how important is sex in a relationship?

[babii doll]

there is no relationship for me without it, we went through a 4month period of not having sex not too long ago and it seriously had me questioning if i wanted to continue if nothing changed soon, thankfully we're back on track now, not something i take for granted anymore, i have to have it in order to function in a relationship.

[Rose21]

Same for me.

 

But I really don't like having lots of partners. Hate it.

 

I've slept with one guy before my boyfriend, and my boyfriend has slept with just me.

 

And I really plan on having it stay that way, because I don't want any other guy in my life. This is it for me.

[lumu]

Same for me.

 

But I really don't like having lots of partners. Hate it.

 

I've slept with one guy before my boyfriend, and my boyfriend has slept with just me.

 

And I really plan on having it stay that way, because I don't want any other guy in my life. This is it for me.

 

Yeah i'm a one man kind of woman myself.. Love sex all the time with that man but I don't really relish changing them.

[Rose21]

Yeah same here.

 

I am totaly loyal and commited, sex is a pure and romantic act foru us.

 

And I see him one weekend a month and on holidays so it's extra special!

 

It makes me sick how my friend has slept with over 30 guys at the age of 18, and will refuse a relationship with them, will drive an hr to get it, have a 3-some, and have sex with someone she met one night even though they have a girlfriend, yet she still says her heart is taken by one guy and wants only him? * * * F?

[lumu]

Yeah same here.

 

I am totaly loyal and commited, sex is a pure and romantic act foru us.

 

And I see him one weekend a month and on holidays so it's extra special!

 

It makes me sick how my friend has slept with over 30 guys at the age of 18, and will refuse a relationship with them, will drive an hr to get it, have a 3-some, and have sex with someone she met one night even though they have a girlfriend, yet she still says her heart is taken by one guy and wants only him? * * * F?

 

Yeah well actions speak louder then words for both guys and girls

[Rose21]

Yup.

 

I'm a very wordy person because I'm a writer, he says very sweet things to me and is a romantic aswell, but it takes him longer to say sweet things because he likes to put alot of thought into them, where as for me they just come out.

 

And he likes to "show" more. He'd rather just come up and hug me and cuddle, same with me I love that and sex is a total romantic thing for us.

 

Being in eachother's arms, lots of kissing and saying "I love you" through out.

 

But with the part-time distance, he has learned to be more wordy.

[ramsickle1369]

I think sexual desire and chemistry are essential, as is affection and physical intimacy - when it's the appropriate time to be intimate. I would find it insulting -- and silly -- if someone told me that before my SO and I had intercourse, we were not in a "real" relationship. I also don't agree that all lovers are in a romantic relationship - it might be just a sexual relationship.

Not what I meant at all... There is definitely casual sex, relationship sex, and making love. You don't have to love the person to have sex, but if you love the person you DO have to have sex... I'm much older than post the posters and applaud any of you who are still young and enjoying the ideals. I used to be that person but divorce and a decade or so of experience has changed my views drastically.

Same for me.

 

But I really don't like having lots of partners. Hate it.

 

I've slept with one guy before my boyfriend, and my boyfriend has slept with just me.

 

And I really plan on having it stay that way, because I don't want any other guy in my life. This is it for me.

That's great. You are young and should NOT be seeking out multiple partners. If I had ONE partner that offered great sex and a good relationship, I'd be a happy camper. As I've gotten older and more mature about these things, it comes easier and sex and its meaning has changed, too.

 

It makes me sick how my friend has slept with over 30 guys at the age of 18, and will refuse a relationship with them, will drive an hr to get it, have a 3-some, and have sex with someone she met one night even though they have a girlfriend, yet she still says her heart is taken by one guy and wants only him? * * * F?

There's some deep seeded issue with your friend. That's not healthy and I suspect she equates sex with self-validity.

[Taomagicdragon]

Not what I meant at all... There is definitely casual sex, relationship sex, and making love. You don't have to love the person to have sex, but if you love the person you DO have to have sex... I'm much older than post the posters and applaud any of you who are still young and enjoying the ideals. I used to be that person but divorce and a decade or so of experience has changed my views drastically.

