ex is playing with my emotions!!

[missmebaby]

im so confused/depressed. but i think its probably my own fault. my ex and I were together for a year. most of the time it was a great relationship, we were crazy about each other, spent lots of good times together, were in love. but in the middle of our relationship we broke up for a few weeks and he turned into a huge jerk and even slept with his ex gf. then we got back together and things were even better than before until a couple months before we broke up this time, and he started to be less affectionate and he started to ignore me which caused us to fight alot. he broke up with me one night because he said we fought way too much, he was getting kind of sick of me, he wanted to spend more time with his friends and just be single. well we've been broken up for a month and a half now. for the first 3 weeks we both talked to and hung out with people from the opposite sex and we talked a few times a week on the phone. i was devastated by the breakup and i thought about him constantly and wanted to get back together. he kept telling me he was sure he didnt want to get back together now, but he said maybe after a lil while.

 

well we had had plans for a few months to go to this concert so when it came around we both decided to still go. that night we had a great night together and he brought up the idea of maybe getting back together. he said that night proved that we could stop fighting and have a good time together. he said his feelings were starting to come back. it was like he was a different guy that night. so ever since then we've been hanging out and talking and seeing how things go so we could possibly get back together. for the first week things went amazing. he was always wanting to see me and he couldnt stop kissing me and he paid so much attention to me. then i found out that hes hung out with his ex twice and lied to me about it and lied about talking to other girls on the phone. i confronted him about it and he swears he doesnt want anything to do with them and that he wont talk to them anymore. he even shows me his phone to show that he hasnt talked to anyone but i have a feeling he just deletes their calls or text messages.

 

he gets jealous easier than he ever has before and he yells at me if i go out anywhere where there are other guys around. every other day he changes his mind about whether he wants to keep talking to me or not. he'll say that he doesnt want to talk to me anymore and doesnt want to get back together because it bothers him that i go out where there are other guys around and that he thinks i talk to other guys on the phone. then the next day he'll say that he wants to keep talking to me. we see each other almost every day during the week but every day he pretty much ignores me. im the one giving him all the attention and kissing him and he just lays there and watches TV. ive tried everything. ive tried giving him lots of attention to show him how much i care, thinking that it will bring his feelings back and make him remember how things used to be between us. ive tried kind of ignoring him like he does to me and that actually worked for awhile. he started to ask me if something was wrong and he kept asking me if i still wanted to talk to him and he seemed concerned that maybe i didnt want to be with him anymore. he even started to show me affection since i wasnt doing it. then i said something about how i was acting like he does towards me all the time and it caused a big fight between us and once again he said he didnt think we should try anymore.

 

i laid there and cried for like 10 minutes and he just let me lay there. he didnt hold me or try to comfort me, or even say anything to me. he KNEW i was crying and he just laid there n watched TV and ignored me. i finally got up and got my stuff and told him i was leaving. the next day he called and said he does still want to talk. last night i went over to his house because i wanted to talk and figure this out and make a decision. he said that he really did want to talk and hang out and try to get back together but hes not sure now because it bothers him too much that i go out where there are lots of guys around and he thinks that im going to go behind his back and talk to guys. ive told him a million times that he would be the only guy if we got back together and he knows the whole time we were together for a year that i did not talk to any guys, hang out with any guys, and i spent all my time with him doing whatever he wanted to do. but he doesnt think of that, he only thinks of what ive been doing lately, which i havent been doing anything wrong. ive just been going out with my friends and there happens to be guys around. what am i supposed to do? stay at home every night so hes happy? so i dont know what his deal is. he keeps insisting that he really did want to get back together but hes trying to make it seem like its all my fault that he keeps changing his mind. what do i have to do? should i give him lots of space? not talk to him for awhile and see what he decides?

 

he called me last night after i got home from his house and said that he doesnt want that to be the last time he sees me. i just told him i i didnt want to talk about it then and i told him to call me some other time when he has time. hes working 10 straight 16 hour days at work to get in lots of overtime so he said hes not going to see me at all those days because hes going to be working and sleeping for those entire 10 days. i guess this is a good time to give him his space and let him decide what he really wants. i just dont know if i should go no contact or talk to him every once in awhile when he has a free minute but just not see him? i just wish i knew what hes been thinking for this past month that we've been talking. i dont know if he really did want to try to get back together or if he was just keeping me around so he wasnt lonely during the week or until he founds another girl. sometimes he seems like he wants to be with me, he took me out to dinner and a movie, he wants to see me everyday of the week and sometimes 1 day on the weekend, and he gets really jealous and angry when another guy comes into the picture. i know hes been treating me awful since we broke up but when we're together things are usually so much better. thats why i still want to be with him so bad and i need to know what the best thing i can do is to help him make his decision and decide once and for all what he wants.

[SeaBisquit]

try doing nothing. i mean reverse everything you have been doing and she how he reacts. i think you are doing to much for him.

[majord23]

im so confused/depressed. but i think its probably my own fault.

 

Yes, it is.

[Siriana]

He wants to see me, he dosn't want to see me, he wants to talk to me, he doesn't want to talk to me, he, he, he, he, what he wants, what he thinks, than again he, he, he, he is confused, he is unsure, he's ignoring me.....he, he, he, he ......

