I think things are going wrong.. how to behave?

[lifeistough]

Right, things are going wrong between me and my girlfriend. We are seeing less and less of each other, even tho she lives round the corner. I still speak to her on the phone but she says she is sorry for not seeing me, she is depressed and needs to sort herself out. She owes me a lot of money , and she says thats her excuse. She could be cheating on me, but I doubt it. But there's always that thought at the back of my mind.

 

At the moment I am being real soft about it, trying to be nice and supportive, but she gets angry constantly at me, like when she cant hear me on the phone she'll start saying WHAT.

 

Maybe she has a legitimate reason for behaving like this.. I am currently giving her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Should I carry on sucking up to her and hope that she comes around, or should I be tough and put her in her place? She is treaing me badly, but she is very volatile at the moment and is genuinely depressed over something. Part of me wants to tell her to get stuffed, but I feel like I am treading on ice and I know it would hurt like hell if I lost her because when we are good we are very good.

 

I know I havent written the full story but I really dont want to bore you too much if anyone is reading.

 

Any advice appreciated!

[friscodj]

Hey bro,

 

Your post here says everything that is needed to say.

 

You ask for a legitimate reason for her behavior? You answered this yourself: she is dperessed and needs to sort herself out. She needs a therapist, not a boyfriend.

 

And you need to look past the classic trap of thinking when we are good, we are very good. So when exactly are you guys "good" again? Because I don't see any hint of that in your post...

 

And even people who are not right for each other can enjoy the good times together, remember that. The good times are easy, the hard times are hard, and the hard times tell the truth of the relationship and the people involved in it.

 

But I see your fundamental problem here...to stay? Or go? Always a tough decision...

 

So let me ask you this...what legitimate, tangible signs, what hard evidence do you have to lead you to believe she is heading in the right direction here and will "come around"? Sounds like a tall order to me...having to "come around" and get herself straightened out and "come around" on the relationship too...

 

I also see your motivation here, which is to be a good boyfriend and help her through this, support her, "be there" for her. What has worked for me and what I suggest you to do is keep being there for her, keep expending the energy, keep hope alive. Sooner or later I believe, if these efforts remain unreciprocated...you'll have nothing left...nothing left for her and nothing left emotionally tying you to this situation... You'll basically get so fed up, you won't even question it anymore, no second guesses, maybe not even a first guess. You'll simply be done with it.

[motog]

i,l go with that advice

stay safe

[annie24]

oh yeah, i agree with frisco, she needs a therapist.

 

I know you are trying to be a supportive boyfriend, but what about your emotional needs? just because she is going through a tough time doesn't mean she can wipe her feet all over you.

 

i agree with frisco in that I think a time will come when you simply have no more to give. you'll be exhausted and drained, and just can't do anymore.

 

I guess you can try and be a friend to her, encourage her to get counseling and a stable job so she can pay you back, but the romantic part of the relationship doesn't seem to be going anywhere. you need someone to give back to you and support you also.

 

good luck

[lifeistough]

Sorry I havent replied, I read and have been reflecting on what you wrote. I appreciate the advice very much. Friso you talk a lot of sense, thank you.

 

I'm sure I'll be posting on here again as things progress.

[rightfromthestart]

the F man is always right.

 

i think the only thing missing is the fact that maybe your motivations are unclear to others.

 

i was in a similiar situation - people got my buzz confused. i was trying to be a bf, or a therpissed, just a friend that they could shot the cr-p with knowing it was a safe place. unfortunately, there are times when even offering that little amount of support is too much - that's when u back off. and not too sound mean, and discount advice, but i know, no matter how blasted either one of us was, she would simply 'tell me' - upfront. what i mean by that, is she has always been able to tell me to piss off...that's never been an issue..i think u folks are missing the point...the reason is...she has gone underground...what will help is for her to stand up again...because doing that will make her stronger and if that means i get the royal finger - i accept

 

see - if she can give me the finger...she can do anything...its a win / win really...a challenge is good...she's strong....

 

but maybe i will side on the side F is suggesting...