 

With any respect that is due, you do not have to have sex with a person if you love them and just because your experience taught you that does not mean it holds true to someone else. Sex is a powerful expression of love but it does happen that one person, or both, may be incapable of having sex. Does that mean the love will die because sex is no longer an option? Of course not.

 

Sex is a great thing but is by no means any more mandatory than any other part of a relationship in that it's up to the discretion of both parties, not the opinion of a divorcee with ten years of experience because I am certain other people have other experiences with more years to back them that are different than yours; doesn't make theirs any more right than yours but it is just as wrong as yours in the context of what other people "should" do: each couple, and the importance of sex for them, is different.

[ramsickle1369]

don't get me wrong, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and lives. I'm just stating that I wouldn't ever go without again-- serious conditions inhbiting aside...

[Taomagicdragon]

You don't have to love the person to have sex, but if you love the person you DO have to have sex...

 

Didn't get you wrong by the above quote's indication. I'm overjoyed to hear that this line wasn't intended to be a mandate though perhaps a preface stating your above reply would've been a better way to word it.

[ramsickle1369]

Didn't get you wrong by the above quote's indication. I'm overjoyed to hear that this line wasn't intended to be a mandate though perhaps a preface stating your above reply would've been a better way to word it.

 

I'm not exactly sure what you are saying????

[Taomagicdragon]

I'm not exactly sure what you are saying????

 

I shall break it down then.

 

The part I quoted was the piece of your post I was initially refuting. It wasn't placed in the context of what you would want but, instead, was given as a truism, especially with the do in caps.

 

I was overjoyed to hear that what you said and what you meant weren't synonymous and thought that phrasing it (in the future) so that people don't take your words as a mandate instead of a personal anecdote would be beneficial. On a plus note it'd get me off your back which, I feel, you'd enjoy.

[ramsickle1369]

I shall break it down then.

 

The part I quoted was the piece of your post I was initially refuting. It wasn't placed in the context of what you would want but, instead, was given as a truism, especially with the do in caps.

 

I was overjoyed to hear that what you said and what you meant weren't synonymous and thought that phrasing it (in the future) so that people don't take your words as a mandate instead of a personal anecdote would be beneficial. On a plus note it'd get me off your back which, I feel, you'd enjoy.

 

wow... you have a very eloquent way with words. Not sure I'm even following what you are saying and I'm no idiot...

 

No one should ever take an opinoin from one person as total truth--seriously. If that were the case, we'd not need such places as ENA.

 

Goodness... I hadn't even realized that you were you... Have a good night. I'm not trying to figure this out any longer. Not even sure there was an argument anywhere... ???

[waveseer]

Sex is an expression of your feelings for the other person. It is highly important to WANT to please your lover. Your desire for their pleasure is a barometer of how the relationship is doing in general. Your lover needs to know you want to please ONLY them. This gives them security. Sex is interacting mentally, emotionall, physically, and spiritually. It is the backbone of a relationship.

[Taomagicdragon]

Sex is an expression of your feelings for the other person. It is highly important to WANT to please your lover. Your desire for their pleasure is a barometer of how the relationship is doing in general. Your lover needs to know you want to please ONLY them. This gives them security. Sex is interacting mentally, emotionall, physically, and spiritually. It is the backbone of a relationship.

 

So long as both people hold that to be true then yes. After all, if sex means nothing to a couple than they have another aspect as their barometer.

 

Replace sex with intimacy (of any kind pertinent to a relationship) and I agree fully.

[waveseer]

So long as both people hold that to be true then yes. After all, if sex means nothing to a couple than they have another aspect as their barometer.

 

Replace sex with intimacy (of any kind pertinent to a relationship) and I agree fully.

 

You are absolutely correct. Everything I wrote was about intimacy. Often that is achieved before, during, or after sex but it can happen any time.

[ramsickle1369]

Sex is an expression of your feelings for the other person. It is highly important to WANT to please your lover. Your desire for their pleasure is a barometer of how the relationship is doing in general. Your lover needs to know you want to please ONLY them. This gives them security. Sex is interacting mentally, emotionall, physically, and spiritually. It is the backbone of a relationship.