 

Honey, S T O P R I G H T N O W !!!!!! A N D T H I N K : WHAT YOU NEED OR WANT?!

 

 

He, he, he, he.... Definition of him: selfish bastard who got used on you serving him and beeing around . Guy who has no idea how to have a relationship without mind games. Also, guy who knows he can do whatever he wants while with you and can get away with it. Guy who doesn't love you.

 

 

You: Stuck in a moment and you can't get out of it. Not because of him, but because you're affraid and waiting for mirracle. Don't do that, mirracles don't exist. You can get what you deserve, the best, if you act like you know you deserve it. And by that I don't mean changing your behaviour toward him, I mean changing him for a single life filled with self respect.

[missmebaby]

ok so friday night he called me and i acted kind of cold to him. not rude or anything, just acted like i didnt care anymore, and i told him that i didnt want to talk or hang out anymore. i dont think he took me seriously at first because ive said that before and then called him back 2 seconds later. so he just said "fine if thats what you want, but thats not what i want." and i said "yea its what i want, whats the point of talking? ive tried so hard and you just keep treating me bad so i give up." and he seemed really mad and he said "whatever, i wish i wouldnt of even called you." and when i asked him why he said "because you're saying you dont want to talk to me anymore." and alls i said was "yea." so he asked me if this was going to be the last time he talks to me and i said "im not gonna say never but not for awhile anyways." and he just said "whatever, if thats what u want." and i just said bye and hung up. so he called me the next night (last night) and asked me what i was doing and was trying to make small talk and asking me a bunch of questions about who i was with and what i was doing. so i just said "did u want something?" and he got all mad and asked me why i was being a smartass. i told him that i wasnt, i just wondered why he was calling. and he said because he just wants to talk. then he said "why are you being like this? you were never like this before when i called you." and i just said it was because things were different now. and he got all mad and said whatever and hung up.

 

so i felt kind of bad and i called him back and asked him why he was so mad and he said it was because i was acting so weird and i didnt want to talk to him anymore and i was getting an attitude with him. so i just told him i was sorry i didnt mean to get an attitude, i just didnt think we should talk anymore. and he said "fine, so i guess i wont talk to you anymore." and i said "ok bye." and hung up. THEN this morning around 10:30 when he knows i usually wake up he calls me again and i answer. once again he plays 20 questions and asks me a million questions about what i did last night and who i was with and if i met any guys or got any numbers. so i asked him to stop asking me a million questions. well he got mad again and asked me why i was being like this towards him now. being sarcastic he said "i can tell you're in a terrific mood today." and i said "im in a fine mood, i just dont want to sit here and answer a million questions from you." and once again he got mad and asked me why i was being so weird and why i was mad at him and didnt want to talk anymore. so i tried to explain again that i was sick of trying with him and getting treated like crap. so he just said "whatever ill let you go since you dont want to talk to me. im never going to get to talk to you again?" and i just said "i dont really care." and he was all ticked off and said "whatever this is so stupid." and i just said bye and hung up. that was this morning and it was the last ive heard from him.

 

i wonder if he'll call again? i was feeling really good about finally doing this and being strong enough to act like i didnt care and tell him i didnt want to talk anymore and actually not call him. but i find myself sitting here wishing so bad that he would call. im kind of regretting this and i want to call him so bad and see what he says, see if he still wants to try. ive just been thinking of how things used to be and of all the things we used to do together and its devastating to me to think that we're never going to do those things ever again and he might do them with someone else. i miss having someone always there to talk to on the phone, and hang out with every night of the week, go to family get togethers, and with him i always had something to do on the weekends. i miss having someone to cuddle with and kiss and think of during the day and be happy. i just feel so empty like a huge part of me is missing. i guess my biggest problem is because i havent been truly single in about 4 and a half years.

 

i dated a guy for over a year like 4 and a half years ago and ever me and him broke up we stayed very close friends with benefits and hung out all the time, talked on the phone every night. basically it was like we were in an open relationship. that all ended when i met my current ex and me and him were together for a year. now we're done and i have no one. i dont want to go back to my other ex, i have no interest in him at all anymore and he has a new girlfriend anyways. im just the kind of girl who is used to always having someone around and now that i dont i feel so empty and lonely. this is what is making me want to break no contact so badly and just call him and see if he still wants to talk and hang out. it just seems like it would be so much easier for me if we could continue to hang out during the week and talk even if we werent going to get back together. that way i wouldnt feel so hurt and alone and on the weekend we could go out with our friends and maybe i will meet another guy.

 

i know its a horrible idea: keeping someone around to lessen the pain until you find someone else. but this might be what he wants too so if we both agreed then whats the problem? thats what me and my other ex did and it worked out just fine. so what should i do? does it sound like me trying to do no contact is making him realize that he really does want to get back together? i cant interpret the things he says and the fact that he keeps calling me as whether he finally realized he might lose me and now he wants me back or what? should i continue to try to do NC? i was thinking maybe i would continue it for like 3 more days even if he doesnt call me. then after the 3rd day i would call and ask him what he wants. maybe 3 days without talking to me will give him some time to think and realize what he wants.

[rightfromthestart]

hey, never heard of an 'arrangement' like that where two people who once dated stayed together as friends with benefits while each of you find that special someone - sounds interesting. maybe i'll give that a try too and we can compare notes.