Where to start?

[XxxMUAHxxX]

Ok... I'll just start from the beginning. I'm 17 years old, and I've been in a relationship with "Joe" for 10 months. Joe is 22... and it doesn't even appear that big of an age difference to me.

At any case, we have a lot of issues with drinking. For the first three months of our relationship, I was very happy and I had a lot of fun. We would drink together and I trusted him with all my heart. From that point its went all down hill. Its like he doesnt want me involved with that part of his life any more. Sorta like he's trying to hide something.... him drinking or the fact that he has a problem. Joe will go get a case of beer while I'm at work.. or just tell me he's with his dad, and by the time I get there, he's 3 sheets to the wind.

He tries to blame this on me. He says I don't look at things the same way he does, and that its because I'm only 17 that I dont understand. I want to be with him for the rest of my life... there's not a minute in the day that goes past that he doesn't cross my mind. Joe has a problem- simply put. Honestly, maybe I'm wrong, but anyone who drinks at least 3 days a week is an alcoholic. And if he's not, he is well on his way. I just want to be happy.

Tonight he said he was mowing his grass... I once again let my guard down and didnt have a problem in the world with him doing so. At 6:30 he calls and says he done and that he's coming to pick me up. I could tell by the tone in his voice that he had been drinking... pritty heavily. But beyond my best judgement, I went with him. Within two hours, he was passing out on the couch. What am I supposed to do? Its like 40 degrees outside, and I'm about 3 miles away from my house with no vehicle except his.

I finally get him up... and we start arguing over the keys... one thing lead to another and he elbowed me in the face. This is the first time he's ever gotten physical to me. I am not forgiving him for this.. but I dont want to leave him. I almost feel like I've convinced myself that he has a problem. He has a disease, and I think it is wrong for me to leave him in his time of need. My cheek bone is alittle sore- nothing much. But its not only that. When he drinks, he gets emotionally abusive. He tells me I'm acting like "Kimmy"... she's his exgirlfriend. They were together for 2 years, and she was a complete nut. Tonight I lost my temper, I really did... Once he got physical towards me, I got crazy.. I said things I didnt mean, and I just dont know what to do..

 

I have no clue what to do... I dont know if I should run the other way? Try to talk to him about it AGAIN? Give each other some time... Please any form of advice would help. I just want to be happy again, and to be quite honest.. I dont think I could "leave him" without being harmed?

[Tigris]

You need to get out of this relationship now. It's obvious he's not very happy because he wouldn't be drinking that much if he was. Whether he was drunk or sober it's wrong to hit you. You've said yourself that he gets abusive when he's been drinking and that leads to one thing eventually VIOLENCE. On top of that he was drink driving!

 

Do you want the police to turn up at your parents house one day and say, 'I'm very sorry but your daughter's been in a car crash and she's dead.' If you continue being with him it could happen. You're 17 and have your whole life ahead of you, don't waste it on someone who doesn't value your life.

 

Take care.

[NeverMore]

Get the hell out!!! This is only the beginning, it will only get worse if you don't stop it now. I've had bledding bite marks on my face (try explaining those to family and friends), I've had my hair pulled out of my head, etc. And it started with little things like elbowing.

 

And don't ride with him when he is drunk. Call a cab and let him risk driving his own drunk *** home.

[Beyondthesea]

Sorry sweetie, time to get out of this relationship.

 

The very fact you are still with him after he has elbowed you shows he has beaten you down emotionally. If you were not already emotionally abused by him, you would not be staying.

 

Although this isn't the advice you wanted, get out. I have been in the same situation...I was there for 7 years, and it was the biggest waste of time of my life. They don't change, they don't want help, they won't get help. They just want to be pitied and babied for the rest of their lives.

 

Think of your future together:

1. Will he ever be able to hold a job being an alcoholic

2. What kind of father would he be to your children

3. How much are you willing to take? He is going to get more abusive from here. The moment you stay after any sort of altercation, you have proven that you are going to stick around no matter what. Period.

 

You are only 17, you don't need this in your life. I was the same age when I started dating the abusive loser. I wasted the best years of my life! I should have been out at parties and having fun with friends. Instead I spent my free time babysitting him, and eventually supporting him as he wouldn't keep a job.

 

It's not worth it. You are worth much more. Leave and spare yourself the wasted years.

[Fallout]

I am with all the rest...you can't change him or make him see he has a problem, he needs to find that himself and there's nothing you can do to "fix" him, in fact telling him about it will probably make him more stubborn and make him drink more.

 

And there's no excuse for hitting you...drinking just lowers inhibitions but it was still his choice to hit you...if he treats you like this now imagine how he'll treat you when you're married

[Juliana]

The part where you say you don't want to leave him while he has this problem is what scares me.

 

Honey, he doesn't have a problem, he is the problem. A person who says, "gee, I wish I didn't do that; how can I change?" -- they have a problem. A person who wants the destructive behaviour, the addiction, or whatever, defends their right to do what they want and elbows you in the face when you argue with them -- they are a problem. He has no intention of letting go of this behaviour. If you attempt to come between him and his drinking, he will beat the almighty living h*ll out of you. Do you understand that? In his world, there are two priorities: Him, and alcohol. You aren't even on the list.

 

You got any family out of state? Haul a**. Time for a nice long vacation. He'll only be after you until he can find some other chick to beat up and abuse. Then you will be the new "Kimmy," (and how crazy was she, exactly, after 2 years with him?).

 

This is classic, textbook abusive behaviour. This pattern will escalate. You will be hurt. Get out now, and stay out.

[yeawutever]

Drunk or sober, there is never an excuse to use force, might as well drop his sorry behind out the streets, you're 17 and got lots of life ahead.