Getting over my broken heart.....

[Vynde]

Well, the woman I have been with for 6 six years left me last week.

 

I can't even begin to explain how much I loved her. I came home one night from work; she sat me down and said she no longer has feelings for me anymore. We just got married one year ago in July. Needless to say I'm completely heart broken. I can't seem to sleep, eat or function; I think about her every second and can't get her off my mind. I begged her to "go to counseling" with me and that our relationship and marriage was worth saving. She didn't want to. I have a feeling that she met someone else which is why she was able to just sit there and show no emotion at all.

 

It's been a week now; I try not to call because I know it will only drop me down to my knees all over again. I have lost 16 lbs since. I feel so depressed and sad, I find myself crying all the time, knowing that she has most likely moved on with her life and is being supported by another man kills me more every day.

 

I feel helpless and lost and I don't want o wake up most days. I loved her so much and knowing that she doesn't feel the same after everything we did together and all the good times we had just rips at me.

 

My friends tell me to get mad about her being with another man, which I can't prove but numbers on our cell phone bill make it pretty obvious. She has broken my heart and for whatever reason, I still love her. When my phone rings I pray that it's her, and that she will say "let's make this work" but it never is. Everything I look at reminds me of her, and I mean EVERYTHING. It breaks me down.

 

I don't know how to get over this or if I ever will. I don't know what to do. I miss my wife and the fact that she doesn't miss me.. well , just breaks my heart all over again.

 

Can anyone tell me what I should do.. How to I get over her, I'm so broken…

 

John (28)

Long Island NY

[zrehman]

John

 

I'm really really sorry to hear about this. I will be honest, its not going to be easy to get over this. But your friends are right, if the woman you claim to LOVE can hurt you like this with no remorse, you don't deserve that at all. You deserve so much better! I know you had history with her and that you were never thinking about her moving on nor you, but the fact is that she did, and she is dirt for that. You CANNOT contact her at all. Trust me, she will not find a better guy than you. She might think she found someone she cares about, but I guarantee that will fizzle out soon and she will be knocking on your door begging you to take her back. But you can't get high hopes. You need to be strong and just take each day as it comes, it will be hard, real hard. But I promise, everyday will get easier and soon you will start to open your eyes and see that you don't need her in your life and that you DO deserve someone better.

 

Be strong and I know you can do it!

[trav]

I know exactly what you are going through... my ex of almost 6 years broke up with me out of the blue/totally unexpected (and on the phone - stupid cow - from a different country where she had gone to work for 2 years) back in april this year. I had spent two months with her last year and again at christmas time for 6 weeks, but had to come home for work in february. We lived together for 4 years before work sent her overseas.

 

The first few months are damn hard. I was like you and I know preciesely how you feel. Hang in there... be with friends and try and not mull over what has happened. You do need closure though, but that can wait... look after yourself first. be selfish... now is the time for you!

 

I still think about stuff 6 months down the track, but I feel much much better. I haven't been on any dates yet, but that will happen after I get my head straight.

 

I guess what my posts is about is that your are not in this alone... hang in there... talk with friends/family, make NC with her as its all about you now.

 

post back as often as you want too - we are here!

 

trav

[Vynde]

Thanks Zrehman/trav,

 

It's good to talk with and get outside opinions on my situation as I know emotion dominates logic when it comes to how I feel about things.

 

I know I have a long road, and find myself looking at the calendar crossing days off, wondering when this will pass. From reading some other posts it look like a while away. I can't imagine going through this pain for another 6 months to a year, but I guess I have no choice at this point.

 

I find that waking up in the mornings are the hardest part of the day. Being in the appt where we made so many great memories and had so many good times. It sometimes takes me a minute to realize that she's not next to me.

 

I can't help but think back to all the vacations and things we have done together were "I" thought we shared meaningful expirances. They seem all fake as I look back.

 

I realize that so many other people go though things like this, and the fact that I don't have a house or kids ( thank god ) makes my issue seem fruitless compared to others, but it doesn't seem to help.

 

It's amazing to me that someone after so many years together can suddenly and emotionally turn it off; maybe it was never there.. Which is something that hurts even more.

 

I went out to a bar last night with a few friends, something that I didn't do to often while we were together. It was a very surreal feeling. As I stood there I thought to myself "how can I do this again"?. Meaning, how can I start over after all the hard work I put into this relationship. I didn't want to be there. I didn't want to do that again. The music that played of coarse had to be songs that I had listened to with her, or held some kind of significant meaning that at times made me want to crawl under the bar and just cry.

