Help Needed

[Damaged1]

Hello everyone. I am pretty new here. I've been reading the posts for the past few days now and you guys give really good advice. I'm in a tough situation and would like your insight to it.

 

I got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship last November. We just grew apart and even though it hurt, we knew it was the right thing to do.

 

Not long after, I met a guy on a message board. We started talking and eventually met. He lives in another state. I was not completely ready for a serious relationship with anyone and I admit that I was not the best gf. But I did try.

 

I really trusted this guy with everything. We just really clicked. Because we live in two different states, I sent him some interesting pictures of me. Not proud of it, but I was in a different state of mind and didn't think things through. And the one time we were together, I let him videotape, no sex, just fooling around.

 

Well, when I broke up with him, he flipped out and sent them out to everyone I know. It was devastating and has really messed with me mentally. I know I shouldn't talk to this guy anymore, but I'm afraid that he will send them out again if I stop talking to him. And he keeps trying to get me to sleep with someone else so he can get over me, when I'm not ready to. And he said I have to come see him within the next 6 months to get my stuff back.

 

I just want to get away from this guy, but I don't know how to do it. I don't know if there is anything legally I can do. Or what. Any suggestions from you guys would be great.

 

I'm so tired of living in fear of someone else. I just don't know what to do anymore. I just want my life back.

 

Thanks in advance.

[Damaged1]

Could really use some advice guys!

[AngelEyez]

Hey,

 

I think there is something you can legally do. He shouldn't be exploiting your videos or pictures that you sent him. I would stop all contact with him, even if he does threaten to dispurse this material to other people. It's best to stay away from his and his friends as much as possible. If he posts it on the internet, then you should take legal action.

[blackdiamond]

I'm sorry you are going through this. What a lowlife scuma##!

 

My only advice is this......don't give in to any blackmail. Give in once and be prepared to give in again and again. He's probably going to do whatever he wants anyway, so I think you have to bite the bullet on this one.

 

If you go see him to get your stuff, what do you foresee happening? Do you think he'll give you your pictures back?

[Damaged1]

I understand what you are saying. If I keep giving in, he'll keep taking. Its just hard to face it, I guess. I've had a rough couple of years and its like things just aren't getting any better.

[Ediec]

Stop talking to him. RIGHT NOW!

 

Then call your state's Atterney's office or your state's Bar Association. They can tell you what you can do or who's best to talk to. May even have to contact the DA office of the state in which he lives.

 

Hope that helps. He's scum.

[Honey Pumpkin]

He's already sent this stuff out? Frankly, I would go to the police now. Tell them he's blackmailing you - which is a very serious offence. A call from them should put the wind up him. Don't be frightened by him, he's such a, well, insert your own term.

 

Don't take this lying down - go to the police, take out legal action against him. He's already done the worst he can, let him face the consequences. Take out an injunction, cut all contact with him, and basically cut him out of your life totally, completely. I think the fright of realising he might face a prison sentence will bring him to his senses.

 

Good luck

[AngelEyez]

The fact is, you have to face it. Let's say he exposes these pictures and videos to other people. Put yourself in the shoes of the people that are viewing them. Okay, so you've received pictures of your friends ex-girlfriend in suggestive and nude poses. If I received that, I'd think "Wow, this guy's a bastard for doing this. Why would he even send these out?" People will think less of him. I remember a situation similar to this in school. This guys ex-boyfriend sent almost everyone in school the nude pictures that she sent him while they were going out. He even sent them to her dad. She was humiliated for a bit, but she faced it. She even came back to school! I wouldn't be able to do what she had done. I respect her ability to go back to school when half the school population saw her naked. She wasn't really treated any different than before. The incident slowly faded. Stop talking to him. I was in a minor situation like this myself. At first, I would give in, and then I finally said, "Eff it. Let him do what he wants to do. I'm done." In my situation it was different, because I told him if he exposes something of mine, I can humiliate him even more. It was sort of like revenge! It was sweeeeeeet.

[rose2summer]

What he is doing is morally wrong and needs to be stopped.

 

I agree with the others, go to the police dept, and they can redirect you to the DA or whomever is needed.

 

Tell them that you feel this is blackmail and that you feel he is harassing you by sending out personal pieces of info about you.

 

Definitely don't blackmail him back at all.

 

Ask the police station if you can call him up when they tape record it and tell him that you have reported his actions to the police and are seeking legal action for libel.

