Getting over my broken heart.....

[ebsmith1]

Everything about this post spoke to me. I'm right where you are even though we didn't get married. I constantly find myself wondering how I can do it all again. I planned on spending the rest of my life with this man, so where do I put those feelings? I also know how you feel about waking up in the mornings. My man was always at work before I woke up, but still there is something about waking up and realizing that I have to go the whole day without him is so very hard. He's already with someone else which makes it that much worse. I constantly feel that I'm the only one thinking about what we had. That I'm the only one missing him and the things we did and that I'm the only one remembering all of the good times. It sucks, boy does it, but we are all here for each other.

[Vynde]

That's a good questions Ebsmith, not sure where you put those feeling, I know where they are now - which is fresh in my mind, which seems to only make my condition worse some days.

 

Trolling these forums, there is a lot of advice, not to mention numerous articles on the subject of getting over a broken heart which I have found useful. I will admit the reading them and taking the advice of all the supportive people in here does help, I know that we are looking for a cure, but no such cure or "quick fix" exists.. Which in its own way is hard enough to realize.

 

I find what helps ME the most is surrounding myself with my friends and family, keep as BUSY as possible.. Calling friends who at some point along the way I had lost touch with.. I fell my day and plan ahead to make sure im always doing something. It's not easy, we know that.

 

But hang in there! Soon we will be fine.. Time can be your best friend or worst enemy... lol.. At this point, I don't know what he is

 

John

[caliboy_2007]

John, you're not alone.

If you read my threads, I've been through something similar and she finally went YESTERDAY.

 

It's been hard, you know it, I don't have to tell you... we can help each other. I've been dying today but reading your posts and seeing what you wrote makes me feel that we are not alone.

 

You got us buddy.

[Vynde]

Thank you all so much for your advice over the past couple weeks. It has really helped me.

 

Some of you know my story; some of you have been kind enough to even send some e-mails and PM's. Thank you.

 

I won't lie, the past few days I have been going back down, which I guess is to be expected since these feelings come in waves.

 

This morning (Monday) When I got to work, I noticed like normal I had a few voice mails.. So I checked them. It so happens that she left a voicemail on my office phone. Hearing her voice made me feel even worse, since Im still so very much in love with her.

 

What hurt even more was that she didn't try to call me at the apartment, or my cell phone. I guess she wanted to make sure I wouldn't pick-up being I don't work on the weekends.

 

She of coarse didn't say anything I wanted to hear; just that I needed to take my name off her auto insurance policy and that she wanted me to call her to discuss the separation agreement..

 

I guess that fact that I was still holding on to a slim chance of hope that she would want to get back together.. Im hurting so bad.. I guess after the message she left, which by the way was very cold and like she was talking to a perfect stranger, made me feel that "This is it, she doesn't want me back"

 

I know even after all she did to me, that it might sound crazy to want her back.. I know.

 

I haven't heard her voice in 16 days until today. I feel like I'm back at day one.

 

I don't even know if I'm strong enough to call her without breaking down to tears. I'm so sad.. Do I call her, Do I have a lawyer call her, e-mail. I guess we do have to talk about the separation agreement, but I know just hearing her voice will kill me all over again..

 

I have no idea what to do.. I'm in so much dam pain, everyday.. I know she's not..and im so sad over it.

 

I miss my wife. And she could care less.. god help me.

 

John

[JoeWho]

I would say have a lawyer call her or send her an email. Do whatever is going to cause you the least amount of pain. Time to be selfish. I feel your pain though, it has been two months on NC for me now and the last thing I would want is for her to leave me a voice mail at work. In fact I hope I never hear from her again. Two months ago I would have never thought I could say that about someone I spent 10 years with. You will get to that point sooner or later.

[desertnomad]

I agree, time to be selfish, nothing wrong with that

It doesnt sound like she is being the least bit civil so looks like getting a lawyer might be something you have to do right away unfortunately if you have alot that needs to be split up... like Joe said.