 

I'm glad I found this site.. I'm glad I can interact with people who have gone though similar situations. And although I wouldn't want to put my worst enemy though this pain I'm going through now, I'm glad that there are others.

 

I guess Ill take the advise I have seen so many of you give in these threads which is one , long, painful day at a time.

 

Ill be checking back - and thanks again.

 

John

[richard29]

I so know how you feel.... The morning are just so bad. Everyone tells you to keep busy and be with friends. It does help... but when on your own and have time to kill. My head just spins. It WILL get better please trust me you will have bad days and good days. Please go and see your doctor if your not sleeping. You need to sleep to help you be stronge during the day.

I wish i could take anyway the pain and give you the answers to WHY!!!

Keep posting there's loads of support here it's made such a different for me on the bad days.

 

stay safe

 

Richard

[desertnomad]

This is going to be a tough road for sure but you can make it. I am reading what you wrote and everything sounds so familiar. How you are feeling is normal for anyone in the situation your in. Normal just not easy.

 

My ex of four years just up and left me with a note one day. She was so cold after we finally did talk a month later. She ran off to another state with another guy

 

I lost 35lbs in 8 weeks myself. I kept thinking like you how could someone do this to me. Someone I told I loved every day and who I shared thousands of great memories with and thousands of vacation miles with. She even moved accross the country with me so we could start a better life.

 

The best thing you can do when you feel like you can is put away everything that reminds you of her. A total wife sweep of the apt. You may not be able to pack everything away but you can a few things. And then if you can move to another apt. It is hard to miss someone who doesnt miss you. But having those reminders will just make it harder.

 

I dont know how people can turn off their emotions seemingly so quick but they can and my ex did also. But its always the one foot in the door one foot out the door scenario. Its a lack of committment on their part. You and I both know neither of us would have ever left our ex's. That says something about us and also about them.

 

Rest assured if she has a new guy or fling its not going to be an easy road and the odds of them staying together are slim. My ex is still somewhat with her new guy but they are in an LDR and its been very obvious to me that its been a rocky road already. One thing I am grateful for is not to have that drama in my life. It follows her around wherever she goes.

 

Take it one day at a time and being with friends and family and on ena is some of the best things you can do.. You deserve a woman who will stick with you. We all do.After 4 months its still a foggy future for me I will admit but what options are there but going forward one step at a time?

[sanders2021]

I just went through something like this about 5 weeks ago. Granted, my relationship was only a year and a half, but she was my first girlfriend and my first love. I saw myself spending the rest of my life with her. For the first few weeks, I was exactly like you. Completely heart-broken. Everything reminded me of her. Yes, everything. I still talk with her, and I can tell that she's moved on. I have not even come close to getting over her yet. I still love her and want her back, and I feel like I would do anything to get her back. I don't know, maybe I will. If it's meant to be, it will be.

 

In any case, you need to get out with friends, or just get out of the house and do anything. Over the first 3 days that she broke up with me, I didn't eat and didn't sleep even once. I lost 8 pounds in 3 days. It's not good. You have to eat. There is no reason to do this to yourself. You're both just human beings trying to live your lives. You didn't need her before you met her, and you don't need her now.

 

If she can break up with you with no remorse, you deserve better. It's hard to realize now, hell, I haven't even realized it yet, but you have to know that you will get better. We're all here for you, man. You'll be fine. Sooner than you think.

[Vynde]

I have to say I'm so glad I found this place. I read somewhere that for every 5 years of a relationship it take 1 year of healing. At this stage, being only 1 week into this, I know I have a ways to go. I'm not looking forward to it, but what choice do we have.

 

I hope that I progress quickly as I'm sure we all do. The worst part is, I'm sure I will have to talk to her again, which has been something I have been trying to avoid for the past week now. We are married, and I know at some point we will have to talk, sign papers, whatever.. and although I long to hear her voice, I know that I will not hear the things I'm looking for, and all the things im fearing. I'm not looking forward to that day, which I'm sure is coming.

 

Like all of you, the first few days were a blur, and I can't think of anything worse then how I felt.. I have a feeling that talking to her will re-kindle those emotions for me.. and most likely set me back again.

 

Having the support of this forum is a true blessing, and even if nobody reads my posts, which you are, and I'm grateful, but even if you didn't, just writing down my feelings and getting it out does make me feel better.

 

I think besides waking up in the morning to a cold pillow, the fact that we had our future planned and laid out and all of a sudden it just getting erased, and facing the fact that I have to start all over again - are the 2 hardest parts of this. Yea sure, seeing photos and flashbacks of memories, vacations spent songs and just about everything else I see and hear doesn't help, not to mention I still love this woman is bad as well.