 

libel: harmful statement in a fixed medium, especially writing but also a picture, sign, or electronic broadcast

 

link removed

 

Sorry you are going through this.

 

Hugs, Rose

[Damaged1]

You guys are so great. Thank you for all of the advice. I'm just so tired of living in fear of this guy.

[rose2summer]

Yes, you need to break away from this fear and the police can help you do that.

 

What he is doing is not right and needs to be stopped.

 

It's unfortunate he was so immature about the break-up that he had to resort to this.

 

Hugs, Rose

[annie24]

yikes!!!!

 

I agree with the others, another vote for contacting the police department. what he is doing is illegal and needs to stop. don't let him intimidate you.

 

to be honest, if someone sent me a photo of a naked friend, I would just delete it. I think such a thing reflects more on the character of the guy who sent it, than the person in the naked photo. I wouldn't think any less of my friend at all.

[rocio]

Unfortunately, what he is doing is not illegal. I know it's morally wrong, but as long as you knew he was videotaping you, then those videos belong to him. He can do as he likes with them.

 

If he had hidden the camera and filmed you without your knowledge, that would be illegal. But since you sent him the pics and let him film you, you don't have a case.

 

I would try not to piss him off.

[annie24]

blackmail is illegal though. saying.... if you do not do this.... then I will do this to you.....

[Damaged1]

I understand that the pics are technically his property, but can't he be stopped from the blackmailing and harassment? Can't it be ordered that he destroy them or something?

[annie24]

i think he can definitely be ordered to cease and desist.

 

call up your police department right now.

 

what will help is if you have proof he is doing this, like phone records, forwarded e-mails from your friends, family. phone numbers and names of people who can vouch for you.

 

collect as much info on the situation as you can, and if you do so, the police will be more inclined to take you seriously.

[rose2summer]

Maybe you can copyright them and then sue him for illegal dispersion of them?

[Damaged1]

Well, I still have the original emails that he sent out. Plus friends who will vouch for me. And I do believe I may have some IM conversations saved.

[annie24]

great. just call the police department and talk to the about it.

 

a few years ago, I was being stalked/harassed by a guy I barely knew. I told the police about it, they took it very seriously, even though I only had minor run-ins with him.

 

they told me that 9 times out of 10, the guy ceases all contact once the girl goes to the police, and they go to his house or his work and tell him to knock it off.

[Damaged1]

Now, he lives in a different state. Will that make it any more difficult?

[annie24]

perhaps. just call your police department. i bet they have already dealt with cases similar to yours.

[Damaged1]

I will be calling them this evening. I am currently at work with some nosy co-workers. I will keep you guys updated. Thanks so much for all of the advice. This site is amazing!

[Ediec]

Since he lives in another state, if anything is found to be illegal it can become a federal offense. More then likely he'd just have to deal with your states courts.

 

Unfortunitly, like others have said, there isn't anything you can do about the pictures or the video, but the blackmail is a different story. Just make sure you and your friends don't delete any of the emails. if the police need them they will take them off the computers. copys that have been printed by you can't be used in anyway, save for getting the police involved. and i'm not to sure about the IMs, i think it would depened on which messager you used and the way it's saved.

[Bethany]

. I know I shouldn't talk to this guy anymore, but I'm afraid that he will send them out again if I stop talking to him. And he keeps trying to get me to sleep with someone else so he can get over me, when I'm not ready to. And he said I have to come see him within the next 6 months to get my stuff back.

 

 

I'm lost here because I don't see that this IS blackmail.

 

Has he threatened to send them back out again or are you in your own mind afraid that he will?

 

If you are just afraid then stop talking to him. Face the consequences. Don't be a prisoner of your own fear of what might happen. The worst has already happened. Unless of course he IS still threatening you..Then you most certainly should contact the police.

 

It sounds to me, by him asking you to sleep with other guys that he wants to move on, so give him what he wants. Don't even bother to pick up your stuff. Just disappear.

[ImThatGirl]

She mentioned he said he would send them out again.

 

I'd contact an attorney and the local police department.

 

What property do you have at his place? If you go to retrieve it, take someone with you!

 

If he's already sent them once, it's worth it to take the chance he will send them again. Wow - unbelievable! Never send group emails to someone that has these kinds of pics of you!

 

hugs to you...........