[GottaLetItBurn]

Your story breaks my heart reading it. I feel for you so badly. Such a cruel thing, and you can't get her out of your mind because you love her so much. It takes a really long time to get over her, it's going to be so hard, but even if you do nothing everyday, you will probably be a lil bit better each week that passes.

 

Not even noticably, but staying away from her, not contacting her when you feel like if you don't your whole body is gonna colaspe is whats going to heal you. Call her if you must, but not being in contact with her is what's best.

 

I know your gonna jump when she calls you in the future, but you have to know that it is still gonna hurt when that conversation is over with. Try to take care of yourself. It's the only thing you can do, and I'm sure the people on here have much better advice. It scares me that things like this can happen, this is reason why I don't want to let anyone in. It's too much of a risk to get hurt.

[Vynde]

Well..

 

Its been a while since I post on this thread..

 

Most of you know the story, if not, the start of this post tells the story.

 

Its been 34 days since she left me (about). I still feel like I would do anyting to get her back. I feel like I cant let go. I miss my wife so much, I still feel like this is all a really bad dream.

 

I find myself still holding onto the fact she might come back to me. She sent me an e-mail last weekend saying that she would be "glad" to get the seperation agreement underway.. I couldnt believe why she used the word "gald". Im a mess because of it.

 

Why cant I let go of her, I guess its becasue I dont want to - ever after how cold she is acting towards me.. Its so hurtful to me.

 

I did nothing wrong, and yet she makes it seem as if I cheated or something. Im so depressed over it, I find that the only thing that makes me feel better is hoping that she comes back. Each day that passes I know that it less likley to happen.. Which makes me feel like Im getting worse and worse.

 

Im 28 years old. I feel like I lost my life with her, and nothing will ever be the same. I feel like Ill never be able to find anyone again.

 

How could someone do this to me. How could she want to get married and a year later without even trying call it quits?

 

I miss my wife everyone, and I cant let her go.. My pain goes so deep. How could this be happening to me.

 

I needed to vent this. Thank you all for listening.

 

... /cry

[Vynde]

Well..

 

Its been a while since I post on this thread..

 

Most of you know the story, if not, the start of this post tells the story.

 

Its been 34 days since she left me (about). I still feel like I would do anyting to get her back. I feel like I cant let go. I miss my wife so much, I still feel like this is all a really bad dream.

 

I find myself still holding onto the fact she might come back to me. She sent me an e-mail last weekend saying that she would be "glad" to get the seperation agreement underway.. I couldnt believe why she used the word "gald". Im a mess because of it.

 

Why cant I let go of her, I guess its becasue I dont want to - ever after how cold she is acting towards me.. Its so hurtful to me.

 

I did nothing wrong, and yet she makes it seem as if I cheated or something. Im so depressed over it, I find that the only thing that makes me feel better is hoping that she comes back. Each day that passes I know that it less likley to happen.. Which makes me feel like Im getting worse and worse.

 

Im 28 years old. I feel like I lost my life with her, and nothing will ever be the same. I feel like Ill never be able to find anyone again.

 

How could someone do this to me. How could she want to get married and a year later without even trying call it quits?

 

I miss my wife everyone, and I cant let her go.. My pain goes so deep. How could this be happening to me.

 

I needed to vent this. Thank you all for listening.

 

... /cry

[W1nter]

Hi Vynde,

 

I know how you feel through all of this. My wife of four years left me a month ago for someone else. After sleeping at a friends place for a week and a half, then back at our old place while she was at the other persons, I've moved out to my own place.

 

I'd still do anything to get her back, too... it's like she changed so suddenly in to this cold person - she had separation papers all ready and it was like she was glad to ditch me and I still don't understand why. Things seemed so good and right when we were together and there was no indication to me there was any problems.

 

I'm 28 as well.