 

Fact is, I'm glad to talk to you all, and hearing your advice and stories and knowing I'm not alone means more to me than I could possibly express into words.

 

Thank you all.

 

John

[Jordan5571]

Man,,,, Your doing it! I have read a few of your replies now on other threads. Do you see what I was talking about? It sheds a bit of light, you were asking someone a question for example, you have not received the answer that you want yet, then you are asked from another person, and you give them the answer you would want. And truth is, you know better, you just don't listen to yourself, none of us do. So keep it up. I promise, it is starting to get fun and I am feeling great. Just keep replying to them. Your doing great!

[kath123]

it has been two weeks now since my partner of ten years just up and left me and our two kids in the end he has admitted to having met someone else who is also married with kids. I was devastated initially and probably still am, but a lot of the sadness has been replaced with the thought that did i ever really know this man i had spent the last ten years of my life and who treated me like a princess if he could let it all go so easily. I have come to the conclusion that i didnt that he was not the person i thought he was and this has helped me come to terms with it a little. I dont feel the urges to talk to him so much because i dont like him very much at the moment. he has treated me very badly and he isnt worthy of my love anymore.

so what i suppose i am saying is that if you can make yourself realise that this woman you have given six years of your life to isnt worthy of you given her anymore of your time or feelings then maybe you can begin to feel a little stronger and not so sad!! good luck and you can talk to me anytime

[MyTeddyBear]

wow, this is really tough. I really don't know what to say.

When I read this I started to cry, because I have felt the same things. I still do.

Keep reading here and posting. You'll see a lot of people are in your shoes.

again, I'm so sorry....

[SoontobeRN]

Vynde

 

What you are going through must be hard to tackle...I can only imagine, but it is normal for you to feel all of that! Sadness, depression, anger, hate, love...IT'S NORMAL! When you loose someone you love (breakup or death), there is an "addiction" that you have towards that person that is no longer being satisfied...what you have to do is learn how to live without that "addiction"-and that is the hard part!!

 

The hardest thing I have EVER had to do in my life was getting over my ex (and I'm still not there yet, but I will be). People always talk about an emotional roller-coaster which feels like you're never going to get off of, and they couldn't be more right: TRUST ME, You'll get off sooner than you think When I had to deal with my ex breaking up with me, I did a lot of reading on the internet:

 

I also wanted to know what I was going to go through during my greiving process so I read this article:

 

-This is the 5 stages of grief (even though is refers to when someone passes away, it still applies to people going through a break up)...now don't take EXACTLY what they say to heart-of course everyone is different but it will give you an idea what you might go through so it won't be so hard when you do!

 

Another thing I started doing was reading mystery books to take my mind off of all my irrational and over-analysed thoughts-AGATHA CHRISTIE is an EXCELLENT mystery writer and I fell in love with her books. I also subscribed to a magazine called "MEN'S HEALTH"-it's like COSMO for GUYS (it's a very good magazine and it's only like 35$ a year). As well, I got up EVERYDAY in the morning (sometimes afternoon when I was upset and just wanted to lay in bed) and took a shower-taking a shower just made me feel better (it's also where I did a lot of my crying)

 

**CRYING IS VERY IMPORTANT**-when your thinking about your ex constantly, all these thoughts/feelings/emotions/ideas build up in your head which then causes you to want to call your ex HELPS RELEASE THOSE FEELINGS, so don't be afraid to cry OK. Your a guy-GUYS CRY! It helps!

 

VYNDE: I know that your probably thinking that you will never get over this-thats normal to think that but I PROMISE YOU, You will get through it ok! It probably sounds like it was easy for me to do all of these things-get up, shower, read: IT WASN'T EASY-IT WAS VERY VERY VERY HARD, but I knew I just had to or else I was never going to start feeling better!

 

So, in summary of my novel there, go out a lot, read those articles over and over again, dance naked around your house to fun upbeat music (oldies works really well), take long showers, go to the gym or exercise, CRY CRY CRY, watch movies (Will and Grace also worked well...they are expensive but worked VERY WELL...A good episode is called "BED BATH AND BEYOND" you'll understand why when yo usee it).

 

VYNDE-YOU CAN DO IT! YOU'RE GOING TO DO THIS!!

PROMISE!

