GF acts wayyyy cold in public .. or is there another problem

[Massari]

ok she always shows off and try to put me down. yeah I call her more then guys usually call their gfs. her best friend's gf always complains how her bf never calls her and how lucky my gf is that she has someone like me who care abouther.

 

now here is the thing. she is soo cold to me in public acts like I DO NOT

Exist. she has a huge issue with PDA so therfore no kissing no holding hand no physical contact. ok that is frustrating but ok I understand.

but mocking me infront of other girls ( mainly her gfs) is not nice, so that they would laught and she feel good about herself. the other day she said she told her best friend that yea its nice that I call her alot and we talk on the phone. and her response was yeah but it gets annoying//!! ANNOYING ??? i would never complain if she calls me 2000 time a day.

 

again today she said the same thing about me calling her all the time in front of her friend but I was there too and she still said it. he friend said he is so nice.. and that she is alot like that and the bf get annoyed. There is more.. sorry all this just pushed me to my limit here and i can't take this anymore.

 

she was studying in the morning she is nervous and has a midterm today. the girl mentioned above is there also. they are sitting in the library and I come I smile at her when I see her and she doesn't do anything. gives me a cold look and rudely introduces us.

 

Now I mentioned she has a test in one of the buidings in our university so I walk her there the class is in another floor, there is still 30 min left till the start of the exam, I want to walk her there and kiss her goodbye and wish her good luck. but no no this never happenes. she kisses me in the first floor then she wants me to go so she can be alone. !!!! is this normal?

 

I mean I see couples and I wonder are all girls like that?? so afraid of giving some attention to their bf in public? the girl who is with us talked about her bf all this time ( now my GF never looked at me while I was sitting there didn't say anything nice about me, she is gonna go to L.A soon for 2 weeks, her friend says aww are you gonna miss him? she answers yeah but the Tone was like this " yeah I guess"

 

she acts totally different when we are alone together very passionate (not like she used to be though but still its ok)

Now she never wants me to be where she is hanging out with the gurls. one of her gfs has a bf and I see him in all the pictures but I am never invited and when I suggest can I come she says nooo you go out with your friends.

[amtjrtcet]

Massari,

 

You've posted alot about your g/f and how she's never showing you the attn. that you need or making you feel equally loved. Maybe the 2 of you just aren't right for each other. I know that's hard to hear, but think about it.

 

The way she acts and things she does or doesn't do....well, that's just her.

 

And the way you want her to act and the things you do and don't want her to do......well that's just you, and what you want.

 

Maybe she's not Mrs. Right. Don't be angry with her for being this way, but don't change your expectations in what you want in a woman.

 

Also, I think I remember reading in one of your posts that she's 18.? She's young, prob hasn't figured out what she wants.

 

Good luck

[WorkNProgress]

I must ask you this, why is it you are with this girl? I have read your past posts and it seems more of a control issue thing with you than a truly loving relationship.

 

Are you truly ready to have a relationship right now?

[Fisch]

Hey Massari,

I was in a relationship like this once. To be honest I believe that a person should be proud of being with you if they like you, and it doesnt really seem like she is doing that. However, the more you push it by just getting upset the more she will probably do it. You should sit her down and tell her how you feel, tell her what you want and what you NEED. Also listen to her and find out why she might be acting this way. If she is not willing to care about your veiw, its up to you as to your actions. I for one find her behavoir unacceptable, but if you are willing to deal with it that is your call. Im not sure exactly why some people turn out like this, maybe they had unaffectionate parents or something. Good luck with the situation.

[DN]

I agree you shouldn't be angry with her if she doesn't like PDAs - many people don't.

 

But I think you have a right to be angry at her putting you down and mocking you in front of her friends. That would be a deal-breaker for me and I would certainly walk away from someone who would be so mean-spirited to the guy she is supposed to love.

