Phone on Vibrate or Ringer Off

[sosimpole]

Everything is going good w/ me girl, but one thing sticks out as a red flag to me, everyime we are together, her phone is set to vibrate or the ringer is off. When she checks at her phone, I don't question her, but she will say, she is looking at the time, kinda like an excuse without a reason for one. I can't help but think she has something to hide. When I point out that it is always on vibrate, she's says that the ringing bothers her. I want to openly discuss this w/ her, remind her of our trust, and let her know that it bothers me.....is this a good idea? Or do you guys think I am trippin? Last thing I want to do is push her away.

[rose2summer]

I always put my phone on vibrate/silent when on a date.

 

I find it very disrespectful to interrupt a date with a phone call.

 

I don't find a problem with this because she is using good manners.

 

Hugs, Rose

[jengh]

I always put my phone on vibrate/silent when on a date.

 

I find it very disrespectful to interrupt a date with a phone call.

 

I don't find a problem with this because she is using good manners.

 

Hugs, Rose

 

I definitely agree. Would you rather have her answering her phone every 15 minutes when you go out?

[Baby Carrot]

This totally makes you sound like the jealous paranoid type.

 

Are you?

 

What is it to discuss? Why should it bother you?

 

Seems to me like you are choosing to interpretate this as some kind of cheat. What other arguments you have for doing this? Is she flirty and disrespectful, have you catched her ACTUALLY lying or hiding things?

[hope123]

I'm probably one of the last people who should give advice about trust etc. because i have my own issues with it...I agree, if on a date--maybe put it on vibrate or silent but if its a g/f or b/f--its a not a date where you need to be "proper" i guess you can say. I feel like a b/f or g/f would have something to hide if he/she constantly did this. What's wrong with taking a call when with your b/f or g/f and talking only for a few minutes and then saying i have to go. I think avoiding calls is what would bother me which i think it was my b/f has done in the past in order to avoid me being jealous..but when that is done it only makes me feel worse and wonder about worse things happening.

Just wanted to say what i thought.

[rose2summer]

It depends on personal preference I suppose.

 

But I used to be annoyed when my ex would keep taking calls on our dates.

 

I would just wander around waiting until he finished, so I find it to be slightly disrespectful.

 

If you bring it up though, I imagine she will label you as being jealous, so think it through before you say something.

 

Hugs, Rose

[sosimpole]

It's not just when we go out, it's all the time constantly, whether we go out or hang out at my house....

[kaoticbaby]

i dont know... i do this with my boyfriend because when we were broken up i gave out my phone # to a few guys. i dont talk to them anymore but they still have a habit of randomly calling me. i always make sure to keep my phone on vibrate when im with him to avoid drama.

[kaoticbaby]

but ofcourse that doesnt mean shes definitely hiding somthing. my bf keeps his phone on vibrate too but whenever he checks to see whos callng he shows me who it is

[finewhine]

You be trippin'. Rose is 100% right - it's annoying and disrespectful to answer your phone while you're hanging out with someone. I never answer my phone when I'm out with anyone (friends, the guy I'm dating, whatever) unless it's absolutely necessary.

 

I think she's being nice to you. It's your problem.

[ImThatGirl]

My bf always has his phone on silent or leaves it in the car. I sometimes have my ringer on when we're just hanging out but often don't take the call or put the ringer on silent because I don't want to take calls.

[Ians Mommy]

I really don't think it's a reason to worry. My phone is ALWAYS on vibrate unless I need it at night as an alarm clock.

 

Just ask her "I was just wondering, why is your phone always on silent?" and see what she says.

[sosimpole]

Thank you guys.....I'm so stupid!

[Chibby33]

Here's the thing. It depends on the level of your relationship. When my fiance (well, ex now) and I went out, we dont put our phones on vibrate anymore because we're already comfortable with each other - wouldnt bother us if the phones start ringing. Anyway we both know each other's friends, families, etc. so it could be any of them who calls and that's always the case. HOWEVER if you're in this level of relationship and the other does insist on putting the phone on vibrate, then there's no harm in asking. Again, it depends on the level of your relationship.

[hope123]

I think it could mean a lot of things--it could be the truth, or it could be to avoid drama like a few people do. If there is nothing else weird going on--maybe its really nothing for you to worry about but if you actually do see her getting phone calls at 1 am or 2am or she just doesnt want to let you even know who is calling--then maybe its time talk to her.

 

From my own experience and looking back--i noticed my b/f's cell once on silent while in a few months of dating--and i think at that time he still was getting calls from girls or was talking more to some of them and did not want me to know. Now his phone is always on ringer and maybe a few times on vibrate.

[Ians Mommy]

Thank you guys.....I'm so stupid!