 

 

STB

[bachinit]

I know exactly what you're going through Vynde. Don't worry though, because you'll get through it. My ex and I lived together for two years (many years ago) and she left me for another man. I blamed myself at the time because we were having a difficult time and I wasn't paying enough attention to her. I had told her that I wanted to work it out, but she didn't. She'd found a new guy after all, who I'm sure charmed her pants off (both figuratively AND literally). Anyway, she married him and they were together for about 10 years. Turns out that karma was a b**ch for her though because apparently he was cheating on her the whole time. So she divorced him and eventually called me back up (now with a young child they'd had together). Like an idiot, I got back together with her 2 years ago. That lasted about a year and a half and then she pulled the whole "I don't think we have much in common" routine on me. Oh my, "here we go again" I thought. Sure enough, I quickly discovered that she had found a new and greener pasture once again. I kicked myself for quite a while for letting myself fall in love with her all over again, but such is life and I no longer blamed myself for her infidelity.

 

I thought she would have learned her lesson from her cheating ex husband, but alas I was wrong. Maybe that old saying is true, once a cheater...

 

Anyway, take heart in knowing that you deserve better treatment than that and that not everyone is like that. As a previous poster already said, it could have happened even further down the line and the pain could have been far worse. So cut your losses, don't fret it, and be happy for the good times that you did have together. Let some other guy worry about correcting her unfaithful, disloyal nature. And trust me, he already knows about it because he persuaded her to leave you.

 

Me, I got lucky and just happened to meet a great and very compatible girl about 2 months after I split w/my ex and we're having a great time together so far. So when one door closes another will open, so be sure to be receptive when opportunity comes knockin'.

 

Good luck to you and take care of YOU for now Vynde.

[poetsheart]

I feel for you so much, please take heart that you will get better, and you will go through your down moments, that is only natural... most of us have been there and experienced relationship pain. At first it's going to take every ounce of strength that you have... and you do have it inside.... it's not going to be easy, but you will get there. Everyone here is fantastic, and you will get the support that you need... When you have those moments of weakness, worry, depression, post here!! Eventually, when time has passed, you will begin to feel differently and the pain will become a little less, day by day, slowly but surely...

 

Anyone who loved you for you would never, ever have done that to you... You deserve better, and oneday, you will get better. For the most part, the beginning is always the hardest... I was the same way when my realtionship broke apart, couldn't function, but time and with great support and help from those here, you will get better...

 

Good luck... keep posting.

[Vynde]

Kath123/Myteddybear/Soontobern/Bachinit/Poetsheart,

 

Thank you so much, your words of advice, they are so meaningful and I read them over and over again.

 

It's so good to talk to people who went through or are going through similar stages, some just starting the process like myself, and some who are in the latter stages.

 

I have been in NC now since last Saturday (Sept 7th). I feel that urge to call and beg for her back all the time, I know I can't, and all of you have been such a help in me keeping that goal.

 

I come from a family that has very little divorce in its history, so to be honest; it's something I never thought about. Let alone the possibility of her cheating on me.

 

Your right saying that it's the most hurtful and painful feeling I have ever gone though, and how each day blends into the next, and how time seems to slowly creep by.

 

I take all your advice and I'm reading everything I can get my hands on (thanks for those links Soontobern!) The reading really helps.

 

I still can't believe this is happening, I think I'm still in shock. I push forward though, and I come to this site, and I'm in contact with the best support team EVER. I'm so grateful.

 

Thank you all SO MUCH!

 

John

[kath123]

...and thankyou john for your kind words, i may sound strong but dont feelit inside but i realise that there is nothing else to do about my situation other than to at least act strong. Your right one day does blend into the next in what seems like a blur, but each day is different do you feel quite so bad today as the first day it happened? I have had 16 days now, all of which have been different, but i do feel today that i am thinking more clearly even though just as sad, and hope that with clarity comes healing

thanks again

kath

[Vynde]

 

Hey Kath,

 

Do I feel better today than 7 days ago when this first happened..? Well, yes. That's just today though, tomorrow can be different. Like many people have been saying, it's such an emotional roller-coaster.

 

I think in the early stages of anything like we are going through it VERY easy for something to affect how we feel, Its as simple as it being a cloudy day and raining. Sometimes it seems that's all it takes to drop you back to day one.

 

You said your 16 days in now. Im sure you have times that you felt better than day one, which is good. The good thing is that we KNOW we will have bad days, it all part of it. I think knowing that, and that it is NORMAL is defiantly a good thing.

 

I just tell my self every time I start to slip "This to shall pass", and I repeat it, over and over. Sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't.