[chai714]

Decrease the phone calls and withdraw the public affection. Tone it down overall, Massari. She's taking you for granted, so you'll need to help her appreciate you. And what is freely given to you is taken for granted - this is human nature.

 

So. tone everything down and help her seek your affection more often rather than giving it freely and plentiful.

[Dako]

Maybe she wants to look unattached in public, and wants her friends to think she's independent.

 

I'd ask why she acts indifferent in public and denigrates you to friends.

Lacking a good explanation, I'd probably stop annoying her at all.

[flower99]

Massari,

 

You've posted alot about your g/f and how she's never showing you the attn. that you need or making you feel equally loved. Maybe the 2 of you just aren't right for each other. I know that's hard to hear, but think about it.

 

The way she acts and things she does or doesn't do....well, that's just her.

 

And the way you want her to act and the things you do and don't want her to do......well that's just you, and what you want.

 

Maybe she's not Mrs. Right. Don't be angry with her for being this way, but don't change your expectations in what you want in a woman.

 

Also, I think I remember reading in one of your posts that she's 18.? She's young, prob hasn't figured out what she wants.

 

Good luck

 

Yeah I'm agree with Michelleith!

Maybe she's just not the one for you. I dont' think you can change her & I don't think you should have to accept settleing for less than what you want.

So Maybe there is someone more suited for you. A women that will make you feel special & loved & appreciate the little things such as kisses in public & a walk to class & phone calls.

You feel she's acting cold, but she's not comfortable doing anything else. There isn't really a middle ground here. Maybe just a different person who feels the same way as you do.

wish you happiness

[Meow18]

Honestly, maybe she doesn't like you calling her so much. Maybe she doesn't want to spend every second with you. But if that's the case, she needs to tell you instead of making fun of you in front of her friends.

 

That's just so disrespectful and unfair! I don't see why you put up with it. I mean, you might love her, but don't you deserve better than a girl who doesn't care about your feelings?

[Massari]

Honestly, maybe she doesn't like you calling her so much. Maybe she doesn't want to spend every second with you. But if that's the case, she needs to tell you instead of making fun of you in front of her friends.

 

That's just so disrespectful and unfair! I don't see why you put up with it. I mean, you might love her, but don't you deserve better than a girl who doesn't care about your feelings?

 

but is this normal? her not wanting to spend everysecond with you? if thats the case then she is normal and I am not!!! the reason that I put up with that and so many other **** that she does is that I love her so much and I just can't see myself being with another woman. maybe I am wrong here and she is not the one for me after all.

[MollyElise]

I have been like this with a guy before, and the truth of it was, I liked him as a person and thought he was nice, but I never felt passionate about him and my own issues (trust me they are hers) made me think I needed to be ashamed of him, probably b/c I knew he wasn't a good match for me.

 

This doesn't sound like your relationship is going anywhere good.

[Massari]

I have been like this with a guy before, and the truth of it was, I liked him as a person and thought he was nice, but I never felt passionate about him and my own issues (trust me they are hers) made me think I needed to be ashamed of him, probably b/c I knew he wasn't a good match for me.

 

This doesn't sound like your relationship is going anywhere good.

 

but she does seem serious. always says how I am her one and she wants to marry me but sometimes her actions say different.

[DN]

Well, I like to see actions match words. If she is constantly hurting you by trying to humiliate you in front of of her friends how does that show that she loves you?

 

You might try talking to her about it but if she has no explanation or has none that makes sense I would find someone who treats you well all the time.

[Meow18]

Words mean nothing if her actions can't prove them.

 

For some people it's normal to not want to see your significant other every second. And for some people, they want to spend every moment either talking or spending time with that person.

 

But if she doesn't want to spend every second with you, then you calling her all the time will only make it worse.

 

I don't think you are abnormal. I think it's sweet that you care so much about her, but you have to understand that you are both obviously way different relationship-wise. And unfortunantly, it probably won't work out in the long run.

[flower99]

actions speak louder than words.