 

Anyways, to help deal with the loss and loneliness and the feeling of hopelessness I've been keeping myself pretty busy and trying to give myself emotional boosts. I'll find someone better. Someone who appreciates the love and caring I have to give. The woman that left me isn't the same woman I fell in love with - would she ever have done that to me? I certainly wouldn't think so... I thought she was commited. No, the woman I fell in love with is gone, and I need to live like she died or something, and move on with my life. We're both still pretty young, it's not too late to get out and rebuild and meet a better person and there's definitely people worse off than us. It hurts like hell, but it's the only thing we can do.

 

Put some blinders on and look straight ahead and at nothing else... we'll both make it through this.

 

The mornings sure can be rough though, hmm?

[icarus27]

Vynde,

 

Your wife is doing some cruel things to you. She needn't have used that word, and she seems careless as to what hurt might be caused to you.

 

I'd say that the way she is now, she's not worth pining over. But I also know there's no way you'd want to think that. Your wounded feelings are raw, you miss her, you remember the good things and good times and it makes you even sadder.

 

It's not wrong to miss her. It's a terrible feeling, but maybe this feeling has to be allowed to run it's natural course. But what you do have some control over is whether you are waiting for her to come back. To heal, my opinion would be to not think that way - don't wait, your own life, your wellbeing is important to you. That should be the priority.

 

I'm so sorry to read your story.

[miss888s]

Vynde, i am going through the same thing. it has been 2 weeks since we broke up. i still cannot accept this and everyday is a struggle for me. he left me for another girl who was the same religion as him. he has been so cold towards me. i have not started NC because i do not have the strength to.

 

everyone says that it will get better. at this stage i dont know if i can believe anyone. i have been given meds to get my mind off things but seriously they do not work.

 

we went to counselling together and he told of how he didnt love me anymore. he did not love me for the last 2 of 3 years of us being together. of how he was wearing a mask for 2 years because he pitied me. he told of how he pretended to plan our future together, our holidays his promises that everythihng he said was fake and just to make me happy.

 

he told how he doesnt want to be with me because he is in lovewith his crush from high school who he says is more deserving of him than me because she is a Christian.

 

it is his birthdya today. we made so many plans and he told me he doesnt know what he wants to do and that he has made plans with his friends instead.

 

he always tells me of how happy he is now that i am not in his life. yet, i still love him and i still want him back.

 

i hope you are strong because i understand the pain and suffering that you are going through. it hurts really bad and somedays i just want to die and not face the future.

 

hang in there. you have us here. just hang in there. please.

[fr0st]

I really feel for you John, I really do. My Girlfriend of 2 and a half years left me 3 weeks ago now. I love her so much more than anything ever in my life. And I imagine you loved your wife the same if not more. It really hurts, I myself have lost 14lbs in the past 3 weeks, but im also going to the gym. But not eating is helping the loss, I cant even eat the same foods we used to eat. I have tried and I just get full really fast.

 

I never expected a lost love to have such a profound impact on my life I really didn't. I thought I had other loves previously and was prepared. Nothing could have ever prepared me for this, loosing my companion.

[lizziebee]

I readd your post and my heart broke all over again. I read it twice as I thought my husband may be on this site. I left my husband last year after being married for 11 years, 14 total together. We had moved out West and I was very unhappy, fell into a deep depression that just annoyed him and myself also...One day, not without total warning, I packed as much as I could and drove back East to my 'home' where I am from and where my family is. We spoke through email and on the phone occasionally always believing that I would return. However, as I started to become the woman he had married, I realized that I enjoyed being me and being free. My heart was broken, my spirit, soul, and yes I still feel lost in a sense. I think about him every day as we have not been in contact for about 7 months except through his lawyer as I could not afford one. It feels like a death-defying dance on a tightrope right now but I truly believe that with your honesty (obvious in your post) that this temporary but God-awful pain will be lifted. Pray for her as well as yourself. Try to just keep moving because when you stop...its over. Keep your heart safe.

LB

[mcnani]

man it broke my heart to read what happened to you Vynde, but keep being strong (you're doing so right now!) you WILL feel better and there WILL be someone who can appreciate you and love you enough, but for right now youve got to do whats best for you and push yourself through it. best of luck