Engagement Ring Dilemma

[Jabbe]

I'm concerned about letting my girlfriend down when it comes to getting her an engagement ring. I know exactly what she wants and it's out of my price range.

 

There were 2 things that crossed my mind:

 

1) Go ahead and tell her that it's out of my range at the moment and hope that she understands.

 

2) Get her a similar ring but in white gold in hopes that she can't tell the difference.

 

I know how important a ring like this can be, but I feel that there should at least be some form of compromise. I feel that how much the ring costs shouldn't hold a candle to the love and commitment behind it.

 

I'd appreciate any advice or opinions!

[Aschleigh]

Can you get a long payment plan? Or just wait until you have the money?

What is the rush?

Can you discuss with her what the options are?

Wait for the ring until you have the money or get a ring now that isn't what she wants.

[Jabbe]

She is in the military, so we currently can't see each other but we talk everyday. She comes back in a few weeks, but after that she may have to go overseas for awhile. She wants a ring before then.

[rightfromthestart]

my 2 cents

 

when it comes to an engagement ring and a marriage ring do not let money be a factor. do what u can of course but remember this is going to be a symbol of your commitment to each other and she will be wearing it so this is the one time u never go cheap.

[kafka]

Why haven't you had this discussion with her? You are planning to marry this woman and should be able to openly discuss something like this.

 

Of course there should be some form of compromise and you're right, the price of the thing is not indicative of your feelings for her. She should understand that. Talk to her.

[Jabbe]

my 2 cents

 

when it comes to an engagement ring and a marriage ring do not let money be a factor. do what u can of course but remember this is going to be a symbol of your commitment to each other and she will be wearing it so this is the one time u never go cheap.

 

I can agree to that. I wouldn't really call it going cheap though. It's just that I'll have many finances that I'll have to take care of soon such as a car, school, etc. It would hurt me to fall behind and end up having to get the ring back.

[Jabbe]

Why haven't you had this discussion with her? You are planning to marry this woman and should be able to openly discuss something like this.

 

Of course there should be some form of compromise and you're right, the price of the thing is not indicative of your feelings for her. She should understand that. Talk to her.

 

The issue came up today while we were talking on the phone. I did some searching to see exactly what she was talking about. That was when I found out about the pricing. I'll have this conversation with her later tonight. I really hope that she understands. I love her so much and don't want things to go sour on her part just because of this.

[sooky]

on one hand, money should be no object when it comes to romantic gestures. blah blah blah. but really...you're going to be spending your lives together. and engagement rings get swapped for wedding rings after you're married anyway! as long as you have vaguely similar values when it comes to finances, she'll understand. it is what the ring symbolises that matters. just keep talking. (and while you're in the same country, buy her a sweetie ring every day, to show her that it's effort and thought that counts, not platinum) xx

[southerngirl]

Layaway is allways a good idea. Most jewelers have this. You can pay a little here and there till you pay it off, and pick up the ring.

[annie24]

here's another vote for what the ring symbolizes is the most important.

 

historically, the purpose of the engagement ring was as the "keeper" ring. It was the ring you wore over the wedding ring, so it wouldn't fall off. Afterall, the wedding ring is the important one!

 

And it wasn't even until 100 years ago that the "tradition" of the diamond engagement ring started, when De Beers found a huge diamond mine in south africa, and they needed to come up with a reason why everyone needs to buy diamonds.

 

while I love jewlery and diamonds (trust me, I do!!!!) i also don't find it reasonable to overextend yourselves when you are a young couple and that money could be going to more necessary items, like a down-payment for your first home together.

 

I know some couples who will upgrade their rings for their 10th or 25th anniversaries. I think when you can easily afford it, buy her the ring of her dreams, but now, you should only get what you can afford. I wouldn't lie to her about the metal, she can find out very easily if she takes it to a jewler.

 

anyways, I agree, this is a very important convo you need to have with your fiance. money in general is important to discuss. how will you two spend your money together as a married couple? on luxuries, or on necessities?

[sparkle1]

I don't see the point in getting yourself into debt for this.

 

I believed my self to be very materialistic - and always swore blind i wouldn't take an engagement ring unless it was from Tiffany's.

 

I was told by a very good friend of mine that when i was in love - i would accept a hoola hoop if it meant i would be committed with that person - i laughed....until i met the love of my life so far.

 

Hoola hoop - gladly accepted.

 

Morale of the story? If you love someone, you will want to marry or get enganged because of that love. A ring is not a fashion statement, its a private personal gift from one person to another. A token of love.

 

Getting yourself in to debt for love? I don't think so!!

[Day_Walker]

You can ask the people here if the ring is more important or what it symbolizes but what is really going to matter to your girlfriend. I have seen women get pretty particular about the ring that they want and it would seem that they would not be happy unless they had that exact ring and I have seen couples get engaged with a ring from a candy machine. Odds are if your gf wants a particular ring then if you cannot afford that ring at the moment then you should probably wait until you can get what she wants.

I dont believe that this should really be the focus of getting engaged but this is what people seem to get caught up in.