You adore her & cherish her & she humiliates you and dismisses you...That doesnt' seem right.

Women want to be treated good, you're doing that & she makes fun of you for it. Either she is so self absorded that she doesn't see how much it hurt to be made fun of in a group of people. Or she just doesn't care how you feel.

Neither are good qualities.

 

Think of your future-Will she kiss you in front of everyone on her wedding day? When you're married you will be in a lot of public places together, will she do this every time?

I personally think you deserve better.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

The Short Version:

 

She's a dead loss, and this isn't going anywhere.

[Massari]

its not like she never calls me.. yeah she does..but she calls me.. we're talking then her dad comes on the other line she says "she'll call me back RIGHT AWAY" lately that "right away is like 2 hours after or an hour after now I know that usually seems like something a guy would do not call back when he says he does.. but no I am not like that I ALWAYS call her when I say I would and this sense of "YEAH I CALL HIM BACK LATER" thats the theme I am getting from this and it PISSES ME OFFF so much. I care a great deal for her and why can't she do the same for me. one thing that pisses me off is how much she cares about her GFs which seems waaay too much.

like she goes out shopping with them when she is sooo tired then she comes is home. and she is so tired that she can't go out with me. general stuff like that started to irritate me BEYON my threshold now why am I still with this .woman I don't know, maybe be cause I love her or I am a little desperate. and no don't get wrong girls/women do talk to me alot at school its not like I can't date or something its just that I don't like the whole dating thing anymore its too much hassle !!!

I like settling down and just enjoy the relationship and right. she loves drama seeing me jealous giving me headache "she says its cute!!!" like she says yeah this guy asked me out while I was driving he stopped in front of me so I had to give him my number.. LIKE w**. who does that. I really don't know why I don't break up with her, maybe its because I hate being single and see couples the street and I wish I had that but right now I am not single but feel pretty much like a single man,

[chai714]

Massari,

 

Once this relationship is said and done, it would be a good idea to work on your self-esteem. Also, being a non-needy partner would help make you a more desireable boyfriend and your girlfriend wouldn't be able to take advantage of you.

 

Good luck.

[lolz]

I somehow get a feeling that your girlfriend is ashamed of you. Just like MollyElise I used to date the guy who I didn't not like that much(I just wanted to have any bf) and I was really embarrassed to kiss and hug him in public everthough there was nothing wrong with him, he was really cute. This, however, never happened with the guys I was crazy about.

Also what worries me is the "mocking" part. Your girl just doesn't respect you and without respect there is no way you can build a good and healthy relationship.

I see you are talking about marriage all the time but do you actually believe that you can be till the rest of your life with the person who does not respect you, mocks of in front of her friends just for a good laugh and not even giving a damn about what her, supposidely, loved one, feels??? If you don't, then there is no reason to waste your time that you could of used too find someone who will apprecialte and cherish you.

[candy604]

some girls , well i know alot of girls have a problem of not calling their bf's back or guy friends back quickley. It's a common problem and my brother finds that alot with his friends who are girls too. It's not that she doesnt' care about you, but maybe tell her when she says " i'll call you right back", give her a time limit, like oh okay call me in 10 mins then, i'll be waiting. sadly, i am like that too towards my bf, i forgot to call him for like 1 or 2 hrs, once i even forgot to call him and he left to some place else and i didn't talk to him for 2 days ( he was travelling). it's a terrible habit, but it happens.

 

But having a good group of gf's is normal.

marriage? gosh..don't even think about that yet plz!

 

Do you act cute when you get jeolous? if you do, she might think it is cute an, hence she she'll keep doing it and doing it b/c its funny. Just be dead serious and look at her and be like" i don't appreciate that." something along those lines. so she knows ur serious.

[CrossCheck75]

Massari, you may get a laugh at my recent thread, "She's only romantic when drinking." Not because there is an ounce of humor in my quite serious post, but because we are possibly in the same boat of sorts-- except on opposite ends!

