact that you arn't in a secure enough relationship that if he should find it, it's not a problem

[SarahRose]

No sex in a rs would be a deal breaker for me. Especially when he thought it was ok at one point and now he doesn't think it's ok?

 

No sex after a reasonable amount of time means bye bye.

 

What exactly is he saving himself for? Marriage? Aren't you the one he wants to marry?

 

A relationship shouldn't make you miserable like this.

[Gracelove]

Thanks so much for all of your replies!!!

It's really so very hard on me. My boyfriend tends to make all of the rules.

He'll ask me to go down on him, and then when I do it, he talks about how down he feels and makes me out to be the bad guys.

And it hurts so bad because I was just doing something he asked me to do.

I thought I was doing something nice for him.

And then I feel like I'm being punished for it.

I don't understand why he'll ask for oral sex but then doesn't want to have sexual intercourse with me.

It's all sex.

Why is his oral acceptable at times, and having intercourse with me it not?

I've actually decided to get a vibrator.

My boyfriend told me in the harshest way yesterday, that there was no way we were having any sex in our relationship until we're married (and right now he's the one who is determining that~~~3 years he says)

I figure if I'm not going to have sex with my boyfriend for at least three years then I might as well learn to be a more independent woman.

I'm kind of excited about getting a vibrator now actually. Although I can't be too excited because I'm still sad about the fact that my boyfriend won't even make out with me.

I am getting help for the assult, I'm working through it but it's so, so hard.

My boyfriend does know about the rape. I told him about it maybe after the first or second time we had sex.

As far as being aggressive with my boyfriend....I've gone as far as laying in his bed naked, begging him to have sex with me (believe you me, I never thought I would ever have to do such a thing to get a man to sleep with me); it didn't work.

I just don't understand what's going on. I know I'm not an unattractive person. At least people compliment me on being attractive.

I'm afraid to get too aggressive with him because of my whole sexual assult thing. I don't want to feel like I'm molesting or raping him.

He already makes me feel bad enough for wanting to have sex.

And you're right. I don't know what he's saving himself for.

He say he wants to marry me, and he has already slept with me.

I just do know what to do....aside for getting a vibrator.

Thank you guys for all of your input!

I really, really appreciate it.

[chrisrad]

Couple things I would like to say-- First, colored text sucks.

 

Ok, next- Your boyfriend is a jackoff plain and simple. I kind of get the impression he may be sewing his oats elsewhere. Probably not what you want to hear, but if he has already slept with you once, and then all of a sudden stopped and now refuses then something is up. And the fact he MAKES you blow him is straaaaaaange. Look at him point blank and tell him, "If you don't sleep with me, another guy will come around who is interested." Believe me, there are plenty of guys out there who would be eager to satisfy you in all departments.

[NKP]

Get you toy and please yourself, and if he ask for oral or sex again just say no, you said we are waiting to get married, have fun on your own with that and see how he feels about it