 

We both took a gamble and opened our hearts up with people who we had every intention of spending the rest of our lives with. So this wont be easy. I'm told that I will be able to open up that way again, in time. I'm sure your feeling what I am and saying "no way", but we will.

 

Kath, since I read your post, I have felt stronger, keep that in mind. Your such a strong person and I look up to you. Let's keep in going, we will get past it. We will both look back and maybe go through these threads and be able to say with confidence "We made it"

 

John

[kath123]

thanks john, and YES we will get through this all of us!!

i will keep posting

kath

[ngfl]

Although my experience was much shorter, I can relate when she ended it with me and showed no emotion. It was as if everything we had gone through wasn't real and simply a sham. Writing and reading about it and letting myself grieve was important. I didn't know how to deal with not talking to her as we always spoke on the phone for at least an hour before we slept. I wrote a goodbye letter and started a blog, writing a letter to her everyday for a month. At the end of the month, I wrote my last letter to her - my form of closure. I called her a few times the first few days, but after that, decided a clean break was the best way for me to move on. Looking back, I still miss her and I never thought I would get to the place of being healed, but I'm on my way. Hang in there, it only gets better.

[Vynde]

Well,

 

Its Monday again. It's now been 10 days of NC. I'm hitting another down point. She has made no attempt to contact me, nor have I tried calling her. I thought I was doing better.

 

Even after all the cold things she said and hurtful things she has been doing, I miss her. I love her. I can't believe that it's over. I know that it can't be the way it was. I can't stand this and what she is doing to me.

 

I still cant understand how someone after 6 years and suddenly just walk away, and show little to no emotion even after all the things we had planned for our future. I can't stand to watch everything we worked so hard for just fade away like it was never there.

 

I know she is just moving on with her life, I'm sure even seeing someone now. That's the way she is. I just found out the other day that she had not even told her father the we are getting divorced!! How could she not even tell him? He left me a message like he had no idea.

 

Why is this so easy for her, and so hard for me? What kind of person can just walk away like this? Who is this person?

 

I want to be over her, and be able to move on with my life, I can't seem to do that. I can't seem to get her off my mind and its killing me. I dream of her at night, and how things were. I wake up in the morning feeling like * * * *. Feeling like such an idiot for letting this happen.

 

I'm two weeks into this and I don't seem to feel any better, what else can I do?? I'm so hurt! Why do I want her back after this! I'm I crazy??!!?

 

Thanks all for your support.. I'm just so dam LOST!

 

John

[Biffy]

Hello John, you're not alone there buddy!

 

What you've said there pretty much takes the words out of my mouth - I must be crazy for wanting my ex back. I know it, my family and friends all know it... Doesn't stop me thinking about it and wanting it and I'm 6 weeks out of my relationship.

 

All you can do is just keep yourself busy, meet with family and friends and whenever she pops into your head try and apply something negative about her to counter-balance it.

[Vynde]

Hello John, you're not alone there buddy!

 

Doesn't stop me thinking about it and wanting it and I'm 6 weeks out of my relationship.

 

.

 

6 weeks, my god. Do you feel better than week 2?

[Biffy]

6 weeks, my god. Do you feel better than week 2?

 

I do feel much better than week 2, yes. 3 of these 6 weeks I've felt absolutely marvellous, except I keep falling off the wagon so to speak.

 

Here's how good I feel inbetween my regressions -

 

It's still very early in your break up, it'll get better and keep posting here, everyone's lovely and there are some absolute legends on here that will guide you in the right direction.

[didi19]

Your story really moved me. My live-in boyfriend of 6 years left me very suddenly about 5 months ago and quickly decided to move accross the country. No notice, no one else--just said his feelings changed (huh?).

 

I can understand how hurt you must feel and how bewildering this whole experience must be for you right now. Although I wish I could tell you that in six months you will forget--I can't. The truth is you probably won't but I can promise you that your pain will be a little less and believe me, that will be enough to help you to continue getting up each day and moving forward with your life. Chin up--you must keep strong and remember, you did nothing to deserve to be treated in such a poor and unkind manner. Sending you best wishes!

[Vynde]

Boy,

 

I thought I was doing good the past week, really starting to move along in the process, I still have NC going on, its been 10 days now. Hard as hell.

 

For what ever reason, I woke up thismorning, and a wave of depression and all those thoughts once again hit me.. and hard.

 

I didnt do anything differntly.. so I dont know why Im feeling like this. I guess more and more each day that I dont hear from her I become more final.. in that it over with no chance she will come back. I guess that can be it huh?

 

Still feel like im in shock, that it ended this way, boy oh boy.. what a life.

 

John