 

My girlfriend is remarkably affectionate in public, even recently dragged me along on a cross-country trip to Pennsylvania for a family wedding. I couldn't help but feel like a drag-along-boy-toy/trophy-boyfriend in the process. Even though my thread deals specifically with a mind-altering substance, the general nature is not all that far removed from what you are experiencing.

 

If our women can not or will not be at least relatively consistent in their demeanor, whether in public/alone, or sober/drunk, etc., then apparently we must consider the prospect of alterior motives at work.

 

Sounds to me that in your case you are nothing more than a tool, to be utilized by a woman with esteem issues, as she berates you in public and finds a degree of gratification in superficially elevating herself at your expense.

 

In my case, quite probably I am a tool, to be utilized by a woman with esteem issues, as she superficially adores me in public and finds a degree of gratification in feeling *perceived* among friends and family as loved by a man.

 

Read the last two paragraphs a few times over. We both serve to fill some apparent void in the lives and minds of our mates. Interesting stuff...

[Massari]

I recently started to smoking .. I know its not a good thing. and the thing was that I only did it when I am upset over her. I never told her that. She asked me if i smoked and I lied and said no. 2 time this happened. well last night she got pretty upset and said that she can't take it anymore and she wants to break up with me. I was devestated and all but somehow things got ok. and it just gave me a headache again. the that she did to me was waaay worst then the two lies I said about smoking. but I always forgave her cause I love her. and I realized this important quote :

 

"When 2 people love each other, when do you get to that point when enough is enough? Never"

 

I guess thats how I am.

[candy604]

okay quit smoking, you know it's bad for your health and it becomes an addiction, go exercise or hang out with ur buddies if your upset or go work!!

 

dood if u were married, there are much worse problems, what will you do?

 

so dont' smoke!!

[Clementyne]

I believe there might be an age gap between you two, I mean she's still 18 and some girls aren't quite mature at that age. I remember some of the girlfriends I used to hang out with used to treat me the same way. I mean I know it's different, they're only my friends, but sometimes high school girls behave that way, even towards the ones they love. I believe it is some sort of defense mechanism that is supposed to make them feel better about themselves. I didn't like that and our friendship just faded because I knew they weren't the ones for me. I'm the type of person who is annoyed by this kind of behavior, I mean who isn't? However, I remember I had one friend who used to treat her sister that way in public. Later when her sister confronted her, they found out that it was all some sort of unconscious behavior and they worked on it. But I'm not sure if your girlfriend is like that. And the shopping and hanging out thing, I think it has to do with her priorities. I mean I remember being in love with shopping with my girlfriends back when I was a teenager. I'm still in love though, but not the way I used to So if you're not on her priority list then this might tell you something about how she feels about you. She must know that you're hurt. And she won't if you don't tell her. You have to know the priorities you want to have in a girlfriend. I think you have a lot of serious thinking to do now. You just have to ask yourself if you see yourself happy with her 20 30 or 50 years down the road if she's still acting that way and that who's she is. List her pros and cons and see what outweighs what. You have to know what you're going to face and what you are able to put up with. I know that being involved in the situation won't allow you to think clearly about the whole thing. If you're not getting what you want from this relationship, then, you might as well find it in another, better, and more mature one. I need to ask you a question: what are the things you love about her? why are you so in love with her and what are the things that make you feel like a lucky guy to be with a girl like her? Are you really in love with her or are you only in love with the idea of being in love with the perfect girl that you're blinded from seeing reality? I really hope not. Good luck.

[pregnantkitty_1985]

Heh, Massari, you sound like my man. Before I lived with him he'd call me a million times a day, and he wants to spend every moment of his time with me. He also complains because I am not into PDA's. But there's nothing wrong with that, man. Either you will accept her for who she is or you will go on to find someone who will appreciate you how you are. Or, she will learn to accept you how you are. It's really disrespectful how she mocks you in public- are you sure that's the type of girl you need?