I don't know how to get over him.

[CaptainS]

Hi, I'm Arielle. I joined the site to get some advice on my ex.

 

A little backstory: We were dating for two plus years, and the reason we broke up was because of communication issues, jealousy/self esteem issues on my part, plus a lot of little things that built up over time. I still held onto the hope that we would someday get back together, even after he told me that I needed to forget about him, because it wasn't going to happen anytime soon.

 

Up until day, we were still good friends and could have fun talking to each other. (most of the time.) However, I was feeling uneasy about some things that had happened between us, and I asked him if he only wanted to stay friends with me for sex. He told me that wasn't the case, and he was hurt that I'd even think that. I asked if he would still be friendly with me, and he said "Kind of, I guess." I tried to convince him that I didn't really think that of him, that I was just uncertain. I was eventually told by him and his friend to leave him alone, and we haven't spoken since.

 

I am very hurt and confused right now, because I don't know what to do to try to salvage the friendship. I am not at all over him, and up until now the hope that we might get back together someday has kept me going. But now that it seems as if I have ruined our friendship as well, I feel very shattered and broken.

 

One thing that hurts a lot is that at the time I felt as if what I was doing would improve our friendship, because I was being more communicative about how I felt. Instead, it just made things a lot worse.

 

I feel as if I would die if I lost his friendship. At this point I don't care if we never get back together; I really, really don't want to lose him as a friend as well.

 

Are there any suggestions on what I should do?

 

Oh, I should mention that it hasn't been that long since we broke up, only a week or so. We were on and off for a few weeks before hand, before calling it off for good.

[TheRedQueen]

Stop blaming yourself for this! Stop having sex with him! Stop putting this guy in the driver's seat when it is YOU who should be driving!

 

Stop this insanity at once, I'm not going to lie to you it's going to be painful, but better to pay that price now then later when the pain will be too much to take.

 

You think you need his friendship, but trust me on this one you don't.

 

I'm sorry for your hurting but just keep in mind that time heals all wounds.

[renaissancewoman101]

If I were you, I would give him some time and space. Do No Contact for a while. Dont talk to him or communicate in any form with him. Sometimes, if you give a person time and space, they can come to miss you and will seek you out. If they dont, you can use this time and space to start healing from your breakup.

 

I do understand how you are feeling right now. I know how it feels to want to grasp hold onto any little contact or scrap you can, and I know that you want to keep a friendship with him. Give it some time and space and show him that you dont NEED him and are not out to crowd him out. In time, he may come back. You never know, but chasing him and crowding him, WILL chase him away for good.

[Daddy Bear]

i think you need to examine the possibility that sex was exactly why he was remaining your 'friend'. if he turned on you because you asked that innocent question, his true friendship wasn't really there in the first place. and would you have even brought it up if the likely truth wasn't already in the back of your mind?

[Juliana]

I think you need to take your focus off him and that relationship, and put it on you. Stop pursuing him, but don't avoid him. Don't think about him all the time. Put the whole issue of whether or not you're going to get back together with him up on the shelf, and get on with your own plans.

[CaptainS]

A little update... he talked to me again and told me that I still had his friendship. He told me that I'd still had a chance with him before today, but then said that I'll always have a chance with him, I just need to mature and stop working.

 

So, I'm kind of confused over that, but I am happy to have his friendship. I was debating on whether or not to stop talking to him when he IMed me. I was leaning toward cutting contact, but when we talk and things are going well, it makes it that much harder. I always hope that this will be the last thing either of us does that hurts each other, but it never seems to turn out that way. I feel like sometime during the week something will happen, and I'd wish I had cut contact before things got worse.

 

So, yeah. I'm still confused about the whole thing.

[Juliana]

When guys say: You need to mature, they mean you need to stop needing me.

 

If you feel like he's always hurting you, you definitely need to take the focus off him. Stop worrying about how he feels about you, and start thinking about how you feel about your life. You have to force yourself to move on emotionally and give up your expectation of anything in particular happening with him. He might come back into your life; he might not. Eventually, you might decide that wouldn't be right for you anyway. Ya never know.

[Chibby33]

Well there you go! You need to mature and Juliana is right. Get off his space for a while. In fact, let him make the first effort of contacting you. When he's ready, he will. And when he does, always be the first to hang up. That my dear is maturity. In the meantime, you need to think about exactly what you want to happen and if it will lead to happiness or another heart break.

[CaptainS]

I decided not to contact him for awhile, so that I can try to get over him. Right now I am doing fine, but I know that as the days go by I will start to miss him more and more.

 

I still don't know what I should to do get over him. Even though I'm fine with being apart from him at the moment, I still hope that once I've changed we can get back together. I've been brownsing the site for relationship advice so that I don't make the same mistakes in my next relationship (whether it's with him or not), but whenever I read over them I only think of applying the things to a future relationship with him.

 

As far as things go with myself, I am working on my self esteem problems and trying to find out what I want to do in life.

[CaptainS]

Well, today went well at first. Then I checked out his MySpace for a friend and noticed he changed his status to 'single', which stung a lot. Kind of like the finality of it setting in.

 

Then I watched the sunset, and it reminded me of him and all the times I'd mentione it to him as a way of complimenting him.

 

I miss him like crazy now.