 

Well said. I guess that's what I've been trying to say, but just not so well! LOL

 

Intimacy comes in all kinds of forms and all kinds of relating. I think some people are less sexual than others and I had the misfortune of not realizing we were mismatched and married anyway. When I realized how important the sex was to me, I wondered if there was something wrong with me or him. I think bottom line is that everyone is different and we all have differing sex drives. Clearly there's more to it than a booty call.

[idls]

I agree witht that. My x boyfriend of 1 year and 4 months had horrible sex, I ended up cheating on him once when I was drunk on accident, which I feel bad for. And then once again at the end of our relationship (and I am with that person now..it's been 9 months) anyways my x boyfriend was horrible in bed and it just didn't help our relationship, it made me self concience (idk why!!) and a little depressing? my boyfriend now has the most amazing crazy sex I could ever ask for, and our relationship is amazing

[Batya33]

I don't think bad sex leads to cheating - I think people who cheat choose to cheat (rather than try to resolve the problem, or leave the relationship prior to having sex with someone else). I think it's a bit precarious to depend on good sex to prevent cheating rather than to depend on your own promise to the other person not to cheat.

[ramsickle1369]

I don't think bad sex leads to cheating - I think people who cheat choose to cheat (rather than try to resolve the problem, or leave the relationship prior to having sex with someone else). I think it's a bit precarious to depend on good sex to prevent cheating rather than to depend on your own promise to the other person not to cheat.

 

I agree that cheating opens a whole new can of worms and leaves a level of guilt I personally couldn't handle. However, most relationships fail because of the lack of compatible physical connection, whatever form you need it in. For me, it's bind-blowing, very adventurous sex. But I'm not the norm, either.

[Batya33]

I agree that cheating opens a whole new can of worms and leaves a level of guilt I personally couldn't handle. However, most relationships fail because of the lack of compatible physical connection, whatever form you need it in. For me, it's bind-blowing, very adventurous sex. But I'm not the norm, either.

 

I don't agree with this. I think it's far more often the emotional connection which of course affects the physical. I agree that for people who have very specific sexual preferences or requirements that are prioritized to the extent you described over other parts of the relationship, of course sex that does not fill those requirements can be a dealbreaker.

[Taomagicdragon]

Most relationships fail due to a lack of trust fostered by a lack of communication, this can lead to cheating, issues in compatibility, and jealousy. However there is a choice in cheating, an independent element where you choose to go behind someone's back and exploit their trust knowing the consequences (alcohol or "being in the moment" are excuses I hear often from people who engage in this behaviour and, honestly, those reasons are as fake and contrived as the relationship they're in).

 

No, I'm not referring to any specific poster on this thread so, moderators, this isn't a flame.

 

(Love having to give disclaimers)

[JadedStar]

I don't think bad sex leads to cheating - I think people who cheat choose to cheat (rather than try to resolve the problem, or leave the relationship prior to having sex with someone else). I think it's a bit precarious to depend on good sex to prevent cheating rather than to depend on your own promise to the other person not to cheat.

 

absolutely. and since most people cheat (according to many surveys) wtih people who would be considered less attractive than their partners that tells me that cheating is almost always more emotional than physical. If it were mere physical they'd probably be finding better looking sex partners.

 

I think emotional connection, or lack of, is far more a reason most people cheat than physical dissatisfaction in the sack.

[Taomagicdragon]

To me, that "data" could imply that they were going for convenience or a release, void of emotional or even long/great physical attraction. It also can not be discounted the chance that they do it as an insult to their partner in the cases of spiteful cheating.

[ramsickle1369]

I don't agree with this. I think it's far more often the emotional connection which of course affects the physical. I agree that for people who have very specific sexual preferences or requirements that are prioritized to the extent you described over other parts of the relationship, of course sex that does not fill those requirements can be a dealbreaker.

This is very true... When the emotional gets messed up, it no doubt reaches the physical.

 

To me, that "data" could imply that they were going for convenience or a release, void of emotional or even long/great physical attraction. It also can not be discounted the chance that they do it as an insult to their partner in the cases of spiteful cheating.

 

Looks do not make the sex good--it can help, but it's not what it's about. It's that emotional AND physical connection. Very difficult to find.