 

Nah, I don't think your stupid. You just didn't know what it meant and it's normal for people to always think the worst.

[Rabican]

Maybe she just doesnt want the phone ringing all the time while shes with you... which doesnt mean shes hiding anything. But if you have any other reason to be 'suspicious' then maybe you should take a quick peek at her phone one day and see if shes talking to a bunch of guys that you dont know about.

 

I dont really think snooping is a good idea, but if you have a reason to think something is up... then maybe look into it.

[rmpavlock]

I wouldn't worry about it. The guy I'm seeing always has his phone set to vibrate. When it goes off, it's usually because he's receiving updates on who won a game. If he bothers to check it, he'll usually just glance at it for a second and then resume the conversation. My last boyfriend would answer his phone and then talk for about 15 minutes during dinner. It used to drive me up a wall!!! It was so rude and embarrassing in the middle of the restaurant. He would then act all annoyed with his friend because his friend wouldn't stop talking(I think that was more because he could tell I was getting ticked), but I would sit there and think "hey, you didn't have to answer the phone in the first place".

[Ians Mommy]

Maybe she just doesnt want the phone ringing all the time while shes with you... which doesnt mean shes hiding anything. But if you have any other reason to be 'suspicious' then maybe you should take a quick peek at her phone one day and see if shes talking to a bunch of guys that you dont know about.

 

I dont really think snooping is a good idea, but if you have a reason to think something is up... then maybe look into it.

 

He shouldn't just "snoop" into her phone to see who is calling her or who she's called. It's a lot better to just ask her.

[bluef1n]

Just my .02.

 

I recently got rid of a girl I was dating partially because her phone habits were rude..

 

I'd pick her up and 1/3 of the time she'd literally be on the phone for 10 minutes after in the car... no greeting hug or kiss, she'd walk out of the house on the phone and would pretty much get in the car and ignore me until she was done blabbing.. Being a fair/level-headed person (although clearly annoyed) I spoke with her about it twice and she never stopped doing it... of course to me it indicates more serious issues, ie ignornance, failure to listen, failure to compromise and respect my thoughts/feelings.

 

As far as girls on the phone though - it's pretty standard for some girls. Chicks are chatty, no big deal. Some girls *do* have alot of totally true guy friends even, not a problem although at first they might hold it back as some guys take offense to it, but you should have met those friends if you are spending alot of time together... if you haven't met them and they are around and call all the time it's suspicious.

 

At the point when I think it's my business to know (ie for me I think it's not long, about 5 good dates with sex involved) I will point blank but casually ask a girl who it is that's calling.. not controlling or the jeolous type but if I go on 5 real dates (not just meet for a drink and hookup stuff, talking relationship building stuff) with a girl I'm definitely into her..

 

If my phone rings I'll tell her who called as a courtesy, and if someone asks I don't find it prying.. If I ask and she gets all weird or secretive about it, I'll explain myself, where I'm coming from, and if she doesn't answer that question right - see you later. I refuse to be seriously involved with a girl who's gonna repetitively date from the pool of the same guys at the same time. To me it indicates a girl isn't interested in a relationship and rather just likes dating, which is good for her and was fine when I was 20, but it's a waste of my time now.

 

I'll also add that for myself, people that get a call every 15 minutes are probably not people I'd be interested in seeing seriously... It's great to have alot of friends, but when someone has 20 friends they need to speak with on a day to day basis IMHO there's just not enough room for a serious relationship.. anyone with that many close friends also probably has some real issues IMHO.

 

For those intimate times, ie dinners, walks on the beach, curled up watching movies, OMG definitely love making, the phone should be off. Sometimes we forget but the first time it rings if someone isn't willing to turn it off and just be alone with you there are other people on her mind that are getting in the way of your relationship.

[IntoTheFire]

I really wouldn't worry about it.

 

My ringer annoys me, so i have my phone on vibrate or silent pretty much 24/7 and if a guy was to confront me about it as if I was doing something wrong, I'd automatically think "Whoa, ok this guy is a bit paranoid and jealous" and I'd back away from him. Certainly dont say anything to her about it unless you actually want her to be driven away. (Although keep it in mind for a good breakup line if the time ever comes )

 

Dont worry about it, not at all.

[studbaker99]

I almost always have the phone on vibrate. I absolutely detest with a passion that makes my blood boil (ok, im exagerating a bit here) when you have those REALLY loud ring tones, and then the person has it in the purse and they have to dig in and pick it up.

 

When I don't have it on vibrate, I select a discrete simple ringtone, like beep (pause) beep kinda-deal, and my phone allows the option to increase in volume as it keeps ringing. This way, even if I have the phone ringing, if it's right in my pocket, I dont have it automatically playing some tune really loud.