[Batya33]

Get her only what you can afford, be honest with her about this and say that in 10 or more years you will upgrade it if possible. I have no sympathy for a woman who cannot understand this sort of compromise. None. If the ring is that big a deal to her then you really have to question her values and whether they are compatible with yours.

[Jabbe]

Thank you all for your replies! The majority of you are on the same wavelength as I am when it comes to this. I still have quite a few hours left to talk to her about it. Sometimes she can be spoiled because she loves having her way. If she is willing to settle for what I can afford at the moment, it would definitely show how much consideration she has for me. That would be a HUGE relief and make me SO happy!

[anydaynow]

Is it out of your budget because she wants platinum? Or is it the gemstone size? It sounds like she wants platinum but you'd rather do white gold.

 

If that is the case, I just thought I'd suggest another option.

 

Do the platinum, but save money by using a simulated (looks like a diamond but isn't) stone. There are really good ones out there. That way, you can get the setting style she wants, and save oodles by not buying a diamond for the center stone. Plus, getting a loose diamond and replacing the sim later will allow her to keep the original 'ring,' which will probably have sentimental value to it. Plus, precious metal prices are on the rise lately, and colorless synthetic (a real diamond created in a lab- chemically, optically, and physically identical to mined diamonds) stone will hit the market very soon.

 

You can check out the forums at link removed to learn about some good sims.

 

I recently told my bf that I really would like a sim rather than a diamond. I've seen sims and compared them to the real thing. I couldn't tell the difference, and it fooled most of the jewelers, too. I want the sim mainly because I'd rather spend the money on a nice honeymoon or add it to our house fund. But there are many other reasons, too, if you've read anything about the diamond industry.

[Emmylu]

Maybe one thing to keep in mind when you discuss this with her is that if you two are going to be married, then the ring is gonna be as much yours as it is hers. And she is really spending her money too when you buy the ring. As long as you get a good deal from the store, the rest is all in the family, whatever you two decide.

[Jabbe]

I talked to her about it, and she is willing to compromise. It's seems that she's concerned about the size of the diamonds now, but she's just going to have to get over it. I told her I would upgrade it if she's good (^_^). She may be going far away, and I definitely don't want her getting robbed. It works out for us both!

 

Thanks for your replies!

[annie24]

yeah, there are lots of other clear stones that look like diamonds but are not. one are the simulated ones. White Topaz is very "in" this year, looks nice and is cheaper than a diamond.

[monkey1]

if i wanted my ring now and my bf couldn't afford the one i totally wanted, i'd go ahead and try to find another one that's simliar and cheaper, or just search till i found one in his price range.

 

like the others said, if she really doesn't want another ring, than she'll have to wait till you can afford it to get it. heck i'd wait, i'll take a candy machine ring in its place.

 

hope it all works out!

[ReadyorNot]

What size of a diamond was she wanting and how much did this ring cost?

[Jabbe]

What size of a diamond was she wanting and how much did this ring cost?

 

I don't know the exact size she wanted, but the ring she wants is 3 stone, princess cut, and platinum ($2,000-$4,000 I've seen so far). I've already found a white gold one that is very identical to it for much less.

[Batya33]

I don't know the exact size she wanted, but the ring she wants is 3 stone, princess cut, and platinum ($2,000-$4,000 I've seen so far). I've already found a white gold one that is very identical to it for much less.

 

I know there is a formula on affording a ring - I am sure it's on the internet - maybe one month's salary, something like that. also it is far better to get a smaller stone of better quality than a larger one. there is also a lot of information on that, too.

[southerngirl]

The wedding ring is to sybolize your unity with eachother. Your never ending love is sybolized by its never ending circle. The engagement ring is to symbolize your commitment to eachother and your promise to marry. It is not the most important ring of the two. In fact tradition is that there is a vien in the ring finger that goes strait to the heart. This is why the wedding ring is supposed to be worn closest to the heart, or in from the engagement ring.

 

Its much smarter to get what can be afforded and then upgrade later on your 10th or even later aniversary.

 

My first marriage, I cared about the ring, and looking back I think it was because i thought the flashier it was, the better it would look. We werent married that long, thats another story all together. But the point is, in the end it was nothing but a peace of metal that I didnt even want anymore. That ring cost us 1500 dollars plus taxes, we paid on layaway for it for well over a year. Then we were able to get what we 'wanted' or I should say what I wanted.

 

This time around I am more mature and wiser. I feel blessed that his mother actually gave me her rings from when she married my husbands father many years ago. He passed away from a heart attack and she wore these rings for over 20 years. The stone isnt big at all, in fact it is barely there. My husband did purchase an aniversary band to go with it so technically I wear three rings, but u know... we spent 100 dollars on that aniversary band, its not flashy at all!

 

Its what I wanted though. These rings mean more to me than any expensive ring ever could. He has told me that we can upgrade, and I ahve told him I do not want to. I didnt marry a rich man. He works everyday and is an ironworker.

 

She should accept you for who you are. If you cant afford more than 1000 dont spend it. She is taking you as her husband and if its not good enough for her, there are more serious problems than just a ring.

 

Who knows maybe one day my ring will be upgraded too, as my hubby suggests, but for now I dont think I will want it. I told him I have 7 other fingers and room for necklaces, I like our rings just the way they are.